Chapter 13 #3
He’d never used that word in reference to himself. Virginity was something for hyper-religious people or teenagers. Tom was a grown man who happened not to have had sex. He didn’t appreciate Jax turning it into something that made him lesser.
“I’m not babying you. I’m trying to respect your boundaries.” Jax stepped away and took a deep breath. “Look, I get this is new for you, and I love how into it you are. But I don’t want to be something you’ll regret.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Jax gave him a smile, a little more tired than before.
As if Tom needed a reminder about why he had no future with Jax. He couldn’t even talk about sex without freaking out.
“Talk to me,” Jax coaxed, reaching out once more to trace his fingertips across Tom’s arm.
Heat flushed up Tom’s neck. “I want, um…I want you to…”
“Yeah?” Jax sounded encouraging, eager even.
Tom closed his eyes. “I want you to fuck me,” he said into the darkness, directed at no one. “I want you inside me.”
Jax kissed his cheeks again, first one, then the other, and then his lips, soft and slow and comforting in a way Tom never knew kissing could be. “Thank you.”
Leading Tom by the hand, Jax brought him to the bedroom. “Have you ever, uh…had something inside you?”
Tom nodded. “I have, um…a toy.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jax closed his eyes briefly as if overwhelmed by the thought. “Okay, so…do you want to shower first?”
“Yeah.”
“Alone?”
“Uh, yeah.” The process of getting ready for this wasn’t really something Tom wanted Jax to witness. He was running low on dignity anyway.
He escaped to the bathroom and turned the shower to hot.
Ordinarily, he kept his showers lukewarm and brief because the trainers had mentioned the benefits for his circulation and because California’s water supply problems kept him up at night.
The massive shower stall, with the rainforest fixture and adjustable side nozzles, had been an indulgence when he bought the place.
Preparing for anal sex though? Turned out having a fancy shower paid off. Tom leaned against one of the marble walls, aiming the nozzle at his ass while spreading his cheeks—a very strange feeling. While he’d experimented by himself previously, this part kept him from doing it more often.
He stayed in the shower a while past what he deemed necessary; he just…needed a minute.
Jax lay on the bed waiting for him, naked except for black Armani boxer briefs—Jax loved an expensive brand—and scrolling on his phone. When Tom entered, Jax looked up and smiled, his hair falling over his eyes, one of the particularly blond strands right over his eyebrows. He was so handsome.
“How’re you feeling?”
“Not very sexy,” Tom admitted.
“Still wanna?”
Tom nodded.
“Okay, I can fix the feeling sexy thing, then.” He beckoned Tom over, then pulled away the towel wrapped around his waist. Tom made to throw it toward the laundry bin, but Jax stopped him and kicked it to the end of the bed. “We might want that in a bit.”
Then, he pulled Tom on top of him, and they didn’t talk for a while.
Kissing Jax had become familiar by now. Tom wondered if anyone else used his technique of gripping his partner’s face so firmly but tenderly, directing them.
Was it only Jax who used his whole body, his hands and arms and legs, to hold someone in place on top of him?
If Tom had any future partners, would they make him feel this held and protected even when he was on top?
The slide of their bare skin against each other was still new for Tom.
He liked the way the hair on their legs rasped together and the swell of Jax’s pecs, firm yet comfortable.
He liked the heat of it, the warmth, some animal instinct in him for pack and comfort he’d been denying his entire adult life.
“You feel so good,” he told Jax, rubbing up against him with his whole body.
“Thanks.” Jax grinned. “I work out, you know.”
It startled a laugh out of Tom, and the movement shook them apart until they lay intertwined on their sides, so close Tom could almost believe he’d never be alone again.
“Feeling better?” Jax asked, low and intimate.
“Yeah.” Tom nosed in closer to the long, tempting curve of Jax’s neck. “I got…lost in my head, I guess.”
“’S’ okay. Sex can be weird sometimes. Sorry if I ruined the mood before.”
“No, I’m glad you asked.” It was, Tom found to his own surprise, the truth. He hadn’t expected it to be, too caught up in the embarrassment of voicing his desires, but he felt better for having been able to tell Jax what he wanted. He’d made a choice rather than letting fate run its course.
“Good. In that case, I’m gonna do my best to make it worth your while.”
“Huh?”
Before Tom could fully articulate a question, Jax pushed him over and straddled him. Briefly, Tom was thankful for the ridiculous size of his bed, allowing them to roll all over it. Soon after, most of his thought processes vanished into nothingness.
He’d enjoyed it before, when Jax boxed him in while they kissed, when he took what he wanted and let Tom accept what he gave. The night before, he’d gotten a taste of what it meant not to be in control during sex, but Jax had been so desperate that the loss of control felt mutual.
This, though… Tom lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling while Jax did his level best to touch every inch of Tom’s skin.
His thick thighs caged Tom’s hips, already an incendiary image.
When Jax used one hand to trail his way up and down Tom’s arms, Tom shivered.
He wasn’t even particularly sensitive there; it was the mere idea of lying still under Jax, letting him do as he pleased that got to him.
What Jax pleased next was to attach his mouth to Tom’s collarbone, a place he’d previously established made Tom whimper, and thumb his way around one of Tom’s nipples.
Tom had never touched himself there purposefully, at least not to get off.
The skin was surprisingly tender, getting more so the longer Jax stroked against it.
When he replaced his fingers with his mouth, Tom’s hips arched up, only to be stymied by the weight of Jax spread across them.
“Oh,” he sighed, tilting his head back in pleasure.
“Mm,” Jax agreed against his skin. He continued his perusal of Tom’s upper body with his tongue.
Tom didn’t pack on muscle as easily as some players; he tended more toward skinny.
In order to keep his weight up, he had to eat massive amounts of fish and chicken with pasta the longer the season went on.
He might be a professional athlete, but he’d never had a sixpack.
Jax didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he sank his teeth into the pronounced divots of muscle above Tom’s hipbones, which had resulted from his work to keep his bad hip from getting worse.
“So hot,” Jax said. “Fuck, you are so hot.”
An undignified snort escaped from Tom.
Jax raised his head enough to see Tom’s face. “What?”
“You’re one to talk. You’re the hottest man I’ve ever seen in real life.”
Jax smiled frequently, and Tom always thought he was handsome when he did, but he’d never seen this smile, crooked and bashful. “Aw, thanks. I mean, I’m all right for a hockey player, but you could be in GQ or something.”
All right for a hockey player? “Jax, if you were in a magazine, I’d be jerking off to your pictures for weeks, no, months, whether you were a hockey player or not.”
Jax shook his head. “I do okay, I guess, but you…”
Tom was tall and awkward, and he’d grown out of the terrible haircut he’d had his first few years in the league, but otherwise, he was nothing special. He cupped Jax’s cheek in his hand. “I think you’re gorgeous.”
Jax’s cheeks flushed so red he hid his face, and then he slid down Tom’s thighs, peppering them with kisses.
Keeping his legs open for Jax made heat prickle along the back of Tom’s neck, too intimate and not enough all at once.
He tried to stop thinking, which became easier when Jax nipped at the thin, sensitive skin while firmly gripping the outside of Tom’s thighs before sliding around to squeeze his ass.
The myriad of feelings distracted Tom so much he didn’t notice Jax going for the lube. When Jax’s slick fingers slid down his taint and farther, he jerked, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from shouting.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” Jax said as if soothing a frightened animal.
Distantly, Tom thought he should be insulted. Maybe he should do something—anything—to regain control of the situation. But Jax’s fingers circled his hole gently, his tongue on the head of Tom’s cock, so it didn’t seem worth it to risk ending any of the sensations.
“Oh, that’s good,” he sighed as Jax’s first finger slid inside.
“Yeah?” Jax gazed up at him with heat in his eyes. His finger slid in farther.
“Yeah,” Tom said. “You make it feel so good, Jax; you’re so good to me.”
Without breaking eye contact, Jax swallowed down half of Tom’s cock in one go and slipped a second finger inside him. He crooked his fingers, and Tom had to yell out. He couldn’t keep the noise in and keep his hips still.
“I love the way you sound,” Jax told him, his voice hoarse from how much cock he’d sucked over the course of the last day.
“Keep going,” Tom begged.
Jax fucked him on two fingers and then, eventually, on three, for an interminable length of time.
Tom had done this alone, but it hadn’t been the same.
He’d been responsible for every moment, had to choose when to add another finger, how to position himself, what to do when. With Jax, Tom could let go and feel.
“Please,” he said when it got to be too much. “Please.”
“Hmm?” Jax asked around his cock.
“I need you to stop, or I’ll come.”
“Fine by me.” Jax’s eyes were dark, pupils blown wide. He leaned down to take Tom back into his mouth. Tom jerked away.
“Please, Jax.”
Jax took a breath and rested his forehead against Tom’s hip. “God, you’re hot.”
He crooked his fingers again, right where Tom needed, and for a moment, Tom thought it was too late. His cock jerked and drooled against his lower belly, Jax following the entire motion with the expression of a man who’d been starving for years.
“Now.”
“Right. Yeah.” Jax scrambled away, stripped off the boxer briefs he somehow still wore, and fumbled for the box of condoms. He didn’t seem to care about the size or the color, though looking at him now, Tom thought maybe he did need those extra-large ones after all.
That was a lot of cock to be going inside him.
Jax’s fingers were big, but were they enough to prepare him?
“You’re sure,” Jax said, rolling the condom down his dick. He stroked lube over the condom—one of the normal ones, not flavored or ribbed or any of the other dozens of options—and jerked himself a few times. The tendons in his forearm corded. The blood roared in Tom’s ears.
“Tom?”
“Huh?”
“You sure?”
Tom flipped over onto all fours. Over his shoulder, he said, “Please, Jax. Fuck me. Please.”
Jax was on him in an instant, a line of heat down his back, his fingers hurried and clumsy as he lined up and then pushed inside.
The heat of Jax’s body warmed Tom’s. They stuck together with sweat in some places and slid against each other elsewhere.
Jax’s loud, panting breaths in Tom’s ear came second only to the pounding of his own heart.
Jax pushed into him, Tom’s body gave way, and suddenly, wonderfully, everything was out of Tom’s control.
He could have asked Jax to stop at any moment, of course, but the angle, the pace, the inexorability of the slow slide of Jax’s cock into his body—Tom didn’t decide any of it. His arms collapsed under him, leaving him propped on his elbows, face buried in the sheets, while Jax slid inside him.
Jax kissed his shoulder blade. “Let me hear you, baby.”
Tom let out one single sob before Jax started to move, and then he couldn’t stop.
“Oh,” he moaned on the outstroke, and when Jax changed his angle and pushed in again, he started talking. “Just like that. There, please, Jax—”
“I got you,” Jax said calmly, as controlled as the way he fucked Tom. He kept it slow and steady, hitting the perfect angle over and over.
“Jax!” Tom could barely breathe.
“How’s it feel?”
“Perfect, it’s so good, it’s—fuck!”
Jax fucked in harder, a staccato metronome. His hot breath puffed out against Tom’s spine.
Tom shivered all over. “I need, I need, please!”
He had no idea how Jax did it, where he got the coordination, but a warm hand closed around Tom’s cock in an instant. Combined with the way Jax pounded against his prostate, there was no way Tom could hold out.
His orgasm blindsided him, hitting him right in the gut and exploding outward. His thighs and stomach clenched, his balls tightened, and then his spine melted as he shot over and over again, making a mess of the sheets. “Yes,” he panted, and “Jax,” and “so good.”
Finally, Jax’s composure cracked. “Oh thank God,” he breathed, all one word, and then his hands went tight on Tom’s hips and he fucked Tom with all the strength in those massive thighs and glutes for a few short uneven thrusts before letting out a broken groan and filling the condom.
His hips kept moving, grinding little circles like he wanted to get it in deep.
The movement sent sparks up and down Tom’s oversensitive nerves, and he fell forward, his knees and elbows giving up.
He became aware of the world outside his own body again when Jax gently, gingerly patted him down with the still-damp towel they’d left at the end of the bed.
“Should’ve put this under you. Sorry. Here, roll over. You’re in the wet spot.”
Tom let Jax turn him, still wanting to move the way Jax moved him.
“You doing okay?”
“Mm.” Tom nestled closer to Jax. He was warm, and Tom slept so well when he stayed over.
“You’re like a cat, you know that?”
“Thought I was a bird,” Tom managed around a yawn.
Jax laughed so softly it was more of an exhale. “Somehow, you manage both.”
He sounded so happy, so fond, so in the moment here with Tom. When Tom remembered it couldn’t last, it felt as if a barbell had settled over the back of his neck, pushing him down and keeping him there.
“I’ll miss this,” Tom said drowsily. He turned toward the wall and squirmed until he could feel Jax behind him, then placed Jax’s hand on his hip to hold him while they slept.
“What?”
“When the charity stuff is up and running, and you can come out. I’ll miss this.”
Jax’s hand went tight on his hip, and the sensation of being firmly in his hold sent Tom to sleep.