Chapter Eight
“SO, I HAD an idea.” Brooke sat on a barstool at the counter in the shelter’s kitchen, nursing a mug of coffee. She’d arrived an hour or so ago to ‘get some work done’ but hadn’t moved to leave the kitchen. Of all the women, Kelsie felt drawn to Brooke the most. Not just because she came with an adorable German Shepard who’d taken quite a liking to her but because Brooke had a calm and innately non-judgmental way about her that Kelsie admired. Unlike Liv, Harper, and even Brenna, she never tried to talk Kelsie into an activity she might not be ready for and never seemed to be hovering. Of course, their concern came from a great place, but sometimes it could be smothering.
Brooke seemed content to let the chips fall where they may and let Kelsie forge her own path. However, she had a feeling that might be about to change.
“Okay.” Brooke set down her coffee. “I debated whether this was the right time to bring this up because I don’t want you to feel pressured to agree if you aren’t ready or interested. But you seem comfortable here, so I figured I might as well go for it. But I want you to promise me you won’t say yes unless you are completely certain, okay?”
Kelsie pressed her lips together and tried not to chuckle.
“What?”
“You’re rambling.” She shrugged, unable to hide her grin any longer. “It’s the first time I’ve seen you off-kilter. It’s strange. I don’t like it. Though it is nice to be reminded that I’m not the only one who can be messy.”
Brooke laughed. She raised her hands in defeat. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll chill. And trust me, I’m a mess more often than not.”
Kelsie highly doubted that, but she didn’t contradict the woman who seemed to have it all. “So, what is it you wanted to ask me?”
“Well…” Brooke gave Kelsie her full attention. Kelsie also abandoned her drink to return the gesture and focused on her new friend. “You’ve mentioned a few times over the past week that you want to start looking for a job but are nervous about putting yourself out there.”
Nodding, she said, “Yes. I’m going a little stir-crazy. I’ve been pushing myself to be around men more, but only here on club property, where I feel safe. I haven’t ventured out into the world much yet, and I’m worried I won’t be able to keep from panicking, which makes getting a job tricky.”
“Understandable. And by the way, I’m so proud of how you’re kicking ass and coming to the clubhouse every day. Not only do all the guys respect the hell outta you, but they also think you’re fantastic.”
Her cheeks heated. “Brooke…”
The other woman raised her hands. “Promise I’m not bullshitting you. Just this morning, Jinx told me how brave he thought you were to sit next to him at the bar last night. I believe his exact words were, ‘That girl’s got a serious set of balls on her.’” Brooke did an uncanny Jinx impression. “All the guys feel the same.”
It was the first time she’d ever received that particular compliment. “Thank you for telling me that. It helps to know other people can see how hard I’m trying.”
And she was. She’d been shaking so hard last night, sitting next to Jinx, she’d nearly vibrated off the barstool and onto the floor. The surprisingly gentle giant acted as though he didn’t notice as he’d regaled her with ridiculous tales of his wild and misspent youth while she’d finished an entire beer beside him. Afterward, she’d fled to the kitchen, where she’d needed ten minutes to calm her racing heart, but she’d done it without a full-blown panic attack.
Progress.
The only kink in her otherwise smooth healing process was Ty. She hadn’t seen so much as a glimpse of the man in the four days since he’d stormed out of the clubhouse after the most awkward encounter known to man.
She’d hoped to run into him to let him off the hook. Staying away from his clubhouse because of her wasn’t necessary. So he saw her as a damaged child? What did it matter? She was damaged—hopefully, not beyond repair—and even though she’d argue until her vocal cords shriveled up that she wasn”t a child, he did have twenty years on her. He saw her how he saw her, and even though it sucked, he had the right to his own opinion. She didn’t have the energy or desire to hold it against him.
“Good,” Brooke continued. “Anyway, on to my proposition. One of the ideas Harper brought to the table regarding this shelter was to have someone be the overall house coordinator. When we discuss the role, we jokingly call it the Shelter Mother. This person would be onsite to greet all clients as they arrive, manage clients’ daily schedules, meal plans, divvy up chores, and basically handle the day-to-day goings on.”
“Okay…” Where was Brooke going with this?
“Initially, this was going to be my role, but as our plans have come to life, I realize I won’t be able to fulfill it. Not with all my other duties, and not if I want to continue my work as a canine trainer, which I plan to do.”
“Are you looking for me to help you find someone?” She had no experience hiring or interviewing anyone.
Brooke chuckled. “No, definitely not. We’ve already found who we want.”
“Oh.” She scrunched her brow. “So, what do you need from me?”
Full-on laughing now, Brooke shook her head. “Girl, we need to work on your self-confidence. It’s you we want! You’re perfect for the job.”
“M-me?” She glanced over one shoulder and the other in case someone stood behind her. Someone else Brooke wanted to offer the job to.
“Yes, you, Kelsie.” Brooke reached across the counter and placed her hand over Kelsie’s. “You’re smart, compassionate, organized, and motivated. Better yet, you can empathize with the women we want to serve. Who better to be here running the place than someone who has been where our clients have been and who came out on the other side stronger?”
“I, um… wow.” She blinked, then laughed. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be a bumbling idiot. I’m literally shocked right now. I thought you would ask me to review resumes or something, not offer me an incredible job.”
Brooke beamed. “You’ll think about it? I don’t expect you to say yes this second or even this week. I’ll email you the salary and benefits package, but I promise they are generous. I know the value of working with good people and plan to compensate you accordingly. Obviously, there are a lot of details to iron out, but we have plenty of time to really flesh out the position.”
Her head spun, her hands began to sweat, and her heart danced an erratic jig in her chest, but for the first time in ages, they weren’t from fear but excited anticipation. “Brooke, I don’t even know what to say. I owe you guys so much. I’d do the job for nothing.”
“Nuh-uh.” Brooke stood and came around the island, gripping Kelsie’s shoulders. “Remember how I started this conversation? There is no obligation or pressure at all. You owe us nothing. We are all so glad we got you out of that hellhole when the guys rescued Brenna. This job offer is just good business sense on my part.”
Her eyes grew misty. “Well, then I absolutely acc—”
“No!” Brooke cut in, shaking her head rapidly. “Don’t answer yet. Read the contract and think it over, then you can tell me what I want to hear.”
“Okay, I’ll do that.” She could barely contain her excitement but managed not to jump up and down and scream like a loon.
“One more thing.” Brooke reached into her back pocket and pulled out a phone. “This is for you.”
What?“Brooke, no, I can’t—”
“It’s not new.”
Kelsie shook her head.
“I upgraded my phone last week, and you need one. Why wouldn’t I give it to you?”
“Uh, because I’m perfectly capable of getting my own phone like any other adult.” She’d had one but threw it across the room and destroyed it after Lorenzo called. The only reason she’d yet to get another was her anxiety over going into a store and possibly having a panic attack.
Brooke waved away her concern. “Consider it a perk of the job if you take it.” She winked. “You’ll need to activate it with a phone number because I transferred mine and wiped this baby.”
She turned the phone over in her hand. It might have been Brooke’s old phone, but it was still a recent model. Plus, it had a sleek purple case that seemed indestructible. Exactly what she needed given the abuse she’d subjected her last phone to. “Thank you,” she said as her throat thickened. The words came out a near whisper.
“You’re very welcome. Can I hug you?”
Everyone was always so careful to obtain her consent before getting too close or touching her in a way she might not want. The simple gesture meant more to her than she could express.
“Of course.” She opened her arms and accepted a hug from Brooke.
“Our stories are different…” Brooke said as she hugged Kelsie tight, “… but I’ve been in a dark place before, and I know trauma. Too well. I understand how hard it is to fight for your happiness. You’re doing an amazing job. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you,” she whispered again. This time, a tear trickled from the corner of her eye.
Clearing her throat, Brooke stepped back. She swiped at her eyes and then gave a watery smile. “I’m gonna head out before we get too weepy. Let me know if you want someone to come with you when you go to get that phone activated. Otherwise, feel free to borrow my car and head there whenever you want. I’ll be working in my office for the next few hours. Spare keys are on the console table in the foyer.”
“I think I’ll just go now if that works,” she stated before she had time to think of all the reasons she couldn’t. She’d been talking herself out of things for the past two months. It was time to take a long leap out of her comfort zone and give Brooke something to really be proud of. Brooke’s faith in her provided the boost she needed to take another step in a positive direction. She could handle a few minutes in a cellular store, even if the employee helping was a man.
“Perfect. Don’t forget to check your email for that contract as soon as you set up the phone.” Brooke waved and headed down the hall toward her office.
“Will do.” Kelsie slipped her feet into her flip-flops and then went to grab the keys before leaving the shelter.
Ten minutes later, she sat in Brooke’s SUV outside the cellular store, staring at the building. “Ten minutes tops, in and out. That’s nothing. And it’s broad daylight. Nothing’s going to happen. You got this.”
As a child, she hated speaking at the front of the class. Her sixth-grade English teacher made the class keep a daily journal and share one entry aloud weekly. No matter how many times she suffered through the heinous task of presenting her journal, the anxiety never improved. Every Friday, she’d walk into school with a racing heart, sweaty palms, knots in her stomach, and a voice telling her she’d fail.
She had those same feelings as she tried to convince herself to step out of the car.
God, how she hated those sensations.
She put her quaking hand on the door handle. “On the count of three,” she whispered. “One… two… three…”
She pulled the lever and opened the door, spinning her legs to the left. Her feet hit the pavement as she inhaled a deep, cleansing breath. Humidity and heat assaulted her in sharp contrast to the chilly air-conditioned interior of Brooke’s luxury SUV.
“So far so good.”
A thin woman in workout gear walking a tiny terrier passed without so much as a glance in her direction. However, the brown and black dog took notice and yapped a few high-pitched barks. Kelsie smiled at the cute little guy and stood facing the storefront.
Okay, she was officially out of the car. The next step was to walk to the store’s entrance. Fifteen strides, max. One foot in front of the other.
Move.
As though controlled by a remote, she moved her legs, right, left, right, left, until she reached the curb. She lifted her right foot, placed it on the curb, and stepped up to the sidewalk. It felt like an out-of-body experience, as though someone else sat at the helm, steering her while her brain wasn’t fully on board.
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
The blood rushed in her ears alongside a low buzzing.
Right foot, left foot.
Before she could reach for the door, it opened, and a young, overly cheerful employee dressed in a red polo with the store’s logo and plain black pants greeted her. “Hello!” The young woman said. “Welcome to Quantum Wireless. How can we help you today?”
A woman.
Thank God.
Kelsie’s shoulders relaxed. Hurdle one completed.
“Hi,” she squeaked, then cleared her throat. “My friend gave me her old phone, and I wanted to activate it with my number.”
“Great, come with me, and I’ll set that up for you.” She motioned for Kelsie to follow as she headed toward a computer station. Her long black hair hung down her back in a thick braid, swishing as she half bounced, half walked. “I’m Audrey, by the way. Are we transferring an old number or starting fresh?”
Oh, she hadn’t thought of that. Transferring her old phone number would be easier, but it meant her family could contact her. They would eventually discover her new information—they always did—but she’d prefer to remain off their radar as long as possible. A new number would buy her a little time. “Can I transfer the data from my old phone but have a new phone number?”
“Absolutely!” The store employee, who couldn’t have been much older than Kelsie, spoke every sentence like she was announcing important and exciting news. “As long as you have your old login information, you’re good to go.” She gave Kelsie a wide, toothy smile.
“I have it.”
“Great! Give me one minute…”
As she click-clacked on the computer, a man in an identical polo strode over to the computer station next to Audrey. Kelsie immediately tensed, and her insides did the now familiar churning that preceded an anxiety attack.
Don’t lose it. He’s not even paying attention to you.
She stuck her tongue between her teeth and bit down. The sharp zip of pain helped draw her from the brink of panic.
The man grabbed a water bottle, murmured something to Aubrey, winked at her, and wandered away.
Kelsie blew out a long, stale breath.
“All right, may I see the new phone?”
She blinked. “Hmm?”
“The phone?” Aubrey held out her hand, palm up.
“Oh, sorry. I drifted.” She handed over the device.
“No worries.”
Fifteen minutes later, Kelsie walked outside with a working phone chock full of all her old apps, contacts, and data but with a brand-spanking new phone number. It felt nice to be connected to the world again, but the big win today was surviving a trip to a store where multiple men had come and gone without losing her shit.
Her smile felt well-earned. As did the exhaustion now demanding she sit and take a breather. Most people didn’t understand how physically taxing it was to battle a mental enemy. Panic attacks sucked every ounce of energy she had. Even when she emerged victorious over her inner demons as she had today, she felt like she could sleep for a week.
After ten minutes of recovering and deep breathing in the driver’s seat of Brooke’s SUV, she had mustered enough energy to check her email on the new phone.
There, at the top of a very long list of unread emails, sat the job proposal from Brooke. She might as well give the contract a read, even though she had no intention of turning down the job. Brooke could have offered her gum and nachos as payment, and she’d happily accept the offer. A job working with all women in the one place she felt completely safe. In what universe would she say no to that?
Smiling, Kelsie went to open it when she caught the subject of the next email.
Family first, last, and above all.
Her blood ran cold. How many times had she heard that mantra through her childhood years? Countless. The phrase was uttered at every family gathering and before ending any phone call. Hell, her father even had the words tattooed above his heart.
And in their eyes, she’d forsaken her family. They’d let her get away with it—mostly—for years, but now it seemed they wanted her back. With a trembling finger, she touched the screen of her phone, opening the email. Brooke’s generous offer fell away from her radar as her terrifying family came into full focus.
My only daughter,
Kelsie rolled her eyes at the dramatic greeting she’d come to expect from her manipulative father.
It is time to come home. We have been patient with your need to spread your wings, but the time has come to end your foolishness and return to us. You are no longer a child and must not forsake your familial duties. In one month, I’ll be holding a press conference to declare my bid for governorship. Before then, we need to announce your engagement to Andrew Tinsley. It is imperative you cooperate.
If you do not return home on your own, we will be forced to take action to bring you home. Make no mistake, we know exactly where you are. Biker gangs do not scare us.
Her heart sank.
There it all went, gone in a puff of smoke, seconds after she’d finally felt her life was progressing positively. When her brother called her roughly ten days ago, he’d laid out the family’s plan for her to marry Andrew Tinsley. Andrew was the son of Cameron Tinsley, the current Speaker of the House. He was also the definition of a toxic male. Tabloids loved him because they didn’t have to make up sensational stories to feed their hungry readers.
And her father wanted to serve her up to him on a silver platter. She was there to improve his public image. In return, Tinsley would endorse her father in his run for Governor of Alabama.
All she’d ever been to her family was a pawn. Even now, after being burned so many times, she hoped they’d forget she existed. It would never happen. She needed to internalize that fact to prevent this crushing feeling of disappointment and despair from occurring repeatedly.
The woman who could barely stand to be in the same room with a man was supposed to marry one with a horrendous history when it came to women.
She slumped forward, letting her head thump the steering wheel.
So close, she’d been so close to a different life. Or so she’d thought. In reality, she’d been a fool to let herself be seduced by dreams she’d never achieve. Her family, her blood, would always be a part of her, and she’d never escape them.
It was that thought that had driven her to harm herself after her brother’s phone call. She’d been beyond distraught. Thinking of being forced to marry someone sent her right back two months to the hell she’d survived. It triggered a flashback so vivid and real she had reached for a knife and cut her wrist before she’d known what happened.
The memory of it made her sick.
So now what?
With a heavy sigh and an equally heavy heart, Kelsie lifted her head off the steering wheel. The first order of business was to return Brooke’s car. She might come from a family without morals, but she’d rather gouge out her eyes than give Brooke the impression she was taking advantage of her generosity.
As she depressed the brake and pushed the ignition button, her gaze drifted left. The door to a small sandwich shop opened, and a sharply dressed man strolled out carrying a brown paper bag. He wore a perfectly tailored suit that fit him like a glove. Despite a light breeze, his chestnut hair had enough spray to keep it in place. Three thick gold rings glinted in the sun on the fingers holding the bag.
Unease crawled up Kelsie’s spine. Something about the jewelry tickled her memory. She continued to trail her gaze over him. The second she focused on his face, her stomach lurched, and she gagged violently. He had a moon-shaped birthmark on his cheek she’d never forget.
Her stomach heaved again. She scrambled to shove the door open and vomited on the ground next to Brooke’s car.
When the abdominal spasms passed, she was left weak and shaking. She glanced up in time to see the man slip into a pricy sports car a few spots over, completely oblivious to her.
Memories, the horrifying ones she had been trying to block out for the past few months, assaulted her. Kelsie squeezed her eyes shut and slapped a palm to her forehead. “Go away,” she whispered. Opening her eyes, she caught the man pulling out of the parking spot while chatting into a phone mounted on his dashboard. He laughed as he looked over his shoulder and reversed the car.
He was a monster. And he didn’t have a care in the world, driving his luxury vehicle and picking up his lunch like any normal human being.
Rage replaced the shock, starting low in her stomach and spiraling out through her entire body until she felt like she could vibrate right off the earth with the force of her hatred. That piece of shit did not deserve to smile and laugh, not after what he’d done to her and who knew how many others.
She slammed the door shut, yanked Brooke’s car into reverse, and pulled up behind the fucker who’d purchased her in an auction.