Chapter 21
CHAPTER 21
RAVEN
I ’m well aware that in the long term, sex changes very little, but at this moment, as he presses my hand to his face and kisses the middle of my palm, I am liable to believe anything. That we have a chance. All we need to do is talk it out.
Especially when he doesn’t get up to leave, but collapses against me, his face buried in my neck. This is not an opportunity to be missed. His guard is down, and it might not remain this way once this moment passes and the bliss gives way to reality.
I steel myself, my voice soft. “You’re going to tell me to leave, aren’t you? To go back to my room?”
He shifts slightly, pulling away just enough to look at me, his expression cautious. “You want to stay?”
My heart is pounding so loud I’m sure he can hear it. “Yes, I want to stay, but if you’re going to kick me out, anyway, then I, at least, want to have my say.”
Almost instantly, his gaze sharpens. In real time I see reality seeping back in, its cold edges slicing through the warmth of the moment. “And what is it you want to say?”
I take a deep breath, steadying myself. “I want to know why you’re so angry with me. Why you left so suddenly back then, out of the blue, without a call or even a text. There was no way to reach you. Your phone number was dead. I was blindsided, Earl. We didn’t even argue or anything. I didn’t understand, and it was maddening, but I can see clearly now that it had something to do with me, but I have no idea what. Please, tell me why. Help me understand.”
The air between us grows oppressive. His jaw tightens and his eyes burn into mine. The intolerable silence stretches. Swallowing hard, I wait.
Then he pulls away, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. One hard word drops out of him.
“No.”
I reach out, grasping his arm, desperate to hold onto whatever fragile thread still connects us. “Earl, you need to talk to me. If I did something wrong, you need to tell me. Why punish me this way?”
“Punish you?” he snaps, his voice low and biting. He jerks his arm free from my grasp and stands. “I haven’t even started, my darling wife.”
“I never forgot about you,” I say, my voice trembling but firm. “I never stopped thinking about you—not even for a moment. I was hurt, furious that you left, that you disappeared without a word. And now, I want to be angry. I want to scream at you for breaking my heart into a million pieces. But I can’t even do that, because right now …” My throat tightens, the words catching, but I push through. “Right now, you seem more hurt and angry than I am. And I can’t help but wonder if something happened, if there was some kind of misunderstanding. Please, Earl. Talk to me. I’m sure we can resolve this.”
His eyes stay on me, unreadable, until I see cold anger spread across his face like a storm and his expression becomes hard. “Get out,” he says, his voice sharp, final. “You’ve overstayed your welcome.”
My body goes cold. I want to defy him, force him to tell me what I have done, but the sting of his total rejection cuts too deep. I force myself to stand, my movements stiff, every step away from him is like dragging weights behind me. “Fine,” I say, my voice brittle. “Keep tearing at me until you destroy me if that’s what you enjoy so much.”
I reach the door, but as my fingers brush the handle, his words stop me in my tracks.
“You’re not going to take your payment?”
Slowly, I turn, my gaze locking onto his. He is like a stranger. Not an ounce of the lover he was only a few moments ago remains.
“This is the second time,” I say, my voice steely. “I’m not a prostitute. I’m your wife.”
His lips curl into a smirk, cold and cruel. “You really want to act like this is a genuine marriage? I thought it was a transaction based on who had the most money. Isn’t that why you dumped Charles at the altar for me? Isn’t money all you’ve ever wanted? Isn’t it all you care about? So why pretend now?”
“I’m not pretending,” I say, turning around to face him.
“I get it. I’d do the same in your shoes. You want to find a way to be civil with me so your life will be easier. So you can have your cake and eat it. But no, darling, you don’t get to do that. Sure, I’m gonna be generous, in fact, outrageously generous. You’ll have everything you ever wanted. Clothes, shoes, designer bags. You’ll have it all. But in return, I want my pound of flesh. I want to see you live in your gilded cage and suffer. I want to see you rue the day you thought money could buy you happiness.”
“Seeing me suffer will give you pleasure?” I ask incredulously.
He doesn’t miss a beat. “Yes.”
I stare at him in shock. I cannot believe that this is the man I have just given all of myself to, but the worst part is no matter how hard I try, I cannot find it in myself to regret it. Maybe it’s because a part of me is hoping this cannot go on and he will come to his senses someday. Or maybe it’s because he hasn’t done anything unforgivable yet. Despite the complete hostility, he’s still ensured that my father has been taken care of. He’s kept his side of the bargain. I take in a deep breath and release it. For my father, I will bear everything, and so I even manage to work up the sliver of a smile.
“Okay,” I reply. “We’ll do as you wish. I will not remind you of the past again.”
He pulls open the drawer on the bedside table and it is stuffed full with money. Disdainfully, he grabs a handful of bills and holds them out to me. His eyes dare me not to disobey him.
Clearly, he wants a reaction, and I decide that I am going to give it to him. Perhaps the only way to make him just as miserable as he is making me is to ensure that I don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me cower. I walk up to him.
Somehow I manage to work up a smile as I reach for the money. “Thank you. This is generous, but I hope you can do better next time.”
I turn around to leave. I expect him to call me back and stop me and make me pay for the way I have just spoken, but he doesn’t. It’s pure silence behind me as I make my way out. I know he’s watching my every move.
Once the door closes behind me, my shoulders slump. I return to my room and tuck the bills carefully into my kitty. I do not know what I will do yet, but someday, somehow I’ll make him understand that I am innocent of whatever he thinks I have done and I will make him apologize to me for this terrible injustice he is doing to me. For now, I need more than ever to make myself devoid of emotions and feelings because this is the only way I will be able to find my way through this nightmare.
“Just until Dad is well,” I console myself as I head to the bathroom. I need to wash him, us, the passion, the sweetness … the pain.