Chapter 12 #3
“As close as I allow,” Emerson said. “Harrison and I were, of course, super close when we were young, but we drifted apart. We’ve all drifted to some extent.
Even when I’m there, I feel it. A few months ago, Rand told me that I only called him when I wanted something—and the sad part was, he was right.
I’ve hurt him, and I could hear it in his voice, but I couldn’t tell him why we weren’t closer.
That I feared letting him in would give him more chances to learn the truth about me. ”
Emerson sighed, scrubbing his face. “Tonight, he found out anyway. He could’ve arrested us.
He didn’t. He chose to protect us, even though I’ve hurt him.
” Emerson paused, fighting a wave of emotion.
The backs of his eyes burned as he fought tears.
“That doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll accept me for who I am, but it proves he cared about me more than the law and that means something.
But it might also show that I’ve pushed them all away for no reason—and that makes me sick inside.
So, yeah. Maybe it’s time I told them who I really am and see where the chips fall.
Maybe they won’t care. Either way, I’m tired of living this way, Dash. I don’t want to lie anymore.”
Dash met his gaze, a shine glittering in his eyes.
“Aren’t you lonely? I am—and I don’t deny myself like you do.” Emerson searched his face. “Have you ever been in a relationship?”
“Have you?” Dash countered. “Or do you consider your long line of bedmates relationships?”
Emerson tensed. “They might not be relationships, but they’re better than spending every single night alone.”
“You get used to it,” Dash muttered.
“Why should we have to?”
Dash met his stare, pain in his eyes.
“Why?” Emerson pressed.
“Because that’s the only way to stay safe!” Dash barked.
Emerson paused. He’d known that would be the answer. He wished he hadn’t.
“I never should’ve gone to the Dragon tonight. I should’ve listened to Mason and let him do it instead of me.”
“Who’s Mason?” Emerson asked, frowning.
“My partner.”
Emerson narrowed his eyes, his fists curling tight.
“My business partner,” Dash said. “Calm down.” Dash eyed him for a few seconds. “You met him. Mason Davis. The beta bigger than you who was protecting your twin’s mates when Charles attacked them.”
“Ahh,” Emerson said. “I liked him.” He nodded, unclenching his fists. “A beta. That’s good.”
Dash gave him a sardonic look.
Emerson dragged Dash into his arms. “Is it wrong to check if you’re in a relationship before moving forward?”
“No, but the whole possessive alpha schtick isn’t attractive at all.” Dash pushed him away. “And no one said anything about moving forward.”
“Oh, we are,” Emerson said.
You’re mine.
Emerson inhaled slowly. Protective and possessive? Dash was right to check him.
“And… while we might want more than one night, we both know it’s not safe for us to continue,” Dash said. “We might’ve gotten lucky tonight, but as I said, luck eventually runs out.”
“Dash…”
“Maybe one day, reasonable people will realize we’re no threat and change that old, antiquated law. Considering there aren’t enough omegas to go around, you’d think they’d be happy we exist. We thin the alpha herd and create less competition.”
“Thin the alpha herd?” Emerson asked, chuckling.
“Well, we are all big, dumb animals.”
“That we are,” Emerson said, grinning.
“You being one of the biggest,” Dash murmured. “Thankfully, you don’t appear to be the dumbest.”
“Oh, just you wait. I have dumb ideas all the time.”
Dash chuckled, and Emerson was pleased to hear it. He wasn’t sure the guy was capable of laughter as uptight as he could be. Although, he’d already proven Dash wasn’t that uptight—not when it mattered.
Emerson cleared his throat. “Us continuing to see one another isn’t one of those dumb ideas. I know you felt something when we first met. You keep avoiding the conversation, but I know.”
Dash stiffened against him.
“Why can’t we talk about what that was?”
“Because it was nothing,” Dash countered.
Emerson searched Dash’s face, sensing the man was hiding something from him. “You know what it was, don’t you?”
“No,” Dash spat. From the look on his face, Emerson wasn’t sure if it was a lie or not. It seemed to land somewhere in between.
“Maybe not know… but you’ve got a hunch, I suspect.”
“Stop,” Dash said, pushing Emerson away.
The panic returned to Dash’s eyes, same as it was when they’d first arrived on the boat and he’d been prowling for an escape. Dash crossed his arms over his chest, almost curling into himself.
From Dash’s reaction, Emerson sensed he knew what was going on.
If nothing else, he had a guess to what it was.
Why was he hiding it when it had affected them both?
He wanted to press an answer out of Dash but feared pushing him away even more.
The walls had already come up, not that they’d come down far in the first place.
The second Dash’s breathing grew tighter and he started backing away, Emerson was almost positive the guy was going into a panic attack. He frowned, searching for more signs. Dash’s hands curled into fists, and he swallowed like he had a lump in his throat. Sweat beaded on his brow.
Dash’s face grew redder and redder. He wasn’t breathing.
Emerson marched closer. Dash shuffled backwards—until his bottom hit the kitchen counter. Emerson closed the gap and pressed his palm in the middle of Dash’s chest. His heart was thundering inside his chest.
On instinct alone, Emerson grasped both sides of Dash’s face and tried to capture the man’s gaze. He blinked rapidly, his wide eyes roaming.
“Look at me,” Emerson said.
Dash ignored him.
“Look at me,” Emerson growled.
Dash’s gaze instantly whipped to Emerson’s. Strangely, his body calmed a little, too.
“Breathe,” Emerson barked.
Dash dragged in a deep, gasping breath, and Emerson took one of his own, relief filling him.
After a couple more seconds and a few more inhales, Emerson gave Dash a soft smile. “No more questions. I promise.”
Dash didn’t reply. He only held Emerson’s stare.
And breathed.
Emerson laid two fingers on Dash’s throat and noted his heart had slowed. The tension in his muscles relaxed second by second.
“You’re safe here,” Emerson whispered. “That topic is off the table—until you decide it isn’t. Okay?”
Dash nodded.
Emerson stood close, rubbing the tops of Dash’s arms—until the guy stiffened and pulled away from him. Dash sat down on the couch in the spot Emerson had just left. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.
“I don’t know what that was,” Dash said, his voice low.
“A panic attack.”
Dash scoffed. “I don’t have those.”
“You just did. And there’s no shame in it.”
Dash rolled his eyes.
Emerson wondered if that was the reason why Dash had retired from the Black Guard at such a young age. Had he started having panic attacks out in the field and been forced out? He wanted to ask but shifted gears instead, choosing a topic that Dash might be more comfortable with.
“What’s this case you’re working on?”
“I’m searching for a missing alpha,” Dash replied, his tone dull.
“Ah,” Emerson said. “Who’s missing?”
“Do you know a regular by the name of Jaye?”
Emerson frowned. “Maybe.”
Dash rose, walked back to the bedroom, and returned with his phone in hand. He lifted it to Emerson and shared a picture.
“Yeah, sure. I know that guy,” Emerson said. “I’ve seen him at the Dragon quite a few times. He’s missing?”
Interest lit Dash’s gaze again. He shoved his phone into a pocket as he asked, “Were you at the Dragon the last time it was raided? About three weeks ago?”
“I wasn’t,” Emerson replied as he sat down in his stolen seat.
“Do you know anyone who might’ve been?”
Emerson considered the question a moment. “I might. What’s it worth to you?”
Dash glared. “My appreciation?”
“Oh, it’ll cost you more than that.”
Dash rolled his eyes. “What do you want?”
Emerson leaned over and dragged Dash to stand between his splayed thighs. “You know what I want.”
Dash scoffed, but there was a hint of interest in his eyes. “Your price is too high.”
“Oh, but you sure as fuck want to pay it,” Emerson said, grinning.
Dash fought a smile. Hard.
“I can reach out to some friends. Ask some questions for you.”
Dash met his stare again.
“Just give me a few days,” Emerson said. “Then you can join me for dinner next weekend—and I’ll share whatever I’ve learned.”
“That’s blackmail.”
“I’ll use whatever I need to in order to see you again,” Emerson said without a shred of shame.
“We’re tempting fate,” Dash said.
“Indeed, we are.”
Dash shook his head.
“You know you want to,” Emerson whispered. “Just say yes.”
Dash scoffed. “Fine. Ask your friends and I’ll have dinner with you. Here. Where no one can see us.”
“I was going to take you somewhere fancy,” Emerson said, grinning.
“You don’t seem like a fancy restaurant kind of guy.”
“I’m not, but my brother Luke is the executive chef at Le Arania.”
Dash’s eyebrows rose. “Oh. I must’ve missed that in my Walker Family research.” He sighed. “As impressive as a table there might be, it would be safer here.”
“Fine,” Emerson murmured. “But I want one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“You spend the rest of tonight here.”
Dash’s eyes widened, a hint of fear there.
“Sleep with me in that tiny little bed, cuddled up close all night. We don’t have to do anything more than sleep—you’re likely too sore for more anyway.”
Dash didn’t answer him.
“You’re already here. It’s still raining outside. It’s safe, and it’s warm inside.” He caressed the side of Dash’s face. “Don’t go. Not yet.”
Dash’s eyes closed. He tilted his head, pressing closer into Emerson’s hand. When he reopened his eyes, he looked sad, and Emerson hated that he might’ve caused it.
“I’ll stay. But just for tonight. And when I come for dinner, it’s business only.”
Emerson didn’t like that plan one bit. “Agreed, as long as you realize I’ll put forth my best effort to seduce you into changing your mind.”
Dash scoffed, laughing. “Why would I agree to that?”
“Because you don’t want it to be only business any more than I do.”
“Lay a challenge at my feet and I will rise to the occasion,” Dash said. “I can fend off your seduction if I set my mind to it.”
Emerson laughed, taking Dash’s hand and leading them back to the cabin. “We’ll see about that.”
“I thought you were hungry?” Dash asked as they headed back.
“I can eat tomorrow,” Emerson replied.