Chapter 3 Push and Pull #2
“I came home and all my friends in the army I had made were still there, so I didn’t feel I was a part of that friendship group anymore.
I did well at school but was never interested in college or anything, so I didn’t have a qualification to fall back on.
I think I slipped into a depression for a while until my mom heard of a group of ex-military men that had moved to Crown Village.
” He smiles sadly. “I think she couldn’t handle me being miserable any longer, so she suggested I go make friends.
I came to the clubhouse the next day, met them, and began as a prospect. ”
I blink several times, trying to keep the tears at bay. He’s never told me his story, and it pains me to know he was in pain after coming home.
He puts his hand over mine and rubs his thumb over my hand. “Don’t cry—everything all worked out. I made a new family, and I couldn’t imagine my life any different. It’s just . . .”
I wait for him to answer, but he pauses and frowns. “What’s wrong?”
He lowers his voice. “I owe my life to this club. They pulled me out of the darkness. They’ve treated me with respect and .
. .” He grabs his club vest. “I wear this with honor and pride. So whatever is happening between us, just know I’m struggling too.
I feel like a fraud, disrespecting my family and betraying my president. But I can’t stop wanting you.”
I rub the base of my neck. “I understand. I feel like I’m betraying the only real family I’ve ever had.
Reaper protected me when we were in foster care.
He wasn’t just my big brother. Sometimes he felt like a parent too.
He stood up to bullies for me, made sure I did my homework, and even sent money home from the war to help pay for my medical degree. ”
My heart clenches as guilt threatens to overwhelm me.
“I wouldn’t be where I am today without him,” I say softly.
“I owe him everything. And it hurts—God, it hurts—that I’ve betrayed him.
I never imagined I could do something like this, but .
. .” I stare into those dark-green eyes. “I couldn’t stop myself.”
The truth hangs in the air between us, heavy and raw. Admitting it out loud feels like ripping open a wound, but at the same time, it’s a relief. It’s the truth, and I can’t run from it anymore.
With a shaky breath, I drain my glass, the burn of the alcohol doing little to dull the ache in my chest. I set the empty glass down on the table with a soft clink, my hands trembling slightly.
“Do you regret it?” he asks.
“No,” I answer briskly. Even though the guilt is bearing down on us, I don’t regret our time together.
It’s rare for me to truly connect with a man, and it hurts me to think I might have to give that up.
I’ve always gravitated toward him. “What about you?” I bite my lower lip, unsure if I want the answer or not. “Do you regret it?”
His cheeky grin is back in full force. “I’d never regret being with you.”
Oh my . . . his words hit me in the chest. With him, I feel seen. I’m not just Reaper’s sister or the club doctor. He sees me, Milly.
I sigh. “The whole situation is hard. Because Reaper sacrificed so much for me, I’ve always felt that I’ve had to live up to his expectations. I never wanted to disappoint him, and it hurts that I am.”
“Honesty, respect, loyalty, and brotherhood are important in our club. I don’t think I’m worthy of wearing the club vest now, but being with you is heaven. And if it were to happen again . . . I don’t have it in me to say no.”
I inch back, my eyes wide. “Again?” My heartbeat quickens, a surge of happiness and nerves. I want to be with him again, but I’m conflicted. “Does anyone else know what happened between us?”
He shakes his head and licks those lips. “Just Ivy and Demon.”
“I’d like to keep it that way. It stresses me out that even those two know. We can’t have anyone else finding out.”
He nods. “I know.”
I need to change the subject before I do something stupid like kiss him again. “What made you become the computer guru of the club?”
“I’ve always been good with computers. I’m also good at hacking, so my skills work out in the club’s favor because they didn’t have anyone suitable to fill the role.”
The hidden chocolate . . . the hacking . . . Is everything a game to him? Am I just his current fixation until he gets bored? I don’t truly think he’s that type of person, but I can’t stop the intrusive thought. “You mentioned your mom . . . is it just you and her?”
He nods. “Yep.”
“So you’re a mama’s boy,” I tease.
He chuckles. “Sure am. I love my mom.”
Aww . . . that’s the sweetest.
“She’s always wanted what’s best for me. She was a single mom who worked her ass off. And no one can beat her pancakes . . . not even Ava!” He says that last part with pride.
I snort. “Don’t let Ava hear you say that. Those are fighting words.”
He smiles wide. “Did you and Reaper ever reconnect with your parents?”
“No.” I didn’t mean for it to sound so abrupt.
He drifts off for a moment. “Would you want to? I could find them for you.”
I feel lightheaded. “I . . . I don’t know.
I’ve never thought about it, probably because Reaper was always my family.
And I’m certain Reaper would say a hard no.
” Reaper never liked talking about our parents.
He resented them for being neglectful and selfish.
I get it, which is why I never pursued it.
But there’s always that what-if. Are they better people now?
Do they regret what they did? It could provide closure, or it could go very badly.
“Fair enough. That’s understandable.” He leans back in his chair casually. “If you ever do change your mind. Just let me know and I’ll help track them down.”
I nod, a little choked up.
“Why’d you want to be a doctor?”
My lips curve up into a slow smile. That’s easy. “I care about people. I wanted to contribute to the world and do something important. I want to matter, save lives, and help people when they’re at their worst.” There was never a backup plan; it was always the job for me.
Twitch puts his hand over mine. “You matter.”
In my periphery, I see Mercedez making her way over to us, so I pull my hand away. My hand feels warm where his touch lingered.
When Mercedez reaches us, she stands between us with pursed lips. She stares at Twitch. “Let’s go to bed. I’m tired.”
He glances at me before answering her. “I’m sleeping by myself. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
Is he lying to her because we had sex and he’s keeping his distance from her? She doesn’t like me, and she isn’t with Twitch, but I guess she likes him. I feel bad that she won’t get the happy ending she’s wanted for so long, and that’s partly because of me.
I stand despite the awkwardness. “Good night,” I say, giving them a small smile before going up the stairs.
“Good night, Milly,” Twitch replies, and I feel his eyes on me as I walk to my room. Our connection is stronger now. Our confessions of guilt have been aired, and we have both agreed to keep our secret.