42. Thea
42
Thea
E den had described this place as a nightclub, but it looked more like a prohibition speakeasy. Cozy leather sofas and club chairs tucked into dark corners, exposed brick walls, and faux gas lights all added to the vintage feel of the club.
I relaxed on a squishy sofa, Kyril’s hand glued to my thigh. He’d barely let me out of his sight all evening. None of them had. It was almost as if they knew I planned to leave.
When I’d walked into our guest apartment earlier, the atmosphere had been thick with tension, but I decided not to get involved.
They were adults. If they had issues, it was on them to sort their shit out.
Dario had disappeared shortly after I showed up dressed to the nines, all thanks to Eden’s makeover, and so far, he hadn’t shown his face down here.
“I’m going to get a drink,” I said in Kyril’s ear.
“Let me, kotenok . Champagne?” He went to stand, but I pressed a hand against his chest.
“No, stay. I need to visit the bathroom.” It was a lie. Mostly, I needed a break from his suffocating presence. Landon sidled over with another drink in his hand, drunk as a skunk. He’d been doing shots all evening.
“Going somewhere, wifey?” he slurred, pulling me into his chest when I stepped past the low table.
“Yeah, the bathroom.”
“Damn, have I told you how hot you look?” he murmured above the music, nuzzling my neck. His breath smelled of liquor, but I didn’t mind. Being thoroughly intoxicated hadn’t diminished Landon’s sex appeal. More than a few ladies had been giving him heart-eyes this evening. Thankfully, none of them attempted to take things beyond a flirtatious smile, or I might have resorted to violence.
“Several times, yes.”
I shoved him away and hustled toward the bathrooms. Eden had disappeared with Michael some time ago, ostensibly to catch up with him after a few days apart, which I concluded from her wink was girl code for banging his brains out.
Cassian had left to try contacting his mother, and Milo was…somewhere.
The ladies’ bathroom was thankfully empty, so I quickly did my business, fixed my lipstick, and walked back out…straight into a hard chest. Ooomph .
“Dario.” He’d been distant since we cleared the air in the kitchen back at the beach house. I had thought things were better between us, but Dario was still a closed book, so who knew?
Not that I’d had much emotional bandwidth left to spend my time worrying about the guys’ feelings. My own problems consumed most of my waking thoughts.
I tried to pull away from Dar, but he refused to let me go. Music pounded through the walls. Midnight wasn’t far away now. Soon it would be time to ring in a new year. Hopefully, this year would be better than the previous years.
“Remember the year we snuck a bottle of champagne from the kitchen and I climbed up into your bedroom?” he asked me while snaking a hand around my waist and pressing me into the wall.
“I had the worst hangover in my life the following day,” I replied with a huff of laughter. “And Dad fired a maid because of the missing bottle. Who counts bottles of champagne at a party?”
“Your father,” Dar grinned. “But we had fun.”
We had. It had been the first time we ventured past kisses. I still remembered how nervous I was that night. How badly I wanted him to look at me and see something other than a broken girl with scars all over her body.
“You looked so pretty that night. You wore a blue dress with daisies on the bodice. I remember it like yesterday.”
“It was the nicest dress I had back then. The only dress.”
When I looked up, he was gazing down at me like I’d hung the moon.
“You could have worn a sack, and I’d still have loved you, cara .”
“We were just kids, Dar. You didn’t love me.”
“We may have been kids, but I knew how I felt about you. Then and now.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have fallen for Torrance’s bullshit then.” I sighed. I wanted to forgive him, but a part of me couldn’t do it. He’d hurt me too damn much.
“I’m sorry, Thea.” The pain in his eyes made my heart clench but I steeled myself. “I will apologize every day for the rest of my life if it helps.”
“Not sure it will,” I admitted, deciding it was better to be honest than to give him false hope. While my body still wanted him, I didn’t know if I would ever trust him with my heart again. Not after he’d stomped all over it and crushed teenage-me into oblivion.
“I won’t stop fighting for us. I won’t let you go.”
“Maybe you should.” The weight of what I intended to do lay heavy across my shoulders. “You’re better off without me.” Not wishing to talk anymore, I shoved him away and left.
“Never!” His voice followed me as I walked back into the club.
“Ten, nine, eight…” The DJ counted down and then the crowd erupted into cheers before people embraced and kissed anyone within reach.
This was my first New Year celebration ever. By rights, I should have been having fun like everyone else, but I felt numb. Like a store mannequin.
Kyril kissed me hard before passing me over to Cassian, who was now drunker than I’d ever seen him.
Landon could barely stand up, but he told me he loved me and held me so tight I feared for my ribcage.
I caught sight of Eden locked in a heated embrace with Michael, and even Declan had let his hair down for once - I’d spotted him with some blond woman earlier in the evening. It was pretty fucking obvious something was going on between them.
I smiled, laughed, and pretended like I was having fun, but it was all an act. My emotions remained firmly locked down, buried inside a box. It was the only way I stood a chance of walking away.
Abandoning my sister once again made me feel sick, but she was safer here with the guys than with me. I wasn’t sure what their plans were, but they each had lives away from me and my shit. Eden too. Once I’d fixed the mess with my father, I would return to collect Verity and then figure out what to do next.
If it all went well, I’d be back here in a week. And if it didn’t… then I had to trust Dario would do the right thing and care for Verity.
Kyril lay on his back next to me, snoring. Landon had passed out in Kyril’s room the minute we got back to the apartment, and Cassian had passed out on the sofa in the living room. I’d not seen Dario since our chat a few hours ago. Fuck knows where he’d ended up; I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
Milo sat staring at his laptop when I walked back into the living room. It was 2 AM. My plan involved sneaking away while the guys slept off their hangovers, but until Milo fell asleep, I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Everything OK?” he asked, looking up in surprise.
“Need a glass of water.” He watched me fill a glass from the bottle of filtered mineral water in the refrigerator. “Are you not tired?”
“I’m a night owl. You know this,” he pointed out.
“Yeah.” I perched on the arm of the sofa, wondering how I could persuade him to come to bed. He always seemed to fall asleep just fine when he shared a bed with me. But then I slept better when he was there, too.
“Can I stay in your bed? Kyril’s snoring.”
Milo chuckled. “Of course. I’ll come to bed now.”
He shut his laptop and followed me into his bedroom, then disappeared into the bathroom while I climbed into his bed. My eyes felt scratchy and sore. I desperately needed to sleep, but I knew if I nodded off, I wouldn’t wake until at least noon. Unless I left in the next few hours, I had no chance of getting away.
Milo turned off the bedside lamp and climbed into bed, being careful not to touch me. Even though I’d made him come with my hand once and he’d watched me have sex with the guys we’d never had sex.
It shouldn’t have mattered. If I wanted sex, I had three guys more than willing to be tributes. Four if I counted Dario. Desiring Milo too was just plain greedy. And besides, I wasn’t sure he even wanted to have sex with me.
“What are you thinking?” The deep timbre of his voice made me jump.
“I was wondering if you wanted to have sex with me,” I admitted.
“Yes.”
“I don’t mean now this minute,” I clarified hurriedly. “I meant in the future.”
“Still yes.”
“You do?”
“Of course. I thought you knew this?”
“Well, no… I mean… we…” My voice trailed off. What the fuck was I doing? I was running out of time. If Milo didn’t fall asleep soon, I’d end up falling asleep first.
He reached out and tentatively touched my face. A light brush of fingers over my cheek. Emotion flooded me. All the feelings I’d kept banked up since we left the house overlooking the sea.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as tears pooled in my eyes. Thankfully, it was pretty dark and he might not notice.
“Sorry for what?” he asked, curious as ever.
“I don’t know,” I lied.
“I’m sorry, too.” Wait, what?
“Why are you sorry?” I shifted, inadvertently moving closer. Milo’s leg brushed my thigh, making me shiver. He’d kept his boxers on when he crawled into bed, but this was more nakedness than usual. Of all of them, Milo was the least likely to be in my bed minus his clothes.
Since I couldn’t tell him why I was sorry, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, as an apology for lying to him. Once they all realized I’d left without telling them, he would think back to this moment and know . Milo was smart. He might struggle to read people, but he was very good at putting the pieces together. He’d see the truth of everything I hadn’t said.
And probably hate me for it.
For a tension-filled moment, Milo didn’t kiss me back. He just lay next to me, his lips touching mine. OK, so maybe I’d misjudged things. Perhaps he wanted me but didn’t want me, want me. Not in that way. Maybe Milo just liked to watch and would never want me in the same way I wanted him.
And I did very much want him. Badly. Milo wasn’t demanding or flirty or charming like the others. He was his own person. Sweet, thoughtful, and so brainy it made my head hurt.
When I tried to pull back, his hand snaked out and curled into my hair.
“No,” he growled in a possessive way so unlike the man I’d grown used to sharing my bed with.
“No?” I squeaked, liking this new version of Milo. It was all kinds of hot.
“Kiss me again.”
Things were not going the way I expected. Not at all. But need and desire overrode common sense. One more kiss wouldn’t hurt.
I leaned in and kissed him again. This time he reacted immediately, kissing me back with unexpected abandon. Our mouths moved together like we’d kissed each other a million times. He groaned when my tongue touched his, and suddenly, I felt him pressed against me, hard and wanting. Then the kiss broke, and he abruptly pulled away.
“Milo?” He’d never pushed things before and I didn’t want to be that person who made him do something he’d regret. If his last memory of me was being coerced into sex, I’d hate myself. “We don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with,” I reminded him.
His thigh remained entangled with mine and I felt him, still hard and hot through the cotton of his boxers. My pussy ached. I wanted him so badly. Just like I wanted all of them.
Lucifer himself had probably reserved a special room just for me. I didn’t deserve to be happy. Not after all the bad things I’d done in my life.
“I want this and I want you,” Milo said, his voice firm.
I wasn’t sure what to say. Was he saying he wanted to give me his virginity? If he knew I planned to leave them all, he would soon change his mind. I definitely didn’t deserve such a gift. Or him.
But I wanted him anyway. It was selfish of me and extremely stupid, but maybe we both deserved this moment of happiness. If death was coming for me on dark wings, then I would happily die knowing I’d given Milo a small sliver of my soul. As his first, he’d never forget me.
My mind made up, I reached down and yanked his boxers down. His dick felt hot and heavy in my hand. We didn’t need any foreplay. I was wet and ready for him, and I knew he probably wouldn’t last long if I carried on touching him.
As if to illustrate my point, he uttered a heartfelt groan and his shaft jerked eagerly in my hand.
Time was running away from me like sand in an hourglass. Before long, the sky would lighten, people would wake, and I’d never get away without a lot of questions, none of which I could answer.
I scooted back and pulled my shorts off, then climbed astride Milo. His eyes glittered as he stared up at me.
“Can I see your tits?” My lips curved up before I lifted my vest and threw it off. The wait felt cool against my overheated skin. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Thea,” Milo murmured as he brushed his fingers over my curves.
He groaned again when I rubbed my pussy over his cock, enjoying the way it made my clit throb. There was no point in us using a condom. That horse had already bolted. I half expected him to protest as I positioned him at my entrance and then dropped down slowly. But he said nothing.
“Does that feel OK?” I asked, feeling nervous. I didn’t want to break him.
“Fuck, angel, it feels… amazing.” His eyes widened in wonder. “You’re so hot and wet, and…why did I wait so long?” I assumed it was a rhetorical question.
He grabbed my hips and jerked upward, closing his eyes at the same time. For a moment, I wondered if he’d climaxed already, which would have been fine. I didn’t need to come. This wasn’t about me.
“You OK?”
There was a small huff of laughter. “Yeah. More than OK. So far from OK, I’m in a different realm.” He bit his lip. “Just trying hard not to come, but it’s difficult, as you’re squeezing me so hard right now.”
“Oh.” Hmm, so maybe we were still on the train and ready to make the journey to Pound Town.
He sat up, abs clenching. This put us face to face, which was way more intimate than I expected. He kissed me like I meant everything to him. I curled my fingers into his soft hair and pulled him closer.
I never wanted to let him go. A tear squeezed out and trickled down my cheek, then another. The taste of salt brought me back to the present. Crying during sex was bad. The last thing I needed was for Milo to think this was some kind of pity fuck.
It wasn’t.
Milo didn’t deserve that. He deserved all of me.
The very best parts of me.
Not breaking our kiss, I started to move. Slowly at first, savoring each up and down drag of his thick cock inside me. His breathing picked up, and I felt the first stirrings of my impending orgasm, creeping up on me like a stealthy ninja. But that wasn’t my focus. I wanted this to feel good for him.
So I moved a little faster, giving him what he needed. When his fingers found my clit, I jumped with surprise.
“Tell me what you like,” he whispered against my lips. “Does this feel good?”
“Yes.” Dammit, he must have been taking notes or something. The guy knew exactly what he was doing. He used his thumb to rub firm circles, pushing me higher and higher until I exploded around him.
Then I felt him come deep inside me in a burst of heat. We sank back into the mattress, sweaty and gross, locked together. Fluid trickled out, but I didn’t care. My body felt too sated and exhausted to move, even though cleaning up would have been sensible at this point.
Catching a flight with cum dripping down my legs was not how I wanted my revenge arc to begin.
“That was… perfect.” When I opened my eyes, Milo stared up at me like I’d just sprouted angel wings. “Thank you.”
“Um, you’re welcome?” I grimaced, feeling awkward as fuck. As the aftershocks faded away, I crawled off him and dashed into the bathroom. The intimacy between us had turned from magical into suffocating. I desperately needed some space.
My reflection stared back at me accusingly. She reminded me I couldn’t stick around. Fucking Milo had changed nothing. If anything, it had made things worse.
When I finally found the courage to leave the bathroom, Milo was fast asleep. He lay on his back with the covers pooled around his waist. Light from the window highlighted every lean plane of his chest. His dark hair curled over the pillow.
I tore my gaze away and focused on what I needed to do. In less than ten minutes, I’d dressed and was ready to leave. Milo murmured something in his sleep as I closed the door behind me and walked silently through the living room.
Dario must have returned at some point. He lay sprawled across the second sofa, his shirt undone and an empty bottle of tequila in his hand. Even in sleep, tension still etched fine lines across his brow.
Maybe once my father was no longer breathing, he’d relax.
I hooked my bag over my shoulder and left the apartment. When I reached the large foyer, Declan emerged looking worse for wear, his black shirt hanging loose and his hair in disarray.
“Good night?” I asked with a faint smirk, noting lipstick on his neck.
He ignored me and reached over the desk. I took the small brown envelope, glanced inside, and then pocketed it.
“No more favors, Thea,” he warned. “Whatever shit you end up in, you’re on your own. Clear?”
“Crystal.”
A car sat idling on the curb when I walked outside into the frosty night. Dawn was still several hours away. My breath steamed as ice crystals crunched under my boots. The driver nodded when I settled into the passenger seat, and I thanked the Lord he had the heat turned up to max.
There was no need to give the driver any directions. Declan had taken care of that for me when I put in a request for a new ID. I hated owing him anything, but until my father and Torrance were dead, I couldn’t use any of my current passports.
So instead of Thea Ricci or Theadora di Luca, I was now… I opened the passport and scowled.
That fucker.