Chapter 20 #3
She whirled around, her eyes flashing like a storm at sea.
“That is precisely what you are!” she interrupted him.
“One evening you are a gentleman at a dinner, standing so close I can scarcely breathe, anchoring your hand to my waist as though I might vanish into the crowd if you dare let go. You laugh, you converse, you treat me as a partner. Then the very next morning? You crawl back into your dull, defensive shell of absolute distance.”
Nathaniel stood completely rigid, his eyes tracking her erratic, furious movements across his room.
“It is a farce!” she ranted as she advanced on him.
“You are hot and then you are cold. You are confusing. You are entirely indirect. You hide behind your ledgers, your protocols, and your ridiculous commitments, expecting me to navigate your seasonal freezes. If you wish for distance, have the courage to maintain it consistently, rather than tormenting this entire household with your unpredictable temperament!”
On her final word, she marched directly up to him, slamming her palms flat against the edge of his desk.
She leaned forward, standing directly in front of him, face to face.
She was panting, her chest heaving with exertion, her breath hot in the scant inches that separated them. She stared him squarely in the eye.
“You are…” she continued, slightly breathless. “…the most — the most inconsistent, the most unreadable, the most thoroughly…”
She swallowed and shut her eyes. The moment was suffocatingly charged.
Nathaniel did not flinch. He leaned down slightly, matching her proximity until his shadow entirely enveloped her, his jaw tightening. “And you, Euphemia...” he responded. “You are too curious. Too questioning. You are always wanting to know, always wanting more.”
Euphemia pushed off the desk, incredulous, her voice cracking with indignation. “When? When have I ever asked you for a single thing more than what you can give me? Name it, Nathaniel! When have I begged for your affection?”
“Even the look in your eyes asks it of me,” he fired back, invading her space until she was forced to look up at him.
“The way you look at me is demanding. The way you question my movements, my choices, my silence, it is demanding. Even the absolute naivety of the things you say is demanding! You are demanding, Euphemia.”
A hot flush of hurt and fury rushed to her cheeks.
To her, she had never asked for anything.
She had accepted their contract, she had poured her heart into loving his daughters, and she had guarded her own fragile feelings with everything she possessed.
She had demanded nothing but a modicum of peace, and he was standing here rewriting history to shield his own cowardice.
Worse than his insults was the sheer, maddening confusion of it all. He was tearing down the bridges they had built, and she simply could not understand why.
“You are confusing me,” she breathed, her voice trembling. “You are too confusing! I do not understand what you want from me from one day to the next!”
Nathaniel huffed. “I could say the exact same thing about you,” he growled softly, his posture rigid as he fought for the control slipping through his fingers. “So this shall work. No one is going to be confused any longer.”
Euphemia took a deliberate step closer, closing the final, fragile distance between them until she could feel the radiating warmth of his skin. Her heart pounded against her ribs.
“Is it truly that difficult?” she whispered, her voice cracking. “Is loving me so arduous a task, Nathaniel?”
Nathaniel flinched as if struck. The intensity in his expression fractured, replaced for a fraction of a second by a look of panic.
Before she could reach out, he abruptly pulled back, taking a step away from her.
He turned his face toward the window, his jaw clenched so tightly the muscle leaped, and he remained entirely silent.
The silence stretched, confirming her worst fears. He didn’t answer. He couldn’t even bring himself to offer a lie.
A profound, shattering heartbreak bloomed in Euphemia’s chest. The last remaining embers of her anger died out, leaving behind only the hollow ache of rejection. She swallowed down the sob rising in her throat and drew herself up, wrapping her dignity around her like armor.
“I understand,” she said softly. “You need not worry, Your Grace. I shall not bother you with this ever again. I will keep my distance, exactly as you desire.”
Nathaniel didn’t move. He stood still with his back rigidly turned to her, his fists clenched at his sides.
Without another word, Euphemia turned and walked away. She opened the door and stepped out into the corridor, closing the door softly behind her.
Standing alone in the hallway, she let her forehead rest against the cool paneling of the wall for a fleeting second.
The distance she had promised him already felt like a vast, icy chasm, and as she finally forced her feet to move down the corridor, a profound, shattering heartbreak settled deep into her chest.