43. Cassie
CASSIE
The rain stops after Nina leaves, and the rest of my shift is rather calm. At one point, while leaning out the window to deliver an order, I even spot a rainbow in the distance.
The heaviness that has been weighing on me lifts, too.
I don’t turn my phone back on until I leave because I needed a little more time to process everything, but by the time I’m pulling out of the parking lot, I feel a sense of peace.
When I get to my apartment, I don’t even bother pushing my key into the lock. I turn the knob, knowing it will open, and it does.
He’s here.
I’m not sure I should feel relief, but I do.
I kick off my work shoes and leave them by the door, then pad into the living room.
Tor sits on my couch, waiting for me. He’s wearing jeans and a black T-shirt, spread out comfortably with one arm stretched across the back like he owns the place.
Which he does.
He watches me enter the room. I drop my keys and purse on the coffee table and stand there, looking at him.
“Nina came to see me at work today.”
“Yeah?” he says, but he’s not surprised.
I nod, focusing hard on his face as I ask the next question. “Did you fuck her the other night?”
His expression freezes for a split second, a flicker of shock passing through his pretty blue eyes before the hardness banishes it. “What?” he demands. “No, of course I didn’t. Did she say I did?”
A faint smile tugs at my lips, and I shake my head. “No, she didn’t.”
But I had to make sure. I had suspicions about him dispatching Nina tonight, and I needed to check that he didn’t cross a line if he did use unsavory methods of persuading her.
From the start of our relationship, a clear boundary was set that disloyalty is the end of the line for us, the only thing we can’t come back from.
He knows how I feel about Nina. He knows I would consider that the ultimate betrayal.
If he would blow up our foundation as a means to an end or even fuck her in a fit of anger over my leaving, then he’s not who I think he is, and the reality of him would be something I couldn’t accept.
I’ve had a lot of doubts tonight, so I needed to see his reaction for myself. There couldn’t be any lingering doubts about that.
I don’t have any, so I unfasten my pants and shove them down, stepping out of them as I take a step closer to him. My panties come off next.
Tor is surprised, but not unpleasantly.
“I know we need to talk,” I tell him, climbing on his lap so I’m straddling him. “Let’s do it later.”
Nothing remotely unpleasant lingers in his eyes as he holds my gaze, his lips tugging up. “Works for me.”
I smile faintly, sliding my fingers through his hair, then closing my eyes and kissing him.
His hands find my hips, sliding until one arm locks around me, pulling me close. A ripple of desire moves through me, and I wiggle my hips, grinding against him.
He sighs against my mouth, caressing my jaw and then cradling the side of my face. I feel him needing to capture me, to control me, but he doesn’t want to spook me.
I break away from his mouth but only to trail my kisses across his jaw and down his neck.
I missed him so fucking much.
I found a rhythm without him, but I felt the aching emptiness of what I was missing, something I never would have known to miss before.
What Tor and I have exists on deeper levels than most people can ever reach in their relationships.
We don’t shy away from each other. Whatever lies might exist in the world, what’s between us is raw and honest. Our souls are wrapped around each other like thorny vines, and to separate them would be painful and tragic.
It would kill something in each of us, maybe something that lives in the darkness, but we see it in each other. We love it in each other.
He lifts up to push down his pants, and as soon as I can reach his cock, I bring it to my entrance. I kiss his neck, then let him feel my sigh against his skin as he sinks inside me.
“Fuck,” he says, sighing with the same relief.
His hand flexes on my lower back. I can feel him wanting to take control. Feel him holding back for me.
“I love you, Tor.”
His grip tightens, biting into my hips. “I love you, too. So fucking much.”
He lets me ride him at the pace I want, then the pace I need. I ride him until I come, and then as I lay with my head against his shoulder, his cock still moving inside my convulsing pussy, he comes, too.
We head to the shower after.
It’s a tender reunion, his hands in my hair and all over my body. He touches me just to touch me and kisses my skin just to feel it against his mouth.
I tear up a little when he pulls me close and holds me, but they’re not sad tears. If anything, they’re gratitude. I know I could live several lifetimes and never come across a love like this in any of them, but I get to have it in this one.
After we shower, neither of us bothers with clothes.
We curl up in my bed together, and finally, we talk.
“So,” I say, lazily tracing circles on his chest as I peek up at him. “You slept with Nina last summer?”
He knows that won’t be a popular action, and his grimace reflects it. “Yeah.”
I crack a smile. “Why?” I ask simply. “You told me you weren’t even attracted to her.”
“I’m not. Trust me, I’m not. But it wasn’t… life was different before you, Cassie. I hooked up with girls when the mood hit me, but none of them meant anything to me. It was purely a physical release. Nina just happened to be there. She was a body.” He shrugs. “It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I knew you wouldn’t like it. And it didn’t matter. It wasn’t worth disappointing you over.”
I take a slightly deeper breath, then ask, “When I asked if you were the one who raped me, why didn’t you just say no?”
He shakes his head, his gaze drifting to my shoulder. “I don’t know, I was shocked. I should have. We could have avoided all this. I’m sorry.”
“I’m glad we went through it,” I admit, sliding my hand up his shoulder.
His brow furrows slightly. He didn’t expect me to say that. “Why?”
“I think it made us stronger. It made me feel… differently about some things.”
Brow still furrowed, he asks, “What things?”
I lick my lips, my tummy tumbling because I don’t know how to approach this. “I always believed it was Tim that night. I mean, why wouldn’t I? Even he admitted it was, he just pretended it wasn’t rape.” I meet his gaze. “It was.”
He doesn’t flinch. “I know.”
I nod, my gaze dropping to his chest. “But thinking for a moment that it might have been you…”
I try to form the words, but they’re too twisted. I can’t get them out.
Tor catches my chin, lifting my gaze back to his. “Say it. I told you, you can always tell me anything. Whatever you need to say, I can take it. Don’t hold back.”
I release my breath, looking up at him. That was exactly what I needed to hear.
“There’s a tiny part of me that almost wishes it would have been you. I probably wouldn’t have wished that then, but knowing what I know now… I would have preferred to go through it all with you. And I think you would have taken better care of me afterward.”
He sighs this time, but it’s not relief. If I didn’t know better, I’d think it might be guilt.
He cradles the back of my head, pulling my body against his. “I would have,” he says solemnly, holding me tight.
Tears well up in my eyes, but they’re from an old wound that doesn’t hurt as much anymore. I don’t want him to see them and think I’m crying for any reason that’s his fault, even if it is. I don’t want him to feel bad, just like he doesn’t want me to feel bad.
Maybe I should, but I don’t care what I should do or what I should feel.
And that’s new for me.
When his grip on me loosens, he pulls back enough to look at me. Then he dips his head, his lips finding mine in a kiss that’s part comfort, part apology. I soak up the comfort. I don’t need the apology.
“I don’t want you to hold back with me, either,” I whisper before I lose my nerve. “If there’s something you need that you’re not getting from me, I want you to take it.”
His mouth stills. His body does, too.
“I trust you,” I tell him softly. “I know that you’ll always take good care of me. You can always have my body, Tor. Any time, any way that you want it.”
He reinflates, his fingers greedily sinking into my hair. His cock hardens against me, so I know he likes what I’m saying.
“And there’s one more thing I have to say,” I tell him. “I know you think I was attracted to your brother, and maybe I was, but… I had no problem saying no to him. I could never say no to you.”
With his hand splayed on the back of my head, he pulls me in until our lips are close enough to touch. But before he kisses me, he rumbles, “And you wonder why I’m so fucking obsessed with you.”
I grin into his kiss, looping my arm around his neck and pulling closer, shifting my body too, so that his cock is cradled between my thighs. “No, I think I’m starting to understand. You just have really good taste,” I tease.
He smiles against my mouth. “I fucking love you.”
“I know you do,” I say playfully.
“I’m never gonna stop.”
“You better not.”
He pulls me back enough so I can look up at him. “I promise I’ll spend the rest of our lives making you so fucking happy.”
I smile softly, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “You already do.”
He reaches down between us, his hand sliding against my pussy. I sigh as he uses his fingers to spread me open, then gasp when he pushes his cock into me.
I start to roll onto my back, expecting him to fuck me again, but he stops me, yanking me close and settling me against him.
He pulls my hips toward his, shoving his cock deeper.
It pulls at my skin on the way in, but I don’t mind.
Once he’s buried all the way to the hilt inside me, my tits smashed against his muscled chest, he settles an arm around my waist and just holds me.
He closes his eyes, pulling my face into the crook of his neck and caressing the back of my head as I lay against him.
I’m a little confused. “What are you doing?” I whisper.