Chapter 68 Luca
LUCA
I wake up with her draped over me. She’s still here. And she’s real. I rub a hand up her back as I close my eyes. Her body flinches so slightly I think I imagined it until I feel it again.
Seconds later, a horrid noise rises from her throat as she cries.
“Ivy, wake up.” I sit up, keeping her on my lap as she struggles against me until her eyes open. The pain and fear in her face is crushing.
She scans my face then glances around the bedroom. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
I cling to her as she tries to get off me. “I don’t give a fuck that you woke me up, Ivy. Look at me.” There’s reluctance in her before she finally does. “Tell me what the nightmare was about.”
“My mom.” She stops fighting to get away and rests against me instead. “It was the pictures. The one of her in the accident. She comes back to life long enough to tell me that it was my fault.” Her elbow shoves into my chest as she climbs off me with a pained sob. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not fine.” I can’t do a fucking thing to stop her pain. It makes me want to ram my head into the wall.
“Please stop. I was just really tired. The dreams are worse when I’m in a deep sleep.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me.”
“Luca, drop it. I don’t want to be the damaged girl who needs a savior. You don’t need to fix me.”
“I want to,” I admit.
“I don’t want you to.” She repeats again, “I’m fine.”
“Fine?” I grab her wrist, rubbing my finger along the cut she refuses to let heal. “What I can’t figure out is if you do it because you like the pain, or if you’re just trying to feel something.”
“Don’t touch me.” Her movements become erratic as she pulls on her clothes. “You don’t know me or anything about what I want. You don’t have to play the hero, remember? It’s just sex, just a game, just a fucking lie.”
Every word is another punch to my gut. And for the first time since I met her, I’m not sure if she’s lying to me, herself, or if she really doesn’t care. “You’re not dead, Ivy. But you should’ve buried yourself with her since you insist on acting that way.”
Her eyes widen; her mouth drops open as she gapes at me. I know I’ve crossed the line. I just don’t know how to get to her or how to pull her out of the trenches. And the more I try, the further I bury her.
“Did you really just say that to me?”
“Yes.” I double down, understanding that taking the words back won’t be an option. “Go lie in the dirt and hide in your misery. That’s all you plan on doing the rest of your tragic little life, right?”
“The plan for my tragic little life didn’t seem to bother you when you fucked me.” Her eyes well with tears. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You don’t want to do this. There’s a difference.”
“No, there’s not. I hate you. That’s the only thing that is clear.”
“Keep telling yourself that, you might believe it one day.”
She surges forward and screams, “I do. I fucking hate you. You’re pathetic and insufferable. You were a convenient tool that I only wanted to use so I could forget. Big fucking deal. Great dick, but that’s replaceable, like you.”
When she storms out of the room, I let her go.