Chapter 14 Giulia
GIULIA
He doesn't believe me.
My hand is still pressed against my stomach, over where our child is, the baby he doesn't want. The baby that's supposed to fix everything but has only made it worse.
I need to make him understand, to explain that this wasn't supposed to happen like this—that I had a plan, that I was going to tell him everything, that the pregnancy changes everything in ways that could be good if he'd just listen.
I push myself up from the floor, my legs shaking so badly I have to brace myself against the bed.
My face is wet, and my chest is so tight I can barely breathe.
I have to fix this. But when I look at him, the expression on his face makes me take an involuntary step backward.
"Luca—"
"Don't." Every word he says feels like a knife. "Don't say my name like that."
"Please. Just let me explain—"
I see his jaw work, and he moves toward me in a quick stride. I turn without thinking, backing up, and suddenly I feel the wall at my back. “Go ahead,” he says in a low, dangerous voice. “Tell me. Help me understand how any of this was anything other than calculated manipulation."
He's close enough now that I can feel the heat radiating from his body. I have to tilt my head back to look at him. Close enough that if this were any other night, any other moment, he'd be kissing me.
But he's not touching me. He's just standing there, trapping me between his body and the wall, demonstrating exactly how much power he has over me. Taking back the control I took from him.
"I didn't mean for this to happen," I say, and my voice is shaking so badly I can barely get the words out.
"I just—I wanted to be with someone I chose. Someone I wanted before I was married off to Alessandro. Before I lost the chance forever. I didn’t even know you would be here.
But you were, and it felt like fate… like… "
“You didn’t even come here for me.” He laughs. “But I happened to be here, and I got spun into your web.”
“I wanted you! I wanted you more than anything, and I never thought I could have you. And then you were here, and I could, and…”
"If you'd actually loved me," he says, and the bitterness in his voice cuts deeper than any of the anger, "you would have trusted me with the truth. Instead, you treated me like a mark. Like someone to be manipulated into giving you what you wanted."
"That's not—"
"But that makes sense, doesn't it?" He's not yelling. His voice is quiet and controlled, and somehow that makes it worse. "I've always worked for the Ciresas. Why wouldn't you use me too? I'm just another employee. Another tool for the family to use, however they see fit."
I feel like he’s slapped me. "No. Luca, no. That's not what this was—"
"Then what was it?" He leans in closer, and I can see something dangerous flickering in his eyes.
Something I've never seen directed at me before.
"Tell me, Giulia. What was your endgame here? Did you think I'd be grateful? Did you think I'd thank you for trapping me into a relationship I never agreed to? For you, making me complicit in taking your virginity without knowing it? Telling me you wouldn’t get pregnant, so I’d come inside you? Do something I’ve never done with another woman, believing that I knew what I was doing? "
"The pregnancy was an accident." My hands are shaking so badly that I have to press them against the wall to keep them still. "I thought it would only be the one night, and that wouldn’t be enough. I didn't plan this. I didn't mean for—"
"But it could be a good accident, right?" His voice is mocking now, cruel. "That's what you were going to say. That maybe this is actually perfect. Now you don't have to marry Alessandro. That now you get exactly what you wanted."
"I wanted you." The tears are streaming down my face again, hot and desperate. "That's all I've ever wanted. Just you."
"You wanted someone you could control." He still hasn't touched me, but I can feel the barely contained violence radiating from him, how close he is to losing control completely.
"Someone you could manipulate into giving you an escape route.
Someone who'd have no choice but to marry you once you were pregnant with his child. "
"That's not true—"
"Isn't it?" He tilts his head, studying me like I'm someone he's never seen before and doesn't recognize. "You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew that getting pregnant would force my hand. Would force your father's hand. Would give you a way out of the marriage you didn't want."
"I didn't know I was going to get pregnant!" My voice breaks on the words. "This wasn't supposed to—"
"But it did happen." His eyes are cold and detached. "And now you're standing here, crying and begging, trying to make me feel guilty for being angry that you've destroyed my entire life."
"I haven't destroyed—"
"Yes, you have."
"I didn't think—"
"No. You didn't think. You just wanted what you wanted, and you didn't care who you had to manipulate to get it."
I'm sobbing, my whole body shaking with the force of it. "Please. Luca, please. I love you. That's the only thing that's completely, absolutely true."
"I don't believe you." He says it again, and this time the words land like a death sentence. "Because if you loved me, you would have trusted me. You would have told me the truth. You would have given me a choice."
"I couldn't—"
"You could have. You just didn't want to risk me saying no. So you took away my ability to choose. You made the decision for both of us."
"What was I supposed to do?" The words come out desperate, pleading. "You would have said no. You would have walked away—"
"Yes." The word is brutal in its honesty. "I would have said no. Because you're Romeo's sister and the don's daughter, and touching you would be a betrayal of everything I've built my life on. But that should have been my choice to make. Not yours."
"I'm sorry." I reach for him, but he steps back, putting distance between us. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I just—I wanted you so badly, and I didn't know how else—"
"Well, congratulations." He spreads his arms wide, the gesture mocking.
"You got exactly what you were afraid of.
I do hate you. I hate what you've done. I hate that you took away my choice.
I hate that you made me complicit in betraying the people I love.
I hate that every moment we shared was built on lies. "
"The way I feel about you isn't a lie—"
"I don't care how you feel. I don't care about your explanations or your excuses or your desperate attempts to make this okay. Because it's not okay. It will never be okay."
I'm crying so hard now I can barely see him through the tears. "What about the baby? We need to talk about—"
"There's nothing to talk about." He shakes his head and takes a step back. "You need to leave. I need to figure out how to handle this. How to tell Romeo."
"No." My voice rises, panicked. "You can't tell Romeo. He'll—"
"He'll what?" Luca turns back to look at me, and I see something in his eyes that truly frightens me. Something cold and dangerous and absolutely unforgiving. "He'll kill me? Is that what you were going to say?"
"Yes." I take a step toward him, my hands outstretched. "He'll kill you. You know he will. You can't—"
"Maybe that would be better." The words sound like they’re meant to hurt. "Maybe that would be better than living with what you've done to me."
I actually stagger, my hand going to my chest like I can hold my heart together through sheer force of will. "You don't mean that—"
"Don't I?" He's looking at me like I'm a stranger. "You've destroyed everything, Giulia. My relationship with Romeo. My position in the family. My ability to trust anyone ever again. Maybe death would be preferable to living with that."
"Please." I'm begging now, completely shameless in my desperation. "Please don't tell him. We can figure this out. We can—"
"There is no 'we.’ There never was." He opens the door. "And the sooner you accept that, the better."
"Luca—"
"Leave." The word is a command. "Go home. Go back to your father's house. Go back to planning your wedding to Alessandro. I don't care. Just get away from me."
"What about the baby?" The question comes out broken, desperate. He stops and looks at me, and for just a moment, I see him falter.
"I don't know," he says finally. "I don't know what happens with the baby. I don't know how to be a father to a child whose mother I can't stand to look at."
“I—” He's going to tell Romeo. The thought hits me like ice water, shocking me out of my paralysis. He's going to tell Romeo, and Romeo is going to kill him, and it will be my fault. All of it will be my fault.
I grab my things and stumble out of the room, through the club, past the people dancing and drinking and living their lives like the world isn't ending. The bouncer at the door gives me a concerned look, but I push past him, out into the night air. What have I done?
I destroyed everything. I took the one good thing in my life—the one person who made me feel alive—and I destroyed it with my lies and my manipulation and my desperate need to have something that was mine.
And now he hates me.
Now he's going to tell Romeo, and Romeo is going to kill him, and I'm going to lose him forever.