Chapter 43
Ihungrily devoured letter after letter while deeply regretting that I hadn’t read them sooner.
Dear Truly,
I hope you are recovering quickly. I asked the physician about you several times, but he said he isn’t allowed to talk about his other patients to anyone, and to stop asking or he would recommend me be gagged for medical reasons.
I would threaten to have him removed as royal physician, but he would know it is just a bluff.
I have about as much power as a scullery maid right now.
For your entertainment today, please imagine me walking around my chambers in naught but my woolen long johns, balancing my etiquette book and a cup of tea on top of my head while reciting a history of our noble country, because that is what I was doing this morning.
The tailor was also there, trying to find a way to modify my clothes to fit this giant cast into my sleeve.
That is also the reason the right sleeve of my long johns has been cut away and none of my other clothes fit. So, in my mutilated long johns I stay.
Anyway, there I was, talking about the construction of bridges during King Turk’s reign, with a book and tea on my head and feeling utterly ridiculous, when my new mannerisms instructor, a woman, came in suddenly.
I guess the sight of me in cut apart long johns with tea on my head and a tailor sticking pins into me while having Sir Eugene listening to me prattle on was terrifying.
So, if you heard shrieks reverberating off your walls this morning, that was my doing.
Sincerely,
Curtis
I laughed out loud. It had been so long since laughter escaped me so freely. His ridiculous antics spilled through the page like sunlight breaking through gloomy clouds. Why hadn’t I let myself have this comfort when I needed it most?
Truly,
It has been a week since I have been confined to my quarters.
I hope you are getting my letters. I wouldn’t put it past Hubert to be intercepting them as revenge.
Hubert, if you are reading these instead of Truly, you will be getting another punching just as soon as my arm heals, I don’t care how many etiquette lessons I get!
I feel like a toddler having to sit out of play time.
I am so tired of staring at these same four walls.
I wish I had a portrait of you and now that I wish it, I wonder why I haven’t asked for one sooner.
I guess I was spoiled by seeing you every day and didn’t need one before.
Now, these tutors have me working my fingers off with all the essays and recitations and history lessons.
I am amazed that my fingers work at all anymore.
You would think they could let me rest since my arm was shot with multiple arrows, but I guess healing in peace isn’t princely enough.
My tutors keep telling me that with great power comes great responsibility. What a joke! I don’t even have power over how I can position my legs when I sit in a chair.
Yours Truly,
Curtis
My throat tightened. He had been lonely. He had wanted a portrait of me, even as I hid from the world, convinced no one could ever want to look at me again. I had thought my silence protected me but in reality, it had just hurt us both.
Truly,
I was finally allowed out of my chambers.
I saw Comfort today when I came to call on you.
She said you have been mostly unconscious and in a lot of pain.
I was hoping to show off my arm all bound up in a splint and cast and have you swoon over my battle scars, but I guess that will have to wait.
I left some flowers for you, along with all my best wishes for a speedy recovery.
I was very sorry to hear about your father.
I didn’t know until Comfort told me today.
His funeral is tomorrow. I will tell you about it in my next letter if you aren’t well enough to attend yet.
Sincerely,
Curtis
The mention of Father’s death pierced me like a fresh wound. Curtis had thought of me even then, trying to reach me when I was too far gone in grief to respond. I could almost see him, awkwardly clutching flowers with his arm bound up, still thinking of me.
Truly,
Your father’s funeral was today. Your mother said you are still unconscious and still very ill.
She looked ill too. I can’t imagine having a spouse pass away.
I think that would break anyone. I hope your mother is able to feel some peace.
I’ve always thought that after we pass on, we go to a place where there is no pain or suffering, and we can watch over the ones who we left behind.
I’m sure your father is watching over you and your sister and mother now.
I am sorry if my previous letters seemed insensitive at all, though you probably haven’t been awake to read them yet.
The service was sad. I mean, it was a good service—everyone liked your father and had nothing but good things to say about him.
But it was also sad because no one wants to see anyone die early, and your father was still young.
People talked about his dedication to his country, his passion for his work, and the love he had for his family.
Your mother said that he was the love of her life and a part of her died with him.
Comfort sang a song, but it was hard to understand the words because she was crying the whole time.
They released some doves and scattered his ashes by the lake.
Everyone who knew your father tossed flowers into the lake, and there must have been hundreds of flowers all floating there just as the sun was setting.
When it was my turn to place a flower, I told about the evenings I spent with your family, listening to him tell stories, and the fishing trips I had with him.
I put in a flower on your behalf since you couldn’t be there.
It was a lily as I know they are your favorite.
Though it was such a sad time, it was nice because we were able to remember all the good things about your father, and it was a beautiful place to be put to rest.
Warmest regards,
Curtis
I blinked back tears rapidly. I had never asked for details about Father’s funeral.
At the time, it had been too painful to think about.
But now, I had a letter telling me about it.
I was glad Curtis had thought to place a flower on my behalf.
He was so thoughtful. I couldn’t stop reading the letters.
I reached for one after another, desperate to hear everything Curtis had wanted to tell me.
Truly,
Comfort said you woke up finally! I am so glad! I have been very worried about you.
I dropped off some chocolates for you and your family. Sweets always cheer me up, which is probably why the pastry chef in the kitchens has her entire staff on orders to run me out of the kitchen any time they see me. I eat too many.
My etiquette lessons have finally stopped.
Hallelujah! Mother gave me another stern talking to about my behavior, and I had to promise to never, ever punch the crown prince ever again, and to keep my temper in check.
Hubert was smiling really smugly just behind her, so it was doubly hard to agree and stay composed.
I think I will put itching powder in his bed tonight.
I am going back to most of my regular tutoring sessions now and hope to see you in languages class soon. I need the help!
I will send lots of flowers and sweets whenever I can sneak past the servants in the kitchen.
Affectionately,
Curtis
A smile tugged at my lips. Mischief had always been his language of choice, and here it was again. It always made life seem so much more alive. Even though I loved Mother and Comfort and enjoyed their company, my life seemed emptier without Curtis in it.
Dear Truly,
Get better soon! One of your language pupils, Archie, was asking where you were today. I told him you were sick, and he said for you to get better soon because his new tutor is mean. I said that compared to you, everyone is mean.
I came to call, but Comfort said you aren’t feeling well enough to accept visitors. Can you make an exception for me? I want to see you.
Yours Truly,
Curtis
The ache in my chest deepened. He had wanted to see me, begged for me to make an exception. And still I’d hidden. In sealing myself off from the world, I had refused the very thing that would have helped me. I grabbed another letter.
Dearest Truly,
I miss you. I miss you asking about my day; you are the only one who ever does.
I miss how you always smell nice. I miss you being a good influence on me.
I miss just sitting and talking with you.
I miss you being there to help me when I can’t figure out how to conjugate verbs.
I miss your smile. I miss the feel of your hand in mine.
I miss your ingenuity in scheming up new tricks to play on people.
I miss our walks. I miss everything about you.
I need you in my life again. Write back to me, please?
Forever Yours,
Curtis
My hands trembled. Every sentence I read was a new wound and a balm all at once. He had missed everything about me and all I could think was about how I had starved us both of the closeness we had once shared.
Dear Truly,
I haven’t heard from you at all yet. It has been several weeks.
Were your eyes damaged in the burn? Comfort, if you are getting these, and Truly can’t read them, could you please read them to her and write back her responses?
I may go find the physician and force him to tell me how you are doing. I am getting very worried about you.
Your very concerned friend,
Curtis
Shame curled hot in my chest. He had begged for answers and assurance, worried I might never read his letters. All that time, I could have eased his fears with a single line of ink. Instead, my silence had only deepened his torment and isolated us both.
Dear Truly,