Chapter 36
The knock on her door was so soft that Stephanie barely heard it. If she hadn’t been sitting in her silent living room reading, she wouldn’t have. Instead, it jolted her out of her thoughts of her fight with Court. Was it even a fight if no harsh words were said?
Stephanie knew she had been wrong to push like she did.
They had been together for only a short time.
Court didn't owe her an explanation about who every friend in her life was and how they knew each other. Nor did she owe her the level of commitment that Stephanie felt for her. There was time for that if they lasted. If not, it wouldn’t matter in the end.
Getting up, she hoped it was Jordan with ice cream or alcohol, since she was the only person she had told about the fight.
Usually, her friend was there for her no matter what, but the owning a business together had changed that.
They were both busy and exhausted most of the time to maintain a friendship outside of work.
It was something she knew she had to focus on.
They had been friends before the gym. She just hoped they would remain that way until they were old and gray.
Opening the door, she was surprised to see Court there, Court still in her wrinkled work clothes with her hands shoved deep into her pockets, looking nervous. It was as if all the bravado in her had leaked out, leaving her vulnerable.
“Can I come in, just for a minute? To talk.” Court said, her voice slow and steady.
Backing up as she opened the door wider, Stephanie waved her inside before shutting the door and watched as Court kicked off her tennis shoes, the ones that should look out of place with her black suit, but on Court looked perfect. Neither spoke.
“Do you want to sit?” Stephanie asked, because she didn't want Court so close to the door that she could leave before Steph could stop her. Not that she didn’t know where to find her again now, but this run and chase routine they had was getting old fast.
“Yeah, am I interrupting you?” Court glanced at the book on the couch, face down. It was a fitness book that she had been thinking about reading for a month and had finally gotten to, but it hadn’t been able to keep her mind off Court.
“No, just reading.” Picking it up, she set it on the coffee table as she sat down beside Court.
“I want to, no I need to tell you something about me.”
“Court, before you do anything, I want to say I'm sorry for what I said. I was out of line. Us is far newer than it feels. I know that makes no sense, but it’s how I feel.”
“I feel the same, like I’ve known you for years instead of months, except it scares me more than I like to admit.” Court took a deep breath before actually admitting it. “It scares me a lot.”
Grabbing her hand, Stephanie assured her, “I don’t want to scare you, Court, ever. I want you to be happy.”
“I'm happy with you. Surprisingly happy since I met you.” She ran her fingers through her hair, something Stephanie could tell she had done many times today. “But I don’t do relationships.”
“I know.” Stephanie had, and still she had illusions that this might work.
“But you don’t know why. I don’t let anyone close because I never want to see them after they knew me and everything about me. I don’t let anyone close.”
Caressing her hand, Stephanie needed to touch her. “You let the Ellis family get close. Ellis doesn’t like me very much. She's very protective of you.”
“Sorry about that. To be fair, I'm the same with her. Though the men in her life don’t last long enough to even meet me. One day though, she’ll find Mr. one hundred percent.
” Court ran her free hand through her blonde hair again.
” I met Ellis between hell and purgatory when I thought I was okay.
That I could be like everyone else. Then, Ellis is Ellis, and we stayed close through school and beyond.
Shaking her loose isn’t possible anymore. I wouldn’t want to if I could.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to. No matter how she feels about me,” Stephanie assured her. Court’s friends held an important part in everyday life. If that meant that Ellis never liked her, so be it.
“I talked to Ty today. For a long time.”
“Ty, your old friend that you don’t want to talk about.
The one from the bar who you didn’t even introduce me to,” Stephanie said, hating the edge to her words.
Hating how jealous she always was about hearing about other women.
That had never happened with anyone else she had dated before.
Just Court. “Sorry, not my business. You had a life before me, I’m truly trying to respect that. ”
Court sandwiched her hand between hers. “No, you’re right, I want it to be your business.
I want to introduce you two one day. Not that Ty and I have that kind of relationship.
It’s not a normal friendship. Ty’s who I talk to when I need to.
And she comes to me when she needs to talk. We try to sort our shit out together.”
“Shit like me?” She felt hurt being something that would need to be discussed with someone else. Why couldn’t this all be easy?
“Shit, like how I’m falling in love with you and can’t seem to stop it from happening.
She’s the only person who understands exactly why I’m scared to death right now.
” Court grinned for a moment and then sighed before continuing, “Ty and I came from similar situations. We are gay, and both our families disowned us for that fact.”
“My parents didn't even know you were gay.” Stephanie defended the two people who were far from accepting, but would never have disowned Court for that fact.
Court took her hand and caressed the back with her thumb as she spoke. “Stephanie, right now I need you to stop thinking that your parents are my parents. Calvin might have been like a dad to me, but he didn't take an active role in my life once he married your mom. Nor did he want to.”
“You're right, I know that, but it’s hard for me to separate the man you know with the one I do.
Is that why you didn't wear the clothes like you usually wear that weekend? You seemed far more feminine. Not once since we started dating have you come close to wearing anything feminine. Not that you need to for me. I like your style just as it is.”
“Ellis and Rebel dressed me for the weekend. They played Barbie dolls one more time with me as the Barbie. I hated all of it. But at least they didn’t go with Rebel’s style.” Court shuttered at the thought, and Steph couldn’t even imagine her in anything Rebel wore.
Court leaned back into the couch. “My life changed after the well-deserved beating of Dylan, and don’t pretend that he didn’t have it coming.
You guys were awful to me every time I was around.
I truly hated having to spend time with your family.
I just tried to lie low, so you’d stop playing tricks on me. ”
“You don’t know how much time we spent planning each and every prank we pulled on you?”
“It showed. Which was why I was smarter this time. Most didn't even land.”
“I knew you were onto them. I wasn’t in on any after I realized who you were.”
“You weren’t the mastermind?”
“Of course not, I was fourteen and a girl. The boys would never have let me be a mastermind. Even now.” Stephanie admitted she was barely a part of it sometimes, with the boys taking the lead.
But the pranks weren’t what she knew Court wanted to talk about.
“You said you went to a girlfriend’s place for the summer, then your mom found you at school. What happened?”
“I came out. And Helene told me that no daughter of hers was gay. You can imagine everything she said to me about me and my so call people. And by the next day, she had found the perfect place for me. A place that will ‘fix’ me and make me the daughter she deserved.”
“Did Calvin know?” Stephanie couldn’t imagine her dad would have agreed to any of this, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t happened.
“I don’t know. That’s why I went for the weekend. To find out. But all I got from him was that he also felt I needed fixing.” Court pulled her hand away and pulled away from her. “It was in the middle of nowhere and just a few large buildings surrounded by nothing.”
Stephanie took her hand and squeezed in, “That’s where I met Ty for the first time.
Ty and another girl named Heather were already there.
Heather had been there the longest, Ty, for just two weeks.
Except it wasn’t just two weeks when you were there.
Her parents were Christians, and like me, she needed fixing.
Heather’s dad was a senator in some state I can’t remember anymore.
We became friends of a sort, we stuck together as best we could.
But really, we were all just trying to survive. ”
Pulling her into her arms, Stephanie wanted to tell her to stop. Because this story would not have a happy ending, or even an okay ending. She knew that place had forever changed Court.
Kissing her forehead, she whispered, “How long were you there?”
Pushing her away, Court got to her feet and started to pace.
“A month. Which was a month too long. The man in charge and the entire staff were under the assumption that they knew the way to make a gay girl, because we were all only girls, straight. The first was hour after hour of lectures. From morning to night and beyond sometimes. Ranting and raving about the same things repeatedly. But the lectures were the highlight, because when they stopped, that’s when the nightmare started.
The forced sex. Over and over again. Until you turned straight. ”
Even the hoarsely said words tore at Stephanie’s heart.
Nobody should have to go through that, least of all this woman.
No wonder she never wanted to see her parents again.
Helene had agreed to her child being abused in a horrendous way, but had Calvin?
A month ago, Stephanie would have said never in a million years, but now she had seen a different side of him.
One that left her unable to answer that question.
Now she desperately wished Court had been able to talk to Calvin that weekend. She wanted to go back and make the older man sit down and talk to her. It was the least she deserved from him.