Chapter 15
fifteen
. . .
River
I t took three rounds of suds to get that disgusting pig’s blood off me. I scrubbed until my skin was pink from the friction and didn’t come out until the water ran clear, my fingernails were spotless, and I could no longer feel his hot breath on my face.
Turning off the water, I grabbed a plush towel off the rack and wrapped it around my body. Then I paused between the stall and the still open door. I knew Walker was out there standing guard, but I wasn’t quite ready to join him yet. My brain was still a jumble, and I needed just a little bit longer to return to myself fully.
Thinking if I could see with my own eyes that I was okay, that I was here, that this was real, might help ease some of that anxious energy, I swiped my hand over the fogged mirror and stared at the woman in the glass.
Spoiler, it was me.
I wasn’t surprised by that, obviously, but if I’m being honest, it sort of felt like after these last few weeks, something would be different. Like there would be some marker on my skin testifying to the horrors I’d endured.
But no. No outward scar. No scarlet letter.
Just me.
River Adams-Cross. (We’d address how fucking weird that hyphen was later)
Long blonde hair, though wet and hanging in my face, eyes a vibrant green, the same rise to my left eyebrow I’d always been annoyed by, and a slightly crooked nose. This was a face I knew so well, though thinner, paler, and more beat up than usual. I looked like myself on the outside but needed to come to terms with who my experiences made me on the inside. No, not who they made me. What I allowed them to make me.
I chose not to let them change a damn thing about me. I fought tooth and nail to get away. I killed Pytor. I stared into his eyes as his blood left his body. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
I was not the victim here.
I was a survivor.
No one could take that from me—not unless I let them.
And I think I’d done more than enough to prove I never would.
I watched as the woman in the mirror adjusted her posture. Between one breath and the next, her shoulders were a little straighter, her chin just a bit higher, the spark in her eyes a hint brighter.
There was even the slightest smile ghosting her lips.
There you are, River.
On the heels of that somewhat silly thought came another.
I missed you.
“Darlin’? You okay in there?” Walker’s question had my belly tightening, but not with fear. I’d missed him too. So much.
A flash of the dream I’d had when lost in a drug haze hit me hard. What I’d wanted more than anything else had been my three men. I had them back now, and I wanted to make the most of it.
It was time for me to reclaim everything those motherfuckers had tried to deny me.
Especially my future with the men I loved.
Loosening my towel, I pivoted toward the open door, letting the wet terry cloth drop to the floor.
Walker’s eyes went comedically wide. “What . . . uh . . . what are you doing?”
“Surely you know a proposition when you see one, Walker Cross.”
“River, no. You’ve just been to hell and back. I’m not about to?—”
“You stop right there, Walker Wayne. Don’t you dare look at me like I am some fragile, broken thing. This is my body. My choice . You don’t get to make it for me. Now if you don’t want me, if you are the one who needs more time, that’s different. But don’t say no because you think you’re protecting me. Don’t change my story by turning me into someone who needs to be pitied. I survived. I am right fucking here, and I want to wash away the memory of what they did with your touch. Now are you going to help me, or do I need to?—”
“C’mere, River. Let me show you exactly how much I want you. I’m never going to deny you a damn thing you ask for. Not in this life or the next.”
He pushed to his feet, and I could tell that while the weeks had done a lot for his recovery, he still wasn’t quite one hundred percent. Knowing his pride would force him to prove otherwise if I mentioned it, I went to him and gently but forcefully shoved him back to the bed. Straddling his hips, I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to bring our lips together.
He groaned the moment our mouths collided, his tongue pressing inside, the hunger in his kiss sending a curl of need straight to my clit.
“That’s more like it.”
He grinned at me. “You gonna take me for a ride, baby?”
“Yes, please.”
Finally I was able to think about myself without the ghost of what they did to me in the foreground. This was just me and Walker, right here, in the moment. No Russian mob, no horrible people doing horrible things.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Walker said, his voice rough with desire.
“Take off your clothes, Walker. I’m right here. You don’t have to miss me anymore.”
His lips quirked up in his signature sexy smirk. “That’s a little hard to do with you sitting on me, darlin’.”
I raised a brow. “Since when are you a quitter?”
“Who said anything about quittin’? A smart man knows when to ask for help, is all.”
“That so?” I asked, reaching between us as I worked on undoing his belt.
His eyes darkened. “I’m pretty sure someone somewhere said it once upon a time. Can’t quite recall the specifics when your?—”
The rest of his words were lost to a groan as I wrapped my hand around his hard length.
“What was that you were saying?”
“Fuck if I know.”
I ripped open his shirt, thankful as hell for the snaps on western wear because his chest was bared to me in seconds, all that warm, tattooed skin at my disposal. I wanted to wrap myself up in him and never leave. I wanted him to imprint himself on my body so thoroughly that even if we were apart, I’d never forget what he felt like moving inside me.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” I murmured, trailing my fingers across his hard chest, down to the stacked muscles across his abdomen, until I found the pierced crown of his cock again. “Look at you, dripping for me.”
“Jesus, you’re killing me with this dominant talk. I think I might have a praise kink.”
“And here I thought you were a big bad alpha male.”
“Darlin’, I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”
I smiled as his words and their meaning washed over me. I realized then that this was exactly what I needed. That it had to be Walker. Sterling or Cross would want to be in charge; they were too dominant to cede their control. But right now, I was reclaiming my control. Walker was the only one of my men who could help give that back to me. And I loved him for it.
“Fuck, your pussy is so hot and slick. I can feel it all over my dick, baby.”
I rolled my hips, grinding down onto him and sending little bolts of electricity through both of us. When his piercing hit my clit, I moaned. “Christ, I forgot about that thing.”
“My dick? Baby, you’re hurting my feelings.”
“Your piercing,” I gasped when his hands dug into my ass and pressed me more firmly against that magic bit of metal.
“Listen, I’m all for you being controlling in the bedroom”—he rocked his hips and brushed against me again, groaning as my cunt clenched along his shaft—“ungh, God, do that again. But if you don’t either sit on my cock or sit on my face in the next ten seconds, I’m gonna take over and fuck you into next week.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
He chuckled, but it was a strained rasp. “It will be when Cross comes looking for us. You know how jealous he gets. He’ll probably do something macho and possessive, like fuck you in the ass while I’m still buried in your sweet little pussy.”
“Je-sus, Walker.”
“What’d I say?”
“You know what you did.” I lifted onto my knees, then positioned him at my entrance. As I stared deep into his blue eyes, I sank down with agonizing slowness.
Watching the pleasure chase across his face was breathtaking. He sighed my name and clutched me tighter until he was buried to the hilt.
“I love you, Walker,” I breathed, moving my hips and pressing my forehead to his. “When I was trapped in that nightmare, it was memories of you that got me through.”
“River, Christ. You can’t say shit like that to me. I’m gonna cry.”
I kissed him, rolling my hips and grinding down with every stroke. He reached between us and ran his thumb over my clit in tight circles, urging me to an orgasm.
“I’m fucking close, baby. I need you to squeeze my cock and milk every last drop. Can you do that? Can you come for me?”
A shiver of pleasure took over my body, and the climax I hadn’t quite reached came barreling in like a freight train. “God, Walker. So good.”
He tensed, and his cock swelled inside me, pulsing with his release as he shuddered and groaned, holding on to me like I was going to disappear.
Afterward, when we were lying together in the big unfamiliar bed, he kissed my forehead and whispered, “I love you, River. More than I could’ve ever imagined when we were those two little kids chasing lightning bugs in the pasture.”
Eyes wet with tears, I pulled back just enough to meet his gaze. “Enough to give me all the orange Starbursts in the pack?”
“Don’t get crazy now.”
I laughed as he squeezed me. “You already know I’d give you everything I have. My favorite candy. The shirt off my back. My dying breath. Whatever you need, darlin’, it's yours.”
“All I need is you.”
His smile was tired, but no less sweet because of it. “Good, ’cause I’ve been yours since the day I first saw you.”
“Liar, you were like four.”
“God’s honest truth, ladybug. You were my first love—and my last.”