Chapter 23
Theo
“An exploding crayon? A laser pointer? Oh! A butt plug!”
“Why the fuck would ‘butt plug’ be an option in Pictionary?”
“Excuse me, Bob Ross, but you’re the one whose happy little drawing over there looks like a butt plug. Hawkins, back me up on this.”
“Again, this a game for normal people, not a Rorschach test for the Sexually Frustrated, Griffin. Feeling a little pent up, are we, neighbor?”
“Hey, I haven’t exactly heard you and Dan rattling the walls lately either, cutie. Trouble in paradise already?”
Fin’s and Griffin’s arguing had been going for several minutes and neither of them even heard the timer when their turn was over. It was infinitely more amusing than the actual game. Everyone had given up trying to stop them during Scattergories earlier, and I was living for the free entertainment.
“You know, we can stop now and just hang out,” Aly suggested loudly over their verbal barbs.
Fin capped the marker with a huff, shooting Griffin a glare sharp enough to cut glass. “Fine. It was a space shuttle launch by the way, you big boob.”
Griffin’s face twisted in bewilderment and he waved wildly at the easel. “How the hell was I supposed to guess that? Whoever chose to draw random names for teams, you can fuck all the way off. I got cheated.”
His comment drew Fin into another round of bickering and the knowing looks that were tossed around the room suggested everyone but those two morons saw what was going on between them. Oh well. They’d figure that shit out eventually.
We all settled in the living room afterwards, drinking and laughing about shit that wasn’t half as funny without alcohol. With every sip, my anxiety about feeling like an outsider drained away.
I was a bundle of nerves and tension when we’d walked in, wondering if I was going to be ignored or looked at like I was “crazy” again.
I’d suffered through awkward silences and judgmental glances from my so-called friends before, and I’d do it again.
For Dawson. To carve out a place for me in his world.
I also didn’t want to admit that a part of me was afraid that Dawson would hide what we were, playing the part of long lost friend rather than reunited lover.
I’d embarrassed myself twice already in front of his friends, proving repeatedly that I wasn’t good enough for Dawson.
Why would he want to claim a disaster like me anyway?
I had steeled myself for his dismissal. Instead, he’d squeezed my hand and pecked me on the mouth in view of all his gawking friends before going to grab food.
And when Fin, Aly, and Micah had pounced on me with a dozen excited, but intrusive questions, Dawson had chastised them all for overwhelming his boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
A title I hadn’t held in years. One I never expected I’d be lucky enough to earn back. It was a shot of adrenaline straight to my veins, and I was still flying high on it hours later.
I was stretched out on the floor, reclining against the couch with Dawson pressed up next to me. He threw a leg over mine and fiddled with my left hand absently, laughing at something I’d missed because I’d been caught up staring at him. I had four years to make up for, after all.
Dawson elbowed me in the side, jolting me out of my daze. I glanced around to eyes staring at me expectantly.
“Sorry, what did I miss?”
Nate chuckled, tipping his beer bottle towards Dawson. “We asked if you were coming to the game next Saturday. It’s a big one too since it’s the season opener and the Hayes family showdown. It’s a can’t-miss event!”
“Hayes family showdown?” I asked Dawson.
“We’re playing Baylor. It’s been a whole thing since my freshman year here.
Dani rooted for them even before she got into the damn school, so the first time we played against them, there were some…
heated exchanges in our house. Ever since, it’s been me and Dad versus Dani and Mom.
They even decorate our family suite at the stadium in both school colors, really driving home the whole ‘house divided’ shtick, but I always invite some friends to come too. ”
There was a sharp pinch behind my ribs that felt a lot like grief.
A feeling of loss for the years and family traditions I was always meant to be part of.
Inside jokes and memories I’d never get to experience.
That darkness that lurked in the corners flooded in, the specter that the pills could barely keep away. It poisoned my thoughts, tainting them.
Did you think you’d be missed? They got along fine without you. What makes you think you’re good enough to be part of his family, his life? You’re a childhood memory that was better off locked away…
“Will you come next weekend?” Dawson asked, his voice instantly calming me, an antidote to the darkness.
“A chance to see your sexy butt in action? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Dawson kissed the smirk off my face and the last of my tension bled away.
“Oh my god, you two are so adorable. I can’t even…” Aly simpered, watching us with dreamy eyes.
Dawson’s cheeks stained pink from the attention that swung our way. She was right about that. He was so damn cute. And so damn mine.
“Yeah yeah, whatever,” he grumbled. “What about you guys? You all able to come?”
There were nods and excited agreements from everyone with plans being made about where and what time to meet.
“Hey Theo,” Bash called. “Why don’t you come up to our place and hang out with us since Dawson will be with the team? We can ride over together.”
I agreed and thanked him and Micah around an unexpected lump in my throat. It was a simple question. Nothing special, yet knowing that I was welcome here, even in Dawson’s absence, settled something inside me.
Once he and I made it back downstairs to my apartment, I was deep in my thoughts, filtering through every interaction that night.
I didn’t feel a sense of obligation from any of them, like they had to accept me for Dawson’s sake.
Every smile, laugh, or question directed my way tonight radiated sincerity.
Maybe like Dawson, they’d actually stay when they learned the truth about me.
Strong arms slipped around my waist from behind. “Did you have fun tonight, baby?”
“I love hearing you call me that,” I breathed, sinking into his incredible warmth. Dawson rested his head on my shoulder, his breath coasting across my cheek, smelling like the fruity drink Micah had made him.
“I thought it would be harder,” he mused softly, almost to himself. “Harder to go back to how we used to be. Kissing you, calling you baby, wanting to be with you all the time…it hasn’t been hard at all. It’s been as easy as breathing. Nothing feels different, but everything is.”
I turned and slid my hands down to his wrists, bringing his arms up to drape around my neck. I wrapped mine around his waist, trailing my hands up and down his back.
“Not everything. The important things are still the same. How you like your burgers plain and your coffee iced. How the sun shows the strands of gold in your hair and how you close your eyes when playing a song makes you emotional. How you kiss me and I forget how to breathe, and how you crave being adored and praised during sex because it makes you feel confident and sexy.”
I framed his face, using my thumb to smooth away a tear that silently fell. Dawson stared at me unblinking, his eyes wet and a tremulous smile pulling at his lips.
“And what hasn’t changed is how deeply and endlessly I love you.
There is no corner of my soul that you don’t fill.
I ran away because I forgot how to trust, but I could never forget how to love you.
Even when I was gone, I carried you like a brand on my fucking soul.
We could rewrite our story a million times and that will never change. ”
Dawson leaned into me and his lips met mine in a sweet kiss. He kissed me languidly, stealing my breath with every move of his lips. No tongue, no lust, just a promise made in a language only we knew.
“I love you so much, Theo,” he whispered into the kiss.
My heart pounded and I worried it would tear through my chest and right into his hands. Where it belonged.
“Go on a date with me.”
“For real?” he grinned widely.
“Yep. I have four years to make up for,” I winked. “How about after your game Saturday night?”
“That should work. It’s an afternoon game, so I should be out by six. What did you have in mind?”
I mimed zipping my mouth shut.
“Fine. Keep your secrets,” Dawson scoffed, but he couldn’t hide the excitement I saw in his eyes. It quickly dimmed when he checked the time on his phone. “It’s later than I thought. I should probably get home. I’ve got practice tomorrow afternoon.”
“Stay,” I blurted, hoping like hell that this wasn’t a push too far. “Stay with me tonight. I’ll wake you up with plenty of time before you have to leave.”
Dawson ducked his head and my chest constricted. Fuck, he wasn’t ready. I’d gone a step too far and now he would—
“I’d love to,” he replied evenly, head tilting up with a small smile.
My breath left me in a rush as relief flooded in. I grabbed his jaw and took his mouth in a hard kiss. He let out a soft groan that I swallowed down. I kissed him deeper, pouring my gratitude for his answer into the embrace.
We separated slowly and I took in Dawson’s dazed, glassy expression. He looked undone and needy, and I soaked it in. I’d never get enough of him.
“Let’s go to bed,” I purred. “No sex, just…let me hold you.”
Dawson bit his lip and bobbed his head, taking my hand and leading me to the bedroom.
We slowly stripped, peeling away the layers as though it would strip us of the past. Strip away the pain until only love remained.
We climbed into bed and Dawson gravitated into my arms, his back pressing to my front, our briefs the only barrier between us.
Nothing in the last few years ever felt as right as this. Nothing made me feel as strong as having this man love me. I silently vowed that I’d never do anything to lose this. I’d lock myself away before I let my illness consume me and cause him pain again.
“Do you think your friends would still like me if they knew?” I whispered under my breath. My scalp prickled with embarrassment at how pathetic I sounded, like a boy wanting kids on the playground to play with him.
Dawson wove his fingers through mine and coasted them up to rest over his sternum. He didn’t answer right away and in the space of those few seconds, a dozen intrusive images swamped me, overriding any kindness or act of acceptance I’d been shown tonight.
“My friends are no strangers to pain like yours,” he replied softly.
“Most are fighting their own silent battles. Bash and Cal have been more open than others in the group, but we all support them however we’re able.
The biggest is by being there and holding space for them on the hard days.
Never turning away. That’s what you will get from them, Theo. They won’t turn away.”
I swallowed roughly, squeezing my eyes against the sting brought on by his promise.
I couldn’t speak past the tightness in my throat, so I buried my face in his neck, the scent of his skin a heady mix of his earthy body wash and something uniquely Dawson.
He smelled of summers in the woods and nights under the stars. Of memories and innocence and home.
Dawson’s breathing evened out, the rise and fall of his chest slowing down. The thump of his heartbeat under my hand played like my favorite lullaby and I clung to him as though he’d fade away with my dreams.
When morning came, I woke to him curled around my body, but it still felt like the best kind of dream.