Chapter Twenty-Two
“WHAT IS THIS? What happened?” Killian glared down at Kade’s wrist, tenderly inspecting the injury.
It was a visceral thing, Killian’s reaction to seeing Kade wounded. It felt wrong down to his bones. It made him want to crawl out of his skin, sending him back to a time where bruises and blood were familiar sights on Kade’s pale skin.
“It’s gone, Killi.” Kade put a gentle hand over Killian’s. “It was just some crazy lady.”
Killian ground his teeth. “Show her to me.” He’d kill her.
Kade shook his head. “Leave it. Please.”
Snarling, Killian tamped down his anger. “Fine.”
They never talked about it. All the bad that happened in that house, what they went through together. Honestly, Killian never wanted to. He never wanted to relive those moments of weakness, where he’d been stuck, not able to do anything to protect Kade. He’d always hated himself for that.
Seeing right through him, Kade nodded like he knew exactly what Killian was thinking. Maybe he did. Maybe he’d never been able to hide anything from Kade. It was a terrifying thought.
Kade whispered into the quiet, “Now you know how I felt during Hokda’s test.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, Killian spit, “I hate it.”
“I know. Me too.” Kade leaned up to butt his forehead against Killian’s. “Take me somewhere fun.”
“We are somewhere fun. Aren’t you having the time of your life?”
“Somewhere better. Somewhere it’s just the two of us. I’ve had enough of the city for today.”
Killian bit his lip. “Your wish is my command.”
Inside the estate, at each corner of the eastern wall at the front of the palace, lay twin lakes surrounded by dense clusters of trees.
The glittering cerulean water was always the perfect temperature.
The dirt and moss on the lakebed was soft underfoot and the trees cast welcomed shade over the water.
It was calm. It was quiet. Coming from the crowded city streets, it was paradise.
Visitors were a rare occurrence, but it was well known that the servants and residents of the palace liked to dip their feet there. Though between palace preparations and the festival in the city, Killian was confident that no one would bother them.
Killian had broken off at the palace gates to give Dantel strict orders to take Fyar’s cakes to the kitchens to warm them up before bringing them straight to the king’s study. The desserts were best fresh.
By the time that Killian had them settled lakeside, the sun was beginning to dip, dusk creeping up on them.
He laid out his jacket and spread all the food and drink he had collected from the city on top.
It was the perfect scene for a romantic lakeside picnic.
All he needed were some candles, and company who loved him back.
“Cider for the baby,” Killian said, handing over a small glass bottle.
Kade huffed. “Shut up.”
All thoughts of Turell and Kade’s injury were forgotten with good conversation and laughter as they picked at the spread Killian had collected.
Closing his eyes, Kade turned his face towards sky and just breathed. Calmed by the sounds of nature.
Killian drank in the sight. The long line of Kade’s neck, the rise and fall of his chest.
And he hungered.
Sure he was going to do something stupid if he didn’t get himself under control, Killian pushed to his feet.
He toed off his boots and got to work on the ties of his uniform.
He stripped off his shirt, his trousers, his socks, and pulled out his hair.
Piece by piece everything fell to ground until he was in nothing but his dark undergarments.
Beside him, Kade sounded like he was choking.
Taking a breath and trying not to puff out his chest and strut, Killian waded into the lake and dived in.
The water felt amazing. Silky smooth on his skin. Coming up for a breath, Killian hovered waist deep. He shook out his hair, water droplets dripped down his shoulders and back.
“Come on then!” Killian called, beckoning to the younger elf.
Kade’s mouth was parted, his eyes wide as he looked at Killian. His face was flushed. He sputtered, “What if someone comes?”
“They won’t. They’re all at the festival. Now, shut up and take your clothes off.”
Biting his lip, Kade hesitated, but slowly, he came.
All of Kade’s movements seemed exaggerated.
Slow and sultry, like he was putting on a show.
Bit by bit, more and more pale skin was exposed.
Kade wasn’t small, he was built with long and lean muscle that rolled under his skin as he undressed.
Freckles dotted his down his body. He was flushed pink all the way down to his nipples.
Killian’s breath caught. He was witnessing perfection.
Kade’s deft fingers pulled on the ties of his trousers expertly, he twitched nervously when he finally peeled them off of his body. His undergarments caught and shifted until Killian could see a smattering of light hair and the base of his cock.
Killian had trouble swallowing. He couldn’t look away.
Nothing was hidden. The outline of Kade’s cock strained against the dark material.
Mouth watering, Killian shivered. He wanted a taste.
Killian could see it in his mind, taking Kade by the waist and walking him backwards, pressing him against a tree and dropping to his knees. Worshipping. He could almost feel the weight of it on his tongue.
Gods, Killian couldn’t be doing this. They were meant to be here to help Kade relax, not for him to let his fantasies run wild.
Kade sucked in a sharp breath when he stepped in, as if he were expecting the water to be cold. He laughed when it wasn’t and glided past Killian until he was hovering in deeper water.
Giving himself a head start like a cheater, Kade said, “Race you to the other side,” and took off without a second glance.
“Hey—wait!” Killian set off a moment later.
Killian lost… On purpose, of course, but a loss is a loss.
Kade crowed his victory, raising both hands in the air and whooping when Killian made a rude gesture and stuck his tongue.
“Such a child,” Kade chided.
“Fuck you.”
Killian shook off like a dog when they made it back to their picnic and climbed out of the water. Kade made a sound of outrage when he was hit with an onslaught of flying droplets. Tired but happy, Killian collapsed onto his back, the treetops swaying in the breeze above him.
Kade joined him a moment later, wringing the water out of his hair.
Shoulder to shoulder, they watched the sky darken to a dusty purple.
“You cheated.”
“Don’t be a sore loser,” sniffed Kade. “It’s unbecoming of someone of your station.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have lost if you hadn’t cheated.”
“Sure,” Kade said placatingly as he rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand. He reached out and pinched the soft muscle of Killian’s pec. “Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.”
Killian squawked, putting a hand protectively over his chest. Scandalized. “How dare you, sir? I am but a modest maiden.”
Kade cracked. He rolled around on the ground, giggling. His body curled around Killian’s as he shook with laughter.
What a beautiful sound.
Easing onto his side, Killian was helpless to do anything but ask the question that was on the tip of his tongue. The one he’d been avoiding for fear of the answer. “Are you happy here?”
Panting, Kade wiped at his eyes. He gazed at Killian, his expression soft and open. His voice was a whisper. “I am.”
“Happier than in Turell?”
“I am.”
“Would you tell me if you weren’t?”
Kade took a stuttering breath. With his fingertips, he reached out to trace the thick black lined on Killian’s neck. “Yes, Killi. I would tell you.” He followed the enil down the center of Killian’s chest. “I don’t think it’s possible for me to not be happy when I’m with you.”
Killian shivered.
The tension in the air was thick.
Kade’s lips parted, his breath came in short, shallow puffs of air. His amber eyes gleamed in the fading sunlight as they trailed across Killian’s face.
Killian swore he saw Kade’s eyes linger on his lips, something heavy in them that mirrored his own hunger. For a moment, all he wanted was to close the distance and capture Kade’s lips, and for a moment, he thought Kade would let him.
This was getting out of hand.
Killian needed to stop this. Walk away.
Kade was normal. Kade’s feeling were normal. He wasn’t fucked up like Killian, seeing signs and signals and interest where there was none.
“Do you remember that night in the vineyard when we saw those fyreflies?” Kade asked suddenly. “You told me you had something important to tell me. Something serious.”
Inhaling sharply, Killian cringed. He did. He remember that day. Vividly. He’d hoped Kade had forgotten all about it in the chaos that came after.
Only months before Killian had been arrested, days after Kade’s fiftieth birthday—his coming of age—he’d knocked on Kade’s window in the middle of the night, drawing the other elf out into the moonlight.
They’d ventured into the darkness, hand in hand, between the rows of the dormant vines. Walking until they found a safe place to curl up for the night, huddled together for warmth and comfort.
It had been the closest Killian had ever gotten to telling Kade the truth, to confessing.
To asking Kade to run with him, to leave Turell and Pella and Tyr behind.
It had seemed like the right moment, if there was such a thing.
He’d thought about it for weeks. He’d been going to tell Kade everything.
Lay himself at Kade’s feet and beg him for a chance, for a future.
He’d been going to say that he was a good elf, a strong elf, and he loved Kade more than anything; and if Kade didn’t hate him for it, then Killian would do everything in his power to give them a good life, a safe life away from Turell.
It had been right on the tip of his tongue. Then, Killian had caught a glimpse of Kade’s face, the smile, the trust, and he…couldn’t. He couldn’t ruin that.
“I remember.”
“I think—” Kade paused, swallowing hard. “I think I know what you wanted to tell me.”
No. This couldn’t be happening. “Kade.”
“Killi, I—”
Killian ripped away. He couldn’t bear to hear it, so like a coward he put a stop to it. “Don’t. Don’t do this. Not now.”
Kade looked stricken, like Killian had punched him. His breath stuttered. “Why not?”
“I-I can’t…Kade, I can’t.” How was Killian supposed to say that Kade’s rejection would kill him? That it would make him want to rip his own heart out?
With a pained sound, Kade’s face twisted with hurt. He turned away.
Silently, Killian got to his feet and left.
Kade didn’t follow for a long time.