Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Eden
Anxiety is wearing on my mind. The counting, humming, and rubber band snapping annoy me, but that’s what I have.
It’s bothering me that I can’t remember what happened in my room.
How I was shot.
No, bothering is too kind a word.
It's taken over. Every morning when I wake up, I do a mental exercise of walking back through what I do remember.
A predictable progression takes place in my gut. A clamping feeling. Tension through my whole body. Then I can’t breathe. Each time. But I keep trying, like torture.
I don’t care what excuses Blaine throws my way today, I’m going to the hospital to check in on Keir.
I miss him. The heartache over his situation grows daily.
I’ve been reading about head injuries and with each passing day I’m losing more hope that he’ll wake up.
I can’t think about losing him. It reduces me to tears every time.
Blaine went to grab coffee for us while I plan a way to sneak out the door before he’s back. I’ve been walking so much since I was discharged that I don’t even have a limp anymore. I check my phone. The ride share should be pulling up soon.
I double check that my hair hasn’t frizzed out, cascading down my back in a beachy wave.
Donning Keir’s favorite dress of mine (thankfully, Blaine had some of my clothing accidentally packed away in his luggage), I smile to myself because it’s royal blue that he says looks like the color of my eyes.
Tucking a book into my purse to read him, I leave a note behind for Blaine.
The hospital has become as familiar to me as the Center, with the time I’ve spent here. I greet a few nurses making my way to the floor Keir is on. I won’t let myself get my hopes up. Just seeing him. Touching him. That has to be enough.
I almost trip over my feet when I recognize Jolie coming down the hospital corridor from the direction of Keir’s room. Why would she be here?
She smiles at me, her voice saccharin sweet, “You’re getting around really well.”
Why is she talking to me like we like each other? It makes my skin crawl.
“What are you doing here?” By here I mean not only in this hospital and in my face, but in existence.
“Aggressive.” She laughs like she made a joke. “Dr. Hart asked me to get some forms for him the hospital had for behavioral health holds.” She waves the papers in my face.
Maybe our past just has me on defense with her. I wasn’t very nice when she checked on me while I was a patient. I could try to be less hostile. I guess. “Gotcha.” I can’t make myself smile, I try, and it may have looked like I was seizing.
“Let’s go get caffeine.” She loops her arm around mine and I’d be less surprised if Satan popped up in front of me. Did she have an exorcism?
“I was going to look in on Keir.” I pull away from her. “Thanks anyway.” I force myself to be gracious back.
“Oh. The doctors and nurses won’t let anyone in right now. Look.” There is a sign on the door stating ‘Restricted-approved staff only.’
What the hell happened?
“Come and have coffee with me. Let’s catch up.” That’s it. She’s officially been body snatched. I look around like it’s possible I’m in the middle of a delirious dream.
“Wha... what?” I’m rendered speechless as she hooks my arm again starting to pull me with her down the hallway.
Chattering away about French press or something else completely mundane.
Before I can yank myself back from her and her overpowering perfume, Blaine comes racing out of the elevator towards me.
“Ed? Jesus…” He bends over to take a breath like he ran a marathon. I must be having a post-pizza-at-midnight dream.
“Can someone tell me what’s going on? You...” I point at Jolie. “Don’t talk to me… much less nicely.” I turn towards Blaine. “And why are you here?” Blaine glares at Jolie. Still no love lost there.
“Eden, hon, can’t you just accept that I’ve changed my mind about you?” Jolie smiles at me and lifts her arms like ‘oh gosh, shucks.’
It’s the antithesis of the Jolie Reynolds I’ve gotten a load of over the last six years. It’s semi-revolting.
“What kind of bullshit are you trying to pull now?” Blaine asks her. “If you’re trying to ingratiate yourself because of the study, I think that ship sailed day one.”
Blaine folds his arms over his chest sneering at her. “If you’re hanging around to get close to Keir, well, you might be even more pathetic than I thought you were.”
“Do the two of you really think I’m that horrible?” Her eyes fill with tears as her shoulders slump. “I was running an errand. That’s all. When I saw Eden, I thought… I just want to let the past go. Can’t we just start over?”
Maybe I’m a sucker, but it seems like she’s being genuine.
“Okay…”
Blaine tries to cut me off, but I put my hand around his waist pinching him. “I made some assumptions. We both did…”
Blaine interjects, “I meant mine.”
“…he’ll think about it. I’m good with trying to be…” I almost choke on the word, “…friendlier. Maybe we could grab coffee another time?” Flashing the words then pasting on a smile, I hope this awkward exchange is over.
Jolie smiles, turning to leave, Blaine calls out to her back, “I will not be thinking about a damn thing, demon.”
I pinch him again.
“What? She is.” He’s not going to give her any kind of chance.
“When someone offers an olive branch, you’re not supposed to beat them with it,” I reprimand him, but I’m not going to change his fierce and unmoving judgments. He’s stubborn to the max.
“I need to find someone to ask about the sign on Keir’s door.” I start to walk towards the nurses’ station when Blaine pulls me to a stop.
“They can’t tell you. It’d be a HIPAA violation.
” He kisses me on the top of the head. “Let me take you to lunch? Please. If we leave now, we’ll beat the thunderstorm that’s moving in.
The weather here has a split personality.
” He’s been complaining since we’ve had a flash flood warning and severe thunderstorms, with a sunny sweltering day mixed in here and there since being in Illinois.
He’s right. Every time I asked about Keir, I got a ‘sorry, I can’t discuss his treatment or status with you.’ Once Dr. Vargas took over as his emergency contact, Blaine lost the ability to find anything out either. I had just wanted to lay eyes on him at least.
The last half hour has drained me. The disappointment over getting this close, but not getting to see him, and then the surreal encounter with Jolie leaves me feeling unsteady.
A downpour drenches us on the way to lunch at a bar and grill a block from the hospital. Twice, Blaine picks me up, whirling me around as I protest in the pelting rain. I’ve never wanted to dance in the rain, but the playfulness eases some of the tension in my chest.
I’m soggy, feeling gross as I slide into the booth across from Blaine. He asks the bewildered looking waiter if they have a kitchen towel that we could wipe off with. “Fucking Illinois.” I laugh at him. This weather happens in New York, too.
“Miss home?” I accept the towel with thanks and dab my face, wiping it up and down my bare arms and across my chest. “We’ll be going back soon.”
Then what happens? Do I lose my connection to Matt, Caleb, and Keir?
“Ha. Do I miss home?” He looks across at me as I hand him the towel. “Didn’t you know? You’re home to me.” We maintain eye contact as he wipes his face and then his glasses.
“Anna leaves tomorrow. She wants to take us to dinner. Will you come?” I avoid commenting on his sweet admission. “For some reason she likes you a lot,” I tease him.
When she met Matt, she was leery. I tried to explain my feelings to her, and she opened up to him more, but I sensed that his career choice made it hard for her to relate to him.
“This doesn’t mean she’s going to start crocheting me clothing, does it? Hard pass on that.” Blaine reaches over with the towel to wipe away water I missed on my chest.
“You’re a real riot. You make her feel like I’m safer with you around.” I grab his hand. “I feel that way, too.”
“I love you, Ed,” he says it often. It doesn’t lose any meaning to me hearing it, but the way he announced it just now, makes me feel a real sense that I’m not fighting alone now.
“I love you, too, B. More than I can even explain.”
I can’t tell him. He’s my home, too.