63. Bertram
Bertram
“Owl! Bear! Owl! Bear! Owl! Bear!” Helena instructed, signaling Lovey to open and close her wings at the same rate as Diana’s.
Lovatch followed along admirably, and within a minute or two, she was successfully hovering. And then she was flying, with more confidence than ever.
“Good, Lovey!” Helena said and blew her whistle.
Lovatch hovered about two feet in the air, then three, and then did a spectacular loop, during which she seemingly lost her orientation to the ground and immediately crashed.
She gave a very offended cry, as if it was the ground who had jumped up and attacked her, rather than she who fell to the ground.
“You did it!” Helena squealed. “You did so good, Lovey! Good! Good job, Lovey!”
Helena ran over and gave Lovey a million scritches and kisses, and Lovey purred happily, her fall to the earth utterly forgotten.
Bertram felt an odd stirring in the pit of his stomach, and he realized that underneath his very present and real happiness for Lovey’s success, there was jealousy of how much physical attention was being lavished upon her by Helena.
He was jealous of a goddamn baby owl-bear for being the one that Helena was kissing. He felt like an idiot for it.
His reactivity could be because he was still sleeping with Helena every night—no, not like that—and it was both the most comforting feeling in the world and making him extremely restless.
The more time Bertram and Helena spent in close proximity, the more Bertram found himself yearning for her.
His desire had grown almost painful, yet the idea of forcing distance between them seemed even more painful.
Even when Helena slept directly on top of him at night, she had never crossed any lines that would tip them into romantic or sexual territory.
He had thought that he would rather live in limbo with her in his arms than fix her tent and tell her to remove herself from him.
He would take the comfort and pain of her arms a thousand times over.
And yet, he was currently furrowing his brow at a baby animal, which was utterly unacceptable.
He needed to get his shit together, because pining was making him an absolute asshole, even if it was only internal at the moment. But he had to stop before that changed. Bertram would rather walk off the mountain than let Helena, Diana, or even Lovey know that he was jealous of Lovatch.
“Ah, shit.” Helena stopped petting Lovey, her hand still on Lovey’s head. “Is she going to think I’m reinforcing her falling rather than flying? I wanted her to not be scared by the fall, but I don’t want to make her think falling is something she should actively aim for in order to get attention—”
“I’m sure it’s fine!” Diana put a hand on Helena’s shoulder reassuringly. “The important thing was making Lovey want to fly again, and now she will! And she’s getting so fancy with it!”
“You’re right.” Helena smiled broadly. “Lovey did a loop!”
“Lovey did a loop!” Diana echoed, throwing her hands in the air with joy.
Helena leapt to her feet and hugged Diana.
“You two should go celebrate,” Bertram said before he could think twice about it, because getting Helena out of his sight seemed like the best way to stop himself from becoming the wrong kind of monster.
Helena looked at him quizzically.
“You were going to take Helena to A Really Wild Thyme, right, Diana?” Bertram said. “Celebrating Lovey’s loop seems like a perfect occasion.”
Helena and Diana exchanged looks.
“Do you want to?” Diana asked.
“I . . .” Helena looked conflicted. Her eyes darted over to Lovey.
“She won’t be a problem,” Bertram said. “Right, Lovey? Come here, Lovey!”
Bertram gestured and Lovey happily trotted over, flapping her wings as she walked. When she reached Bertram, she rubbed against his leg, purring happily.
“Yeah. Sure. Yeah.” Helena swallowed and smiled. “I’d love to go out. Thank you, Bertram. That’s very kind of you.”
“It’s my pleasure,” Bertram said, and didn’t mean it.