Chapter Six
THREE DAYS OF living alone in a giant building meant to house more than a dozen women had Kelsie going a little stir-crazy. Used to being on her own, she hadn’t anticipated the sharp tug of loneliness or boredom, but her entire apartment could have fit in the shelter’s common area, and having so much space to roam had her feeling aimless.
Granted, she hadn’t been totally alone. The women affiliated with the shelter and, thus, the MC, all stopped by at various times to work on different projects. Brenna, to paint and arrange furniture, Brooke and Harper to work in their offices, and Liv to, well, she didn’t know what Liv’s role was yet, but the woman brought sparkle and pizzazz wherever she went.
They’d given Kelsie a wide berth, probably afraid to say the wrong thing and trigger a breakdown. Harper was the only one who’d approached her, but even the social worker seemed to walk on eggshells in Kelsie’s presence.
After a few days, she needed to get out but had nowhere to go and no transportation to get there. Her apartment in Tampa might have been a shitty studio without any amenities to speak of, but at least she could get around the city without a vehicle. Here, she felt trapped in some regard.
It’d been extra quiet around the shelter for most of the day today. The club members must have had an event to attend because the entire property seemed stiller and more silent than usual. Typically, something was happening, and as she had a view of the clubhouse from her large window, she could watch the members coming and going all day long.
But not today.
By the evening, she couldn’t stand the thought of bingeing another television series or searching for a new book to read. She needed to move and get out of the building. Exploring the grounds had seemed like a terrifying notion as she worried about running into any of the large, tattooed bikers in leather vests and losing her shit in front of them, humiliating herself even more than she already had. But she couldn’t deny the pull of curiosity that grew with each passing day.
Maybe tonight was the perfect time to scout around and investigate the property.
What if you run into someone and have a panic attack?
What if they try to touch you?
A cold sweat broke out across her forehead. She wiped at her damp brow with a frustrated sigh.
How many times had Harper and Brenna promised her she was safe here? Too many to count. Over and over, they’d reassured her the men in the Hell’s Handlers Motorcycle Club would rather die than harm an innocent woman in general and her in particular.
Still, the fear persisted.
But maybe it was a little less. Maybe her boredom and curiosity had grown stronger than the fear.
No, but if she didn’t get out, she’d go crazy from inactivity as well as the traumas she’d suffered. Lord knew the last thing she needed was another reason to slide toward insanity.
Kelsie, I promise you are not crazy. Your brain is trying to protect itself from more pain. That’s why you react negatively around men right now.
Harper’s sweet voice rang out in her head.
“It’s called dark humor,” Kelsie muttered. “And it helps me cope.” She glanced out the window at the dark sky. It was a beautiful evening.
“And now I’m talking to myself. Another check in the crazy column.” She rolled her eyes. “I need to get out of here.”
Before she could talk herself out of it or enter another round of rationalization, she stood and walked into her room. After grabbing a light sweatshirt and shoving her feet into a pair of ratty old sneakers, she headed outside.
The warm, humid night air wrapped around her like a comforting hug. Many visitors to Florida cringed at the thick, wet air, but Kelsie had never minded it. Growing up in Alabama, she’d experienced southern living for her entire life. Humidity and heat were familiar friends. When she’d visited the West Coast as a kid, the dry air left her skin feeling dehydrated and itchy.
Floodlights glowed from the clubhouse even though the parking area out front only had one or two motorcycles, far fewer than normal. They cast a glow across the farm, providing enough light for her to see.
She’d have expected to be fearful walking the dark, vast land, but she felt a surprising sense of calm and ease. One she might as well take advantage of.
Directly behind the clubhouse was a small, wooded area. It was unique for farmland, but Brooke had explained it had been purposely designed that way and gave the clubhouse a cozy feel and some privacy from the rest of the MC’s property. She veered straight for it. Looking up at the stars through the tree coverage sounded magical.
At her slow pace, she reached the wooded area in about five minutes. Her feet crunched over fallen leaves and twigs as she wove between the trees. She stopped walking and then glanced up. Between tall branches of trees she’d never be able to identify, stars twinkled in a celestial game of peek-a-boo.
Kelsie smiled. A sense of peace washed over her that she hadn’t experienced in months, maybe years, since she was a young girl and innocent of the world’s cruelty.
Of her family’s.
The night sky had always soothed her, and living in a city, she’d missed the beauty of the stars. Once upon a time, she’d considered studying astronomy, but that dream had long since expired.
Now, she only wished to survive each day without more pain and suffering.
And without being dragged back into her family’s toxic web of lies and drama.
Time passed, but Kelsie paid it no mind. She stood there, shrouded by trees and the beauty of the universe, until her legs ached and begged her to move.
Kelsie smiled.
Damn, she felt good. Not just good in comparison to the misery of days before, but actually good. Maybe even a little happy.
She inhaled a deep pull of night air. Instead of freshness, an acrid tinge of smoke tickled her senses.
Kelsie’s heart shot into overdrive as she sniffed the air again. Without a doubt, something was on fire.
The clubhouse!
She tromped through the woods without finesse, stumbling over roots and catching her sweatshirt on branches as she raced toward the smell.
The flicker of light through the trees caught her attention at the same time as a man’s angry voice shouted out.
Kelsie froze dead in her tracks.
Two things registered at once. The clubhouse wasn’t on fire, and a very angry man sat less than thirty feet from her around a roaring bonfire.
Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic.
The displeased voice wasn’t aimed her way. In fact, whoever sat outside, yelling into a phone, hadn’t noticed her lurking through the trees.
Her heart took a few minutes to settle from the scare of a potential house fire and being so close to a man, but as soon as it did, and as soon as the blood stopped pulsing in her ears, she recognized the voice.
Tyler.
Oh, thank God.
The fear vanished at once.
She could never explain why, but she knew deep in her soul Tyler would never hurt her. At least not physically, and she never allowed anyone in enough to hurt her emotionally, so that wasn’t a worry.
Her internal monologue shifted from concern for herself to concern over the man whose face wore an expression of devastation she recognized from personal experience. Whoever he was speaking to had wounded him deeply.
She should leave. Kelsie had no business standing there and eavesdropping on a conversation that had nothing to do with her by a man who wanted nothing to do with her, but her feet wouldn’t budge. They stayed rooted to the ground with as much strength as the trees around her that had withstood countless hurricanes.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he said with so much venom an outsider would have assumed fury was his predominant emotion, but as one who knew pain, Kelsie heard the agony guiding the words.
He went back and forth with whoever was on the line. Kelsie tried to guess the context of the conversation but couldn’t make it out until he barked, “This isn’t about the abortion, Trina. It’s your body. This is about the thousands of lies. Even now, when you’re caught, you’re still lying.”
More words were shouted, probably on each end, but Kelsie didn’t hear them. A buzzing started in her ears as Ty’s words played over and over.
Oh my God.
It didn’t take a genius to realize she’d walked in on a very personal conversation she had no business listening to. She should go. Turn and tiptoe her way back to the shelter. This didn’t concern him, and Ty would probably be furious if he caught her eavesdropping.
His anguished yell rang out again.
Her heart fractured. God, the pain. She knew that pain of lies and betrayal. It hurt more than any physical agony.
“Fuck off, Trina!” he shouted before ripping the phone from his ear. “God-fucking-dammit.” He tossed the phone down and reached for a bottle. Not much liquid remained, but he guzzled a decent swallow before setting the bottle back down.
Kelsie watched, transfixed, as he closed his eyes and lounged back in the chair.
What was he thinking? Did the alcohol help to numb the pain? It had never worked for her. She’d long ago given up drowning her sorrows in alcohol.
Go to him.
With each passing second, the urge to reveal herself to him grew in strength. As though driven by an invisible force, she walked the final few feet through the woods toward him. He remained unaware of her presence. Could he have fallen asleep? That probably depended on how much alcohol he’d consumed.
Crack.
Keslie froze with her foot on the snapped twig that had alerted him to her presence.
Tyler shot up in his seat and reached for something on the ground. Kelsie’s heart leaped into her throat as she realized what he held.
A gun.
Oh God! Oh God!Would he shoot? Just aim at the woods and let the bullets fly? She didn’t dare move, breathe, or even blink.
“Show your face, motherfucker!” he yelled, the words echoing in the quiet night.
Kelsie trembled so hard the leaves rustled beneath her feet.
Tyler aimed the gun at the woods. If he took a shot right then, he’d hit her.
“I’m counting to five, then I’ll just start shooting. One…”
She swallowed. This was it. She could stay still and take the chance that his shot would miss, she could run and pray he didn’t give chase, or she could reveal herself.
“Two…”
Kelsie squeezed her eyes shut, sent a rapid-fire prayer to whoever was listening, and then walked five steps out into the clearing on shaking legs.
“Hey,” she said like the stunning conversationalist she was.
Tyler’s eyes grew wide, and his mouth opened. “Well, fuck me sideways.”
He stared, which oddly made her feel better. At least she wasn’t the only one stumped for intellectual words. After a few moments of heavy silence, he scowled.
“The fuck are you doing out here alone at night? It’s not safe.” As he spoke, his gaze went to her wrist. She’d removed the bandage earlier that day, but the stitches remained. Ty wouldn’t be able to see anything since the wound lay below her sweatshirt.
She tilted her head, studying him. Through the firelight, his glazed eyes spoke to how much he’d had to drink. “It’s not?” she asked with a small smile. “The ladies assure me at least a hundred times a day that this property is basically safer than a military stronghold.”
He grunted. “Touché. Do you want to sit?” He gestured toward the empty chairs around the fire.
If she were smart, she’d decline the offer and return to the shelter. But he already thought she was stupid, so she might as well prove him right. Besides, the heat emanating from the fire felt incredible, even on a warm night. The setup held a cozy view she couldn’t resist. “Sure.”
They sat in adjacent Adirondack chairs, neither speaking for long minutes. The last time they’d been in the same space, Ty acted like a royal ass. Did he see it that way? Or did he still harbor harsh criticism for her actions?
“Tequila?” he eventually asked, offering the bottle. Only about a third remained.
“Sure.” She needed to conjure a greater variety of words, or this night would take awkwardness to the next level.
As she accepted and took the bottle from Ty, their fingers brushed, and a fiery zing traveled up her arm. She resisted the accompanying gasp, but barely. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. Not like the tremors of fear she experienced with most men. Then, she’d always responded differently to Ty for whatever reason. She wanted to experience it again so much that she almost reached out and grasped his hand.
The scowl on his face kept her from doing it. Clearly, he hadn’t felt the same alluring rush of sensation.
“Thanks,” she said right before knocking back a large mouthful of tequila. The burn reminded her of why she’d never been a fan of tequila—at least not without crushed ice, lime juice, and a rim of salt, or even better, strawberry puree and a sugary rim.
“Gah,” she said on an exhale as she fought the urge to cough. “Delicious.”
Ty laughed as he stole the bottle back and drank twice as much as she did in one swallow.
“Are you okay?” she asked after a few more moments of silence.
He stared at her for a beat. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
Kelsie snorted. “No. We both already know I’m nowhere near okay. No need to ask.”
“Yeah.” He circled the pad of his thumb around the opening of the tequila bottle, and Kelsie’s lower belly clenched.
For a while, she assumed he’d chosen to ignore the question, but then he spoke.
“I was married awhile back. My ex-wife and I tried for years to have a baby with no success. Years. Can’t tell you how many nights she sobbed in my arms, claiming she wanted nothing more than to carry our child. God, it was fucking torture. Our marriage was shit, but this common goal kept us together way longer than we should have. Found out tonight that the entire time she’d been begging for a baby and blaming me for not getting her pregnant, she was taking birth control. It was all a fucking charade.”
“Oh, Ty…”
“To make matters worse, she managed to get pregnant once anyway, and she ended the pregnancy without a word to me. She never wanted kids. It was all some sick manipulation plan on her part, I guess.”
She blinked. “Holy shit, Ty, that’s…” What? How did she even describe it? The thought of deceiving someone she loved like that made her heart ache. “I’m so sorry. That’s extremely shitty.”
His grunt held a world of pain. “Yes, it is.” He raised the bottle in salute. “To marriage.” Then he tipped his head back and took another gulp before extending his arm to her again.
“Well,” she said, accepting the bottle of tequila. “I don’t know squat about being married, but I’ll drink to whatever you’re toasting. Gah,” she said after another swallow. “That is horrendous.”
He chuckled, eyes sparkling. “Keep drinking. Soon, you won’t even notice it.”
She eyed the bottle, shrugged, then took another sip. Then, one more for good luck. She could sure use some. “Huh, you’re right. That one wasn’t so bad.”
“All right, that’s enough.” He snickered as he snatched the bottle back. “Don’t be greedy, kid.”
Kid? She frowned. Was that how he saw her? Sure, about two decades separated them, but the idea of him looking at her like a kid had something ugly twisting inside. If there was anyone she wanted to view her as a woman, it was Ty. For whatever reason.
“Kid?” She chuckled. “I am not a fucking kid. I might be young in the years I’ve lived on this planet, but I haven’t been a kid in a long time. And I don’t mean the past few months. I grew up years before I was kidnapped and auctioned off to the highest bidder.”
“Christ, Kelsie.” He threw back more tequila.
She shrugged. “Some people are lucky enough to get through life without one traumatic incident.” She rolled her head in his direction, meeting his intense gaze. “And some of us get their share on top of our own.”
The bottle froze halfway to his mouth. Storm clouds darkened his expression. “Kels—”
She held up a hand, warding off whatever he planned to say next. “Don’t listen to me. Apparently, tequila makes me loose-lipped and maudlin.”
“Kelsie, if you need help—”
“All I need right now, Ty, is for you to stop looking at me like a child you pity. After everything I’ve been through…” Her voice hitched, and she swallowed the mountain of emotion. Now wasn’t the time to get all weepy.
Damn you, tequila.
Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound.
“Give me that freakin’ bottle.” She held out her hand.
He continued to stare at her, and just when she was certain he’d push her to keep talking, he said, “How about this one? To an empty clubhouse, which never fucking happens, and the peace of sitting around a roaring campfire without a house full of fuckers driving me crazy.”
Kelsie laughed. “Well, I don’t know your brothers, but I can imagine it gets a bit… rowdy around here, so I’ll drink to that.” She grabbed the bottle back from him. “To peace and quiet.” Then she took another big swallow.
They sat before the fire long into the night, talking, laughing, and passing the bottle. Her fingers tingled, and her limbs buzzed with energy. The alcohol and the company had her feeling lighter than she had in ages.
Ty was funny and handsome and drew her like no one else had before.
Too bad he saw her as a damaged kid he had to entertain for the night.
That depressing thought was almost enough to kill her happy buzz. But then the conversation lulled, and they were left staring at each other with the heat of the fire crackling and something just as hot sizzling in the air between them.
Or maybe her brain was swimming in so much tequila she’d imagined the connection.
That had to be it.
She was too damaged to draw a man like Tyler.
“Don’t fall asleep,” he warned, interrupting her depressing monologue.
“I won’t,” she mumbled. “But I am getting tired. I should probably head back.” She stood only to have the world dip and swoop, taking her stomach along with it. “Whoa,” she said, reaching out for the arm of the chair.
Ty chuckled. “Easy there, killer.” He stood, only slightly steadier than her.
Giggling, Kelsie said, “Maybe I should just sleep right here.”
“Nah, c’mon. Let’s head inside and drink some coffee. Once we sober up, I’ll walk you back to the shelter.”
“Inside? The clubhouse?” Where all the men hang out? No way. Even drunk, she knew that was a dreadful idea. She blinked, trying to slow the spinning, but the effort fell flat. Ugh. She’d never make it back to the shelter at this rate. Maybe she could crawl.
“No one’s around tonight. Promise.”
“I don’t think it’s necessary. I’ll just head back now.” She took a step and listed to the left, right into Tyler. “Okay, maybe for a few minutes.”
Laughing, he slung an arm around her shoulders. “Shoulda known you’d be a lightweight.”
She’d have bristled at the comment, but his arm felt nice, and he smelled so damn good she forgot to be offended.
“You steady?” he asked.
“Not sure. Hang on to me until we get inside, okay?” She peered up at him through blurry eyes.
His gaze took on the same intensity it had earlier. The one that made her shiver and wish for impossible things. “I won’t let you go, Kels. Swear it on my life.”
If only he meant something other than keeping her from falling flat on her face from drinking too much.
And if, while wobbly, she could have made it on her own but didn’t want to deny herself the pleasure of his body keeping her stable?
Well, no one ever needed to know. She was damn good at keeping secrets.