Chapter 43
Theo
Mercury,
I met with Dr. Johansson’s wife today, Dr. Kay. Honestly, I was nervous as fuck after what we learned at the hospital and it was a long visit, but she helped me understand a lot.
Apparently the doctors at my previous facility weren’t doing their damn jobs right.
She figured out I have rapid cycling, which basically means my inner yo-yo is fucked and goes up and down a lot faster than others.
She said my ADHD was likely to blame, but normally one drug alone isn’t enough to treat it effectively.
That’s why I kept getting so depressed even on the Lithium.
Also did you know that shit can fuck up your kidneys?
? Yeah, neither did I. Fuckers at the other place never told me that.
She put me on a couple new meds with names I’m not gonna even attempt to spell, but she also talked me through everything and what to expect. The drugs may need adjusting down the line and she wanted me to be able to advocate for myself.
Then I cried. Like, full-on breakdown. I was just so fucking angry.
At those doctors, that place, my mom, and even myself.
I felt so stupid for never asking questions and for trusting them to know exactly what to do.
I kept thinking that was as good as it was going to get.
I felt shitty, but not as shitty as it could be.
I had accepted that I would probably always be a little bit broken.
I don’t really think that anymore. It doesn’t feel so hopeless now.
I think…I’m actually going to be okay.
I guess you were right again.