Chapter 30 Giulia #2
The relief is so overwhelming that it makes me feel breathless and dizzy, like I could pass out. My vision blurs with fresh tears, and I try to go to him, but my legs won't cooperate. I end up half-falling before Romeo catches me.
"Easy," he says, supporting my weight. "You need to sit down. You've been through hell tonight."
"I need to see him." My voice cracks. "Please. I need to—"
"In a minute." The doctor looks at me sharply, focused on me completely for the first time. "We need to get him settled first. And you need to be examined. You're covered in blood, you've been through significant trauma, and you're pregnant. I need to make sure you and the baby are okay."
The thought of the baby brings everything back into focus. Romeo guides me into the next room, a bedroom, and I sit down as the doctor assesses me… blood pressure, my heart rate, and touches my abdomen gently. "Any cramping?" he asks. "Bleeding? Pain?"
"No. Nothing like that. Just—I'm just tired." I feel like I could collapse. The adrenaline crash has taken everything out of me, and I want to sleep for a year. But I don’t know how I’ll ever fall asleep at all without knowing for sure that Luca is going to wake up.
The doctor asks me to lie down on the bed, and comes back with a portable ultrasound machine.
I stare at the ceiling as he examines me, feeling anxiety thrumming through my entire body.
I try not to think about the appointment where Luca heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time, or I’ll burst into tears all over again.
Finally, the doctor steps back. "Heartbeat is strong and regular," he says, his expression softening slightly. "No signs of distress. You and the baby both got very lucky tonight."
Lucky. The word seems absurd given the circumstances, but I understand what he means. We survived… all three of us. So far, at least.
"Can I see him now?" My voice sounds very small, and exhausted. "Please?"
The doctor nods and Romeo helps me off the bed, steadying me when my legs threaten to give out again.
Together they guide me back to the other room, where Luca is now lying on a hospital bed, IV and monitors hooked up to him.
His face is clean now, the blood and dirt washed away, and his chest rises and falls with the deep, even breaths of medicated sleep.
I feel like my legs will barely support me as I go to him, but as I sink down into a chair that Romeo moves over for me and takes his hand, I realize his fingers are warm. They’re not clammy or cold any longer, and that feels like a good sign.
"He'll sleep for several hours," the doctor says from somewhere behind me. "The anesthesia will take time to wear off, and his body needs the rest to begin healing. You should try to get some sleep yourself."
"I'm staying here." I don't look away from Luca's face as I say it. "I'm not leaving him."
There's a pause, and then Romeo says, "I'll have someone bring you clean clothes. And food. You need to eat something."
I nod, even though the thought of food makes my stomach turn. But he's right—I need to take care of myself and maintain my strength for the baby if nothing else. And Luca would want that. He’d insist on it if he were conscious. He took care of me, even when he was furious with me.
The thought makes me want to cry all over again.
The room empties, until it’s just me, Luca, and the tray of food that Romeo had someone bring to me. I got up just long enough to clean up and change in the adjoining bathroom, and now I nibble at the food as best as I can while I sit next to Luca.
Mostly, I just hold his hand. I stare at it, remembering how it felt when he touched me, how astonished I was at the contradiction of a man who could use these hands for blood and violence and also bring me so much pleasure.
That contradiction—the violence and his closeness with Romeo, the devotion and the bloodshed—was part of what always drew me to him.
These hands have hurt people, have killed for my family, have touched me with passion and anger…
and maybe one day, if we get another chance, they could touch me with love.
But he has to survive this first.
"You came for me," I whisper into the quiet room, my thumb tracing circles on the back of his hand. "You walked into that warehouse knowing you might die, and you came anyway. You put yourself between me and a bullet."
I wait as if he might respond, but he stays silent. I'm left alone with my thoughts and the weight of what happened tonight.
He could have died. The realization hits me fresh, stealing my breath all over again.
That bullet could have torn through something vital that couldn’t be repaired quickly enough.
Alessandro could have aimed for his head instead of his chest. Any one of a dozen variables could have changed, and Luca would be dead right now instead of sleeping peacefully in this bed.
Tears roll down my cheeks, and I don’t bother trying to stop them. There's no one here to see or judge the breakdown I'm having while I wait for a man who might still not want me to wake up and see that I haven’t left him.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper, even though he can't hear me, even though we've been over this ground so many times it should be worn smooth by now.
"I'm sorry for the lies and the deception and every choice I made that hurt you.
I was desperate and scared, and so in love with you I couldn't think straight.
But that's not an excuse. It's just… the truth. "
The monitor beeps steadily, and the room is silent. I don’t move. I can’t. I can’t get up or leave until I see something that makes me feel sure he won’t die while I’m gone. "I'm here," I whisper. "I'm right here, Luca. And I'm not going anywhere."
His fingers twitch in mine, and I hold my breath, waiting for whatever comes next with a hope I didn't know I still possessed.
Maybe we aren't doomed after all. Maybe the man who risked everything to save me, who took a bullet meant for me—maybe that man can find a way to forgive the girl who lied to him out of desperation and fear.
Maybe we can build something from these broken pieces. Maybe.
I cling to it like a lifeline, as I wait for him to wake up and tell me whether that maybe can become a certainty.