Chapter 40
Theo
We watched the rain roll in like a curtain being drawn over the woods, the water pinging on the roof of the barn.
The weather was as gloomy as my mood as Dawson and I sat in the hay loft, our legs dangling over the side.
Nostalgia crept in as I remembered all the days we spent just like this, sitting side by side in Neverland, watching the world turn and wishing it would pause for a little while.
“When do you have to leave again?” Dawson checked for the fourth time. At this point, I wondered if he ignored the previous times I’d said it just to live in denial a bit longer.
“At nine,” I replied dully, playing with his fingers and watching two birds take cover from the rain in the barn’s rafters.
Thirty minutes.
Just thirty minutes before I left him one more time, only if everything worked the way I prayed it would, it would be the last time I ever had to walk away from him. Then our next chapter could begin.
“I don’t know why this feels so…heavy,” I wondered aloud. “It’s not like I’ll be gone super long. Thirty or forty days is nothing in the grand scheme of things, right?”
Dawson nodded, lips twisting in a sad smirk.
“And I think we made a smart choice to not call each other. It’ll guarantee that my focus is on therapy and recovery, and it’ll make it that much better when we see each other again, you know?”
“You’re rambling,” he pointed out amusedly.
“Oh, is that what I’m doing? How annoying of you to notice,” I grumbled, drawing a breathy laugh from him. “It’s just a lot to process and this is my last big chance to get stable.”
“It’s not.”
Confused, I turned my head in his direction. “What do you mean ‘it’s not’?”
“It’s not your last chance,” he refuted. “Don’t put that pressure on yourself. If this doesn’t work out, then we’ll try another way. And if that one doesn’t work, then we’ll try a different one. We’ll do whatever it takes to find the right path for you.”
“That could take forever and by then, you’d be sick of waiting around for my ass.” The joke fell flat under the hint of truth in my fear.
Dawson’s features lined with frustration, but under that I noticed the challenge too. He didn’t say a word as he dug in his pocket, pulling out his phone and unlocking it to send a text. I tried to ask him who he texted, but he silently held a finger up for me to wait.
He sat there, swinging his legs and staring at the rain as we waited for a call, text, or whatever he wanted to come through on his phone. A couple minutes later, his phone chimed with an incoming text and he smiled at the screen.
“Let me get this straight,” he started. “You think that there is a possibility that I could one day get tired of waiting for you.”
“I was just kidd—”
“No, you weren’t, because there’s at least some tiny part of you that believes there is a chance that could happen one day.”
I swung my head back to look out at the water pelting the ground, unable to look him in the eye where he’d see the truth.
I didn’t want to be insecure at all about Dawson’s love and commitment to me.
One of the major things I wanted to work on at Harbor House was learning to distinguish anxiety from reality and combat the thoughts that liked to… well, rain on my parade.
“I asked Dani to send me this picture because I think you really need to see it. It might put some things in perspective for you.”
He held my phone out for me. Sighing, I took it and looked at the photo he had pulled up, and my brows pinched together.
“I’m not sure what I am looking at. I mean, I know what I’m looking at obviously, but I don’t understand what it means because it couldn’t mean what I think it means…could it?”
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screenshot of a jewelry website and the platinum men’s ring that was front and center on the image. The platinum men’s engagement ring, according to the description.
“It means exactly what you think it means,” Dawson replied simply. “And so will this…”
He snuck his finger over and swiped to the next photo, this one of a different, but equally as beautiful engagement band. I scanned the entire screen, taking it all in until my gaze blurred. Dawson removed the phone from my trembling hand and grasped it instead, pulling my attention to him.
“Dani took that first photo when she was sneaking around my computer the week of Homecoming. And that second photo was one I took when I was looking at the website when you were in the hospital.”
My pulse took off like fucking Secretariat as his gaze grew more intense, waiting for me to make the connection out loud. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to say it on the sliver of a chance I was wrong. I was too fragile, too weak to be wrong about this.
“Why were you looking at those rings, Dawson?” My voice was filled with gravel, shaking with all the terrifying hope that rushed through my blood.
“Because I intend to spoil the fuck out of you when I propose one day, so I need plenty of time to pick the right one.”
All the air whooshed out of my lungs so fast I felt lightheaded. Small, aborted noises were all that came out as I tried to formulate a response, but what the fuck could I say?
How about “fuck yes”? Is that too soon? Is it allowed if he hasn’t asked the question yet? Probably not, right?…
“I started looking for a ring four years ago because I was just as serious then as I am now that you are the love of my life and I want to spend every second of this life I have with you. So don’t for one minute think that I will ever get sick of waiting for you, Theo Bishop.
One year, ten years, fifty…it doesn’t matter.
I’ll wait for you forever if I have to.”
I gripped his face between my hands and seized his mouth in a fierce kiss. I licked the seam of his lips and he moaned as I dove in to taste him, so beautifully responsive for me. Our mouths moved together as we deepened the kiss, my tongue teasing his until I forgot my own name.
Oh well, fuck it…I want his name anyway.
My phone alarm pierced the air and we sprang apart, startled by the sound. I tried not to let my mood sink at the reminder that we only had ten minutes before I had to meet Dad up at the house for him to drive me to Harbor House for intake.
“I don’t want to let you go,” I confessed on a hoarse whisper, clutching at Dawson’s hair to keep him close to me.
“Then don’t.” He stood and held out a hand to help me up, pulling me towards the center of the loft. “Dance with me?”
Those damn pesky tears lined my lashes, and I let him yank me into his chest, my left arm sliding around his shoulders as he held my right hand out.
“I need to grab my phone for the music.” He tried to disentangle himself, but I held him tighter.
“You don’t need it, Mercury. We’ll make our own music. Sing to me.”
Dawson grinned and brought his mouth to my ear, singing his favorite Jake Wesley Roger cover that sheeted my body in chills.
I closed my eyes as the hypnotic sound soothed every nerve in my system, his voice warm and silky with a subtle rasp that scratched a part of my brain that made me come apart at the seams.
Just like always, he crooned the lyrics in a way that tore my heart out, emotional and passionate as if telling me a story. He twirled us around in the loft in a gentle sway, the world falling away and leaving us in this perfect moment with Dawson speaking to me in a language all his own.
All I need is you…only you.
We stood in the silence as his final words echoed in the quiet barn and the rain slowed to a stop. Dawson kissed me sweetly and then led me down the ladder. We stood there, staring unseeing towards the houses that were obscured by the thicket of trees.
“I have to go,” I mumbled.
Dawson cradled my cheeks and tilted my head down, his warm lips brushing a firm kiss to my forehead. I clung to his waist, cementing this moment to memory.
“Please don’t give up,” he begged softly. “Remember what you have waiting for you here. You were supposed to be my forever. Don’t you rob me of that. Don’t you dare take that from me again.”
The quiet words were spoken with such desperation that I had trouble breathing. I gripped his wrists and pulled back enough to lock eyes.
“Then what if we make a trade? Give me your forever and I’ll give you mine in return.”
A wet, soft laugh escaped him. “I’ll give you anything you want as long as you come back to me.”
I reached up to unhook the silver chain around my neck. Taking his hand, I held it up so his class ring slid off onto his open palm, curling his fingers around it.
“Keep it safe for me. I’ll be back for that.”
I brought his closed fist up and brushed a kiss over his knuckles, meeting his piercing gaze. “I will always come back. It doesn’t matter how many turns I take, all my roads lead back to you. I’ll always find my way back to you, Mercury.”
I took his lips in a bruising kiss, hoping to leave a mark that he couldn’t erase, couldn’t hide. I kissed him until all the breath left my body and we were both panting as we held onto each other like it was the world’s ending.