Chapter Thirty-Six
MATO
“THINGS CAN move slow in the district courts. I’ll reach out to Ms. Briggs and let her know she can send the children’s case to us.” There is paper shuffling in the background. “Did she mention the children’s fathers?”
I had to step out of the gym to hear her over the saws echoing off the walls inside. I left a message with Indian Child Welfare first thing Monday morning for a caseworker to call me back about Koda and Nova, and one got back to me this afternoon. I thought it would take longer than three days.
My eyes slide over the train car where Koda and Breanna pulled the puppies out just weeks ago.
Just last night, Breanna told Koda they were almost ready to be re-homed, but he would need to keep coming to the hospital to help take care of them.
Nova was sitting in Breanna’s lap when she said it and quietly asked, “Can I come, too?”
“She said Koda’s father is in prison serving a twenty-year term, I don’t know for what, but there is no father listed on Nova’s birth certificate. Is there anything I can do to help with the process? I can make myself available for anything.”
“Not today, Mr. Blackwell, but your offer is noted and appreciated. After I speak with Ms. Briggs, there will be a lot of paperwork involved. For now, as long as the children are safe and healthy, they should stay with you until we know more about extended family.”
Extended family. That’s what scares the hell out of me, and there’s not much that scares me. Sharp pain cuts across my chest when I think about possibly having to give them up.
“Thank you, Mrs. Harjo.”
“Of course, Mr. Blackwell. I’ll be in touch. Have a good day.” The line goes dead, and I suck in a deep breath as I slide my phone back into my pocket.
I’ve decided to move into the cabin tonight so I can be there first thing when the ranch wakes up every morning, and I want to be close to the kids and Breanna.
I’ve been staying in the guest room, but why pay rent for an apartment I’m not staying in?
I called my landlord, Mrs. Sanders, this morning and told her about Mr. Harlow’s heart attack and that they need me at the ranch.
She was understanding, but she chuckled and said, “You understand I’ll be keeping your deposit. ”
I’m sitting at a red light after leaving the gym, and Koda is in the passenger seat with his little black box of tools on his lap as he takes the screws out of a small bluetooth speaker that looks like it’s had better days. His eyes are focused, and his mouth is set in concentration.
“Where’d you find that?”
His small fingers pry at the seam of the speaker. “By the dumpster behind the dollar store.”
A small strip mall is between the gym and his school, so he walks by it every day. I know the dumpsters are in the alley behind. “Are you being careful when you’re in that alley? Staying aware of your surroundings?”
His eyes flick in my direction and go back to his prize, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I’m watching.”
He’s been practicing his drills every day, and his jab and swing are getting better. The light turns green, and a few blocks later, I see a jewelry store ahead, and an idea forms in my mind. Flipping my blinker, I get honked at when I change lanes too close to another car.
Koda’s head jerks up and he looks around. “What’s wrong?”
Waving an ‘I’m sorry’ over my shoulder to the car behind me, I turn into the parking lot and park in front of the store. Turning to Koda as I turn off the truck, I say, “I need to buy something for Breanna, you wanna help me?”
His eyes go wide and he happily bobs his head as he puts his bag, tools, and speaker on the floorboard in front of him. I hear the screws fall somewhere onto the floorboard, forgotten, and they’ll probably stay there.
When we finally get to the ranch, Breanna’s truck is not there yet, and Koda and I walk into a house full of little girl giggles and little boys yelling and running.
It’s like a damn madhouse. Koda drops his bag at the front door and goes straight to the kitchen.
I guess after a lifetime of not knowing where your next meal is coming from can condition even the smallest person to always check for food first.
What happens next melts my heart. Nova runs across the hall on Niki and Sofi’s heels, but when she sees me, she stops. Her eyes are shining with laughter, and they go wide right before she turns and runs to me.
Swooping her up into a hug, I say, “There’s my girl.”
Tiny arms wrap around my neck, and her small, feathered voice is next to my ear when she whispers, “I’m glad you’re back.”
I think a part of my heart just slipped outside my body to take up residence in the little girl in my arms. But then I wonder if she’s worried I won’t come back.
As we are getting ready to eat dinner, Breanna still is not home, and my phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s a text from Breanna: I’ve got emergency bloat in a horse; I’m driving to the location right now. I may be a couple of hours late. Will you tell the kids?
I respond: Yes, be careful on the dark roads.
She doesn’t respond, but I don’t care, I want her to know I worry about her.
Since Nova has been sitting in Breanna’s lap for dinner, the little girl is standing next to her chair, watching the doorway to the dining room. Uncertainty is dulling her eyes, and my heart sinks.
Stepping around the table, I squat next to her and take her hand. “Hey, Breanna had to go help a sick horse, she said to tell you she’ll be about two hours late tonight. Okay?”
I expected the uncertainty to leave her eyes, maybe a smile or a simple ‘okay’, but her face transforms into the scared face I saw at the trailer in the middle of the night last week. Her eyes immediately flick to Koda across the table, next to where I sit.
He waves his hand at her, beckoning her to him. “She’ll be back. Remember, I told you she takes care of sick animals? Come sit with me.” He sounds like an adult instead of a ten-year-old kid.
She walks around the table, and I move her plate next to Koda’s, but her worry doesn’t go away through dinner, and she picks at her food.
After dinner Marley and Sloane try to help and bring kids board games into the den and sit around the coffee table to play. With Sofi and Niki on each side of her, Nova laughs and enjoys herself, so I ask Koda if he wants to walk up to the cabin with me.
I hand him a couple of bags from my truck and I carry some of the boxes up the worn trail to the cabin.
So many memories come flooding back as I step up the steps and walk across the short porch to the door.
It’s like stepping back in time, and my chest squeezes as hundreds of moments with Breanna race across my mind.
The inside has changed. New furniture, and a room has been built onto the back of the kitchen, a room of windows. In the corner are some of Kinley’s painting supplies and an easel she must have left when she got married.
The furniture in the bedroom is different; the rug and bedding are feminine. It looks like Kinley stayed here for a while after I left.
Koda opens the other bedroom door across the hall, next to the bathroom. It’s made up for guests to stay just like the rooms in the big house and he steps in, his eyes drifting across the room. “This could be my room?”
“Only if you want to. Nova can stay with Breanna in the big house and you would see her every day.”
He’s quiet for a moment, still looking around the room. “I want to…” He trails off and I can tell he’s worried about Nova.
Setting my hand on the back of his neck, I gently squeeze. “Take your time and only if you want to. There’s no rush, and I don’t mind staying here by myself, I’ve done it before.”
His head jerks up to look at me. “You’ve lived here before?”
I nod. “I grew up on this ranch. I lived in this cabin with my father before he died.”
His eyes volley between mine and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. “Was he nice like you?”
A lump forms in my throat as I try to imagine what experiences he must have had to assume men are mean. I push those aside and nod again before I clear my throat. “He was the best dad a guy could ask for.”
“What about your mom?”
“She died when I was little.”
“Younger than me?”
“Yeah. I don’t remember her much.”
“So, it was just you and your dad all that time?”
“It was.”
He nods as he turns his head to look around the room again. “It wasn’t just me and my mom; there was always somebody.”
I keep my hand easy on the back of his neck. I’ve learned that if I push, he closes up, so I wait and let him tell me what he wants.
“They were always different. Some were okay, some weren’t.” He sighs like he doesn’t like to think about it. “The okay ones didn’t stay.”
Keeping my voice even, I say, “That sounds hard.”
He shrugs one shoulder. “I learned which ones to stay out of the way of. Some got worse on the weekends when there were a lot of people in the house.”
There it is. The Mondays when he would come in with black eyes or split lips. He would tell me he fell or got in a fight. I’d wondered if it was his mother abusing him. I make myself take a calming breath before I ask my next question.
“Did they ever touch Nova?”
He jerks his head to look at me, anger moving across his eyes, the kind of anger a ten-year-old shouldn’t have to carry.
“No.” His eyes move between mine for a moment.
“I made sure. I kept her in our room. Sometimes, if I thought one of them might hurt her, I’d get loud and mean so they would look at me. ”
He says it like it was a regular chore, and I have to calm myself. I can’t make this about my anger, I need to stay calm and breathe through it. My anger is for what they had to go through, but I can’t imagine being a ten-year-old boy putting himself between his baby sister and grown men.
On top of that, he was rehearsing lies for his teachers on Monday mornings and saving half his dinner to make sure she ate, too.
When I trust my voice, I crouch down so we’re closer to level, and I move my hand to his shoulder. I don’t hug him because I can feel he doesn’t want one; he wants to be a man talking to another man.
“You did right by her. Every bit of that. You hear me? You kept your sister safe. That’s the most important job there is, and you did it when you shouldn’t have to.”
His jaw works, and he looks at the floor.
“Hey.” I wait for him to look at me again.
“I want you to know something. Nobody’s coming through the door here uninvited, not on the weekends, not ever.
You don’t have to worry about it and you don’t have to hide her.
That’s done. That part of your life is over, and it’s not your job anymore. It’s mine and Breanna’s now.”
He doesn’t say anything, but his shoulders come down off his ears a little, and after a second, he nods once.
He looks around the room again. “Can I change my mind? If I don’t like it?”
I gently squeeze his shoulder. “You can move back and forth all you want. There’s no rule that says you have to stay in here.”
One more trip and all my stuff is in the cabin. I’ve come home. I look at my watch and realize it’s getting late. “Come on. It’s almost bedtime.”
We walk back to the house, and Koda is quiet. His life has changed so much in the past week that I don’t intend to push him. He needs his adjustment time.
When we walk through the front door, Marley meets me in the entryway. “She won’t get ready for bed. After you had been gone for a while, she got quiet and started watching the door. I think she’s scared. She’s used to you being gone through the day, but not at night.”
Anguish twists in my gut. I thought she was having a good time. “Where is she?”
Marley strokes her stomach with one hand and turns toward the big, arched doorway to the den. “In the den, on the couch.”
Koda and I walk in, and Nova is curled up in a tiny ball in the couch corner. “Her head jerks up and when she sees me, her chin quivers.”
Stepping across the room, I hold my arms out. “Come here, Andawehi.”
She lets me pick her up and her arms lock around my neck, making my insides melt. I rub my hand up and down her back as I sit with her on the couch. She rests against me, not letting go of my neck, so I relax and let her hold on as long as she wants to.
Koda stands in the doorway watching for a few minutes before I say, “I’ve got her, why don’t you get ready for bed.”
“Are you staying here tonight?”
“Yeah, I’ll stay here.”
He nods and I listen to his soft footsteps going up the stairs.