Chapter Eight
Myra
When Matt and I first got here, they took everything from me and made me change into plain scrubs before we could go to the room. I immediately curled up on the couch with my head in Matt’s lap.
“Hey,” Matt says, brushing my hair out of my face. “Sit up here and talk to me.”
“I hate this. I just want to go home,” I say quietly.
“I know,” he says. “Why don’t you want to be with your dad?”
“Huh?” I ask.
“Why don’t you want to be with your father?”
“He hurts me,” I say.
“How so?”
“He rapes me. He has since I was little. Anytime he gets me alone, he hurts me,” I say.
“When was the last time?” he asks.
“A few weeks ago,” I say. “Leon wasn’t home one night, so he came over while I was sleeping.”
“Tell me about that.”
“He woke me up by taking my shorts off. I don’t fight him because he will hit me, so I just lie there.
He wore a condom and used lube,” I say tearfully.
“I didn’t want that. I just wanted him to go away.
I kept asking him to stop, but he wouldn’t.
He just kept going. When he finished a few minutes later, he just…
left. Leon got home shortly after and tied me to the bed, leaving me there after he raped me. ”
“When was the first time?” he asks.
“Uh. When I was four, I remember he made me use my mouth to… lick it. I threw up and then got into trouble for it.”
“When was the first time he forced you to have penetrative sex?” he asks.
“When I was eight,” I say.
“He always used a condom?”
“No,” I say. “He started using a condom when I had my first period. He said I didn’t deserve to have babies because I would make another useless child like Mom did.”
“How do you think things will go if you end up having to live with him?” I ask.
“I will kill myself,” I say bluntly. “I will die before I let him touch me again.”
“You know how serious a statement that is, right?”
“Yes,” I say. “I don’t want to die. I don’t think I ever did. But I would rather die than have him or Leon ever touch me again. I think Leon will try and kill me again, though. I’m scared they will hurt me, and I’d rather be in charge of how I get hurt than them.”
“Honestly, is your statement accurate? You won’t be in trouble if it’s not, but these are serious allegations, Myra.”
“It’s true. I don’t get why he didn’t cut as deeply on the left wrist, though. Why would he do that?” I ask.
“Why do you think he did?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he hesitated about killing me. I know I don’t have a degree like he does, but all I can think of is that he felt bad—which I doubt—or he planned it that way. Maybe he didn’t want me to die fast,” I speculate.
“Let’s talk about Dominic,” he says.
“Okay…”
“How long have you known him?” he asks.
“Since I was eighteen,” I say. “I was afraid of hurting myself, so I went to talk to him. I wanted to know if I was crazy.”
“What did he say?” he asks.
“He said crazy people don’t know they’re crazy,” I say. “He asked if I’d be willing to talk about why I thought I was crazy. He had me come in once a week after that.”
“How was your relationship?”
“Healthy, I think,” I say. “He was always kind and respectful.”
“Did he ever touch you in any way at all?”
“I mean, there were times I would have a meltdown. He would hold my hands and talk me through my panic attacks. Usually, he would sit at his desk or on a different couch. He was always respectful,” I say.
“But you had his personal number, right?”
“Yeah. I am prone to panic attacks, and Leon would get angry at me. When things got really bad, he would help talk me through it. He wanted to make sure I could get in touch with him right when I needed to, rather than calling after hours and waiting,” I explain.
“When was the first time you were intimate in any way?” he asks.
“Today,” I say.
“So you were not dating before you last saw him a month ago?” he asks.
“No,” I say. “I sent him my location when Leon hurt me because I was scared. He’s known me for so long, and I knew he wouldn’t let me die. I knew he would know I wouldn’t do that.”
“But not me?”
“I haven’t known you as long,” I say. “I’m still learning to trust you.”
“But you and Dominic are together?”
“It’s not been explicitly said we are, but I live with him now,” I say. “I love him.”
“And how does he treat you?”
“Like a human. I’m not used to being treated with respect. He’s kind and patient. He doesn’t yell at me or call me names. He never does anything I don’t want, and he is always focused on my safety,” I explain.
“And you feel safe with him?”
“Yes. He shows me that I can live… like, really live without wanting to hurt myself. Life doesn’t hurt with him,” I say.
“But he is also reasonable. If he thinks that I am being unrealistic or anything, he tells me. Communication is the foundation of everything with us, and that goes with every aspect of our relationship.”
“Do you think you can form that kind of bond with others?” he asks.
“Absolutely. I think I can with you and Natalie. I don’t know anyone else anymore, but I think I can have healthy relationships with people now that I’m away from Dad and Leon.”
“How did your relationship with Leon start?” he asks.
“He said I was failing his class, and he made me use my mouth to get him off so I could pass.”
“Did you feel like you had a choice?” he asks.
“No. He reminded me of Dad. I was afraid he’d hurt me if I said no.
I just kind of got trapped when he kept making me come to him.
Eventually, he convinced me to move in with him.
I didn’t want to, though. I wanted to be in the dorms,” I say.
“I found out that he went to college with my dad, though. He’s two years younger than him. ”
“What do you think about your father wanting you to be under a conservatorship?”
“I think he just wants me close so he can keep raping me, and Leon will let it happen,” I say. “I won’t let him hurt me again. I know what freedom from pain feels like now. I won’t go back to how things were before. I want to heal and move on, but I can’t if he is still hurting me.”
“Thank you for talking to me about this, Myra,” he says with a soft smile.
“I just want to get better,” I say. “I can’t stay in my head, and I no longer have to when I know there are people like Dominic, you, and Natalie that can help me.
I know there is a whole world full of people who would bend over backwards for me, even without knowing me.
Not everyone is a demon like Dad and Leon. ”