Chapter 3
Dawson
Izoned out for the half hour it took to drive to my house, muscle memory leading me back while my mind spun out. I couldn’t seem to force away the anxiety about Theo being back and the talk I needed to have with my dad.
Once I turned onto the long driveway to my childhood home, I was thankfully distracted by the sight of my sister Danielle attempting to wrangle her pet goat Stella in the front yard.
Back in high school, she had rescued the scraggly creature from one of the neighbors down the road who had sold their land and left her behind.
I can fucking relate...
She’d cracked my dad in under a minute to let her keep it.
Mom was the tougher sell, but even she broke and let her keep the wretched thing.
It was definitely on brand for my sister.
Not many people said no to her. Once Dani left for Baylor two years ago, it came down to my parents to take care of the animal, but even they fell in love with her before long.
As for me, I gave goatzilla a wide berth after the furry demon nearly took my balls off during feeding time the first month we had her.
I heard Dani shrieking at the fast little fucker as I pulled up and climbed out of my truck, the goat darting around her quicker than she could keep up.
“You come here right now! Don’t you—oh for the love of...I swear, if you think I’m feeding you after this—agh, stop it! STELLAAA!”
The goat screamed in response, the sound drowning out Dani’s frustrated ranting. Dani let out an indignant squawk and stomped her foot like a child instead of the twenty-year-old she was.
“Don’t you scream at me! I haven’t seen you in months and this is the welcome I get?”
“That’s because she’s a Longhorns fan. We’ll have to cleanse the house now that you’ve tainted it with your Baylor stench,” I called out.
Dani whipped around and flipped me the bird. “Cleanse this, bitch!”
“Language,” I grasped my metaphorical pearls. “Do you kiss our mother with that mouth?”
She rolled her eyes even as she broke into a grin and charged, my arms wide open to catch her as she barreled into me.
“I missed you, loser! It’s about time you showed your ugly face,” She said, hugging me with a stranglehold around my neck while her five foot three frame had me bending down uncomfortably.
“Yeah yeah, I missed you too, gremlin,” I said affectionately. I ruffled her hair before playfully shoving her away. “Also FYI, Stella is making a break for the back acre over there.”
Dani cursed before chasing after the animal yet again.
I took a second to drink in the view of my family home.
It sat on fifteen acres mostly made up of dense woods that were common around the Barton Creek Greenbelt outside Austin.
It had been the main selling point for Dad when he and Mom bought it.
I had practically grown up in those woods.
They were the landscape of most of my childhood adventures after moving here.
I’d lose myself for hours in the foliage, hiding from the world and enjoying the solitude it provided.
It was also within those woods that I first met the curious, kind boy who became my best friend.
The boy who became my everything.
In my frantic desire to escape the city and where I knew he would be, I hadn’t thought about how much of our shared history was on this very land.
Pieces of us were sunk into the earth, carved into the trees, floating on the wind.
There was no place I could go where memories of us couldn’t reach me.
I shook off the painful nostalgia, unwilling to let more thoughts of him invade and headed inside. The smell of my mom’s barbecue greeted me and my stomach gurgled on cue. Coleslaw and baked beans were laid out on the island as I rounded the corner into the empty kitchen.
“Uhh, hello? Mom? Dad?” I called out into the house.
A flash of brown and white flew out at me, tangling in between my legs. I dropped to my knees and was immediately assaulted by a wet tongue and needy whines.
“There’s my Penny girl! How are you, sweet baby? I missed you so much. Did you miss me?” I cooed at our Springer Spaniel. The dog relentlessly tried to fit all sixty pounds of her lean body onto my lap to no avail.
“Ah, I see where your priorities are. The dog gets top billing over your mother.”
I stood and made my way over to Mom, giving her an indulgent smile. She pulled me into a long hug, her familiar cloves and honey scent hitting my nose. When she pulled back, she looked me over as she always did, as if to check I was still in one piece.
“Well, you don’t look any worse for wear. You have my good genes to thank for that,” she winked at me.
The back door swung open with a thunk and Dani strode in with twigs in her hair and grass stains up and down her front.
“Too bad you can’t say the same for her,” I smirked. Dani smacked me on the back of the head as she plodded into the kitchen with us.
“I almost took an eye out trying to get Stella back in her pen. It was like corralling the Flash,” she growled. “What the hell have you been feeding her, Mom?”
“Nothing but the usual, sweetie. Her pellets, some hay, a little cocaine to give her some pep. Why? Was that not right?” Mom blinked innocently.
“Okay, the sarcasm can go take a long walk off a short cliff, thank you,” Dani groused. “Next time you give me grief about my sass, I’ll remind you of this moment, woman.”
She narrowed her eyes and stole a dinner roll off the island before turning on her heel to head to her room.
“I forgot how fun it is to rile her up,” Mom chuckled. “Honey, would you mind grabbing your dad for lunch? He should be in his office.”
I gave her a quick nod and bounded up the stairs.
I peeked into the first room in the hall and saw Dad lounging back in his massive leather chair, reading through a sheaf of papers.
Hanging above his head were two NFL jerseys, one from his tenure with the Bears and the other from his time with the Cowboys.
We’d moved to Dallas from Chicago when I was too little to remember it, but we’d landed in Austin when a torn rotator cuff forced Dad to retire when I was about nine.
He always said the silver lining of his injury was more time with us, but we all knew how much he missed it.
It was one of the reasons it was so hard to find a way to tell him that I wouldn’t be following in his steps.
Dad glanced up and grinned when he saw me come in. His sandy brown hair that matched my own had a few flecks of gray barely visible in the light with faint laugh lines around his eyes. Nate’s and Aly’s disturbing comments from earlier popped into my head and I inwardly groaned.
Note to self: Google nearby therapists tonight.
I wasn’t a stranger to people drooling over both my parents. It just wasn’t something I wanted to hear about…ever. Especially from my friends.
“Hey champ, how’s it going?” Dad asked, rounding the desk and engulfing me in his arms.
“Can’t complain. I’m just livin’ the dream,” I lied cheerfully.
“Excited for your last year at UT?” he smiled widely.
He leaned back against his desk, picking up the photo of me in my Longhorn football gear that he kept next to his computer.
“Those were some of the best years of my life playing for the Horns. And now you’re about to be a senior and graduate soon.
Damn, it goes by so fast,” he sighed wistfully.
“By this time next year, you’ll be signed to a pro team and really living out that dream of yours. ”
The ever-present knot in my stomach tightened even more. It would have been the perfect segue to tell him what I’d known for over a year, that my dreams lay outside the professional sports world.
Come on, just say it. Don’t be a pansy about this, Hayes. Rip off the band aid and tell him already.
“You bet,” I choked out with a tight smile.
You cowardly liar who lies like a lying coward…
“I only hope your decision to duck out on conditioning and practice this summer doesn’t hurt your chances. I’m still shocked you even got Coach Walker’s approval for this as the team captain.” His tone was laced with disapproval and I couldn’t meet his eyes.
Admittedly, Coach wasn’t my biggest fan after I pressed the issue to leave campus a few weeks ago, but I couldn’t find it in me to care much.
I had spent the last seven years giving everything I had to football, summers included, trying to live up to the quarterback legacy left by my dad and my grandpa.
The truth was I wasn’t as invested anymore. It wasn’t what I wanted for my life. For years, Dad has held onto the dream that I would pick up his NFL mantle and get drafted after graduation. Every football season was spent pushing me to be the best, look good for scouts, keep my “eye on the prize”.
It was all too much, it was becoming suffocating. I hated disappointing him. He was hard on me, but he loved me and truly believed I could go all the way. I just wished his dream wasn’t at the expense of mine.
I shoved my hands in my pockets so that dad didn’t see them shaking.
“I promise, it’s not gonna be a problem. Coach understood and I’ll keep up my conditioning here,” I assured him, feeling like a piece of shit for not coming clean. “Uh, Mom says lunch is ready for us by the way. We should head down.”
I tried to make it to the door, but Dad called my name and I reluctantly turned back to him. The look on his face was indecipherable and I worried he’d seen through my lies.
“You, uh…you happen to see anyone over at the Bishops’ house when you pulled up?” Dad inquired casually, throwing me off at the change in topic.