41. Tor
TOR
I nudged Cassie toward Shaley because I knew she needed a friend, but I didn’t adequately anticipate just how aggravating it would be for her to have a sanctuary I wasn’t providing.
To be fair, at the time, I never thought she would seek sanctuary away from me.
She must have only returned home last night to pack a bag because first thing this morning, she was back at Shaley’s and out of comfortable reach.
I can still get to her there, of course, but it would be messier and carry greater risk. For now, I let her have her separation. I have things to do as well.
Typically, when I’m working on something important, I get tunnel vision, but not knowing exactly where Cassie’s head is right now has me distracted. My mind wanders back to her again and again, wondering what she’s doing, what she’s thinking, how she’s feeling.
What she has told Shaley, and how big of a problem that will end up being.
It’s irksome, but Cassie has made a deliberate choice to keep her phone off. She hasn’t simply blocked me—she has blocked out every avenue that she knows I use to keep track of her.
The only advantage I have is that it hasn’t occurred to her I’m also tracking the Lexus. I always know where she is.
I’m sure she would think of it if she weren’t so upset. I have my poor Cassie’s mind spinning pretty wildly right now, and I’m guessing she lacks the capacity to think clearly.
You don’t murder someone who broke your heart unless you’re somebody who gets trapped inside tunnels of intense emotion, after all.
Before Cassie, I couldn’t have even imagined what that must be like, but when Nina lit the fuse the other night, I found myself loading crates of dynamite into every tunnel, prepared to blow up our entire world just to scoop her up out of the rubble until my mom, likely sensing the pending doom in the air, found me and reminded me to take a breath—and to let Cassie take one, too.
It wasn’t the end of the world, but it felt like it at that moment.
I tend to be pretty logical and clearheaded most of the time, so I managed to switch gears, but I figure that’s how Cassie must have been feeling when she showed up at our lake house with a gun, her pure heart polluted with so much darkness that she pulled the trigger.
I put all that darkness there, whether directly or indirectly, and I’ve been meticulously clearing the area and building her back up, but Nina has jeopardized everything by bringing in the one element my masterpiece cannot be built around—the truth.
I know I can’t let Cassie be free of me for too long.
I can’t give her enough time to recover and start rebuilding her life without me. Selfishly, I don’t want her to know she can do that—just in case after all this, she decides she wants to.
Life without me isn’t an option, I’m afraid.
She may have been joking about the girlfriend prison, but I’m not unwilling to build a soundproof room—hell, a whole soundproof house—if I’m unable to convince her.
I didn’t go to those lengths before when I thought I’d lost my chance with her, but that was only because I didn’t know then what it was like to actually possess Cassie Pritchard. Now I do, and I won’t go back to a life without her.
Cassie will spend her life with me one way or the other, but I strongly prefer that she wants to. I can cage her and still make her need me, but I can’t force her to love me, and I’ve become quite addicted to that particular drug. I don’t want to live without it, but I won’t live without her.
There are cracks in our foundation now, but those can be reinforced. They have to be.
I know I only get one chance at fixing this, so I have to play it all just right. If I can’t reinforce the base of the structure, everything I build on it will eventually collapse.
So, I’ve called in reinforcements.
Nina doesn’t know that’s her purpose here, of course, but she’ll figure it out soon enough.
I told her to come just before sunset. I bet she thought that was romantic.
I told her not to tell anybody she was coming. I bet that reminded her of Tim when he was getting tired of one of his girlfriends.
That’s the thing Cassie doesn’t understand. I hurt her, but I was saving her then, too.
She wouldn’t have liked my brother. He would have helped himself to her body if she offered it, but he would never have seen her soul.
He didn’t see her the way I see her, and he never would have appreciated her for all she has to offer.
She was made for me, not him.
Nina knows she wasn’t made for me, but her preferred Walters brother is dead, and she wants to land one of them, so she shows up ready and willing to squeeze herself into whatever mold suits me.
Nina and I have never been overly friendly, so at the sight of the smile on her face as she walks around her car and heads down toward the lake, I know that even though she’s looking at me, it’s not really me she’s seeing.
And that’s fine.
I don’t need her to see me yet.
I give her what she’s really wanting—a little smile that will remind her of him—the same way I would give a fish a worm—impaled on a hook.
“Hey, you,” she says in that way of hers. Familiar and flirty. Casually enticing.
Doesn’t entice me, but she wants it to, so I let my smile widen a bit and let my gaze travel over her body. She wore snug denim shorts and a striped bikini top.
I told her to wear the bikini top. She’s a good listener.
That’s good to know. That suits my purposes well.
When my brother was alive and Nina was around all the time, I never paid enough attention to figure out how to manipulate her because I didn’t need to. I’m utilizing every trick I know to give myself a crash course now.
I mirror a look I’ve seen on my brother’s face before when he was flirting with her—one that says, damn, you look good—and then I turn away like he would too, and let her come to me.
She does.
“I love this shirt on you,” she says, but it’s just an excuse to touch me.
My gaze drifts to her hand on my arm, caressing my bicep as she looks up at me.
She’s a manipulator, too.
Cassie’s probably right about her. That post probably was meant to hurt her.
That makes me mad, but I trap the resulting burst of annoyance beneath the surface because that’s not the image I need her to see. I can’t be me right now. I need to be Tim long enough to reel her in—then I can take the mask off.
“Yeah. I like your shirt, too,” I joke, since she’s not wearing one.
She grins. “Hey, you know me. Always eager to please.”
Yeah, I bet.
She was profoundly unprepared for this expedition and thinks she already has her hooks in me, so she drops her hand and walks away now, giving me a chance to chase.
I’ve never tried dating seriously before Cassie, but if this is any indication of the mating dances people do, I couldn’t be less interested.
I don’t know why Tim enjoyed it so much that he couldn’t even stick to a single girl that he liked, but I never fully understood my brother. The twin connection must only be a thing when their brains are wired the same way, and ours definitely weren’t.
What I told Cassie when she had her irrational fit of insecurity over Nina was the truth. Anything this easy bores the fuck out of me. Always has.
What I didn’t tell Cassie was that I genuinely enjoy her so much that every other woman pales in comparison.
It’s like living in a world of black and white.
Expecting me to be attracted to any of them when she’s the only one in vivid color is frankly absurd.
She’s the only one I see, the only one worth looking at.
When Cassie’s an option, why would I look anywhere else?
If the world looks between Cassie and Nina and finds Nina in any way superior, the world can be wrong, but I know the truth.
Even now, I can’t keep my thoughts from straying back to Cassie.
Always throwing me off my game.
A fond little smile tugs at my mouth, but thoughts of the woman I’d rather be with right now shorten my patience for the one I actually have to deal with. As important as I know this is, I just want to be done with it. I don’t want to be around her anymore.
“You look good in that light,” I tell Nina, taking my phone out of my pocket. “Turn around. Look at me.”
“Ooh, bossy,” she says with a little wrinkle of her nose, a playful glint in her eyes. “I like a man who knows what he wants.”
She sees the faint smile but misses the irony as I pull up my phone’s camera and bring her into focus. “Well, you’ve found one.”
She does a pose she thinks is cute, and I snap a picture, but then, because she doesn’t understand me at all, she reaches behind her neck and unties the bikini top I told her to wear.
The material falls, and her tits spill free. I tap the screen to focus on her face, then I snap that picture, too.
Perfect.
I should have known she’d make this part easy.
Here’s hoping she remains as cooperative once she realizes it’s me she’s dealing with and not Tim.
I put my phone down on the grass near where I’m standing, then I follow Nina over to the edge of the lake. “You sure you can handle my attention?” I ask her, stepping a little too close. “It might be more than you’re prepared for.”
With a sly little smile, she leans closer. “I’m flexible.”
I reach out and grab her by the throat, and she gasps, a soft glint hitting her eyes.
Real vulnerability gleams there. Real desire, too.
Good.
That will make this hurt a lot more.
“Back up,” I say lowly, since she’s standing on the shoreline. “I want you wet.”
Amusement flickers in her dark eyes as she assures me, “Don’t worry. I already am.”
Since I announced my intentions, she doesn’t object as I walk her back until she’s knee-deep in the lake.
Her suspicion doesn’t grow when I take one last look around to make sure no one is watching. She knows I’m technically taken. She doesn’t mind being a dirty little secret.
I pull her in, my grip on her throat tightening, and she moans a little as I lean down.
Her eyes close, and her mouth softens for a kiss.
But all my kisses are for Cassie, so she doesn’t get one.