Chapter 2
“How big do you think a yeti’s cock is?”
I nearly choke on my trail mix. Ace is sitting across the fire from me, legs stretched out, those blue eyes watching me over the flames.
“What?”
“I mean, proportionally.” He pokes at the fire with a stick. “If they’re eight, nine feet tall, and built like that, their equipment must be…”
“I don’t know.” My face burns, and it’s not from the flames. “I’ve never really thought about yeti anatomy that way.”
“Come on. You’ve studied these things for years.” He grins, and I realize he’s messing with me. “You’re telling me you’ve never wondered?”
“I focus on behavior patterns and habitat ranges, not their reproductive organs.”
“Reproductive organs. Nice. Very scientific.” He laughs, a warm, rich sound that echoes off the cave walls. “You’re not afraid to say cock, are you?”
“Not at all.” I shift on the log, wishing I were better at banter. Wishing I didn’t always feel so self-conscious around guys who look like him. “I’m just not sure it’s relevant.”
“It’s not.” He’s still grinning. “But we’re two dudes alone in the wilderness, and you haven’t talked about anything besides yetis since we left. Thought I should shake things up a bit. Get you to relax a little. You seem a bit… tense.”
I am. Of course I am. I can feel the knots in my shoulders, the ache from holding myself too rigid.
But I’m not sure if it’s because I’m this close to actually seeing a yeti, to making all my years of study mean something, or because Ace keeps looking at me with that knowing smirk, like he can read every thought that crosses my mind.
“You don’t have to be nervous around me.” Ace pokes the fire again. Sparks rise toward the cave ceiling. “I get it, you know. It’s a big deal for you. This expedition. And essentially, I’m a stranger.”
“That’s not—”
“Don’t worry, I’m not offended.” He leans back, the firelight playing over his chiseled features. “I’d be cautious too. Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn’t have brought some random dude on a once-in-a-lifetime trip like this. But you did.”
“Of course I did. This trip would’ve been way too dangerous and expensive to attempt alone. And you’re not some random dude.”
“I kinda am. We’ve never met in person. We just talked online.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t just pick anyone.” My palms are damp, and I wipe them on my hiking pants.
“You seemed... trustworthy. Your posts on the forum were detailed. You knew what gear we’d need, and you’d done hiking in the Himalayas before.
Everything I know is from books, but you have actual experience.
So yeah, maybe we didn’t meet in person until a few days ago, but I felt like I knew you. ”
He studies me for a moment, those blue eyes intent. “Am I what you expected?”
My throat goes dry. I take a sip of water to buy myself a second.
What I want to say is yes, but that would be a lie.
I can’t exactly tell him the truth, either—that I didn’t expect him to be so handsome.
He’d think I was hitting on him, that I was some gay guy thirsting after him.
Which isn’t true. At least, I don’t think it is.
But the longer he looks at me like that, the less sure I am.
Ace raises an eyebrow, waiting.
“No,” I finally say. “You’re not exactly what I expected.”
“Oh?” He leans forward slightly. “How so?”
“You’re just... more of a gym bro than I pictured, I guess.” I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth. “Sorry. That came out wrong. I don’t mean it as an insult.”
“Gym bro?” Ace looks amused.
“Yeah. You know. Fit. Athletic.” I’m digging myself deeper. “Most cryptozoology enthusiasts aren’t exactly... built like you.”
“Built like me?”
“Can you please stop repeating everything I say?” My face is on fire. “You know what I mean. You look like you could be on the cover of some fitness magazine. Most of us look like we spend our lives in libraries. Which, honestly, is basically true.”
Ace barks a laugh. “Why do I feel like a compliment is buried somewhere in there?”
“It’s an observation.” I stare into the fire, refusing to look at him. “You’re in really good shape. That’s useful for a trip like this. So yeah, the whole gym thing is actually an asset. It just wasn’t what I pictured, that’s all.”
“Fair enough.” The light makes his eyes glint like ice. “I mean, I’m a basketball player. And an outdoors enthusiast. Camping, hiking, rafting. All that shit. So yeah, the whole gym bro thing makes sense, I guess.” He shrugs. “For what it’s worth, you’re pretty much exactly what I expected.”
“A total nerd, you mean?”
He laughs. “I didn’t want to say it, but yeah.”
“Didn’t have to. It’s true.”
“Hey, nothing wrong with being a nerd. Nerds are the ones who actually discover shit. You want proof of life on Mars, you gotta have someone do the research. Someone with a passion for the unknown. You know what I mean?”
I look up. Ace is still watching me, but there’s no trace of teasing in his expression.
“Yeah,” I say. “I just wish I had some of your strength. I’m not great at the physical stuff.”
“Are you kidding?” He gestures around the camp. “You hauled your pack up this mountain without a problem. You’re a lot stronger than you think.”
“Thanks.” I don’t know what to say, so I reach for more trail mix. The nuts and dried fruit taste like sawdust in my dry mouth.
Ace finishes the last of his, tosses the empty bag aside, then gets to his feet, rolling his neck. He pulls his jacket off and drapes it over his pack, revealing the thick muscles of his shoulders and arms beneath his shirt. “Getting late. I should probably turn in.”
“I’ll stay up a bit longer. Keep watch.”
“Don’t stay up all night.” He grins. “You need rest too. Tomorrow could be the big day.”
“I know.” A thrill runs through me at the thought.
“All right.” Ace nods at me. “Night, then, Simon.”
“Goodnight.”
He starts toward the tent, unzipping the flap, and just before he steps inside, I blurt out, “Eight inches.”
Ace pauses, half inside the tent. “What?”
“A yeti’s cock,” I clarify. “Based on the footprints and estimated height, I’d say around eight inches.
You’d expect bigger, maybe, but in primates, penis size doesn’t always scale with body size.
Gorillas are way larger than us, but they’re much less endowed.
So if you want me to hazard a guess, I’d say eight inches. ”
Ace stares at me for a long moment, then bursts out laughing. “You really did think about it.”
“You asked!”
“I did.” He shakes his head. “Never thought I’d find out I’m better hung than a fucking yeti. Good to know.”
“You what—”
But he’s already ducked into the tent before I can even process what he said, leaving me staring after him with my mouth hanging open.