28. Cassie
CASSIE
My heart sinks as I read the caption accompanying Nina’s picture. “I could never let you do this alone.” She put a blue heart emoji at the end of the sentence.
“What the fuck,” I whisper to myself, the picture a bit painful to look at now that I see who it is. My mind reaches for explanations—it’s Tim; it’s an old picture—but none of them make sense.
Tor hugging Nina like that doesn’t make sense, either.
All thoughts of sympathy drain out of me as I take a screenshot, attach it to a message to Tor with the caption, “Hey, so, what the fuck,” and press send before I can reconsider.
The message delivers right away, but he must be too busy to check his phone because several minutes pass without a response.
That, or he saw the text and doesn’t want to deal with it right now. Doesn’t know what to say. Or he’s deciding to trade me in for her, and he’s never going to answer. That’s probably it.
I pout at my phone, wishing he wasn’t at the one place I can’t go because I want to yell at him.
Finally, my cell phone rings, and my heart jumps to my throat when I see his name on the screen.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Hey,” he says. “Sorry if it’s a little loud.”
“The noise isn’t what I need a sorry for.”
“Yeah, I got your text, but I don’t even know what that is.”
“Um, how many pictures are you posing for with Nina Cortez that you don’t recall that one?”
“I’m not posing for pictures with her.”
“Just holding her? Comforting her? What the fuck, Tor?”
“No,” he says, a little more annoyed. “Of course not. Why the fuck would I comfort Nina?”
“That’s a really good question.”
He pauses, and he must be looking at the picture again, because he says, “Okay, it does look bad. I don’t even know—I mean, a lot of people have been hugging me, Cassie.
Maybe she was one of them, but I truly don’t even remember when this was taken.
Her friend must have snapped the picture at the perfect time. ”
I look at the picture again, shaking my head. It’s really hard to believe this was just incredible timing. The photo looks posed. It looks like the kind of picture you have eight subtle variations of because you were trying to get just the right angle.
“Are you really mad at me?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say, wide-eyed even though he can’t see me.
“I get that it’s a vigil for your brother and people might hug you, but look at the way your arms are wrapped around her waist. I am the only person you should be holding like that, and for the record, the last person in the world I would like you to hug is Nina Cortez.
How would you feel if you saw a picture of any man alive holding me that close, knowing the picture was taken today? ”
“I would not enjoy that at all. And I’m sorry that it looks… I really was not holding her like that. If anything, it was a quick hug. I’m telling you, I don’t know how she got this shot.”
“And that caption. Ugh, she’s such an asshole.”
“I don’t know if it’s a dig at you. I don’t even know if she knows we’re together.”
“Okay, I need to stop you right here because I need to warn you, if you say anything that even slightly sounds like you’re defending Nina, I will lose at least thirty percent of my attraction to you.”
“You’re right, she is an asshole.”
Reluctantly, I crack a smile at his pointedly quick turnaround.
“The biggest asshole I’ve ever met, actually.”
I sigh happily. “See, this is the energy I need.”
“Glad I could help,” he says lightly.
“To be fair, you created the problem in the first place,” I point out.
“Hey, Nina did that. Because she’s an asshole.”
I grin. “See, I can’t even see you, and I’m like, ‘aw, he’s so smart and handsome.’”
He chuckles, then after a few seconds, he asks, “Are you feeling better?”
“No,” I mutter, but I’m not that serious.
Joking around a little did help lessen the crazy, but Nina has been such a sore spot for me for so long that it’s hard to stomach any interaction between them that I can’t directly witness myself.
Especially when she frames it that way, and I’ve seen her go after guys before.
She always gets her way eventually. “What did she say to you?”
“I don’t know, the usual?”
“What does that mean? That’s not helpful.” I don’t give him a chance to respond. “You should have shown me how to set up a spy phone so I could have listened in on your bullshit like you listen in on mine, then I’d know the truth.”
“I’m telling you the truth,” he assures me.
“You’re not telling me anything.”
“Let’s cut through the bullshit. What is it that you need to know?” he asks, seriously.
I hesitate, trying to put it into words. “She was like… Tim’s groupie. She was his default hookup when he wasn’t dating anyone.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And, like, the annoyingly devoted kind of hookup. Nothing he ever did shook her off. When he would sleep with someone else, she would just wait in the wings until he was hers again.”
Tor sighs. “I know all of this, Cassie.”
“So, can you see why it makes me a little uneasy that she’s posting something like that centering you now?”
“She’s just trying to get attention. Tim’s death is a hot topic right now, and guess who conveniently looks just like him.”
“Exactly. You look exactly like the guy she has been into for the past three years.”
“Yes, but I’m not him. You do not have to worry about me like this. It doesn’t even matter if she’s attracted to me because I’m not interested in her. I get that you don’t like or trust Nina, but you know me. Do you think I’m a helpless person who just gets blown wherever some girl wants me to go?”
“Well, no, of course not, but—”
He cuts me off. “I’m not like Tim. I have exactly what I want, so why do I care what else is readily available?”
“I know, but—”
“I’m not even attracted to Nina. She’s too easy for me. I have no interest in attaining something that literally anybody can have. I need a little challenge to get me interested.”
“She’ll figure that out and pivot,” I state. “You’re like a white whale to her. It wasn’t just Tim’s physical appearance she liked. It was his family’s status—your family’s status.”
“And I have the same physical appearance and status,” he says.
“Yes, I understand. I know that Nina had a thing with my brother, and now that he’s gone, I’m sure she would be down for a twin swap, but her motivations are not the only ones that matter here.
I have free will, and I am not interested in her.
I am not a prize, Cassie. I can’t be won.
I’m only interested in you, and there’s nothing she could say or do to change that. ”
His words are reassuring, and I guess if I come out of the hyperfocus on what I know Nina is like, he has a point. I know what Tor is like, and I don’t have any reason to think he would be into Nina.
It’s just that every guy is into Nina.
And she is a brunette, which is the only thing he would tell me constitutes his type physically.
And I know that Nina is sexier than I am.
She’s widely regarded as the sexiest girl in our class.
It’s not just her looks; it’s the way she interacts with people.
She has a very touchy way about her, so I wasn’t surprised she would try to hug Tor, but I don’t believe that he doesn’t remember hugging her.
I am completely straight, and Nina playfully caressed me one time, and I got tummy flutters.
She’s not easy to resist. I don’t know a single guy in our graduating class who ever resisted her when she set her sights on them—guys with girlfriends included, she doesn’t care—so for him to tell me he has no attraction to her whatsoever…
I think he’s bending the truth to make me feel better.
And if he’s bending that truth…
What other truths might he be bending?
I hate that trust keeps coming up as an issue between us because I’m not even convinced it makes sense. I really do feel like I can trust Tor—I mean, he has proven I can trust him with my life, so why does this keep happening?
I wasn’t like this with Russell.
Then again, my bond with Russell never went as deep as this one. And I never slept with Russell. That probably changes things, too.
I guess it feels like I have more to lose now, something that’s somehow become an integral part of me.
“I think I’m developing co-dependent tendencies,” I tell him, which is probably the last thing you ever want to say to your new boyfriend, but it’s all I can think of. “I don’t know why it’s happening. I’m usually not like this—and I mean that.”
“I don’t think you’re co-dependent,” he tells me.
“Our relationship is new. You just need time to settle into it. And while it’s not something we like to acknowledge, I do think there’s enough about me that reminds you of Tim that it makes sense for insecurities you had about him to surface, especially right now when everything is fresh.
I hate to see you worrying over nothing, but this is a temporary issue even if we can’t resolve it.
In August, we’re going to leave Holbrook together, and you’ll probably never see her again.
And if you do, it will be as Mrs. Torrance Walters, so you can rub it in her face if you want to. ”
I crack a smile. “That does sound nice.”
“See? Something to look forward to.”
I sigh. “I hate this picture.”
“I can tell her to untag me if you want.”
“No.” I’m not about to give him a reason to go talk to her. “Just leave it, but know that I hate it, and if you ever cheat on me, especially with her… I will lose my mind, and you know what I’m capable of.”
He chuckles. “That’s ruthless.”
“That’s the truth,” I inform him.
“I’m not worried,” he assures me, not missing a beat. “I’m not a cheater, Cassie. It’s not who I am, and I would never do that to you.”
“Okay. I’m going to believe you.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Don’t make me look dumb.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Are you having fun at Rapist Fest?”
“Eh, they don’t even have corn dogs. I probably wouldn’t go again.”
I laugh, caught off guard by his response. “I really like you.”
I swear I can hear a smile in his voice when he says, “I really like you, too.”
I look down at my lap, picking at invisible lint. “Are you coming over after?”
“Am I invited?” he teases.
I roll my eyes. “It’s your apartment building; you’re always invited.”
He doesn’t let me get away with that answer. “But do you want me there?”
I’m charmed by his flirting. I can’t even help it. “Yes.”
“Then I’ll be there.”
“Good.” I sigh softly. “I guess I’ll let you get back to your adoring audience.”
“It’ll probably be late when I get there, so I’ll let myself in.”
“Okay. I’ll probably be in bed.”
“Wear something cute, and you can take your own picture to post when I get there. I’m sure Nina will love that.”
“Yeah, right. She’d just see it as a challenge.”
“I promise she’s never encountered a challenge like me.”
I smile and grimace. “That’s not as reassuring as you think it is.”
He chuckles. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”