Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
I turn slowly toward Christian.
“Can you please go tell Merrick I’ll be down in a few minutes?”
Christian hesitates. I can feel him watching me, then Kai, then back again. There’s something wary in his expression now.
But he nods. “Alright,” he says quietly.
The door clicks shut behind him, and I wait until the footsteps fade before I speak.
“How long have you known?”
“A while,” he says calmly.
I nod once, slowly. My arms are still crossed, partly for warmth, mostly to hold myself together.
“And you didn’t think to tell me? About my father? About what happened with Irina?”
He glances briefly away before his gaze returns, unwavering. “What would it have changed?”
“Everything,” I say, and the word is bitter in my mouth. “It would’ve changed everything, Kai.”
He tilts his head slightly, studying me. “No,” he says softly, like he’s explaining something to a child. “It would’ve broken you sooner. And I needed you intact.”
My stomach twists. “You needed me?”
Kai’s jaw tics, just once, but the crack in his expression vanishes so quickly, I’m not even sure it was there to begin with.
“I needed you to be strong enough to stay,” he says simply.
“That’s not an answer,” I fire back. “That’s just another way of saying you used me. And lied to me.”
Finally, he says, with infuriating calm, “I never lied to you.”
For a moment, I hesitate. With the way he says what he does—so plainly—it makes me feel ridiculous for ever doubting him.
I scoff, though it’s not all that convincing in its disbelief. “You didn’t have to. You just let me believe exactly what you wanted me to.”
He lifts a brow. “Pardon me, did I ever explicitly say otherwise? That you were right in your assumptions?” he says mildly. “No? Then I suppose we were both enjoying the same fiction.”
I feel heat rise in my chest. “Oh, don’t do that—”
“But you looked so radiant believing it,” he cuts in, gently. “I thought it would be rude to correct you.”
My stomach turns. “Was I ever more than that? More than a way to get what you wanted?” I ask finally.
Because you were to me. You were so much more than that.
For a second, he just looks at me. Really looks. And I hate that I still want the answer to be yes. I hate that it still matters.
I hate that I care.
About him.
Kai steps forward. I don’t move.
He lifts one hand and brushes his knuckles gently, too gently, along my cheek. His thumb hovers near my freckles, tracing them. “My sweet, darling Soreya,” he says, and his voice is soft, almost tender. “You were the last thing I expected to want at all.”
My breath hitches.
And despite everything… every reason not to, every warning screaming in my bones, my cheeks heat anyway.
Because no one’s ever looked at me like this. Or said my name the way he does. No one’s ever said anything like that to me with such certainty.
I hate how easily he does this to me. How easily he managed to leave a mark on my heart. On every crevice of my mind.
But that’s the thing about Kai Oren Steele. He always manages to leave a mark, whether he intended to or not.
I suppose jagged things will do that.
His thumb lingers near the corner of my mouth. I don’t even know when I leaned in. But I feel the moment I do.
He notices, too. His eyes drop, just for a second, to my lips.
And suddenly, I’m furious.
Not at him.
At me. At this.
Because how can I still want him to kiss me when I don’t even know what I am to him?
I pull back, just enough to breathe, just enough to think. But it doesn’t matter because he pulls me back anyway. Before I can think or flinch or even move, he kisses me. Right on the mouth.
It lasts just a moment. A whisper of contact. A ghost of a kiss.
It’s not much, but it’s everything at the same time. It’s soft, almost reverent.
By the time I react, it’s over, and he’s already pulled back. I blink up at him, lips parted, breath caught somewhere between my chest and my throat.
And that’s when I see his hand.
His knuckles are split open. Not badly, but enough for blood to bead along the ridge of his skin, to smear faintly against the side of my face where he touched me.
I blink down at them.
His fingers are trembling.
“You’re shaking,” I say, my voice barely more than a breath.
When he says nothing, I glance past him for the first time, and something in my chest tightens.
There’s a crack running down the plaster, just above the sideboard. A vase shattered in the corner, with ceramic fragments all over the carpet.
The room is a mess.
I hadn’t even noticed before.
“I…” My voice trails off.
I don’t know what I meant to say.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.
Concern, maybe. Fear. Pity. Anger.
But all I can manage is this aching, helpless confusion. I don’t understand at all, I realize.
I don’t understand him at all. He’d always seemed so put together. So reliable.
“You’re hurt,” I say quietly.
That makes him laugh.
Not loudly. Not bitterly. Just… laughs. A soft, unsteady thing.
“You’re concerned for me,” he says eventually, and his tone is almost disbelieving.
I don’t answer. I just nod.
Kai watches me for a moment longer. “You should be more careful where you place your faith,” he says through a sigh, and drags a bloodied hand through his hair, pushing it back off his forehead.
There’s a red smear above his temple now, and it stands out massively against his face. He doesn’t seem to notice.
Or maybe he just doesn’t care.
“Oh, Adeline,” he says finally, a ghost of something almost fond curling at the edges. “You really are unlike anything I’ve ever seen. You made it far too easy for me. And I can’t decide if that makes you remarkable… or just terribly na?ve.”
I blink at him, confused.
“You should go, Soreya,” he murmurs, his gaze dropping to the floor beneath us as he steps back. “You were never meant to stay.”
I open my mouth, close it again. There are so many things I want to ask. So many things I don’t understand. But the look on his face stops me.
There’s something about his eyes I hadn’t noticed before.
Like he’s walked through a thousand storms and never found his way out.
Something broken sits just behind them, tucked neatly away so nobody can see. Something tired. Something resigned.
Something angry.
I take a step back. Then another.
I hesitate for a few moments. But before I can question myself on why, I walk away from him, and out the door.
***
It’s been four days since my mother died.
Four days since I was chased by someone who clearly wanted me dead.
Three days since that conversation with Kai.
Two since Sterling showed up around Lilia’s again, asking more questions.
I told him who I suspected. Though I don’t even know if I believe it myself.
And one day since Lilia and Bea dragged me shopping to buy me new clothes and shoes. I objected. Quite massively. But in the end, I went.
School’s been a blur since then. I barely remember anything beyond a few conversations I had here and there.
But nothing really sticks. I haven’t really been here.
“You feeling okay?” Lilia asks, her voice gentle beside me.
I glance at her, offering the smallest smile. “I’m good. Just thinking.”
She doesn’t look convinced, but she doesn’t push.
School ended hours ago. The four of us—Lilia, Bea, Kym, and I—walk across the courtyard, our breath visible in the freezing air.
Snow lines the edges of the path like white lace, and the trees are bare, skeletal against the cloudy sky.
School ended hours ago, but we stayed tucked away in the library.
It’s the only way Kym can hang out without, in her words, “getting in trouble at home”.
“Going somewhere?” a voice calls from behind us.
I glance back and catch Liam’s smirk.
From the corner of my eye, I see Kym roll her eyes.
“Why are you here? School ended ages ago,” Bea says, folding her arms as she stops.
Liam shrugs. “I had independent study. And Kai and the others are helping out with the final preparations for the winter ballet showcase.”
My heartbeat stutters at the mere mention of him.
Does that mean he’s—
“Oi! Kai!” Liam calls over my shoulder.
I turn instinctively.
Across the snowy quad, three figures walk toward us. Will. Christian. And Kai.
My eyes find his instantly.
And I freeze.
Liam grins. “You’re late, man. We said we’d meet here fifteen minutes ago.”
“You drastically overestimate your importance in my day,” Kai replies, dry as ever.
Will snorts beside him. Christian doesn’t react.
Meanwhile I can’t look away.
“Is this what you lot do after school?” Will asks, arching a brow. “Wander around in the cold until your limbs fall off?”
Bea shrugs and says, “We were in the library.” At the same time Lilia says, “It’s a bonding experience.”
Kym snorts. “It’s freezing. That’s what it is.”
“Feels like the right kind of cold for this,” Liam says, grinning suddenly. “You know…” He scoops a handful of snow into his glove. “Seasonal activities.”
Kym narrows her eyes. “Liam, don’t you dare.”
But Liam already looks far too pleased with himself. It’s too late. A snowball flies and hits her square in the shoulder.
Chaos follows.
Lilia shrieks and dives behind a bench. Bea lets out an intimidating, “Oh, it’s on,” before lunging toward a mound of snow. Kym, still sputtering, retaliates by pelting Liam in the chest.
And just like that, the courtyard explodes with laughter and yells, snow flying through the air in wild arcs.
I’m running before I realize it, ducking behind a stone bench as a snowball explodes just past my shoulder. I whip around and spot Will smirking as she launches one at Lilia as well.
I spot Kai as a snowball hits him directly in the face.
He blinks, then slowly turns.
Lilia freezes, hands up like she’s caught.
“Oops?”
Kai crouches smoothly and scoops a handful of snow.
“Oh, no,” Lilia whispers.
He throws, and it hits her in the exact same spot she hit him.
Lilia shrieks.