Chapter Twenty-Five
After locking his bedroom door, Hawkeye took her hand and led Delilah through the front room, cringing as he looked around and saw several of his brothers, along with a couple of prospects passed out wherever they’d fallen.
He could only be thankful that the mamas had to stay in their room, either that or in the room belonging to whatever brother/prospect she was screwing at the moment.
At least when they weren’t fully dressed.
It meant he didn’t have to lead Delilah through a room full of people in various states of undress as he took her for breakfast.
He stopped for a moment and reached behind the bar to grab the keys to one of the club pickups.
They’d take the truck this morning because he planned to buy more than would fit in his saddlebags.
Keys in hand, he took her out the front door.
He made a mental note to ask Raven about getting one of the houses they had decided to build on the property.
After the shooting that killed Panther, and the issue with Andy being taken by the Crows, the club had decided to turn their property into something more secure.
They’d already made a deal to buy the property surrounding the clubhouse, it was over thirty acres and had been for sale for almost two years.
Now that they owned the land, they would fence it, and build houses.
It wouldn’t be required for everyone to live on site, but it would be encouraged, if only for safety.
He decided that even if Delilah didn’t decide to stay with him, he wanted one of the houses.
He wanted to have some space of his own.
At least more than the single room where he was now.
Hawkeye didn’t miss the confused looks she gave him when he tugged her past the row of bikes to where the two pickups the club owned were parked. He took her to the passenger side, loaded her inside and buckled her in before closing the door and going around to his seat.
“I wish I could give you a choice of where to eat but there are only a couple of places open this time of day and the food sucks so bad at one of them I’m shocked they’re still in business,” he said as he pulled up to the newly installed gate and waited for the prospect on duty to open it.
Right now, they had to do it by hand, shoving the gate along the track to slide it out of the way, but that was only temporary as the motor to run it was back ordered and due in a few weeks.
He glanced at Delilah a couple of times on the drive, but since they were going to be in the truck for under ten minutes, he didn’t want to start any deep discussions.
Once they were seated and had ordered, he reached across the table and took one of her hands in his.
When she looked up and met his gaze, he knew he had her attention.
“How long were you with the Crows?” There were other things he could ask but he didn’t want to start with things that might be traumatizing. Of everything he’d learned about her time with the Crows, it hadn’t been as bad as the time she’d spent with that fuckwad. At least from what he knew of it.
“I’m not sure. What’s the date? I lost track of time.
” She turned and looked out the window beside them.
Hawkeye wasn’t sure if she couldn’t stand to watch his face or if she didn’t want him to see her reactions.
He hated that she’d been treated so poorly, that she’d been beaten down so much, that she’d been punished for such normal behavior.
He gave her today’s date. She blinked a couple of times then turned back to look at him.
“I was there almost eight months. How did I spend two/thirds of a year there and not know it?”
Hawkeye shook his head. “I don’t know.” He’d never been in a situation like that.
Neither had he been a captive to anyone or treated like a slave.
The only possibility being while he’d been prospecting, but since he’d done everything willingly, even if not happily, he couldn’t equate the two.
“Now that you’re free, both from the Crows and Jericho and that fuckwad, we can work on getting you set up to succeed, whatever that looks like for you. ”
She looked away again, focusing out the window. “What if that’s not possible?”
“What do you mean?” He frowned as he watched her, then he remembered what she’d said the night they’d pulled her out, then again yesterday.
Children. He squeezed the hand he still held.
“There are ways to have kids even if you can’t get pregnant and carry them yourself.
There are lots of children out there looking for a home. ”
Delilah shook her head. “No man wants to raise children that aren’t his own.”
“That is where you’re wrong, little dove.”
She turned and looked at him again, tilting her head to one side. “Why do you call me that?”
“Little dove?” he asked.
Delilah nodded.
“Because at first I didn’t have anything else to call you, but even after you gave me your name, I like it. It fits you.”
“I know the name part, but how does it fit? Why?”
He watched her a moment, wondering how she would react, but said it anyway.
“The little part is self-explanatory. But did you know that a dove is the sign of innocence and purity?” She started to say something, but he shook his head and kept going.
“I know you don’t think so, since you spent so long with fuckwad, but you are innocent in so many ways.
” He wanted to run a thumb over her cheek but the table between them made it impossible.
Instead, he caressed the back of the hand he held.
She frowned, shook her head, took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “I don’t see it, but I know better than to argue.” She turned and looked out the window again.
“Delilah.” He waited without saying more. “Delilah, look at me.” He kept his voice gentle so she wouldn’t think he was angry with her. He was pissed but not with her.
After several seconds, she turned and looked at him, as if she didn’t want to for whatever reason was in her head, he wasn’t sure.
“You have every right to argue with me. To set me straight when I’m wrong.
I’m no saint, baby. I’m bound to be wrong sometime.
” He gave her a half smile and kept going, “I would prefer you not talk back in front of my brothers, but I would never hurt you, even if you were to try to beat the crap out of me in the middle of the clubhouse. I hope you know that.”
“I do. Or at least I do here.” She touched one finger to her temple. “It’s harder to convince myself here,” She put her hand over her heart, then slid it lower to cover her belly, “and here.”
It was Hawkeye’s turn to frown. “I get this one,” he tapped his chest with one finger, “but what’s this one?” He tapped his abdomen once.
“That’s gut. It’s almost an intuition, or expectation. I know in my head you won’t hurt me, that’s what lets me say or do things that Warren would have hurt me for, but that gut, that’s the part that makes me look away or flinch when he would have hurt me in some way.”
He was quiet a moment, as he let that process. He knew what she meant. While he’d understood that her flinching or pulling away hadn’t been personal, hearing how she thought of it helped some.
“All right. I can live with that. Retraining those gut responses will take time. I’d like to say we have that, but we’ll see how this plays out between us.
” He didn’t want to make her stay with him.
He didn’t want to let her go but he wouldn’t be just another jailer in her life like that fuckwad or the Crows.
He wanted her to choose him because he was what she wanted, not because she didn’t know what else to do.
The waitress appeared with their meals. He let the topic drop, not wanting to upset her so that she didn’t eat. Instead, he turned conversation to something more neutral, but what? He suspected they hadn’t had TVs in Jericho, so he couldn’t ask her about her favorite shows or movies.
“Do you like to read?” he asked, not sure what else she might have done with her time, other than take care of the household. She cooked, but what else?
“I do. What we were allowed to read in Jericho was limited, but I read everything I could get my hands on.”
“What else do you like to do?”
They talked while they ate. Hawkeye kept the topic on lighter things, favorite foods, and things they both enjoyed, and when things lapsed into silence for a few minutes, it was comfortable, not awkward in the way it sometimes was when two people had nothing in common.
By the time they finished eating and Hawkeye had paid the tab, leaving a decent tip for the waitress, the big box store in town was open.
He wished there were some place better he could take her but this would do for now.
He could get her enough to last a few days.
He hoped by then they would have a better idea what was going on and what she would be doing going forward.
If not, maybe he could take her into Billings for more serious shopping. Or they could order things online.
He’d have to get her started on that later today, and the stuff they got here would only have to last until whatever she ordered started coming in.
“I don’t need that much,” she said when he grabbed a cart on the way in. He didn’t argue, just kept going. But that one comment told him he if he wasn’t careful, he’d end up fighting to get her to agree to more than just a couple items. That was okay. Now that he was aware, he could work around it.
“Let’s just see what we can find.” He steered her towards the women’s clothing section first, telling her to find at least enough clothes to last a week.
“I don’t need that much. There’s no reason I can’t wash things and wear them again if I need to.”
“I know, little dove, but you’re going to need clothes no matter what. Let me do this, please?”
She stared at him for a moment then turned away, not answering. He wondered if she was always going to be this way when he wanted to spend money on her?
He watched as she flipped through clothing items, she had looked through four racks without choosing anything.
“Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know what size,” she said, her words barely more than a whisper as her face flushed. “We made all our clothes in Jericho. I don’t even know where to start.”
“Let’s start here,” he flipped the collar on the sweatshirt Shotgun had bought at the gas station, then did the same to the pants, being careful not to pull them too far out or to expose what was underneath—nothing if he suspected right—to anyone in the store.
Had that really been less than forty-eight hours ago?
He turned and pulled a couple of tops from the rack and draped them across the top of the cart, then moved a little further along and pulled off a couple pair of shorts, and added them to the pile.
A few minutes later, he steered them to the fitting room and put the bundle in her arms. “Go try these on. Sort them into three piles, too big, too little and what fits.” He watched as she disappeared into the closet-like room, then turned to see what else he could find for her while he waited.
For some reason the fitting rooms were in the middle of the women’s underwear section.
He had no clue what size she wore in bras or panties, but he could grab her some socks.
He didn’t know what style she liked, so he got a package of the tiny thin ones that ended at the ankle and came in different patterns, and a second package of taller, thicker ones for when she wore boots or when the weather got cold.
Once she emerged from the fitting rooms and they knew what size she wore, it made it easier.
Well, mostly. He had no clue how to figure out what size bra she needed.
But she didn’t seem concerned or even as if she needed any.
Once they were through in the clothing section, he steered her towards the hygiene section, where he had her choose everything she would need, including a brush, hair ties, shampoo, and more.
He added several things that would make her more comfortable, but she hesitated to add.
He wasn’t sure why but assumed she didn’t want to spend his money.
He didn’t care, that was what money was there for, and while he wasn’t rolling in dough, he had more than enough for whatever she needed.