Chapter Thirty-Eight
brEANNA
PUTTING MY uneaten plate of spaghetti in the sink, I’m in too much of a rush to clean it off and put the plate in the dishwasher tonight, I’ll do it in the morning. I have letters to read.
In my room, I lay them out on the floor around me in order by year and start at the beginning.
For the first few years, I can hear his heartbreak in the words, his regret, and the anger for the need to leave.
In all of them, he calls me by the pet name he gave me all those years ago, and he signs all of them with ‘Remember you are my moon and stars. You are my heart.’
Is this why it was so easy for him to come back and insert himself into my life? If he was writing letters to me every month like I were there with him, maybe the hole inside him wasn’t as big as the one in me.
My gut twists when, three years in, he admits to being with another woman, a one-night stand, and that he was thinking of me the whole time, and then describes the intense guilt he felt after. I felt the same way at first.
I can’t get angry with him for being with other people because I was. I didn’t want to admit it to myself when I kept Clay at arm’s length, but I couldn’t love him because my heart already belonged to someone else. Even after six or seven years, Mato had as much of a hold on me as I had on him.
Each letter is a peek into his life without me.
I may not have been there physically, but he was obviously living with my ghost just as much as I was living with his. My heart has always belonged to Mato.
And obviously, his has always belonged to me.
The letters get shorter over the years, but in each one he writes as if he’s sitting with me and tells me he misses me.
With each of my milestones he attended, he tells me he’s proud of me.
He even tells me how beautiful I looked at my graduations.
I don’t know when the tears started falling, but with each letter, I wipe more from my cheeks.
Tapping the screen of my phone to see it’s almost two in the morning. My heart is pounding in my chest as I pick it up and send a text: Are you awake?
The three bubbles immediately pop up: Yes.
Leaving the letters in a semicircle on the floor with my phone, I walk down the hall to the guest room and softly tap on the door.
It opens like he was standing on the other side waiting for me, his hair blowing away from his face with the quickness of it.
He’s in the same black sweatpants as the other night and nothing else.
For several moments, I stand on the other side of the doorframe, our eyes locked, my chest rising and falling quickly because we were always meant to be together. Butterflies are swirling in my stomach from the sudden flush of desire begging me to give in to him.
His dark eyes are holding mine captive as he waits in his patient way to see what I need from him, his hand still holding the edge of the door. My fingers are trembling from all the emotions rushing through me right now.
It’s him. It’s always been him.
I take a tentative step forward, my head tipped back, and his chest rises quicker, but he waits, giving me control. The hand at his side curls into a fist with the effort of it.
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I whisper, “You took ten years from me.”
“I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you’ll let me.” His voice is deep and thick.
Looking down at his chest in front of me, I take another step. The heat from his body licks my exposed skin, and his cologne possessively wraps around me. Setting my palms on his chest, his skin is hot and taut across the muscles. “No more making decisions for me. Promise me.”
He sets his palms over mine; his hands are wide and the fingers long, completely covering mine. “I promise.”
Looking back up at him, his head is bent to meet my eyes. “If it’s all the same to you, I would like for you to start making it up to me right now.”
His hands leave mine on his chest, and he bends his knees to grab the backs of my thighs to lift me up. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his hips, his nose just inches from mine.
He pauses; his dark brown eyes are heavy as they volley between mine. “Are you sure, nudo?”
With one hand on his neck and one on his cheek, I nod. “I want this. I want you.”
In my next breath, his lips are against mine as he shifts his hand so one is under my butt and the other slides up my back to cup my nape.
The feel of him, the taste of him, everything, it feels like finding home, and warmth spreads through my body. The kiss starts slow and tender, his lips soft, but his shoulders are solid under my hands. He softly kicks the door closed and turns to walk to the bed.
Holding me flush against him, he braces us on the bed with his knee and lowers me without breaking the kiss, supporting himself on his forearms, cradling my head between his hands.
As his body lowers onto mine, settling his hips between my thighs, his hard length presses against my wet center that’s soaking into my pants between my legs.
He groans into my mouth. “I can feel you already. Fuck, you feel good.”
When he rocks his hips, pressing his thick shaft against me, my core lights up like I’ve been set on fire, and I moan softly.
Breaking the kiss, he lifts his head just enough to look in my eyes. “I knew I loved you when we were kids, and I’ve known every day since. You’re everything to me, Breanna.”
I nod. “I know, I feel the same.”
He smiles and gently slides his thumb across my cheek before he pushes up on his heels and pulls my arm so I’m sitting in front of him.
“Come here.” He doesn’t waste any time pulling my shirt over my head.
My nipples are hard enough to cut glass, and he lowers his eyes to look at me. “So damn beautiful.”
His chest is in front of me, and I can’t resist the urge to touch him. Flattening my palms over his pecs, I slide my thumbs down the hard ripples of his stomach. His body has changed so much.
Dipping his head, he leans into me, pressing his lips to mine as he pushes me back onto the bed. Hovering over me, holding himself up on his fists on either side of me, his eyes volley between mine. “Do I need a condom?”
My breath is hard and fast. “I’m on the pill to… regulate things.”
His eyes move over my face. “I don’t want anything between us ever again.”
Lifting my hands, I cup his face to pull him down to me. “Me neither.”
His lips are on mine again, and the tenderness from moments ago turns urgent, our breaths blending as our tongues tangle together.
I feel him grow bigger and harder against me, and I press my heels into the backs of his legs to press my hips against him.
I moan into his mouth when I feel the pulse of my heartbeat throbbing in my clit.
Tearing his lips from mine, he peppers kisses along my jaw and down my neck, his lips soft and warm against my skin.
When he dips his head and sucks my nipple into his mouth, a small gasp escapes my lips, and I slap my hand to my mouth to cover any sounds.
The last thing I want is my family hearing me.
He chuckles and nips the sensitive peak between his teeth, sending a bolt of electric right to my core. It’s been so long since I felt that, I bow on the bed toward him, my hands fisting the sheets, and whisper, “Shit.”
Shifting his weight onto one hand, he cups my other breast, pinching the nipple between his thumb and forefinger, sending another shock through my body. God, I’d forgotten how good he makes me feel.
“Mato,” I whisper.
Lifting his head, my nipple slides from between his lips with a sloppy pop. “Mmm?” His eyes are hooded, and his broad shoulders frame his face.
My body is on fire, and a shiver moves down my spine when the cold air wraps around my wet nipple. “I need you.”
Keeping his eyes on mine, he slowly moves down my stomach, one soft kiss after another, dipping his tongue into my belly button before he says, “I want to taste you.”
Pushing himself onto his heels again, he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my pants and jerks them down my legs to toss off the bed. His eyes roam over my body as I lay bare, his chest lifting. “Fucking gorgeous.”
Lifting his hungry eyes to meet mine, he wraps his palms around my thighs, pushing them open and dives forward, his tongue sliding up my wet slit. Oh, God. My strangled gasp fills the room, and my body bows again.
With each lick, nip, and suck, my core quivers as he pulls me to the edge, and I grab his head, my fingers sliding through his hair. In return, he moves his hands to my ass and lifts, tilting my hips up.
“God, yes.” I whisper, the pressure behind my clit building and pushing against my center.
Knowing he has me close, he nips my button of nerves between his teeth and pushes me over into a pulsing, quivering mess of pleasure as a flush of warmth spreads from my center outwards.
With each small buck of my hips, he cradles my ass in his hands as he strokes me with his tongue until I fall still.
Watching his powerful form, my chest heaving, he sits back on his heels again and wipes his chin on his shoulder, his eyes burning with need. Pushing up on his knees, he slides his waistband down his hips, and his cock bobs out, big, thick, and hard.
Pushing myself up to rest on my elbows, I take in the veins bulging around his length and the round bulb dripping precum. Needing to touch him, I reach out and curl my fingers around the shaft and slide my thumb over the head, smearing the clear fluid.
He grabs my wrist and pulls my hand away, his voice is husky. “You keep doing that and I won’t last, and I want to feel you come on my cock.”
Twisting my wrist from his grip, I grab his hand and pull him toward me. “Then what are you waiting for?”
One side of his mouth tips up as he falls forward onto his forearms, his mouth crashing against mine. I taste myself on his tongue when he spears between my lips, the heat of his round head pushing against my opening.
His kiss is not gentle, it’s demanding, and his need for me has taken control. Lifting my knees to hug his ribs, I tilt my hips as he presses into me, breaching my entrance slowly at first until he pushes in one sweep, filling me and stretching me around him.
A low moan vibrates in his chest, and he stills, breaking the kiss and setting his forehead against mine, his hot breath sliding over my chin. “I love you. I’ll always love you.”
My breaths are lifting my chest fast, and my fingers are digging into the skin on his shoulders. His eyes are holding mine captive. “I love you, too.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, he pulls out to just the tip and slams back in, plucking a loud gasp from me, my fingernails sinking into his flesh.
Sweat is shining on his forehead as he starts a rhythm that I match as I rock my hips with him. My walls flex around his shaft with each thrust, and I feel my arousal stirring in my core again.
Pushing up onto one hand, he slips his arm under my leg and hooks my calf over his shoulder, angling me to go deeper, while sliding over my g-spot with each thrust.
“Oh, God.” I breathe and tilt my head back.
His fingers wrap around my jaw and bring my eyes back to him. “I want to watch your face when I make you come.”
The deep huskiness of his voice is so sexy, and his brown eyes are so dark with lust that I twitch around him, making his lips arrogantly tip.
Wanting to show him I have just as much effect on him as he has on me, I squeeze my walls around him, and his lip drops as his eyebrow comes up. “Oh, don’t do that, nudo, it’ll be over before we want it to.”
It’s my turn to smile, and he slams into me harder, wiping the smile off my face, making me whimper and my walls shudder. “Oh, Mato, I’m gonna cum.”
He slips his hand between us and pinches my clit, making my center erupt. I keep my eyes locked on his, and he watches my face intently as I pulse around him, my body trembling.
A familiar vein on his forehead pops under the skin, and he leans his head against mine as a soft, satisfied growl rattles from his chest and his heat spreads inside me. His eyes slide shut as each heavy breath tickles my chin.
He releases my leg and drops to his forearms, and I hook my legs around his torso and my arms around his neck as he scoots his elbows closer to me, sliding his arms under me to hold me close. His kisses on my neck and shoulder are soft.
We lie like that, flush against each other for a long time, our breathing slows and our sweat blends together.
“I’ll never leave you again,” he whispers in my ear. “I’d rather die than live without you.”
A tear slides down my temple at his declaration, and I hug him tighter to me.