Chapter 32
It’s beenhours since I left Nikoletta and I’m still vibrating with fury I can’t seem to shake.
In the past twenty-four hours, I’ve had an hour of sleep. Since the moment I found out the little girl at her breast is mine, I’ve been hard as a fucking rock. Fucking her once wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
But she needed sleep to take care of our little girl.
And I needed… to get away from her. The urge to claim her burned like a wildfire out of control inside me, but the thought of looking into her eyes while I took her had me losing my mind with rage.
She lied.
With her scheming eyes.
With her traitorous mouth.
But there’s one part of her that can’t lie to me. Not ever.
I gave up any plans of having a family of my own when I made Nikoletta and her safety my entire world. Now that it’s not just this indistinct idea I’ve left in the past—but a living, breathing reality, my reality—there’s a raging need to make up for all the time I lost.
All those times I cautioned Maksim about keeping Nikoletta’s mother as his lover. Warning him that dividing his loyalties and having children with his wife and his paramour would fracture his empire. The way he would laugh and dismiss my warnings as jealousy because Nikoletta’s mother chose him in the end.
Here I am, on the cusp of twisting Nikolaj’s empire before it ever gets off the ground. Dismissing my own warnings. Obliterating every bit of advice I’ve ever given Maksim so I can keep his daughter.
And mine.
I’m going to fill her up again and again and again. When she’s pregnant, with one child and another on the way, Nikolaj will have to consider the consequences of starting a war with me.
As for Nikoletta, her husband hunting will be all but impossible with our daughter on her hip and my baby kicking inside her.
My shoulders bunch and restless energy surges through me, the image of her dripping with my cum day in, day out lighting a fire in my gut.
Sleep deprived and wild with the insatiable urge to fuck her raw—the only truth between us—I’m holding on by the tiniest of threads.
So when the front door opens and Nikolaj steps in, my spine stiffens until it may just snap.
“I’ve got seven men in the den. One is dead. Who’s filling me in on what the fuck happened last night?”
He glances at each one of us. Grigori at the island, Dimitri drinking his coffee by the window where he can keep a bird’s-eye view on danger that might come from the street below.
Roddick comes out of the surveillance room, shrugging on his suit jacket before sliding in next to me and pouring a mug of coffee. He normally doesn’t crash here, but he did last night to help us watch the monitors. And to keep an eye on Nikoletta for me today when I go out.
She’s not getting away from me again and I’m going to the one place she wants to go.
The den.
She’s going to lose her shit when she finds out I went without her, but too fucking bad.
Fuck with me and find out, little girl.
The den is a privilege. It’s reserved for only the most trusted in our inner circle.
Not her.
I turn and lean against the counter, bringing the coffee to my mouth. “Which one’s dead?”
“Shaved head. Unfortunate porn mustache.”
“Fuck him. He’s expendable.”
“Is there someone in particular there who’s not?”
I picture the dumb fucker I dragged out of the car window and the nightmare where the bullet hits its mark flashes through my mind. “Dirty-blond hair, broken jaw. He’s mine.”
“What did he do?”
Grigori shoots a nervous look at me. I’m keeping enough from Nikolaj, for now. I’m not keeping this too.
“His bullet missed your sister by inches.”
Nikolaj goes deathly still before turning his head, his chin jutted out, leaning toward us. “What was that?”
It’s a look I know well. That ‘would someone like to explain just how the fuck that happened’ look Maksim wore so well.
No need to poke the deadly cub more than necessary.
Grigori and Roddick eye each other.
Dimitri turns his focus to Nikolaj.
Every single man in this place can end a life with their bare hands in a second. They march into the open with bullets flying without a moment’s hesitation. But when Nikolaj’s movements become distinct and his voice drops, even our most seasoned man clenches in trepidation.
I can’t wait to see the day he rules the Romanoff empire.
As long as I see the day.
Nikoletta steps out of Faith’s room just then, with Lexi in her arms, totally unaware of the tension filling the silent room.
When our little girl lets out a wail, Nikoletta brushes her finger over her cheek and quietly reassures her. “Shh, shh, shh, it’s okay. Mama’s going to feed you, baby girl.”
Reassures her and completely detonates a bomb in the silence and sets off a whole new feeling of unease rippling through the room.
No one moves.
I’m not sure anyone even breathes.
The taste of the coffee turns rancid on my tongue as I fight to keep my face impassive when I’m anything but.
Nikoletta glances up, and the smile dies on her lips as she locks eyes with Nikolaj.
Eyes shot open impossibly wide, face leached of all color, Nikolaj stands there.
Dimitri’s focus goes back to the view outside, telling me he doesn’t understand what just went down. Or the admission is so out of left field, his brain dismisses it before he can really think about it. We’ll be having a talk about his lack of awareness. He needs to tighten that shit up.
Roddick now stands stoically against the wall, coffee on the side table next to him, his hands clasped in front of him. From all appearances, he didn’t hear a thing. Except the heightened color in his cheeks. It gives him away every single time.
When Nikolaj takes a few careful steps in Nikoletta’s direction, his back finally to us, Grigori slides me a suspicious dose of side-eye.
I knew that fucker didn’t miss a thing.
That’s exactly why he was and always will be my go-to. Unless he forces me to kill him. But when I think about it, he’s the closest thing to a friend I’ve got.
Maybe the closest I ever really had.
I head to the sink and dump my coffee. Leaning against the counter, I watch from a distance, reduced to an outsider in this new reality between them. She might as well plunge the knife into my heart and twist the fucker.
“Lettie,” Nikolaj breathes her name as he searches Nikoletta’s eyes and glances down at our daughter. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He is seeing my little girl’s face more clearly than I ever have.
And for a moment, I hate him for it.
“I wasn’t sure I could keep her safe here. I—the more people who know…” She trails off, her gaze never wavering from her brother.
A muscle ticks in his jaw, the only sign that her doubt in his ability to protect her hits him where it hurts.
I’m still reeling from the blow. I kept her alive her entire life, but I’m not good enough to protect our daughter. That’s a job best suited for some pompous secret society prick with impeccable breeding, no doubt.
Over. My. Dead. Fucking. Body.
“Who’s the father?”
“It’s not important,” she says with a shake of her head as she smiles down at Lexi who’s abandoned her fussing and is now staring up at Nikolaj, quietly studying him.
It’s not important.I have to hand it to her, she’s good at what she does. Landing another blow and deflecting with three simple words.
Pulsing betrayal slices into me again, but instead of a clean, sharp sting, its course and dull, pulling and tugging, ripping the skin in a jagged gash.
We won’t be able to keep Nikolaj in the dark forever. Nor do I want to. But one thing at a time. I need to have my head straight to navigate the fallout. At the moment, I’m about as far from my head being straight as I can get.
My phone buzzes in my jacket pocket, a desperately needed distraction from the bitterness and jealousy choking me.
I swipe the screen and there’s Grigori, dragging me from the shit spiral.
GRIGORI
What did you do?
ME
You know what I did. Stop looking at me like that.
GRIGORI
This is my permanent face now. Get used to it. So she’s yours?
ME
Fuck. You.
GRIGORI
I’ll take that as a yes.
DIMITRI
Looking at him like what? And she’s whose? Who’s his?
My gaze snaps up to Grigori’s, then shifts to Dimitri on the other side of the room whose eyes are glued to his fucking phone.
ME
Wrong chat, dipshit. You’re slipping.
GRIGORI
That’s what happens when I’m doing damage control for your dick.
DIMITRI
What the hell is happening? I swear I miss all the good stuff.
GRIGORI
That’s what all new mothers say *baby bottle emoji*
DIMITRI
Fuck you, dude. She had her hands full with the twins. What was I supposed to do?
GRIGORI
They’re not twins.
ME
Stop. Talking.
GRIGORI
Make me. He might as well know. Everyone’s going to know soon. And you better figure out how to tell Nikolaj in a way that won’t get us all dead.
ME
I’ll tell him as soon as she’s pregnant again.
Grigori chokes on his coffee.
GRIGORI
WHAAAAATTTTTTT?
DIMITRI
What do you mean they’re not twins? And who’s getting pregnant again?
GRIGORI
Nikoletta.
DIMITRI
Wait—so Nikoletta has a baby? Where? So, basically, Konstantin’s now, I don’t know, kinda like a grandpa?
Grigori snorts and it’s the closest I’ve come to snapping his neck yet.
GRIGORI
Lexi is Konstantin’s daughter.
A crack echoes across the room where Dimitri’s phone hits the floor. He scrambles to pick it up, and his face goes from flushed to gray in seconds, a particular shade I’ve only ever seen in the men I’m torturing, during the last moment of peak pain before their body goes into shock and I kill them.
DIMITRI
None of this makes any sense. Konstantin and Faith. And where’s Nikoletta’s baby. How the fuck—what am I missing?
GRIGORI
Brain cells. The answer is brain cells.
I had to hand it to Grigori, he had natural comedic timing. Someone needs to put this poor kid out of his misery before his head explodes.
ME
Nikoletta is Lexi’s mother. I’m Lexi’s father.
DIMITRI
But that’s not possible.
GRIGORI
Christ, dimwit. What’s his motivation to lie? What do you mean it’s not possible? They’re not blood-related, asshat.
ME
I’m going to need you both to shut the fuck up.
DIMITRI: So wait, you fucked your goddaughter?
I don’t respond. Instead, I glance up and wait for him to meet my eyes. When he does, whatever he sees has him taking a step back.
Good.
RODDICK
More than once from the looks. I saw them going at it last night at the party.
ME
Really, really, wrong chat.
GRIGORI
Yes. He fucked his goddaughter. Keep up.
DIMITRI
In the open?
RODDICK
On the balcony. Boss is a badass *fist bump emoji*
DIMITRI
But. But… I don’t understand.
RODDICK
He’s gonna need a visual aid or two. Or ten.
GRIGORI
Do we need to have the birds and the bees talk again, D?
DIMITRI
Sure, right after you have the protection talk with the boss.
ME
The fuck did you just say?
DIMITRI
Too far? *teeth clench emoji*
GRIGORI
The minute Nikolaj’s gone, I need a word.
DIMITRI
The minute he’s gone, I need a therapist.
RODDICK
I’m good, boss. Don’t need anything. I gotchu.
ME
Oh, we’ll be having several words. I plan to do all the talking. With my hands.
GRIGORI
Fair, but let me remind you, I’m the only friend you’ve got.
DIMITRI
Hey, I’m his friend too.
RODDICK
*eyeroll emoji*
ME
Jesus Christ.
I silence my phone and slide it back in my pocket. In a matter of minutes two men here will have held my daughter before I have. Before I’ve counted her fingers and toe. Before I’ve even gotten a good look at her face, studied her tiny features, while I try to figure out who she looks more like.
I don’t know something as simple as the color of her eyes.
I’ve never seen her smile.
This suffocating loss is a black void closing in on me from every side. In the confines are the whispers of doubts I’ve carried since my father…
Nope. No. NO.
I can’t—I can’t do this. “I’m going to the den. I’ll catch up with you later.”
Grigori slides from his stool. “I’ll go with you.”
My hands shake as memories I’ve buried decades ago try to breathe to life. “No. I want to get a jump on this. The minute I have something, I want you on it. Just wait for word from me. It won’t take long.”
He lets out a low whistle. “Today is not the day, and you are not the guy.”
“No.” I glance at Nikoletta and just as I do, she turns to me, the smile on her face not reaching her eyes.
Maybe I should take comfort in the fact her skills in deception aren’t one hundred percent, but I don’t.
There’s no solace in me.
Only hate.
And more fucking hurt than I ever knew possible.
I look away first. “She doesn’t leave. Eyes on her at all times.”