27. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
After I left Omar at the clinic, I took my time walking to my apartment. The golden light of magic hour cascaded across the rooftops as I passed through the old bazaar. Along a narrow walkway, swirling mosaic lamps dangled from shop entrances, their rainbow of colors flickering in the polished cobblestones. When I reached my building, I kept going, forking onto a path I’d never ventured down before.
I strolled through yet more side streets and stopped when I came upon a charming courtyard. I scanned the empty space for signs I’d entered a private home, but there were no markers indicating that it was a restricted area. Hesitantly, I wandered in.
Lush flora and fauna poured across a rickety gazebo in the center, which nestled around a well that could've been pulled straight from a Grimm's story. The well’s wooden frame was rough and threatened to crumble beneath my hands as I stood on tiptoe to peer down into the pit. The twinkle of water looked back at me.
Along the riverside edge sat a trellis spilling over with bright pink flowers, the little vine tendrils climbing the foliage all the way to the top. Windows had been cut into the dense leaves, and I squinted through the nearest down to the river pooling below. Behind the hills, the horizon’ s peach hues hinted that I was in for another spectacular sunset this evening.
“Why did you come?”
I stilled, then turned.
Emil stood at the entrance, just inside the courtyard. His hands were buried deep in his pockets. Tense lines scored his face, his eyes dark and distrustful.
The hope I’d been clinging on to so tightly dissolved. “If you don’t know why, then I can’t tell you.”
“I’m not playing a game.”
“And you think I am?”
He licked his lips, doubt flickering behind his stony expression.
I sighed, now knowing what fueled it. “It was never a game for me.” I paused before asking, “Why didn’t you find me after I jumped?”
His stare bored into me. “I wanted to. It took…too much not to.”
Annoyance flared through me. “I don’t know what that means. Why couldn’t you?”
“Because nothing had changed.”
Threatening tears burned in my eyes, and I blinked stubbornly to keep them at bay. I glanced around the patio for a distraction, and then it dawned on me. This little, out-of-the-way oasis. It couldn’t have been a coincidence. “And now? What’s changed since then? Why did you follow me here?”
His face softened a fraction, his look pointed. “A choice.”
My mouth popped open. “You talked to Omar?”
The corners of his lips drew down as he stepped further into the courtyard, shaking his head. “No. I heard you.”
A flash through my mind —Omar’s eyes skimming over my head. His watchful gaze.
“You were at the clinic,” I breathed. “You heard the whole thing?”
Wordlessly, he moved to the well, leaning against its rough top. The wood cut into his hands, his elbows locked in place. Looking down into its depths, he gave a nod.
I pushed away from the trellis, my arms tightly clamped over my chest. “Do you really believe it was all some trick?”
The muscles in his neck stood at attention. “I don’t know.”
“Why do you think I’m back here?”
“I don’t know.”
Anger pulled taut inside me, his canned responses ringing hollow. I scanned around my feet, finding a smooth, round stone. I burst forward with a feral growl of frustration, throwing it down into the well with all my might.
The water wasn’t as far down as I’d thought.
The rock ricocheted off the walls, finally landing with a cartoonish ploink. Water spattered the mouth of the well, speckling Emil’s hands before he pulled them away with a startled noise.
“Mallory!”
My sudden, albeit tame, act of violence had shaken him awake.
“What?” I spat. My arms rose, as though challenging him to a fight. In a way, I supposed I was. “I can’t do this anymore, the nonanswer thing. It’s not my job to guess. If you want this—us—then you have to talk to me, Emil!”
When our eyes locked, his flashed with a mix of fear and fierce hope. The force of it sent sparks flying through my veins, like he was feeding his determination directly into my soul.
“Why did you leave me there? In Cologne.” The words were simple, deadly, but I needed to know that I wasn’t fighting for a one-sided wisp of a dream.
“Amin—”
“I could’ve helped with Amin. He’s not why you left me behind.”
His nostrils flared. “The choice was coming anyway. So when the break-in happened…” His expression implored me to fill in the rest.
“What? You thought it was some kind of divine intervention?” I scoffed.
He scowled, scrubbing his shoe across the cobblestones.
“Why did you think the universe was sending you a sign?” I pushed.
“You know why.”
“Is that it? The only reason? Because some girl broke your heart years ago?”
His mouth twitched in indignation or pain, I wasn’t sure. He turned away, gutting himself silently in front of me while fighting to hold everything in.
“Just tell me. If you really don’t want me here, I’ll go.” My matter-of-fact tone jerked his head back toward me.
“No, that’s not…I don’t…And that wasn’t the only reason.”
I waited, barely breathing.
His mouth worked soundlessly before he managed, “Because you saw my dreams…you saw me . You saw it all better than anyone, especially me. That I’ve been fooling myself. It was a smack in the face. It stung. It’s as if…when I’m with you, you just—” He faltered, and Omar’s words floated back to me.
Did he tell you why you scare him?
My heart clenched, but my focus snapped to attention as he continued.
“I never stopped wanting them. You gave me permission to want them again, that they weren’t some silly fantasy.” He paused. “I want them as much as you do yours.” His lips thinned into a tense line. “Back in America.”
The last piece of the puzzle clicked into place. Finally, confirmation. That night in Prague on the bridge, he’d asked me about my life, my future. He saw what I wanted. I told him my ambitions. And he saw how he didn’t fit into my life, just as I had eventually seen it myself when I chose not to follow him. And now, with his past laid bare for me, it all made sense. He knew what it was to be abandoned by someone, to be dropped like a gem into a heap of unpolished stones, and forgotten. But he also knew what it meant to abandon himself, to have his hopes and dreams pushed to “someday” which turned into “never.”
And then there was the part of him, I hoped, that meant it when he’d said I deserved everything I wanted. I’d clung to those things for myself, but his desires had only suddenly become real again. Dreams that had been shut into an old, dusty trunk long ago now peeked back into the light.
He was as lost as I was in all this. How could we rectify our opposite lives? His vision of the future only showed division, loss, and hardship if we fought to be together. So, by following what he had sensed was fate interceding, he’d freed me of him. Freed us both.
And with it, had condemned us.
Our eyes met, and the tension in the space made me want to scream.
I shook my head as the silence stretched. Was this it?
He looked away. “I couldn’t ask you to give everything up for me, the life you’d worked so hard to build before we ever even met. One part of me was afraid that, if I asked, you would come and regret it. You deserve so much more than living some half-life, never seeing through your potential. I wouldn’t take that from you.”
“And the other part?” I waited with bated breath.
A cringe wrinkled his nose. “And the other was terrified you wouldn’t come if I did ask. So I just…left.”
It was so simple. Fear, not want. Desperation, not a need to escape. With the latter, there would be no going back, no reconciliation, but with the former?
Hope.
A new sensation began to build inside me, something unstoppable. I couldn’t help it, a smile breaking out across my face, followed by a giddy cackle. He watched me carefully, perhaps wondering if I’d gone completely mad. But as I stood there, laughing my stupid head off, my growing joy seemed to be feeding into him. We were a perfect circle, each of our separate, contrasting emotions coursing through and sustaining the other in a silent dance .
Eventually, the giggles faded. In their place was a simple, divine, completely inexplicable sense of peace. Neither of us had moved an inch. He’d watched me, his face slowly lightening, his gaze growing hungrier, his body more relaxed. His mouth hung open a fraction as he finally began to breathe more steadily after this marathon race. Tears pricked in my eyes once more, but they weren’t sad or angry this time. He followed them as they slid leisurely down my cheeks.
“So…do you want a penthouse in New York?” he said, as if he was offering to pick up something from the store.
I grinned, playing along. “Hmm, actually, I heard there’s a vacant house down there.” I pointed vaguely over the steep cliff behind me. “Just a few blocks up, I think?”
“Oh, so the fancy part of town?” He rolled his eyes. “Typical woman.”
“You did say you didn’t want me to give up my dreams.”
“True.”
“I’ll owe you.”
His jaw ticked. “No more transactions.”
I stepped closer to him, running a trembling hand down his chest. “Not all transactions are bad. One could even call ours a gift of compromise.”
“Compromise” drew a frown to his lips.
“That’s not a dirty word,” I said, skating my thumb along the bottom of his mouth, pushing up the corner into a forced smile.
“It depends on the situation,” he countered.
“Yes,” I agreed. “It does.”
I waited, but he seemed to be curling into himself again.
“Hey,” I said, “we can play a different game instead.”
“Games with you are dangerous.”
I pouted, and he couldn’t help his small flicker of a smile.
“I don’t want to play a game,” he said, his voice still heavy. “Maybe later.” He pulled me closer, his hand roving to my lower back, drawing me against him while the fingers of his other threaded through mine. He swayed, guiding me into a dance, his heart pounding against my chest. It didn’t feel odd that there was no music. We were creating a rhythm all our own. The melody of the song we had first danced to wafted through my memory, and I hummed it. That the lyrics were about lost love fueled the emotion in my voice, along with the meaning our present situation now ascribed to the theme.
With our foreheads together, his eyelashes brushed my skin, and I tilted to meet his gaze. We stayed like that, swaying lightly, eyes locked, staring into one another’s souls.
When enough unspoken words had passed, I gave a slight nod. I’m in , it said. Whatever it takes.
He slowed us to a stop before pulling away, stepping fully back from me. I didn’t approve, but his words soothed the space. “Whatever it takes.” His fingertips trailed a soft line down my jaw, eyes following the path until they at last flicked again to mine. I drew in a breath as he let his hand fall open, palm up.
An invitation.
I bypassed it, closing my arms tightly around the back of his neck and pulling him in.
The instant our lips met, every inch of tension, each worried knot, and all the gutting apprehension evaporated. It didn’t matter that we were surrounded by homes—heck, an entire town. We were the only two people on earth at this moment. His hands tangled in my hair at the base of my neck, a small, wordless plea uttered through a break in the kiss coming from one or both of us. More, more .
The only thing I wanted was every inch of him, all at once, for forever. The way his free hand combed up and down my body told me he felt the same.
When we came up for air, I let out a single, elated laugh.
Emil smiled. “I have missed that sound.”
I brushed my thumb across his cheekbone. “I’ve missed your touch.”
His voice heated. “What else have you missed? ”
My throat constricted, telling me it was impossible to pick just one. “Everything,” I managed. “All of it.”
He pressed his forehead to mine before he moved down to leave a soft kiss in the hollow of my throat. “Me, too.”
“What do we do now?”
We’d made the most difficult decision, but a series of new ones spread out in a trail of breadcrumbs.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not her,” I said firmly. “You know that, right?”
A muscle in his jaw pulsed. “Yes.”
“So what do we do? I’m not going to take you away from your family, but I need to go back. How do we solve this?”
As he thought about it, he seemed as overwhelmed at the prospect as I was. But then he relaxed. “One day at a time, we make our choices.”
“That’s not helpful.”
“But it’s the truth.”
I sighed, not feeling any better except for the fact we were together.
“What do you hope for?” he asked quietly. Which reminded me.
“Will you grant me a wish?”
His head cocked to the side at my playful tone. “Wishes are for kids.”
“Or birthday girls,” I retorted.
He stilled, putting two and two together. “Today is your birthday?”
I nodded.
“Happy Birthday, Mallory Roth.” His words were painful, an apology patched with a promise. “What can I give you to celebrate such a special day?”
“You’ve already given me what I wanted.”
“Hardly worth the trouble,” he said flatly.
I shook my head, running gentle fingers across his jaw. “No. Priceless.”
He kissed me, maybe to stall, maybe just because we both wanted to make up for lost time. I didn’t care, except for when he broke it. The worry in his eyes made my heart skip .
“What’s wrong?”
He swallowed, then made a decision. His hand dove into his pocket, but he paused before pulling it out again.
“I should have given this to you earlier,” he said. “I meant it as a thank you for bringing me along, but I waited too long. Then…” He drifted off, and I was more than okay with him not rehashing the day we parted ways.
“What is it?”
“Fate, I guess, is finally on my side,” he joked halfheartedly. Slowly, he opened his hand, palm down. Silver dangled from his fingers, the light setting fire to the crystal gems and iridescent pearl at the center.
The necklace, the one from Split.
“But…” I stammered. “But how? When?”
“When you looked in another section in the tunnels, I went back.”
“You had it this whole time?” And here in his pocket? Was it just coincidence he had it on him at this moment or…?
He cleared his throat, bringing the chain between his fingers and fiddling with the clasp. “It was a little piece of you.” His gaze came back up as he reached around, his hands working at the nape of my neck. “Of course I kept it with me.” He let go, the metal cool against my skin as he freed my hair, letting it drape across my shoulders. He stepped away, admiring the necklace and me.
I smiled shyly at his expression, then held the pendant between my fingers as I lifted it for a closer look. It was as pretty as the day I’d first seen it. Maybe even more now.
“Thank you.” It was the most perfect present I’d ever received. Then again, no. The necklace was a close second-best. I let it go, looking up at my first choice—Emil. “It’s beautiful.”
“You make it beautiful.” His voice was quiet, bashful. It melted my heart.
“I think this is the best birthday ever.”
“Really?” Why did he sound surprised ?
“Really,” I said firmly.
His eyes lit up, and he closed the distance between us again. “Can you handle more?”
More? If he was by my side, I would always want more. More of him. More of us. More of this feeling.
“If you insist,” I said, my tone teasingly flippant.
He grinned that devilish grin I loved. “One last surprise, then. I still owe you.”
“You do?” I asked, genuinely curious. I’d lost track of our tally a long time ago. “What?”
“Fulfilling the promise I broke.” He held out his hand. I took it instantly, and he pulled me through the streets.
“Which?” I called as I practically ran to keep up.
“To eat at my favorite place.”
“You’re hungry?” I said, amazed. My stomach was still untying its knots.
“I will be. And so should you. There’s no stopping her once she gets going.”
We had crossed the river, working our way farther from it than I’d ever ventured.
“Stopping who?”
He sped around a bend and halted abruptly. Houses surrounded us, none of the picture-perfect cafés or restaurants in sight. He led me to a door identical to all its neighbors and gave a knock.
“Emil, where are we?”
His smile was huge when he looked at me.
“My mother’s house.”