21
The next morning, I am up bright, early and slightly hungover, for the final bridesmaid dress fitting. My mum and Violet come with Tilda and me, and the adults are rather too enthusiastic about being given champagne at ten in the morning.
The shop is on the small high street in my hometown and, like all bridal shops, is adorned with velvet and plush cushions and quotes about love and marriage in frames on the walls. Tilda and I came here to find her dress a few months ago and she had to pose with one of those signs that said ‘I said yes to the dress.’
The fitting room is far too small for me to properly change but the big one upstairs is reserved for the brides. I have an all-out fight with the dress trying to get it over my head and then zip it up over my ample chest, but when I look in the mirror even I can see that it's not too bad.
My mum, Violet, and Tilda are giggling like teenagers when I come out of the changing room. As Tilda’s only bridesmaid, she let me choose the style and only stipulated the colour of the dress. So, it’s a pretty plain satin number in a pale gold colour. Would I have chosen gold? Probably not since I’m like Casper the Friendly Ghost’s paler cousin, but this day is about Tilda.
“Oh, Dellie,” Tilda says, “It’s gorgeous,” she adds, setting her champagne flute down and getting up to survey me from all angles.
I look down at myself frowning. I do like it, I just wish it didn’t cling to all my lumps and bumps. I am most comfortable in leggings and big jumpers that cover up every part of my body.
“You look beautiful, darling,” Violet says, sipping from her champagne with her pinky finger pointing up.
“Caleb will be kicking himself,” my mum says, grinning at me like this is supposed to make me feel good.
I roll my eyes, “Okay, well hopefully my actual boyfriend will like it too,” I mutter, wondering suddenly if Miles will like it. Not that it matters. Although it must matter because if it didn’t, I wouldn’t have a pit in my stomach at the thought of him not liking it. For fuck sake.
“Yeah, screw Caleb,” Tilda says, sitting back down and leaning back on the chaise lounge like a woman in a painting from the 1600s, “Have you seen Miles? He looks like a walking cologne ad,”
I cannot argue with that. I left him this morning at my parent’s kitchen table, chatting with my dad and wearing a plain black t-shirt and jeans. I don’t know what it is about men in black t-shirts, but it’s goddamn hot. And Miles has the kind of biceps that suit black t-shirts. He’s not totally ripped in a way that makes me feel bad for actively avoiding exercise, but he looks like he could pick heavy things up, you know? Like, if I ran at him and shouted ‘catch,’ he’d probably be able to hold me.
“He is very rugged,” Violet says with a wink, “The two of you look very striking together,”
My mum smiles placidly and I look at her, “What?” I ask, because she’s been doing this every time she’s looked at me and Miles together too.
She shrugs, “Just being with you both last night reminded me of how nice it was when you were with Caleb, it’s a shame is all. He suited you,”
I frown, “And Miles?”
To say I’m in a fake relationship with Miles, I for some reason can’t help myself feeling indignant. Miles was charming and kind and funny last night, all Caleb did was sit quietly and speak to Dan.
Also, Mum, Caleb literally fucked the girl he sat next to last night while we were together. Suited me or not, he is a trash person.
“I think that she and Miles are absolutely perfect together,” Tilda says, looking at my mum like she, too, is going to hit her in a minute, “They’re seamless and they have so much in common,” she adds, indignantly and I am suddenly so grateful for my friend.
“Oh, I know dear,” my mum says, patting Tilda’s hand, “Just thinking of what could have been,”
I roll my eyes, “Wonderful, as ever, Mum,” I mutter and turn back into the changing room.
I can hear them discussing Miles still and I am trying not to hate my mother. The worst part of it all is that she somehow seems to think I am lacking now I’m not with Caleb, or maybe it was whatever I am lacking that made him cheat in the first place.
I just don’t think my mother should make me feel like this. Society already does it, Mum, I don’t need it from you too.
“Eloise, man,” Violet says to my mum as I draw the curtain back across the coffin-sized fitting room, “Are you ever going to get over her and Caleb?”
“It’s just such a shame, I was telling her how lovely it would have been for Tilda and Delaney to have symmetrical wedding photographs,” she says, recalling our conversation, “Like we did, Vi,”
“I feel like that ship sailed when he had a year-long affair with the skank he brought to dinner last night,” Tilda says.
“I agree, El,” Violet adds, “Why not let Delaney be happy with someone new instead of making her feel like she missed out, ”
I want to give my godmother a hug at that moment. And I’m about to shout that I agree with her when my phone buzzes and I see it’s a photograph from Miles.
He’s got Stella’s princess tiara on and is having afternoon tea with a bunch of teddy bears and my niece. I grin so broadly that my cheeks hurt.
Delaney : Can’t believe you didn’t wait for me to have afternoon tea.
Miles : Sorry, Stella is my number one girl now.
Delaney : I’m jealous of a three-year-old.
Miles : You should be.
I shake my head, smiling, and continue to change back into my normal clothes. The stupid grin is still on my face when I leave the changing room and I only snap out of it when Tilda nudges me and asks if I had an edible in there.
*
By the time we get home, Stella, Miles, and my dad have turned the living room upside down. There are bed sheets draped from the beams, a whole army of teddies, and cushions all over the floor. My dad is wearing a pair of fairy wings and Miles is still in his tiara now with sparkly scrunchies holding his hair in bunches.
I can’t stop grinning at how fucking good with kids Miles is. The way he is with Stella makes my ovaries hurt and they have never hurt before. Like, sure Caleb was good with kids. He’s got a brother who’s nearly a decade older, so he’s had nieces and nephews for a while and he always played with them, but there is something about seeing Miles, the tattooed giant with long hair and a nose piercing playing with Stella entirely seriously.
For a moment I am totally lost in him and what it would be like to be with a man like him. Someone kind and cheerful, like sunshine every day.
“Delaney!” Stella screams when she sees me, “Come and play!”
I drop my bags on the stairs and sit down between my dad and Miles. Stella hands me a flashing wand and my own tiara. It’s only when Scarlett arrives to pick Stella up and drop her at Jonah’s parents for the evening that we realise how long we have been playing.