Chapter 18
TUCKER
WHAT. THE. Fuck.
The sun isn’t even shining around the blinds in my window yet, but keeping my focus on the ceiling fan blades moving in a constant circle is helping my heart to calm the fuck down.
I’ve been having the same dream for months, every single time, Mathews is next to me on the floor of that helo, staring at me with no life in his eyes. Almost as if he’s accusing me of making him go into that house first, waking me up in a cold sweat.
This time, for the first time, it was different, and it nearly gave me a heart attack. Instead of Mathews looking at me, it was Nora. Except there was fear in those beautiful green eyes. Of what? I don’t know.
Panic and rage sent me upright in bed, pulling me from my dream, instead of the guilt I usually feel when it’s Mathews looking at me.
This is probably because I watched that little prick point a gun at her last night.
I pulled on my training to be calm and handle the situation with a clear head, but underneath that I was worried something might happen to her, and it took all my willpower to keep a level head.
I’ve thought over every moment of last night down to the second and, for the life of me, I don’t know what the fuck happened. One minute she was receptive to me and happy I asked her to lunch, then the next minute she’s all over the place and can’t wait to get away from me.
She was babbling. I’ve learned she does that when she’s nervous, and then I saw her twisting the little ring on her finger. She was nervous about something, but the only thing I could pin it on was the aftermath of the robbery.
And, I’m not certain, but I think there were tears in her eyes when she got out of the truck.
Maybe I need to give her space. I can do that, but I don’t think I can do it for long. I’m not even sure that’s what I should do; part of me wants to press the issue. But she doesn’t owe me anything.
Goddamn it.
What the fuck happened?
I almost turned off the truck and went into Allison’s last night to ask her, but I didn’t want to push. Was she still in a panic because of the attempted robbery? It’s normal for a person to panic if they’re not used to that type of situation, but it almost felt like there was more to it than that.
After Callum told me I had the job if I wanted it, her demeanor seemed to shift. Maybe my taking a job in another state was the trigger, but she pulled my hand away from her face before that outside the little break room.
Trying to guess is driving me fucking mad. That’s why I wanted to have lunch today; I want to get to know her. Why is she here? Is she just passing through? To where? Would she stay if she had a reason to?
How can we explore this attraction if she doesn’t stay? Is her attraction to me strong enough to extend her time here?
I remember when I didn’t give two shits about any of the women I bagged, back when life was easy. Good times.
Fuck me!
Throwing my covers off, I put on some exercise clothes to go to the barn. If I’m not going to sleep, at least I can get my workout in early. Grabbing my phone and earbuds, I quietly slip out of the house.
A couple of hours later, I’m sweaty and out of breath as I sit on a stack of hay bales in the barn. One of the cool things about living on a working ranch is all the different ways to get in a hell of a workout with what’s in the barn.
The sky is turning light gray, and I start the walk back up to the house.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I look to see it’s the documents Callum said he would send me, the job description, a dozen contract agreements, salary — which is a fuck-ton more than I made in the military, non-disclosure agreements, stipends for living arrangements.
Because the pilot needs to be close to the birds, it would require me to live in Tennessee. Mason and Jax can get away with staying home because Callum always sends their pilot to pick them up. I wouldn’t have that luxury.
The only thing holding me back from signing up right now is Nora.
I barely fucking know the woman, she obviously let me know last night that she’s not interested in getting close, but something is holding me back.
I need to know what that is before I move in any direction that would put more distance between us.
It pisses me off.
After going back to my room to get cleaned up and changed, I follow the smell of bacon and eggs. I step into a fully occupied kitchen complete with five different conversations and laughing children. But I’m in no mood to be social.
The kitchen island already has biscuits and bacon set out, and I make a beeline through the people to get what I want so I can go out to the stables.
“Hey, Tuck! Guess who I saw in town by the feed store yesterday!” Mason yells from the breakfast nook where he’s cutting up a pancake for Beckett.
Pausing in my escape, I set my biscuit on the counter and fold my bacon onto the warm bread. I hate the guessing game, so I don’t answer; I just look at him.
His smile gets wider. “Mato! Can you believe it? He says he’s discharged and moving back to town.”
Mato is the son of our late Native American foreman. They lived in the cabin Dad eventually refurbished for Kinley’s art studio; they lived here from the time Mato was, well, as far back as I can remember, until he left to enlist not long after I did.
He and I were pretty thick, he was four years younger than me, but he was always immediately available to play since he lived on the ranch.
But life sent us in different directions, and we lost touch.
I can’t say Mason’s news hasn’t got my attention.
I haven’t seen him since I enlisted fifteen years ago.
“Has he already moved back, or just looking for a place?” Maybe we could meet at Stony’s for a beer and catch up.
“He’s renting a small over the garage apartment right now until he can get a job and get something nicer. He asked about you.” Holding his hands up, he lifts his brows. “But I didn’t tell him much, I figured you could tell him what you want him to know.”
Good. I don’t like it when people know my business. Too bad he’s come back home just as I’m thinking about leaving again.
Jax walks in with Niki on his heels, looking like she dressed herself.
She’s in a pink t-shirt with glitter hearts, a tiny sparkling pink tutu, and purple plastic princess shoes that are too big and loudly clopping on the hardwood.
Her blond hair looks like she put it in pigtails in the dark, one above her ear and the other behind.
He strides right to Marley at the stove and kisses her cheek, his hand sliding over her ass, which makes me look away.
Damn it, that’s my sister. Fucking gross.
“Hey! The pink tutu is mine! The purple one is yours.” Sofi calls from the breakfast nook, where she’s drawing with crayons on colored paper.
Niki turns to her sister and sticks her tongue out. “The pink one matches my shirt.”
Marley’s free hand covers Niki’s mouth before she says, “Sofi, you’re not wearing it right now. You have to share.” Which only gets her a scowl from Sofi.
“So, Tuck.” Jax turns to me and grabs a piece of bacon from the island. “I heard Callum was in town to see you yesterday. Are you going to take Cody’s place on the team?”
The kitchen goes quiet except for the kids, and everyone’s head swivels in my direction. I cut my eyes at Jax and press my lips together.
Jax looks around the room, and his eyebrows fly to his hairline. “What? Was it a secret? I thought everyone knew.”
Marley steps up next to him, leaning her cheek on his arm, her big blue eyes looking up at him with humor. “We did, babe, but we were waiting for Tuck to bring it up.”
“Oh.” He looks at me and winces. “Sorry, man.”
Cutting my eyes to the back door, I pick up my bacon biscuit and slap my hat on my head to go outside. As I pull the door closed behind me, I hear Jax mumble, “I didn’t know.”
In the stables, I stuff the last bite of my bacon biscuit in my mouth and grab my gloves. It doesn’t take long before I hear a pair of boots clomping behind me, and I look over my shoulder to see Gray.
He hooks his thumbs in his pockets and shifts his weight onto one leg. “Were you going to say anything before you signed up to leave?
Keeping my back to him, I toss hay slivers into the wheelbarrow. “Didn’t know I needed permission.”
“You fucking know you don’t need permission, and you also know that it’s a goddamn courtesy to let the people who love you know what’s going on.
” His deep voice gets more stern with each curse word.
It’s the same voice I used to hear growing up when he was helping Dad keep me in line.
“Just because your life got fucked up doesn’t mean that your family doesn’t matter anymore, Tucker!
Because you don’t care doesn’t mean we don’t care. ”
Before I got hurt, Gray was always the family grump who helped take care of us after Mom died.
Not only is he habitually grumpy, but he’s also a hermit who lives and breathes this ranch.
I think he would have lived the rest of his life alone after his first wife was killed in a car accident if his current wife, Elly, hadn’t been sent here by her father to try and take our land out from under us.
Turning on him with a glare, I say, “Why the fuck would I leave without letting all of you know what’s going on? That’s fucking stupid, Gray.”
He rears his head back with a huff-slash-laugh.
“For the same reason you do all the things you never used to do before. You never smile, you barely talk, you just,” He throws his hands up and looks away, “You’re just not you.
” He hangs his hands on his hips before he sheepishly looks down at the ground. “We just miss you.”
Guilt creeps up my spine, making me feel like an asshole as usual. I know I’ve changed a lot in the last year, and I hate that it affects my family like it does, but if I could shake this anger and go back to rainbows and roses, I would in a fucking second.
Gray also sucks at expressing emotion if it’s not his wife and kids. With a heavy sigh, I clear my throat. “Callum offered me a pilot position on his team. It’s a damn good offer, and it gets me back to what I’ve always done. What I love. I think I’m going to take it.”
He nods as he takes in what I just said. “Would you get to stay home like Mason and Jax?”
I shake my head. “No. I have to be close to the birds. They’re in Tennessee.”
Me, Gray, and Kinley all got Mom’s hazel eyes. His meet mine. “So, we get Mason back from Tennessee only to lose you.”
Leaning my gloved hand on the wall, I shift my weight to my good leg. “You’re not losing me, Gray. You’ll actually get to see me more than you did when I was in the service. I’ll have more downtime to come home.”
He looks away. “Just don’t forget where home is. It’s been good to have you back.”
“I won’t.”
He’s quiet for a moment, his eyes on the window of one of the stalls. “I heard there was an attempted robbery at Stony’s last night, and you were there. Is everyone alright?”
“Yeah, Callum and I were there and able to handle it.”
He steps toward me and puts his hand on my shoulder to squeeze before he lets go and walks out of the stable. That’s as close to an ‘I love you’ as I’ll ever get from Gray.