Chapter 34
EILISH
My eyes blink open, and I’m staring up at a familiar ceiling. My brows furrow, and I wince as I try and swallow. My throat is dry. I try again, my breath coming in a rasp.
“Here, try this.”
I startle, whipping my head to the side as my vision slowly unblurs. Cillian smiles quietly from his chair beside the bed, his outstretched hand holding a glass of water with a straw in it.
“ Where …” I focus on the room behind him, and around me.
Gavan’s bedroom.
“Take a sip,” Cillian says gently, guiding the straw into my mouth.
I sip gingerly, feeling the water trickle down my dry throat.
“I have the same reaction to saline drips,” he grunts. “Mouth goes dry as a fucking bone.” His eyes—green, just like mine—pierce into me. “Do you know where you are?”
I nod slowly. “Gavan’s—”
Then it hits me. It all comes rushing back. I choke, bolting upright with a strangled scream before Cillian jumps up and grabs me.
“ Easy . Easy, Eilish,” he growls. “You’re okay—”
“ Gavan— ”
“Is fine ,” he says firmly, taking my shoulders and guiding them back to the pillow behind me. “He’s okay. Everyone’s okay.” His brow knits. “Well, everyone who matters.”
“What…” I shake my head. “I blacked out. My wrist…” I glance down, shivering when I see the gauze and bandage wrapped tightly around my wrist.
“You nicked your radial artery.” His jaw clenches. “I won’t lie, we almost lost you, Eilish,” he says quietly. “We might have, if Gavan hadn’t—”
There’s a soft snore from across the room, and I blink in surprise when I snap my head around and realize there’s someone curled up asleep in the oversized easy chair in the corner of the bedroom.
Neve.
“She was sitting where I’m sitting right now for the last fourteen hours. Wouldn’t leave your side.” He smiles. “She only went over there to ‘close her eyes for a second’ because I threatened to kick her out if she didn’t.”
I grin, looking over at my sleeping sister before I turn back to Cillian. “Wait, did you say fourteen hours?” I frown. “Did I go to the hospital?”
Cillian shakes his head. “Castle called Dr. Blythe at the same time he was breaking land speed records racing to get here.”
Through the fog in my head, I dimly remember that. Dr. Blythe is legit one of those mob doctors from the movies—a surgeon who sometimes operates out of veterinary clinics for patients with both cash and reasons not to go to the hospital.
Which, of course, is exactly how my uncle knows him.
“Castle kept you stable until Blythe got here and did his thing. Stitched you up, gave you a few transfusions, and then pumped you full of sedatives and saline so you could rest up.”
I swallow, nodding as my eyes lock with Cillian’s.
“Cil—”
“Gavan’s okay, Eilish.” He frowns. “It was only a small heart attack—”
“I’m sorry, what?! ” I blurt loudly, my eyes flying wide open as I struggle to sit up.
Neve snores, shifting in her sleep before quieting again.
“A fucking what ?” I hiss, softer this time.
He smirks, shaking his head. “He had a neurotoxin in his system that was gradually slowing his heart to the point it was about to fail. Apparently, he jabbed himself with three hits of adrenaline, which took his heart from slowing to a stop to beating about as fast as Usain Bolt running a race on crystal meth.”
My face pales in horror. Cillian smiles as he reaches over and takes my hand in his comfortingly.
“But now, like I said, he’s fine. He’s here , resting, just like you.”
“I want to see—”
“I know you do.” Cillian frowns. “And you will, in just a minute. But…” His jaw grinds as he sucks on his teeth. “I want to talk to you first,” he says gently.
“About?”
His eyes meet mine. “About what happened. With Svetlana, I mean,” he adds quietly, squeezing my hand.
My throat bobs.
“I never in a thousand years wanted that for you.”
“What?”
His eyes fill with sadness. “To take a life.”
Something flickers between my eyes and his. I know what Cillian is. And I know, or at least I have a good idea about, the things he’s done.
Does .
I draw in a slow breath. “She was going to kill him,” I say quietly. “And probably me, too.”
Cillian nods slowly, his eyes still locked on mine. “How does that make you feel?”
I know how it should make me feel. Horrified, maybe. Or full of self-loathing. Or consumed by fear and anxiety to the point of a panic attack. But I don’t feel any of those things.
Honestly, I don’t feel anything at all when I replay the moment when the gun exploded in my hand and that woman’s eyes went dim.
“I’m fine,” I say easily.
It’s the truth. She was going to kill Gavan. There is zero part of me that wouldn’t do it again.
Cillian nods as my brows furrow.
I’m fine. Wait—
“Does that make me…”
“Me?” he mutters, an amused smirk on his lips.
I blush. “That’s not what I was going to say.”
“No, but you were thinking it. I understand. Genetics, and all.”
I swallow uncomfortably. Cillian smiles as he squeezes my hand again.
“You’re not me, Eilish, and you never will be. Trust me. Not even close . You did what you had to do, that’s all. Not everyone could have done it. But you could.”
I nod, smiling a little before my smile falters.
“Cillian?”
He raises a brow.
“I…” I swallow. “I have to tell you something.”
I look down at my fingers.
“ I killed him ,” I murmur quietly, taking a shaky breath before I force myself to look him in the eyes. “I killed my dad.”
Cillian is silent for a few seconds, his face utterly still and neutral.
“Explain.”
“I mean…I didn’t pull the trigger—”
“Eilish,” he says gently. “I know you didn’t. We all know who did— ”
“But I filled his gun with blanks that night,” I blurt, my eyes widening as it all just tumbles out. “I—I sent him to that meeting with zero chance to defend himself.”
Cillian looks away and takes a deep breath in and out. My throat bobs heavily.
“Cillian, I’m so sorry—”
“You found out, didn’t you.”
I blink. “What?”
He turns back to me. “Your mother,” he growls thinly. “You found out he killed Erin.”
I stare at him. “You…you knew ?”
“Only shortly before he himself died,” he grunts.
“I had my suspicions for a long time, of course. I knew about his affairs, or at least, some of them. And when Erin died so suddenly…” His green eyes turn a frighteningly dark shade, almost black, before he blinks it away.
“She was a good person, your mother,” he growls quietly.
“She didn’t deserve Declan and his bullshit. ”
He takes a deep breath, looking right into my eyes.
“Eilish, you didn’t kill your father . He got himself killed. He was careless with the free and easy way he made enemies. If it hadn’t been on that night, it would have been on another one soon after.”
He pauses, sucking his teeth again.
“Do you know why your father and Vadim met, that night Declan shot him?”
I shake my head. Cillian’s lips thin.
“Declan had been having an off and on affair with Svetlana, for years .”
My eyes go wide. “I’m sorry, what ?”
He nods. “Vadim wanted to confront him about it. I mean, she may have been a monster—and she was—but she was his sister, after all. When they met, things got heated, and your father pulled a gun. The rest you know.”
I take a second to process that. Cillian squeezes my hand again, a wry smile on his lips.
“You’re not like me, Eilish. And you’re going to be okay. I promise you that.”
I nod, biting my lip. “Can I see Gavan now?”
“I think that’s a great idea.”
I’m still a little wobbly as Cillian helps me down the stairs.
Across the penthouse, through the glass doors leading outside, I can see Gavan wearing a bathrobe and sitting in a chair out on the veranda with Castle.
Cillian pauses at the doorway and nods for me to go through.
I’m barely two steps outside when Gavan hears me and his head whips around.
His shadowed face instantly lights up as a grin spreads all over it. There’s no stopping the smile on my own face, either. Still unsteady on my feet, I rush to him anyway, choking out a sob as I collapse into his arms on his lap.
Tears stream down my face as I cup his, kissing his mouth, his cheeks, his nose, and his eyes as I cry with joy.
“I’m all right, Eilish,” he grins, though he’s still looking a little pale. He sighs, nodding past me. “Thanks to Castle.”
I turn, and in a second, I’m jumping out of Gavan’s lap and hugging Castle fiercely. He chuckles, holding me tight before he pulls back and giving me one of his signature smug, lopsided smiles.
“You came,” I grin.
He laughs. “Told you. I’ll always be your protector, Blondie.”
I beam at him, hugging him again. “ Nobody puts Castle in the corner ,” I murmur under my breath in my terrible Patrick Swayze impression.
Behind me, Gavan sighs. “Man, I fucking love that movie.”
Castle smirks, arching a brow at me as he leans close.
“Your boyfriend’s not half bad, you know.”
I grin. “He might sort of be more than just a boyfriend.”
Castle’s smile fades. “Well, that’s a conversation—”
“Hey, Castle?”
Castle and I turn to look at Gavan. “As much as I want to keep on thanking you for the whole saving my life bit…”
Castle sighs, nodding. “I know. I’ll give you two some alone time. I’ll be inside with Cil.” He turns to wink at me again. “Glad to help, kid.”
“Thank you,” I whisper back, giving him another big hug. When he steps inside and closes the glass door, I sink back onto Gavan’s lap.
“I’m not sure how to break this to you…”
He frowns at my serious tone. “What’s going on?” he growls, a worried urgency in his voice. When my face splits into a grin, he glares at me. “Really? Now is when you decide jokes with that kind of a setup are a good idea?”
I giggle. “I just wanted to be the first to tell you that you officially can’t blackmail me anymore.” I shrug. “I told Cillian about Declan.”
He smiles quietly, reaching up to cup my face. “And?”
“And nothing. It’s settled.”
“So, you’re saying my leverage over you is gone.”
“Exactly. Tough break, sorry,” I shrug.
Gavan grins. “I could always go with my secondary leverage.”
I frown. “What the heck is that?”
“Threatening to show your family your internet search history.”
I swallow, blushing fiercely. “ How do you know that ,” I mutter.
“Oh, solnishka ,” he grins. “We haven’t even begun to scratch the surface on the ways I’ve stalked you for almost two years.”
My jaw drops as I stare at him. “I’m sorry, you stalked me ?”
“Incessantly.”
I shake my head in disbelief, somehow unable to stop smiling at his man.
“You creep!”
He shrugs. “Guilty as charged.”
I look at him sideways. “Actually, that’s kind of hot, in a really fucked up way.”
“Right?”
I laugh, melting into him as he cups my jaw possessively.
“You saved my life,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “You saved mine.”
“Does that mean we’re even?”
“Not quite.”
I shiver, my skin tingling all over and my pulse skyrocketing as his lips crash down possessively on mine.