Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-three
Eden
Like an exposed nerve, my body is twitchy. I can’t get into a comfortable position and my mind is reeling. Because focusing on my issues is too overwhelming, I keep coming back to Keir’s regression.
That starts the waterworks back up.
It’s unfair.
He survived a childhood fraught with every kind of abuse… and now he’s reliving fresh loss.
I grab my purse to pull out the gift I found for him in a bookshop at the airport. It was small, but it meant something to us. Now it’s pointless.
I hold the book to my chest letting the tears stream down unfettered. Keir never doubted me when I told him about Embry, he was sweet without trying, and I’m worried the very essence of him will be different.
“Eden?” It’s Hutton.
There’s a knock at the door. I sit up debating whether to answer. He isn’t much of a talker, so I’m curious about what he wants.
Opening the door to him, I step back with a gesture to come in. “I’m not in the mood for riddles,” I tell him as I close the door behind him. “What’s up?”
Hutton looks me over.
He makes me feel exposed. “I know you’ve remembered something, and I wanted to make sure you don’t tell anyone.”
I get goosebumps on my arms.
It’s his tone, the gravity of what he’s saying and the fact I’m ready to acknowledge that some of my dreams must be actual memories.
“How? How could it be real?”
“If the wrong person finds out that you’re remembering things, they’ll kill you.
” There’s an urgency in his expression. “I made a deal with them. They let you go before, thinking your mind was wiped of any useful information about the project. It wasn’t a coincidence that you ended up at the Center with me.
It was orchestrated. I don’t want anything to happen to you, please keep any memories to yourself. ”
“Who? Who are they, Hutton? You know, why don’t you just tell us?”
“I hope you never have to know.” He turns to leave but instead walks briskly back towards me. Leaning down he’s so close I feel his breath on my face. “I may have saved you, but the memory of you saved me, too.”
Closing his eyes he grazes my forehead with his lips. “If I knew what love felt like… it might be this.”
He lightly takes my hand to put over his heart hammering in his chest. “I have a part to play. I have to appear the way they want me to be.” He releases my hand. “You need to stay scared of me. I told you weeks ago not to trust anyone including me. I meant it. Don’t trust me.”
My chest feels heavy.
If the floor opened and swallowed me whole, I’d be less shocked. The Hutton from my dreams isn’t a figment of my imagination.
Why can’t I trust him?
Matt no longer needs to go to New York or Camp Carroll. Our meeting with the other agent, and Hutton’s evidence accomplished more than he was hoping to.
Four very contrite men greet me at breakfast in the hotel restaurant this morning. Blaine looks sick. I wonder if he drank last night. He’s been doing well; I can’t see him losing his progress when I just said I needed to think.
I get the omelet and orange juice I ordered and begin to tuck into it, before saying more to any of them.
Caleb bends his head, folding his hands to pray before eating and Blaine snorts at him in derision. “Say hi to the big fella for me.” Blaine takes a drink of his coffee, makes a face, and adds more sugar. “Fucking grotesque coffee.”
“Language,” Caleb admonishes but with a smile.
“Yep. Fuck off.” Blaine goes back to picking at the breakfast skillet he ordered.
Matt’s been texting on his phone and is distracted. He looks exhausted. I’m sure I do, too. I tossed and turned for the couple of hours I attempted to sleep. My mind wouldn’t let me.
Hutton is the only one of us that looks unbothered. He methodically eats his eggs like we’re not seated at this table with him.
“How’s the cat doing?” I ask Caleb. I’m least mad at him.
“God willing he’ll be scratching people and hissing at them for years to come.”
Caleb can be funny when he’s not on a religious soapbox.
“He’s feral… not much of a house pet,” he adds looking at Hutton who gulps down his water without reaction.
“Just like his owner,” Blaine snickers.
Matt sets his phone down to turn his attention to me. “Can we talk? Calmly talk?”
“Sure. You start.” I’m not going to make this easy for them.
He sits up straighter exhaling slowly. “I received a message from Keir last night. I just heard it this morning, he says there is a video of the person that attacked him and it’s a graduate student.”
Both Blaine and I exchange a look. It doesn’t make sense. We’ve known the other grad students for years.
“Who?” I lean in. “Who did he say it was?
“He didn’t. He wants to meet when we get back.”
Matt shoves his plate with a caramel roll on it back. It looks untouched.
“I’ve visited with him a couple of times while he was in the hospital, I think it would be best to steer clear of him until after I meet with him.
Maybe I can tell him what you meant to one another?
” He shakes his head and gives me a tender look.
“This isn’t about you being unable to handle it.
I’m not sure he can. He’s depressed and distant. ”
I set my fork down while wiping my mouth with the cloth napkin. Part of me wants to comply. The rest of me doesn’t.
Whatever way that is, I’m at a loss right now.
“He’s grieving his mother, of course he’s sad.”
“Take a beat and think with a psychologist’s brain,” Blaine speaks up, “You could be a trigger and not in a good way. For him, the abuse just stopped, not months ago. The headway he made while at the Wellness Center, it’s lost. Let Matt hear him out, then we can figure out a way to approach this.”
I hate it.
I want to make a beeline to Keir once we’re back. Waiting isn’t my favorite pastime.
“I’m willing to wait until after you meet with him, but it’s nonnegotiable that I’m seeing him after that.” I give him back a determined look.
“That’s not the deal…,” Matt starts to interject with his ‘I’m in charge’ voice.
“It sounds like you didn’t like my answer, and I’m not going to change it,” I say as steadily as I can hiding my hands in my lap where they shake slightly.
Throwing down a couple hundred-dollar bills, Hutton gets up without a word and walks away.
I’m too fried emotionally to react. Is this an act he’s carrying out or just an example of one of the many reasons why I shouldn’t trust him?
Caleb looks torn. Does he follow him or stay here? He gives me a small smile but stays at the table. “I’ve had a few talks on the phone with Keir. He doesn’t want to live anymore. I think seeing Eden couldn’t hurt, maybe that connection will bring something back?” Caleb offers to us.
“He’s suicidal?” I ask terrified that he may want to hurt himself. Since finding out he’s awake, anxiety crawls under my skin. I'm beyond anxious.
I just want to see him and hold him.
“I don’t know. Just generally he wants to end it all.” Caleb looks at Blaine who is mouthing ‘shut up’ to him. “What?”
“There’s no filter on you is there?” Blaine asks snidely.
I kick Blaine under the table. “Fuck, Ed… I get it… I get it.”
“One more thing…,” Matt says as he hands his credit card to the waiter.
I guess he’s not going to let Hutton pay for breakfast. “Dean pulled me aside after I left Hutton’s room last night.
I don’t want any of you to be alone with him anymore.
They’re still wading through pieces of intel on the classified project and… ”
He lowers his voice further making sure no one is close enough to hear. “He was being groomed as a weapon. It’s not clear what he’s capable of or who he could hurt.”
The last part is said directly to me.
It makes my stomach turn. Not because I’m afraid of him anymore, quite the opposite. The duality doesn’t make sense to me.
I keep my mouth closed, but Matt’s not going to tell me who to trust or not. Hutton isn’t going to either. The boy who read to me in a dark hospital room would never harm me.
Ever.