Chapter 7
That night, sleep refused to come. I lay tangled in my blankets, replaying that moment in the field with Curtis scooting closer, leaning toward me, his gaze fixed on my lips.
I turned onto my side, then my back, then my stomach.
Nothing helped. Curtis’s hurt expression kept swimming into my mind, looking disappointed and rejected.
Of course he’d looked that way. I had run away from him.
At the moment when he was most forward and vulnerable, I’d spurned his advances.
I groaned softly and sat up, tossing off the covers.
If I opened that door between us, what would happen?
My imagination leapt ahead without my permission: Curtis’s hand finding mine, pulling me close, hugging me and kissing me…
Why hadn’t I simply leaned in the way I had daydreamed about during those tedious lessons?
I padded into the sitting room and curled up on the sofa with a blanket. The fire was low; the air smelled faintly of embers and beeswax. I lit a candle and tried to read, but the words blurred. Every line turned into Curtis’s face.
A soft shuffle behind me made me jump.
Comfort stood in the doorway, hair loose over her shoulders, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “I thought I heard someone. What’s wrong? You look like you’d seen a ghost.”
I hugged my knees under the blanket, the urge to talk and the fear of sounding foolish battling inside me. But Comfort was my sister; if I couldn’t tell her, who could I?
“Have you ever…kissed anyone?” I asked, my voice so small I barely heard it myself.
Comfort blinked, suddenly wide awake. “Why do you ask?” A slow grin spread across her face. She already knew.
“I think… someone maybe tried to kiss me today,” I said evasively.
“You mean Curtis wanted to kiss you and you didn’t let him?”
I gaped. “How did you—”
She slid onto the sofa beside me, tugging half my blanket over her legs.
“Let’s see. The only boy you ever spend time with is Curtis.
It’s painfully obvious he likes you. I’ve been wondering when he’d make a move.
Also, you said ‘tried to kiss.’ If he’d succeeded, you’d be beaming from ear to ear right now, not looking like someone just killed a bunny rabbit.
So my guess is: he tried then you panicked and bolted. Am I right?”
My mouth flapped opened and closed uselessly.
Comfort smirked. “Big sisters know a thing or two.”
“Do you really think he likes me?” I asked, craving to hear the answer I already knew.
She laughed. “Oh, puh-leez. He can’t take his eyes off you and is always finding excuses to touch you.”
Heat crept up my cheeks.
She jiggled my shoulder. “If you’re going to be with anyone,” she continued, “Curtis is a great choice. You already do everything together and he’s a prince. Just imagine, you’ll be second in line to be queen.”
“That makes it sound like I’m using him.”
Comfort waved it off. “Do you like him?”
“Yes,” I admitted quietly. “I do. A lot.”
She raised her eyebrows as if to say, ‘Then what’s the problem?’
“But what if it doesn’t work out between us?” I asked in a rush.
“If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out, but at least you won’t regret never finding out.
Besides, you two are perfect for each other.
He gets you to have fun, and you stop him from doing anything too crazy.
You have similar interests, and you think that he is soooooo handsome… ” she said in a singsong voice.
I rolled my eyes. “So…have you ever kissed anyone?”
“Four someones, actually. But don’t tell Father.”
“Who?” I leaned in eagerly.
“Remember Fredrick, the stable boy?”
I gasped. “Does Father know you’ve been kissing stable boys?”
“Shhh! No. And he better never find out. But do you remember him?”
I screwed up my face as I searched my memory. “I don’t think so… Wait, was he that boy with black hair who was always following you around a couple years back?”
Comfort giggled. “That is the one. Well, I thought he was cute, and I would always find excuses to go down to the stables, pretend I had lost a hair clip during riding lessons, and he would help me look, but we both knew I hadn’t really lost anything.
And then he would come deliver messages to Father or would volunteer to help with the horses during my horseback riding classes.
Anyway, one day we snuck away to the woods, and he kissed me. ”
“Just like that?”
“It was sloppy. First times usually are. But,” she said with a wink, “practice makes perfect.”
“Weren’t you nervous?”
“Of course I was! Everyone is the first time. But he was really cute and I wanted to know what it felt like.”
“What about numbers two, three, and four?” I asked.
“Oh, and there was James, one of the squires I always danced with; Charles was that visiting prince who took me out for a carriage ride; and then there was Theodore. He knew all of the hidden passages in the castle.” Her grin turned wicked. “Every. Single. One.”
I couldn’t believe it. Prim and proper Comfort, sneaking around kissing stable boys and squires? “What happened to them?”
Comfort shrugged. “Stable boys never hang around long. They usually move on to bigger and better things. James was gone a lot with the knight he serves, and Charles became smitten with some other girl. James and Theodore had a fight over me once though.” Her mischievous smile broadened. “Theodore won.”
I could only shake my head. Comfort had always seemed so ladylike.
“Don’t look so shocked,” she said. “It’s flattering to be desired. You should know.”
I bit my lip. “But what should I do? I pulled away and Curtis was so upset.”
Comfort plucked at a loose thread on the pillow she was holding. “Boys are pretty simple. They aren’t that difficult to figure out. He likes you and tried to kiss you but you ran away, right?”
I nodded miserably.
“That bruised his ego. So, he probably got all grumpy and pouty, right?”
“Right.”
“So now, all you have to do is go back and say that you like him.”
“I can’t do that!”
“Why not?”
“It would be weird!”
Comfort hit me with the pillow. “I’m telling you, this plan will work! He already told you he likes you.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“He tried to kiss you. That’s the same thing.”
I groaned. “I just…I can’t.”
Comfort rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Look. He was probably super nervous, even if he tried to act nonchalant about it. It doesn’t matter if he is a prince or a serving boy from the kitchens.
Boys do all the asking and initiating. They do all the leaning in, hoping for something back.
It’s nerve-wracking. Curtis is still human, even if he is a prince.
Rejection stings for everyone. If you don’t clear this up, he’ll avoid you. Maybe forever.”
I was crushed. What had I done?
“I know you didn’t mean it that way!” Comfort hurried on.
“I know you wouldn’t ever do anything that would hurt him.
But you were scared. So, tell him that. Like I said, boys are pretty simple and straightforward.
Tell him that you were scared but that you really do like him.
He’ll try again if he knows he won’t get rejected next time. ”
“But it will be awkward.”
“Of course it will be awkward!” Comfort exclaimed.
“But would you rather have one awkward conversation and everything be fixed, or have no conversation, then every interaction with him from now until forever be awkward? Just watch. He’s going to start avoiding you.
And if you don’t address the issue, he won’t ever talk to you again.
He won’t even look at you again. So tell him!
I promise, he will appreciate it. The longer you put it off the worse it will be.
If you say nothing, it will get worse and worse, so it feels like you are becoming more distant each day, and then that becomes your new normal—never talking or looking at each other ever again. Is that what you want?”
“…Well, when you put it that way…”
“Boys need a lot of encouragement,” Comfort said knowingly. “But they’re a little obtuse too. So don’t drop any subtle hint. Be blunt, and he’ll forgive you.” She paused, then added with a sly smile. “Then tell me what happens after. Sisters need to know these things.”