Chapter Sixteen
KADE CLASPED HIS hands behind his back to keep from wringing them. This was not the time to be fidgeting.
The intimidating figure of the king loomed over Hokda’s shoulder, making healer look so small for one so powerful. Together they were a storm gathered right there in Killi’s room.
It was hard to breathe.
The king looked around curiously, his eyes bouncing from small trinkets to Killi’s collection of spirits to Kade’s books to the dark archway that led to Killi’s bed. It was as if he’d never been there before.
Kade hoped he hadn’t. The king should have no reason to visit his guard’s room, even if they’re friends.
Kade stood in front of the fireplace, sweating, though not from the heat.
Hokda refused to take more than a step inside. His fists were clenched tight by his sides, and he was glowering at Kade. All but steam coming out of his ears.
Gods, Kade wished Killi was there with him.
Killi had left earlier that morning, back to his regular schedule though Kade was confined to the room until his results were announced.
Even so, when Kade had opened the door, he hadn’t been expecting his unannounced visitors to be the palace healer and the king himself. The purpose of the visit was obvious.
The minutes ticked by in silence, the only sound in the room the crackling fire.
Fyar folded his hands into his sleeves and eyed Hokda expectantly, waiting for him to speak. They were all waiting for Hokda to speak.
Panic set in. This was it. It was over. Done. Kade would be packed and out of the palace by sunset.
It had all been for nothing.
“Well,” Fyar prompted, “I don’t have all day.”
Hokda curled his lip and scrunched his nose. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, then snapped his teeth and turned away. “You passed.”
Kade blinked. “What?”
“You. Passed.” Hokda snarled. “I’ll expel you if you make me say it again.”
Shocked, all Kade could do was laugh. “Th-thank you.”
Hokda spoke in short, stilted sentences. “Move your things into the apprentice’s quarters. Your uniform will be waiting in your room. You start tomorrow.”
And with that, the healer stalked out the door, letting it fall shut heavily behind him.
“Yes. Yes!” Kade’s cheeks hurt from how wide he was smiling. He put both fists to his forehead and tilted his head back. He laughed, breathless and shaky, the relief was a weight off his shoulders.
Kade couldn’t wait to tell Killi. He should go and find him. He should go find him right now.
“Congratulations.”
Kade jumped. In his shocked celebration, he hadn’t realized that Fyar hadn’t followed Hokda out, that he’d stayed, watching Kade with his blank emotionless eyes and fake smile.
“It’s good that you’ll be able to stay,” said Fyar. "Killian will be very happy.”
“Yes.” Kade realized he should probably thank him because this was the king and he surely expected it. “I wouldn’t have had the opportunity without your assistance. You have my gratitude.”
Fyar looked Kade up and down. “I didn’t do it for you.”
Well, fuck you too. Oh, Kade hated him. “Hmm.”
Fyar’s smile twisted a little, maybe with some real humor, almost as if he knew what Kade was thinking. He drifted gracefully towards the door. “Good luck, Kade del Torau.”
Kade waited all of two minutes after Fyar and Hokda were gone to throw the door open and peek his head out.
“Are they gone?” Kade asked Dantel.
The guard looked at him with wide eyes. “You still alive, baby Torau?”
Kade warmed at the name Dantel had taken to calling him over the week they’d spent in each other’s presence. He liked Dantel, and was glad it had been him who was assigned his detail. “Somehow. Do you know where Killi is?”
Dantel cocked his head. “His office or the training grounds. Why?”
“I need to see him. Can you take me there?”
“Sure,” said Dantel slowly.
Kade beamed.
They found Killi at the training grounds.
It was apparently where Killi spent all his free time, working off the energy that was pent up from being cooped up in his office.
Dantel mentioned he often liked to challenge Killi to a fight, he hadn’t won yet but he would. Soon. He was improving every day.
It was so Killi, he always had to be doing something.
As if he were allergic to the concept of rest and relaxation.
It used to drive Kade crazy when they were younger.
When they had a rare free day, all Kade wanted to do was spend time lounging between the grape vines, talking and being close, but Killi would insist on going to the river or want to go stomping off through the forest. Despite his complaints, Kade always followed, not wanting to be separated for long.
Killi was down on the sandy sparring ground, wrapped around another elf who was desperately trying to escape one of Killi’s holds. Both shirtless. Both grinning.
Kade scowled.
Dantel whistled lowly as they watched the two roll around. Killi’s lieutenant, Loran—with his flaxen hair and stupid dimples—had the nerve to laugh when Killi pinned him.
Killi pressed against Loran’s hips, holding him down with the weight of his body while their arms twisted and fought.
Kade’s eyes narrowed. Was that a blush he saw on Loran’s cheeks?
Loran murmured something Kade didn’t catch, and Killi laughed. Loud and open, his eyes bright.
Kade’s heart clenched. It had been a long time since he’d heard Killi laugh like that. It had been a more common gift when they were younger. Back when Killi was free.
When Killi had appeared before him on the riverbank in Turell, Kade could tell he was different, that their time apart had changed him, and for a moment, it had scared Kade more than anything.
That he could look into Killi’s eyes, and not know who was staring back.
It had been his worst nightmare come to life.
Even now, with Kade in Ingara and them being so close, there was a distance between them that he didn’t know how to bridge. Killi was there with him, but it felt different, like Killi had his walls up and Kade was locked on the other side.
Kade hated it.
Killi was always there, willing to move heaven and earth for him.
It stung to think that Killi thought Kade wouldn’t do the same.
Hell, Kade had gotten on his knees before the king for just the chance to stay, and truthfully, he would have been willing to do a lot more. He would’ve done anything.
His face was surely a twisted, jealous mess, because when Killi looked up and caught Kade’s eye, his smile melted and he was distracted enough to allow Loran to flip them. The lieutenant crowed in delight from where he straddled Killi’s hips while he curled a hand around Killi’s throat.
Huffing, Killi slapped the side of Loran’s thigh. It was a casual thing, lighthearted and familiar. Loran rolled off, and then Killi was up and jogging over to where Kade and Dantel waited, the lieutenant following more slowly.
“What are you doing here?” Killian asked. “Is everything alright?”
Bits of sand clung to Killi’s bare torso, and his long black hair was ruffled and loose. His enil were on full display and no one seemed to blink an eye at them, so used to the claim burned into Killi’s skin.
Killi’s chest was rising and falling quickly, his muscles jumped with activity. Kade followed a bead of sweat with his eyes as it dripped down from Killi’s collarbone, over the planes of his expansive chest and down through the valleys of his muscles to his tapered waist. He looked good. Real good.
Catching himself, Kade ripped his eyes away, and said, “What?”
Killi furrowed his brow and shared a concerned look with Dantel. “What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
Kade perked up. Yes. Something had happened. That’s why he was here. Not to watch Killi rub himself all over Loran. He put his hands on his hips and raised his chin. “You’re looking at the newest healer’s apprentice. Congratulate me.”
The expression of surprise that flashed across Killi’s face, his eyebrows raising and his mouth parting into a soft oh, was the most disingenuous thing Kade had ever seen.
Kade’s eyes narrowed. “You knew.”
“They told me this morning.”
“Of course they did.” Kade punched Killi in the arm. “You didn’t think to share the good news?”
“It wasn’t my place. You deserved to hear it from Hokda first.”
“I nearly pissed myself when he showed up at your door.” Kade shivered remembering. “It was awful. One of the worst experiences of my life.”
Dantel whooped, “Yeah! Go baby Torau! Congratulations!”
“I’m sure Hokda is thrilled,” said Loran, smirking. Then, “Baby Torau?”
A shrug. “What? It makes sense. What else are we supposed to call him?”
“His name?”
“Nah, that’s boring.”
Loran raised his eyebrows. “Well. Either way. Congratulations, baby Torau.”
Kade grumbled. It was fine when Dantel said it, but Kade prickled when the lieutenant did.
Killi all but tackled him, wrapping his arms tightly around Kade.
“Congratulations. I knew you could do it.” Killi pulled away, too soon in Kade’s opinion, but kept an arm firmly around Kade’s shoulders.
“Hokda was fuming. Worked himself into such a state I thought his head would explode. It was amazing.”
Loran poked Killi in the stomach, right where Hokda had done his damage during Kade’s examination. “It was worth the pain?”
How did Loran know about that?
Scowling, Kade realized Killi must have told him.
Laughing, Killi said easily, “Of course.” Then, he lowered his voice and spoke in Kade’s ear. “We’re celebrating tonight, so don’t make any other plans.”
Kade turned to look up at Killi. They were so close their noses nearly brushed at the movement. Killi was grinning. Kade’s stomach fluttered. “Because I have so many friends here.”
Killi shrugged. “How would I know? I’ve been stuck working while you’ve been partying it up with my guards, baby Torau.”
Kade rolled his eyes, and Killi laughed.
Kade thought that they’d be alright.
Dantel insisted on walking Kade back to Killi’s room one last time.
For old time’s sake, the guard had said with a wink.
It hit Kade again, just how much he liked the other elf, with his boyish wit and charm.
It didn’t hurt that it made him feel closer to Killi in some odd way, like he was getting to know Killi again through the guards under his command.
It only took a couple hours to track all of Kade’s things down and get them stuffed back into the small pack he’d shown up with just a week ago. A couple extra sets of clothes and some books he couldn’t bear to leave behind. Everything else he left in that house, eager to be rid of.
Porthos, the blond haired blue-eyed apprentice who had talked to him an eternity ago, gave a quiet congratulations when he showed Kade to his new room. They were neighbors, just across the hall from each other.
All the apprentices lived on the third floor above the infirmary. Above the clean luxury of the patient’s rooms, out of the way of any important passerby’s.
At the very end of the hall, squished between the servants' staircase and an unnamed apprentice, was Kade’s room. It was dingy and dusty and dark, only big enough to fit a narrow, stilted bed frame and a desk.
Porthos laughed at Kade’s expression. “Did you expect anything else from Hokda? Your uniform is there. Try not to get it dirty before you get your other sets from the tailor, this is the only one you’ll have for the moment.
” He offered a sympathetic smile. “I’ll let you get settled, but if you need anything or have any questions, feel free to ask me. ”
It had been hard for Kade to go back to Killi’s life of luxury after seeing what would be his hovel. But he was welcomed with a feast.
Killi had collected food and drinks—sparkling cider because you don’t drink, I remember—spread out in front of the fire.
They clinked flutes of cider, cheering to Kade and his future success. They talked and laughed and shared stories of their time apart.
It was nice—more than nice, it felt like healing, like a true beginning.
And when it was time, Kade made the journey back to his room, alone.