Chapter 6 Ivy
IVY
“Now, don’t you feel better?” Everett asks as he stops in front of my apartment.
No. “Sure.” I eye the building, not wanting to go in but not wanting to stay in the car. Everett tried even harder today to cheer me up, but I feel more detached.
And he realizes it. “Ivy, tell me what you need.”
My mom. A time machine. The impossible. So how do I give him an answer that makes sense? I can’t. “I don’t know.”
“Are you going to practice tomorrow? I can give you a ride.”
“No. I’m not cheering this year.”
“It’s senior year. You won’t get another chance. Don’t miss out and regret it later.”
“I won’t.” Chanting silly phrases while jocks throw around a damn ball is the last thing I’m worried about missing out on.
Everett shifts in his seat and turns to me. “Ivy, your mom wouldn’t want you to be miserable and punish yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”
“I’m not punishing myself. I just don’t want to do bullshit that doesn’t make a difference. Track, cheer, swim—who the fuck cares if I do any of it? I don’t.”
“So, the plan is to do nothing for the rest of your life?”
“My plan is to make it through the rest of the day. Why the fuck does it matter what happens tomorrow or the next day? It’s not like we have control over any of it.”
“Yes, we do. You have some control over things. And I really want to look over at the sideline and see you cheering me on when I score a touchdown.” He gives me a playful smile as he holds his arms out in his famous I-just-added-points-to-the-board touchdown pose that he does every time he scores.
He’s trying to offer me levity, but it pisses me off.
I get that football is important to him. But it’s also a trivial game.
“I want to walk into the apartment and see my mom curled up on the couch, reading a book because she can’t watch TV since Zachary is playing his game. So, I guess neither of us are getting our wishes granted.”
“Ivy, I—” Before he can finish, I yank the door open and step out of the car.
He’s on my heels, following me to the door. “Just give it some thought. Please. She would want you to be happy again.” He tugs me into a hug, and I move my arms around him, but it doesn’t seem natural or comfortable. And I pull away quicker than I normally would.
“Call me if you change your mind. I’ll swing by and get you.”
“Okay.” I won’t change my mind. But I don’t have the energy or headspace to try and convince him of that.
I walk into the apartment and immediately look to the sofa. Zachary is doing his part, playing whatever game he’s obsessed with today. But Mom is missing from the scene. I want to be sad, but I feel empty.
Dropping down in her favorite spot. I stare at the TV screen filled with Zachary’s never-ending game.
I don’t know how long I’d been sitting there when the front door swings open and Dad singsongs, “I have some great news!”
I hear him say great, but my mind only interprets the opposite automatically.
Zachary stands but doesn’t stop pressing the buttons on his controller as he asks, “What is it?”
Dad moves in front of the TV as Zachary shifts to the side. “I can’t see.”
Clapping his hands together, Dad exclaims, “You aren’t going to be worried about that when I tell you my exciting news. I can’t hold it in any longer.”
Why do I feel dread at his excitement? The last time he was this thrilled, we were supposedly going on vacation, but it actually turned out that he was running drugs for some dude he owed money to and only brought us along as a cover.
With a big grin, Dad holds his arms up and shouts, “I won the lottery.”
Not what I was expecting.
Zachary actually stops playing and looks to Dad. “Really?”
“Yep. I’m gonna buy you that new system you keep asking for plus everything else you want to fill up your new room in our big new house with.”
“We’re moving?” Zachary asks I sit still, trying to process the first part of Dad’s announcement.
“Yes. I met with a realtor earlier, and I’m waiting on the paperwork to go through, then we can move in.”
“Will I have my own room?” Zachary asks.
“You can have your own wing of the house. It’s enormous,” Dad shouts as he theatrically holds his arms up before he looks at me. “Things will be different. I promise, Ivy Bear. This is our chance to start over. And winning fifty million helps that.”
My stomach sinks as I ask, “You won fifty million dollars?”
“Yes. Well, the jackpot was more, but that’s what the payout is after taxes and stuff.
I couldn’t believe it myself, which is why I didn’t mention it until the funds deposited today.
The house is a good chunk of change but won’t even put a dent in it.
We can go pick you out a car tomorrow. Or just pick one out online, and I’ll have it delivered to our new place, so it’ll be there and waiting for you. ”
Some things are too good to be true. And with Dad, that usually means most things. “I don’t want a new car or new house.”
He drops down on the coffee table, his palms on his knees as he focuses to me.
“I know the last few weeks have been really hard for you. But I think this fresh start will be good for all of us. I made sure the house had a pool just for you—Olympic size to practice in. And Belgrave Academy is right down the street. It has a great swim program, and I heard the football team is top-notch too. You’ll definitely get back on track there, and now I can pay for you to go to whatever university you want. ”
I should be excited, right? I can have whatever future I want.
Or at least for now until Dad blows through or gambles the money away.
Even if it is a lot of money, I’m sure history will repeat itself and he’ll bet it on something.
He couldn’t stop when Mom tried to get him to manage money in a healthy way, how is he going to resist it when she’s not here?
“We have to go to a new school?” Zachary asks.
“Yes. The house isn’t within the boundary of your current one. But you’ll love it. You’ll both be at Belgrave Academy—a freshman and a senior already.”
My brother has the skeptical look on his face.
But Dad turns back to trying to convince me.
“I know it’s a hard year to leave your friends.
But this is a chance for you to start over.
And we won’t be that far away, so you can still hang with your old buddies.
Hell, they can come stay at the house whenever.
It has plenty of space for guests. I’m thinking about adding a bowling alley or arcade room too. ”
Zachary is for sure on board now as he heads to our bedroom. “I’m going to pack.”
Dad watches him with a big smile on his face. But all I can think is how he’ll adjust when we’re kicked out of the big mansion and with no place to go. “You can’t promise him everything then take it away.”
“I won’t. Things will be different. Promise.”
Why don’t I believe it? Maybe because every promise he’s ever made has been broken. “I’m good here.”
There’s complete disbelief on his face as he gasps, “You can’t be serious, Ivy.
You’d rather stay here than live in a stunning house with a private pool and your own room?
There’s already a cook and housekeeper willing to stay on when we get the keys.
It’s like an entirely different life. One you deserve.
I can’t go without you. Your brother needs you too. ”
No he doesn’t. But maybe I can try and protect him when the floor falls out from under him. “One condition.”
“Name it, Ivy Bear.”
“Put aside a trust for Zachary and make sure he has enough for college.”
“Done. I’ll set you up too.”
“I don’t want it. But make it so no one can touch his money except him.”
“You got a deal.” Dad smiles as he rises and offers me his hand to shake.
“Please, Dad. He seems okay on the surface, but he’s suffering too. You can’t break his heart right now. He won’t be able to take it.”
I need him to understand the stakes. This is the first time since Mom passed that Zachary has shown excitement. Dad can’t wave a better life in front of his face then pull it back.
“I won’t. I’ll have an account set up for him. And he won’t want for anything. You have my word. I just need you to stay with us and enjoy your senior year.”
Enjoy will be a stretch, but I’ll either be miserable here or in a new house.
And maybe not being in a place where I expect to see my mom around every corner will help.
The only thing I know for sure is I need to be wherever my brother is.
Because I have less faith in my dad than I do in the universe. And that says a lot at the moment.