19. - Kayden -
Chapter nineteen
- Kayden -
M ilk was frothing under the spout of the steamer when Corey came into the kitchen. Kayden poured it over both their espressos and handed Corey her mug.
Before taking it, she put a new pair of running shoes on the counter, with the iPhone and the headphones, cocking a brow at him.
“I’m assuming these are for me?” she asked.
“That seems to be the case.” Kayden took a sip of his coffee.
“When did you have time to get this for me yesterday?”
“I didn’t.”
Corey looked confused. “Well… thanks, I guess.”
“No reason to thank me,” he said smugly, taking another sip of coffee, savouring the rich caramel notes.
“I’m going to run today. I’d like to get back into it. Before I… well, before, I used to run almost every day. Honestly, I felt like I was going crazy without running.”
Kayden hesitated for a minute, looking out at the skyline—the sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud for miles. Jase was right. It was a beautiful day. He had too much anxious energy burning through him, and a run and fresh air would do him some good. He needed to focus on something other than all the things that could go wrong for Jason.
“Do you want to run outside?” he asked, before he could stop himself.
Corey’s eyes widened only a fraction before they sharpened. “Alone?”
“No, with me.”
“Sure.” She shrugged her shoulders, trying to act like it meant nothing, but he could see the desperation in her eyes. He would give her anything, do anything to please her. He was already lost to her.
“I usually drive out to a trail when I run, but let’s stay in the city today. I want to be close to home.”
The two of them finished their coffee in relative silence, Corey watching Kayden as he moved around the kitchen, making them a smoothie.
When he was done cleaning the blender, she broke the quiet.
“What’s the deal with you suffocating me during sex? Is that like your kink or something?”
“Erotic asphyxiation is technically classified as paraphilia, but sure, we can call it a kink.”
“Is that why you asked if I could handle you? On the rooftop?”
“Partially, yes.”
“What do you get out of it?”
“Well, it’s twofold. It’s not only what I get out of it, but what it gives to my partner. I saw what it did to you when I had my hand on your throat. To be honest, I was waiting for you to panic, but you didn’t.”
“I’ve never gotten high before, but both times, it kind of felt like I was high. It felt… good. Really good?”
“That’s normal with breath play. It’s one of the big reasons people get into it. When the air supply is cut off and oxygen to the brain is restricted, the body goes into panic mode. But then when the pressure is released and you can breathe again, your brain pumps out dopamine, serotonin and endorphins. Asphyxiation alone may not do anything in itself, but when it’s compounded with your hormones during sex, physiologically, it creates more of a rush. I hear it’s rather exhilarating.”
“And for you, you get the control?”
“I like the control, yes, but I also like the trust I get from my partner. Given your history, I wouldn't have expected you to give up control like that. It was a pleasant surprise.”
“Do you need that level of control to get off?”
“Mostly.”
“Why?”
“I’m sure there’s some deep-seated psychological reason behind it, but I’d rather not get into that conversation right now.”
“Well, too bad for you, because I’d like to.”
Kayden sighed. Maybe he owed her more of an explanation if she was going to keep participating, but it was a hard conversation to have, and something he didn’t like to think about. From his perspective, so long as he was with consenting women and he was being careful, there was no harm in it.
“I didn’t have any control over my life when I was growing up. Maybe this is how it’s manifested.” It was a cop-out, not really a proper answer, but she seemed to accept it as enough. For now .
Corey put her hand on his lap, squeezing his thigh.
“I didn’t have a lot of control in my life either, but I also didn’t really have anyone I could trust. It feels good to trust you. Like you said, it was exhilarating—almost freeing, like in that moment, I didn’t have to fight. I could just trust that someone else would keep me alive. That you would keep me alive. I’ve never had that before.”
Kayden’s throat tightened and he let out a long breath, the emotion that had been simmering in him reaching its boiling point. That was another thing he loved about breath play with partners, their willingness to put their life in his hands. That trust was immeasurable, and having it from Corey made it that much sweeter .
It was riskier with her, since he couldn’t hear when it was too much, when she’d gone too long without oxygen, but he knew many people without his gifts safely practiced breath play, so he was just going to have to keep attuning himself to her. Maybe he’d have her train breath retention in the pool upstairs.
“I’m not sure what I did to deserve it, but thank you for the trust.” Kayden leaned over and kissed her. “Now go get changed. Let’s go for a run.”
Just like he had every time he’d gone out into the world with Corey, Kayden felt absolute liberation. If she felt their sex was freeing, it had nothing on how free he felt running along the sidewalks amongst hordes of people, without all the noise of thousands of thoughts.
Kayden could admit that he and Jason had become recluses in their adult life. After a few years of freedom since escaping the facility where they’d been prisoner, the noise had just become too much. It was simply too draining to continue to try to block out what everyone was thinking all the time, and it wasn’t possible anyway. The only thing they could do was focus on their own thoughts to try to dull all the clatter. But now, with Corey neutralizing their gifts, he could go to his favourite coffee shop, he could go to the market—damn, he could even run down the street.
Before Corey, he would have had to drive out to an empty trail. He loved trail running, loved the technical aspect of it, the elevation, the natural beauty of the woods, but it was the lack of choice that made him bitter. He went to the trails out of necessity, not by preference.
They ran for almost two hours before Corey started to tire. Every few kilometres, he had to squash his instinct to start chasing her. She was lost in her own world running, and he paced just slightly behind her, giving her the space to enjoy some time to herself.
She came to a stop in front of an ice cream parlor around the corner from the condo.
“Ice cream?” she asked him, breathing hard. Her long legs were red from the brisk air in her little running shorts, matching her flushed face. She had on one of his hoodies over her sports bra. Even with all the exertion, her eyes were bright, and she was beaming at him—she looked alive. Kayden hoped he looked the same.
“That’s not in my meal plan.”
“Fuck your meal plan,” she said, and opened the door.
He followed her in. She ordered herself a cone, mint chocolate chip.
“Which flavour?” she asked him.
Kayden rolled his eyes, then glanced at the flavour options. “Chocolate.”
“Chocolate?” she repeated, looking stunned. “You’re so boring.”
Now, that’s a first .
“Well, you just ordered glorified toothpaste, so you’re hardly one to judge ice cream flavours, baby.” He winked at her before telling the cashier he’d have his scoop in a cup.
“He’ll have it in a cone,” Corey amended.
The guy behind the counter just shrugged, putting the two scoops of ice cream in their respective cones and handed them over.
“That’ll be $8.50.”
Corey’s smile dropped. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it again, looking to Kayden with something like embarrassment in her eyes.
Kayden smirked at her and took out his card to pay. He checked his phone, making sure there was nothing from Archie or Jase. There wasn’t. And his anxiety marched back in, gripping his chest in a vise.
“I need to start working again,” Corey mumbled as they walked out of the shop .
“Just tell me what you need.”
“It’s not about that.”
“If you trust me not to suffocate you, then you could at least trust me enough to buy you what you need.”
Corey didn’t look convinced, but she bit her lower lip and didn’t press the topic.
“So do you just like… have an infinite amount of money?”
“Something like that,” Kayden confessed. “Don’t forget, me and Jason run this city.”
Walking back to the condo, the two ate their ice cream in peace. Kayden hadn’t had ice cream in a while and was swept away in the simple pleasure of modified sugar, the cooling texture melting over his tongue. Maybe chocolate was boring, but it had been his sister’s favourite flavour, and he ate it in memory of her.
When they got back up to the penthouse, Corey kicked her shoes off in the front hall.
“You’re bleeding.” Kayden pointed at the deep maroon staining her white socks.
Corey looked down at her feet and shrugged. “Oh, yeah. Bound to happen on a long run in new shoes, I guess.”
She must have felt them while she ran, her fortitude and athleticism carrying her through the pain and blocking it out. Kayden knew how everything else became secondary with enough adrenaline and endorphins.
“Let’s go get those cleaned up.”
Kayden peeled off her socks over the kitchen sink, letting the water from the tap warm before washing off the blood slowly oozing from her battered toenails. They would be black for a while before likely falling off.
Corey watched him tend to her, not a sign of discomfort on her beautiful face. Her flush had come down, but the sparkle in her eye remained. He knew she wasn’t used to being taken care of. He was the same. And he liked taking care of her, liked spoiling her shopping, feeding her, making her coffee. He hadn’t realized he could still be such a devoted caretaker. This wild girl who had somehow found her way into their life had awoken that part of him that had slumbered for so long.
Kayden pressed down on the nail bed, watching her closely. “Does it hurt?”
“Yes,” she said, but made no sound to indicate it was the truth, though he knew it was.
He wanted to keep the hold he had on her toes, keep the pressure there, let her feel that pain and let the aching grow as he ripped off her tiny little shorts and fucked her on the marble countertop. But he withheld. With a will of steel, he gripped his desire and allowed his fraying restraint to hold him back. Already free-falling into her abyss, he knew he needed to take his time with her. He wanted to keep her waiting until she was desperate for him again. He could be patient.
Kayden could see the fire building in her eyes, but he let her go. He grabbed the gauze and wrapped up her big toes instead. He would just have to take care of himself in the shower, like he’d been doing daily since they’d brought her back here.
When he was done, Corey hopped off the counter. Kayden washed the blood out of the sink.
“I’m going to shower,” Corey said to him, invitation dripping from her words.
Kayden gave her a sly smile and just nodded his head.
A muscle in her jaw ticked as she clenched her teeth, taking the rejection, before stalking off to her wing of the house. If she was still unaware of the intensity of the emotions writhing inside him, he wasn’t going to be able to keep it a secret for much longer. He would try though, to stick to his plan. He needed to, if this was going to play out how he wanted.