Extra
__________
Anya
THREAD : Am I too much for him? But I’m told he’s controlling and possessive.
1: OP
For more background, you can read my other posts. The gist is that my boyfriend and I broke up a couple of years ago because I was too scared of being with him. Nothing has changed since we got back together. He still gives me full access to his bank accounts, takes on all the house chores, and treats me really well.
I can’t put my finger on it, but something feels weird. Like he’s putting on the perfect front, so I don’t leave again. I told him I would never, but I feel like he doesn’t believe that.
2
Why were you scared of being with him?
3: OP
My parents weren’t the best examples of what a long-lasting couple should look like. They fought a lot and were unhealthy in each other’s lives. When he told me he loved me, my first instinct was to run.
4
Makes sense because you saw it with a front-row seat.
5
I don’t get it. If he’s as good as you say, then there shouldn’t be anything to be scared of. He’s not your parents. If you two got back together, there must have been something worth saving from your previous relationship.
6
You even asked him to send you money when you were still broken up. Most people are possessive of their money, but he’s really generous with you.
7
Actually, I’m possessive of money that isn’t mine. I want my landlord’s money because, technically, it’s mine since I gave it to him as rent.
8
Y’all are missing OP’s point. She means her boyfriend is going above and beyond in their relationship. Maybe she’s feeling love-bombed?
9
Okay, I’ll bite. I’ll eat shit if it’s another sappy relationship post.
10
Digital PDA is the worst.
11
Not all of OP’s posts are about her relationship. There was a phase where she posted about her school life. I remember she said something about her century-old lecture hall chair disintegrating and collapsing the entire row.
She was the instigator, and everyone else was collateral damage.
12
Oh! I know that post! I felt secondhand embarrassment through my screen. She said when the professor asked if she needed to go to the medical clinic, he also helped her up and used the nearest chair leg as support—then another row of students fell.
I’ve always wondered how the rest of the semester went.
13
OP said her professor had facial blindness, so he couldn’t remember her or the ten other students he took out.
14
Anyway, back to OP’s post. My gossip-loving heart is killing me. What other problems have you noticed with your boyfriend?
15: OP
How is everyone so quick to answer? I only went to change my clothes before we went out.
16
Has he said anything fishy? Like “Baby, can you mix these two cleaning chemicals for me so I can clean the bathroom?” or “Here, take this umbrella. It’s going to rain today, and I don’t want you to get wet when standing on the subway platform.”
17
Have you been sick lately? Eaten anything to get a migraine or a stomachache? Seen any white lines on your nails?
18: OP
He’s not trying to kill me.
19
Wouldn’t be trying if he succeeded.
20: OP
I just think he’s too good for me, and now I see everyone as mediocre. It sounds bad, but I don’t think I can live without him. Does anyone know what I mean? I’m well taken care of and don’t have to worry about anything.
21
So, you got a daddy-type boyfriend?
22
Not to rain on your parade, OP, but you should be more independent and not rely on anyone so much.
23
My girlfriend pampers me to no end, so I can understand what OP is feeling. The emotional and physical satisfaction is through the roof when it’s the right person. But it’s not a one-way street, I take care of my girlfriend in ways that match her love language.
24
Do you want an award for being regular boyfriend material?
25: OP
Please don’t fight. I just want some advice.
26
Alright. How does your boyfriend take care of you? Other than materialistically.
27
Or what made you uncomfortable?
28: OP
Not uncomfortable per se. For example, I’m bad at kissing and freeze initially. It must be frustrating to kiss someone who doesn’t respond. Sometimes, I can feel he’s annoyed when he’s biting my lip and tongue.
29
That sounds so unsexy. I have such an ugly visual in my head.
30
Just have to visualize the sexiest man on the planet.
31
The dubbed sexiest man on Earth is indisputably unattractive. Any objection is overruled, and I will not be convinced otherwise.
32
He’s a rough kisser. Nothing bad about that. Put on lip balm and hit him with kissing tutorial videos.
33: OP
It’s me who doesn’t know how to kiss. He likes to mimic his tongue with his fingers, and I’ve gotten better at it. Side note: his job made his fingers dexterous.
34
Nobody is going to say it, then I’m not, either.
35
@34 Go take a cold shower. We’re here to help our online trainwreck and pry into her life.
36
@35 Honesty is not the best policy.
37: OP
Speaking of his job, it affects everything about him. He’s a light walker, so I don’t notice him behind me until I’m three blocks away from the store. He told me he was going with me, but I didn’t hear him.
38
He followed you without attempting to catch up or even calling out for you to wait?
39: OP
No, he said it would make me more mindful of my surroundings, knowing he could follow me for a bit and wouldn’t notice if my wristband didn’t vibrate.
40
Does your fitness tracker sync with him? Why? So, he can see how many times you stopped and wheezed?
41
You speak from experience.
42: OP
It’s an aesthetic accessory. Nothing too fancy, just a wristband that is like a bangle or a rigid bracelet. He got it as a gift from his family.
(wristband.png)
43
“Accessory.” “Nothing too fancy.” “Bracelet.” “Gift from his family.”
That’s a sleek, top-notch, discreet tracking device costing high five figures. That’s my annual salary. I’m not jealous.
44: OP
It is? He only said it syncs our heartbeats to his phone in case of an emergency.
45
OP, did you see the tracking device part?
46: OP
We already share locations on our phones. It helps to know when he’s going to be home soon and not ruin a surprise.
47
That’s sweet, but I’m getting creepy vibes from him.
48
That’s not a red flag. Lots of people have their partner’s location. Are you sure you’re not imagining the unease?
49: OP
He’s hovering more, pulling me into his arms and just squeezing really hard. It’s happening more often, and I’ve told him I can’t breathe. He said physical touch releases oxytocin to the brain, which helps our relationship bond and regulate stress.
His job is very competitive.
I know I can’t take care of him the way he’s doing with me right now, but I want to be there for him as best as I can, so I let him hug me for as long as he needs.
50
Tell me I haven’t been watching too many videos about toxic men and picking up hints where it doesn’t exist.
51
I feel something, too.
52
It’d make sense if he was controlling before, but now, he’s listening to everything she says like a dog because it’s what she falls for. He knows what she wants and has changed himself completely for her.
53
A man without identity is dangerous. He’s doing the “you’re special, you changed me, so I’m only loyal to you” bad boy thing. He could be isolating her, and this is her cry for help.
54
Aren’t you guys being dramatic? OP never said he was controlling. She’s being told by someone he is, per the thread’s title. In fact, he sounds like husband material.
55: OP
I’m not being isolated. Even though my parents passed away, I still have a friend.
56
One friend? Don’t tell me it’s him.
57: OP
No, it’s a close friend from years ago. She doesn’t like him, but honestly, she doesn’t like anyone. They’re kind of cut from the same cloth.
58
Trust me, I can spot a serial player from miles away. If you look through his second phone, you’ll find two hundred girlfriends. And don’t believe him when he says it’s his work phone.
59: OP
His phone has my contact pinned to the top, his family, and his manager.
60
I would prefer it if you didn’t flaunt it on my face.
61
My boyfriend puts my full name in his contact like a stranger would, plain as heck.
62: OP
I just asked him if he was controlling, and he confirmed.
63
Huh? My dearest OP, what the fuck. Why would you out rightly ask him about that?
64: OP
He said his parents’ marriage was purely business, and he didn’t grow up seeing what love looked like. That’s why he wanted to date me, to know if he could feel that.
65
So, he just randomly picked you? No offense, but if he’s as good as you say he is, wouldn’t he go for people of the same status?
66: OP
He had a gut feeling.
67
I’m holding out, he’s one of the good ones. Maybe a little awkward, but he sounds great. What else bothers you, OP?
68
Could it be one of those nuanced feelings? Like, he does these little things that bother you, but it’s so insignificant that it’ll make it look like you’re overreacting if you mention them.
69
I think you’re on to something.
70: OP
I don’t know if it’ll make a difference, but it’s our first relationship. Neither of us dated before each other, and we’re learning the ropes as we go.
He learns faster with pretty much everything. I’m slower, and he’s patient most of the time. But in the heat of the moment, he’s too stuck in his head, and it takes him a bit to stop kissing me.
He brought fluffy handcuffs to help calm me down because I couldn’t stop fidgeting when he taught me the next steps. We’ve done a lot of things, but I still feel like a newbie.
71
You better be talking about kissing.
72
Now, I see where OP’s discomfort comes from.
73: OP
It’s more of being nervous than uncomfortable.
I get lost in my head a lot, just in general. I feel bad for ignoring him, and the easiest way to let him know I’m not doing it on purpose is to always agree to whatever he says. It’s the safest choice.
Having someone dismiss your voice hurts, I experienced it firsthand with my parents.
74
You’re convincing yourself that what he’s doing is okay. It’s not, and I think you need a different support system. Even your only friend dislikes him, which should say something about his character.
75
Either he’s lovesick, the stupid kind, or she’s blind.
76: OP
What am I not seeing?
77
There’s no easy way to explain it. He’s what we call a predator. He targets impressionable women, tricks them by love-bombing, and then leaves them high and dry.
78
By the sound of it, he’s richer than OP and has done more than kissing, which is probably the whole home run. I’m guessing the next step is kicking her to the curb.
79
If he wanted sex and money, then he should’ve done that before they broke up. Now, he’s putting extra unnecessary effort into wooing her just for sex and money? Sounds backward.
80
Why can’t it just be love? Love makes people do weird things, and they’re an inexperienced couple. Trial and error is common.
81
OP, since you asked him directly if he was controlling. I’m assuming he knows about this anonymous post, so ask him what he’s planning next.
82
Talk about confrontation with a bomb.
83
She’ll lose the element of surprise to catch him in the act.
84
If it’s cheating, then it’s whatever. Well, not whatever. Cheaters are shit particles. I’d rather she gets cheated on than physically harmed.
85
Who even has the time and energy to cheat these days?
86: OP
I’m back. He said he was not after me for sex and money, and even if he was, the endgame would still be the same: to be buried together.
87
You don’t have to hurt us singles like that; we’re only internet strangers.
You two get no blessings from me.
88
@9 “I’ll eat shit if it’s another sappy relationship post.”
Eat silently.
89: OP
He said: “If something’s bothering you, talk to me. Strangers’ opinions are irrelevant; they don’t understand our relationship.”
90
I got hit by a load of PDA and didn’t know it until the end. I can’t let this slide. I better see a breakup post next time.
91
OP, you can get identification copies at the court.
(run.png)
92
I agree. Also, having a trustful friend is lifesaving.
93
Start your next post with “Is this dress red or green?” if you need us. We got you.
94: OP
?
[END]