Chapter 5
Eve
It’s the morning after Dev’s party, and I am annoyed with myself for being annoyed about Graham.
In the cold, clear light of day, I feel nothing but aggravation towards him. Every single time we go out, he does this to me. In fact, he does it even when we’re not out, just in the office. It’s totally my fault, obviously; there’s a weird dynamic between us and I encourage the flirting. It’s not like he’s shooting his shot in the wrong direction, either: nine times out of ten I end up back at his place after office drinks.
There are no feelings involved, just sexual attraction, which definitely isn’t a good enough reason for me to have been pissed off that he tried it on with someone else. Plus, I told myself I’d stop this after last time, and I gave him the cold shoulder all evening, so what did I expect?
I’m on my exercise bike, simultaneously pedalling and filling in my diary for next week. I’ve got back-to-back meetings on Monday, which is good, and then the rest of the week is filled with admin, client briefs and preparation for the annual florists’ expo. I’ve purposefully kept things flexible, ready for when Dev comes by to break the news.
‘Sweat harder, pump faster!’ My bike screams at me, and I mute the sound. If I sweat any harder, I will die. It’s only 8 a.m. and already the temperature is nearing 30 degrees. I’ve got the back door wide open, but there isn’t even a hint of a breeze.
I take a slug of my water and reply to a message from Will, who asks if red wine is OK for this evening. I tell him I’ll bring a bottle, and he sends back a thumbs-up emoji.
Alongside Jess, Will is my best friend. He’s a clinical psychologist with a wife and a newborn baby, and he has his shit together. Will is one of those people who never seems to work hard or put any effort in, but somehow always ends up on top. He’s so laid back he’s practically horizontal.
A noise from behind me startles me, and I turn around, but there’s nothing there. My online exercise class is almost up, so I hop off the bike and walk towards the back door, peering outside.
‘Huh.’ One of my dead potted plants has fallen over, its crispy foliage scattered on the patio. The air is so still that even the leaves on the trees aren’t moving. I push the casualty to one side with the toe of my trainer and go back indoors, pulling out the Pledge and starting my Saturday morning cleaning routine.
I dust the whole house from top to bottom before going over the kitchen and bathroom and then hoovering with my three different cordless vacuum cleaners. Finally, I mop the tiled floors and then jump in the shower.
As I do my seven-step skincare routine, I plot my succession plan. Florina has done well under Dev’s leadership, but I know I could make improvements. Our digital marketing is outstanding (thanks almost entirely to me) but our in-store materials are holding us back. We recently scored a slot in ASDA’s gardening aisle, and we could be making more of it. I’m thinking of a limited-edition brand makeover, switching our colours from deep and romantic to light and pastel, to appeal to Gen Zs buying their first potted plants as they go to university at the end of the summer.
With the shape of something forming in my head, I hurry out of the bathroom and to my study, where I grab a piece of paper and sketch out some basic designs for new plant pots. Greys and sandy beiges to house cacti and succulents, warm, matte terracotta for our flowers and shrubs. Wonky shapes with mismatched edges; maybe four different designs so they look homemade, like McDonald’s chicken nuggets. I snap a photo and send it to Kirsty to gauge her opinion — she comes from an arts background and has a good eye for these things.
By the time six o’clock rolls around, I’ve booked in three social events for next week, subscribed to two boxing classes and organised one Tryst date with a personal trainer called Chris. I head off to Will’s via the only bakery still open on Burton Road, where I buy a huge red velvet cake, and the Co-op, where I pick up a bottle of Malbec.
Nina, Will’s wife, answers the door looking harassed. Their one-month-old baby, Benny, is screaming in her arms.
‘Hey!’ She gives me a one-armed hug and steps back to let me pass. ‘What’s all this?’
‘Cake and wine. I didn’t want you to feel left out.’ I head into the kitchen, knowing this house as well as I know my own, and sit down on my favourite bar stool. Will steps in from the garden and stoops down to give me a hug.
‘Nice.’ He takes the wine and starts uncorking it.
‘I’ll have a small one, actually.’ Nina pulls an extra glass out of the cupboard and sets it down next to the other two. ‘I’ve expressed enough for the evening.’
Will pours out the wine while Nina wedges the teat of a bottle into Benny’s mouth. He sucks hungrily, and Nina does the same. ‘Jesus, that’s good.’
‘Is this the first time you’ve drank since getting pregnant?’ I ask, taking a sip.
She nods. ‘Socially, yeah. You’ve turned up at a brilliant time.’
‘Cheers to that.’ We clink glasses and Will leans against the counter.
‘So, how are things?’ he asks. ‘Have you heard from the big boss yet?’
‘Dev,’ I clarify, ‘and no, not yet. I thought he might announce it last night, but he didn’t.’
‘Do you think he’ll come back?’ Nina asks.
‘Oh, yeah. It’ll be twelve months on the dot, knowing Dev. But the experience will open a lot of doors.’
‘Eve has plans to go solo.’ Will winks at me.
‘Wow,’ Nina raises her eyebrows, ‘ambitious.’
I detect something strange in her voice, but Will starts talking and I put it out of my mind. ‘And how’s Brenda? Still ogling?’
‘Always. She almost looked me in the eye for a brief second last night, after drinking about a litre of vodka.’
‘I wonder what it is. Repression?’ He puts his therapist face on, his brow slightly creased, his lips pursed.
‘God knows, get her on your couch and find out.’
He laughs. ‘Oh, hi, Brenda, I’ve had a tip-off that you’re a bit weird, do you fancy paying me ￡130 an hour to figure out what’s wrong with you?’
Nina shrugs. ‘Why not, drum up a bit of business.’
‘You could have a go at couples’ therapy?’ I suggest. ‘Get the vicar in as well.’
‘Don’t,’ he sighs. ‘That sounds like my idea of heaven.’
Nina drains her glass and goes to pour another. ‘Go and pop the barbecue on, Will, it takes forever.’
He looks at her for a second too long, his eyes flitting to her glass, and then walks out onto the patio. Nina notices.
‘If he says one word, I will scream.’
‘Is he not a fan of you drinking?’ I guess, slightly surprised by her tone.
‘Not with Benny.’
‘But you’ve expressed?’
‘Yeah, but one of us has to stay alert. Makes sense that it’d be me considering it’s my job the rest of the time.’ Her voice is bitter, and I’m even more shocked. For as long as I’ve known them, Will and Nina have been a power couple — I’ve never seen even the slightest ripple on the surface.
‘How’s Benny doing, anyway?’ I ask, steering us onto neutral ground. ‘Is he... eating well?’ What can you ask about a one-month-old? He’s hardly been up to much.
She snorts, but doesn’t answer. ‘You want a squeeze?’ He’s fallen asleep now, so she detaches him from his bottle and places him in my arms.
Will pokes his head through the patio doors. ‘Shall we sit outside? We can put Benny under the umbrella.’
We move out onto the patio, me still clutching the baby, and I position myself in the shade.
‘How’s Jess?’ Will calls as he drops the burgers onto the barbecue.
‘Heartbroken.’
‘Not Johnny again?’ Nina shakes her head. ‘It’s not for her.’
‘No, it really isn’t. I can see how it appeals to her — the people who introduced her to it are all really happy with each other — but she’s just not built that way. She’s a complete monogamist, I just don’t think she knows it.’
‘Is she still not coping with Johnny seeing his other girlfriend?’ Will asks, tapping the barbecue tongs against the grill.
‘No. But I think she sort of sees it as the price she has to pay to be with him.’
‘Hmm.’ Nina frowns. ‘We should have had her over tonight, Will. Offered her some support.’
Will shrugs helplessly. ‘I did ask. She had a late class.’
My arm starts to ache, and I wonder how Nina carried this kind of weight around with her for months on end. I open my mouth to ask if she wants Benny back, but she stands up and goes inside, bringing another bottle of wine back out with her.
‘Oh!’ I exclaim, once she’s back at the table, and lift Benny towards her. ‘I think he wants Mummy.’
Nina blinks slowly. Benny is the picture of serenity. ‘It’s alright, he’s still asleep.’
I lower him back into my lap. Sod it. ‘Could we put him in a... basket, or something? My arm hurts.’
‘Oh god, of course.’ Nina rakes her hands down her face. ‘Sorry, I bet you’ve been dying to put him down.’ She stands up again and goes through into the kitchen, a little wobbly on her feet. She comes back with a carry seat and we settle him in.
‘Does he always sleep this much?’ I ask.
Nina sits back down opposite me and laughs loudly. ‘Will! Will, did you hear that? Eve just asked if he always sleeps this much.’
Will chuckles. ‘Don’t go there, Eve. It’s the only conversation we’ll have all night.’
Nina flashes Will a look I haven’t seen before. It’s quick, and as soon as I notice it, it’s gone. ‘I’ll refrain myself from boring you, but no. Not when we sleep, anyway.’
‘So he’s up all night?’ I say, aghast. How does she get anything done?
She nods and smiles, but to my horror, there are tears forming in her eyes. ‘Oh god, Nina, I’m sorry.’ I reach forward to grab her hand, and she sniffs, the tears disappearing. ‘Could you maybe keep him up during the day so he’s tired at bedtime?’
Nina pulls her hand out of mine and slaps herself on the forehead. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’ She’s not trying to be funny, and she isn’t smiling.
I laugh off the awkwardness. ‘I’m sorry, that was really unhelpful, wasn’t it?’
Nina sniffs. ‘No, I’m sorry. I’m all over the place.’
‘You’ll be fine.’ I pat her arm. She’s got a beautiful house, a gorgeous husband and a healthy, happy baby. ‘Just keep going and keep your head up.’
‘Classic Eve solution.’ Will comes over with a steaming plate of burgers. ‘Keep going, head up, don’t stop.’
I shrug. ‘It works.’
We eat and chat until the sky is dark, and Will and I realise that Nina hasn’t spoken for a while. The bottle of wine is empty and her nose is almost touching her half-eaten burger. ‘Nee,’ Will puts his arm around her shoulder. ‘Come on, let’s get you to bed.’
By the time he returns, Benny is awake and screaming again, his mouth wide and gummy. Will heats up a bottle and settles in opposite me.
‘He’s so... loud ,’ I comment, raising my voice over the noise.
‘Yup.’ Will sighs. ‘Sorry about... Nina’s not been feeling great the past few days.’
‘Must be hard,’ I nod. ‘But she really wanted this, didn’t she?’
Will studies me for a moment. ‘Just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s easy when you get there.’
I don’t say anything. Three years of IVF and huge amounts of debt. I wouldn’t have expected it to be a walk in the park, but nothing’s ever easy is it?
‘I know you don’t get it,’ Will says, meeting my gaze.
‘Of course I do.’
‘No, you don’t.’ He smiles. ‘You’re too single-minded to land your dream life and then dwell on the negatives.’
‘I wouldn’t say that.’ And I wouldn’t, really. I’d say that if you want something, and work hard to get it, once you’re there you shouldn’t look back. You should focus on the next goal and just get on with it. I try to put myself in Nina’s shoes, knowing objectively that motherhood is not a one-size-fits-all experience, but I can’t do it.
‘You want to offer some advice.’ Will is eyeing me, a smile creeping at his lips.
‘No!’ I protest. But I really, really do. I want to tell him to get Nina a meditation app and suggest she gets outside more. ‘I mean, can she get on that Peanut thing? The mum social network? Meet some people?’
Will laughs softly. ‘Not everyone is a problem-solver, Eve. Proactivity isn’t a universal character trait.’
‘But I want her to be happy! Doesn’t she want to be happy?’
‘Of course she does. But this is hard time, and a new time, and she hasn’t found her rhythm yet. She doesn’t see an obvious solution to everything like you do.’
I stay quiet, letting the point slide. ‘I brought a cake.’
We open it up on the table between us and eat with our hands, all three of us scoffing noisily as Nina sleeps upstairs.