Chapter 69 Ivy
IVY
This week has been endless. After-school activities and sporting events were all canceled because of a hurricane that shifted enough to not cause any issues, just some rain and minor flooding that occurs for a normal rain shower.
One of the Belgrave football players decided to have a hurricane party regardless of the weather conditions that I seriously consider bailing on now.
But staying in bed will only remind me that Luca isn’t in it either.
He’s kept his distance and hasn’t spoken to me since I walked out of his bedroom last weekend.
And I’ve pretended like nothing happened, though it’s harder to do than I thought it would be.
He’s right. I might as well have been buried in the ground after that night.
But it should’ve only been me, not my mom.
I head downstairs and almost make it to the garage before Dad spots me and pulls his phone from his ear. “Where are you going?”
“To a party.”
He states, “Everett stopped by earlier.”
“Okay.”
“You need to stop leading him on; your life is here now.”
Stopping, I turn to assess him. “Is there a reason you don’t want me talking to Everett? Like something involving the accident?”
There’s pure disgust on his face. “No, I’m just telling you that the boy doesn’t deserve to be strung along by his dick. It’s the only reason he’s still bothering with you.”
The words hit harder than they should before I say, “That’s not true.”
Dad almost looks like he’s enjoying it. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty because that’s the only thing they stick around for. Once Everett realizes he won’t get what he wants out of you, he’ll be gone for good.”
“Just because you use people doesn’t mean everyone does.”
“Sure, Ivy Bear. Stop putting out and see how fast they scatter.” His phone is back on his ear as he starts talking on his way out. “Yeah. Nothing important. I’ll be there in a few.”
I stand in place until I hear Anthony, “Ms. Walker, is there anything I can do for you?”
“No, thanks. I’m good,” I lie and give him a half smile. “I’ll see you later.”
Once I arrive at the party, I find Brooke on the patio. I drop down on the bench beside her as she passes me the half-empty cup in her hand. I take a sip and pass it back to her. I don’t spot Luca anywhere, but I shouldn’t even be searching for him to start with.
“I need another drink.” I walk into the house and grab two but only one is for me. This time I’m pacing myself, so I don’t end up hurling like I need an exorcist.
Once I’m back outside, I sit down next to Brooke and pass her the other bottle. There’re tiki lights strung around an unlit firepit. Only a few people are in the backyard as a light rain continues to fall.
Brooke seems to snap out of her daze as she says, “Let’s go dance.”
“Later.”
She turns to face me. “What did he do? Do I need to yell at him? You’ve been sulking all week. You were finally having a little fun.”
“It had nothing to do with him,” I tell her as she just rolls her eyes. “Mm-hmm.” But thankfully drops the topic.
As soon as Cain and Micah appear, I down the remainder of my second beer then tell Brooke, “I’m gonna head home.”
“Are you sure? You can stay the night. Almost everyone plans to I think.”
“Yeah. I just want to sleep in my own bed.” Not that I will get much rest since the nightmares have branched out with some new episodes. My favorite has been Remy turning into a zombie, with oil and sludge oozing out of his orifices. I definitely miss the dreams where he was smiling.
Making sure to avoid bumping into the guys, I head to my car and get in.
I intend to go home but end up driving to the rec.
It’s the last place anyone (specifically Luca) would look for me.
And I figured they wouldn’t be open with the weather.
They always close for storms before other businesses did.
And sure enough, when I get there, they are. The building is empty. And the same side door is open as I slip inside. Once I reach the pool, I sit on the edge and stare at the surface. It feels like a lifetime ago since I’ve been here.
Footsteps sound behind me as I turn to look, blinking a few times before I realize Everett is here.
“Hey,” he utters, approaching sluggishly. “I saw your car when I passed by.”
Rotating back to the pool, I remain silent as he says, “I shouldn’t have said those things. Even if you don’t think about me the same way I do you, we’re best friends. And I care about you.”
“Are we friends, or did you just want to sleep with me?” I ask, suddenly questioning every moment. Had he only been hanging around with the expectation of sex? Do we all do everything with the expectation of something in return?
“Of course we are. Things have been different since you got around those snobby bastards. You’ve changed whether you know it or not. And I worried I’m losing you.”
You already have. “Why do we hurt people we care about?”
“I don’t know. Fear. Jealousy. Those were my reasons. I panicked.”
“Remy died,” I blurt out. It still doesn’t feel real.
“I heard.” Everett pauses before he focuses back to me. “That’s why I wanted to check on you. I figured it’d bring up some of the trauma with your mom.”
“His family didn’t deserve to bury him.”
“No, they didn’t, but there’s no love lost from me for the guy.” Everett stops talking for a few seconds when I face him, his hands up in front of him as he continues, “I’m just saying, he was an asshole who intentionally could’ve ended my season.”
“Yeah. Remy was an asshole. But he shouldn’t be dead. His mom doesn’t deserve to bury her son,” I state, watching as he shrugs his shoulders.
“Yeah, I feel bad for the lady. But I could’ve had a life-altering event all because of him and his dickhead buddies.”
Yeah. They’re all dickheads. Agree with that part. “It’s a game, Everett. A meaningless, pointless game.”
Everett claps his hands together. “You’re right. It’s just a stupid game. But it’s all I have right now. Besides, he shouldn’t have been out on the water that drunk. He made a stupid decision that cost him his life.”
I made a stupid decision that cost my mom her life. “We all make stupid decisions. He didn’t deserve to die for it.”
“Fine. Okay. I’m sorry the dude died. But I don’t think this is really about Remy.” Everett stares at me as he states, “It’s his buddy.”
“What? This has nothing to do with Luca.”
“I can’t do this with you, Ivy. You’re not the same person anymore.”
“No, I’m not. I haven’t been since the worst night of my life changed everything. I’m sorry I can’t go back. But you have to know I never meant to hurt you.”
“Yeah. Just like you didn’t mean to kill your mom. I get it. I’m another on the list of victims.”
My breath hitches as I watch him stand, he takes a step then turns back to look at me. There’s hatred on his face I don’t recognize. But all my mind can register is him saying I killed my mom.
He stoops down, his thumb swiping across my cheek before he says, “The tears are old, Ivy. Maybe your rich boyfriend will fall for them again. I don’t want his sloppy seconds.
So, save your apologies. I thought I could be your friend.
But I don’t know how. I need more. I’ve been here for you.
But you had to go spread your legs for the first rich bastard who gave you two seconds of his time. I’m done.”
I blink, staring at a boy who I can’t find anything familiar about.
“It’s true. You were only nice to me when you thought we’d have sex.
Did you ever truly care about me?” There’s no way he did.
He said he loved me, promised we’d always be friends.
But was lying. Everett had no intention of only being my friend.
He wanted more and told whatever lie needed to get what he desired from me.
That’s all people do. Use you then throw you away when you don’t give in to their demands.
I’m a toy, a possession to manipulate. The same guy who assured me I wasn’t responsible for my mom’s death just used it to hurt me.
It doesn’t matter if he meant it, he said it.
And the one thing I know for a fact, words are the one thing you can’t take back.
And he doesn’t even try to retract his words. He just says, “I thought I did,” then leaves.
My vision focuses back to the peaceful, serene surface of the water. It’s the complete opposite of all the noise in my head.
When I feel warmth in my hand, I glance down, realizing that I mindlessly scratched the scab off of my wrist and blood is smeared on my fingers. I stare at them. My sight immediately seeing the blood covering my mom’s face.
Her blood is on my hands. Remy’s blood is on my hands. I didn’t kill him, but I was there. I know the truth. And that it’s all covered by lies. Everything is a lie. Everett lied. Dad lied. Uncle Shawn lied. Luca lied. They’re all liars. And me. I’m the worst of all. Because I’m still lying.
I lean forward, scrubbing my hands in the water. As soon as the blood washes away, more trickles out of the reopened wound.
Extending my legs, I slide my full body into the pool and blow the air from my lungs out as I sink to the bottom. When I open my eyes, I take in the tranquility and bask in the silence. It’s quiet. Peaceful. Serene.
I inhale, my nose burning as the sensation travels to my chest. But I don’t move to relieve it. The burn is minor. It’s the chaos in my mind that I can’t handle anymore.
A loud splash disrupts my peace. Then I see a form swimming towards me. Luca. He grips my elbow, but I pull it away. He swims closer, looping his arm around my stomach before pushing off the bottom of the pool, and I have no choice but to surface with him.
As soon as my head is out, I’m coughing and spewing up water. My throat burning as I attempt to catch my breath.
“What the fuck, Ivy?” He keeps a grip on me as he swims to the side of the pool. “You really want to die.”
“I wasn’t going to drown.” I lie because I had no intention of coming up for air. Would I have stayed under had he not gotten here? Surely my instinct would’ve kicked in eventually to surface. But something deep inside my soul admits that I wouldn’t have. It was peaceful. The pain had stopped.
Shoving away from him, I grab the side and pull myself out. There’s a slight ache in my shoulder from the pressure. It’s not awful, but it reminds me why I was under the water in the first place. I lie on the cold tile.
Luca hovers over me. He’s furious and raging as he continues shouting at me.
“Stop yelling, please,” I beg, closing my eyes. “It was quiet. I just wanted the noise to stop.”
A minute later when I open them, he’s still over me. His face is still twisted with fury, but his voice is controlled. “You aren’t allowed to quit on me, Ivy.” He drops beside me, his arms resting on his knees as he stares at the water. “Do you want to die?”
I don’t know. I sit up, steadying myself for a few seconds before I rise to my feet. “You said I might as well be in the ground with my mom. Thought I’d do you a favor.”
He’s in front of me, his hands clutching my forearms. “I want you to live your fucking life. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. You don’t quit. You’re not weak. You don’t give up. You’re too strong for that.”
I don’t feel strong. “I’m just tired. I had a lot to drink.”
Luca releases me as he says, “Stop lying to me … and to yourself.”
“Sure.” I go to walk around him, and he shifts to block my path. “You’re not leaving my sight until I know you’re okay.”
“It’s not up to you and you can’t watch me every second of the day. How the hell did you even find me here?” I figure he had to have followed me from the party.
“Promise me, Ivy. Swear to me that you won’t hurt yourself. Swear to me that you won’t leave me. You fall, I fall, remember?”
“This isn’t Mercy.”
His palm slowly brushes along my neck as he steps closer, his eyes closing as his mouth drops to my forehead. “The same rule applies whether we’re playing the game or not. So don’t ever do something so fucking reckless again.”
I try to be sarcastic, but my voice wavers a bit as I ask, “Like what? Signing up for a shit show with deadly dares.”
He’s not amused as he demands, “Swear it to me, Ivy. Tell me you’ll stay. Promise me you’ll fight for yourself and not give up. My life doesn’t work without you in it.”
I don’t know if I can keep it, but I still say, “I promise.”