Chapter 4 #3
“What’s this about balls and dicks?” Xander laughs, walking in.
“I thought you left for the day?”
He waves his phone. “Forget my phone. So, what are you two talking about?”
“Max here was talking about his long dick. When I asked—”
“How about you just tell me how Rainey’s doing?” I ask to change the subject. He’ll go on and on about it otherwise.
Leo scratches the back of his head. “She’s not going to spring back overnight.”
“I know that. How was she today? How was her mood? I want to see if she’s improving little by little.
With me, she still plays the part.” A wry laugh leaves my lips.
“She tells me she’s fine, although she’s right next to me at times, it’s like she’s miles away.
” Even when she’s under me, I can see it in her face, how she’s elsewhere.
I’m positive it’s when she feels the scars on my back.
When I’m asleep, I’m woken by kisses on my back, followed by a couple of tears that drip down.
Every time I turn around to face her, she’s already wiped those tears.
She smiles at me and says, “Good morning.”
I ask her why she was crying, and it’s always, “I’m fine,” followed by her lips causing tingling on my bare chest, trailing up to my neck, then to my lips. She’s good. Rainey knows how to distract me.
“While I was stocking books, she asked about my childhood. I told her we had a similar story. I didn’t go into detail. I told her I would tell her the rest when we were in a private setting.”
Xander leans against the wall, ankles crossed. “I’m not a fan of strangers picking at my brain, but has she thought of seeing a therapist or psychologist?”
Brushing my fingers on my stubbled chin, I shake my head.
“She doesn’t want to just yet.” I’m with Xander, I’m not one who wants anyone picking at my head, trying to figure me out, or diagnosing me with something.
Yet I’m in love with a woman who wants to do it for a living, and that’s just fine if she picks at my head as long as it’s not a stranger.
“Cabeza dura. She’s always been like that since she was young. Stubborn as can be.”
“My dad once said there’s this saying. That a woman who’s a cabeza dura will make a great lover.” Xander’s lips curl into a lazy smile. “I’ve never heard that saying anywhere else, so I don’t know if it’s true.”
I snort. “I haven’t either, but I believe it. Stubborn asses have an attitude, and you have to fuck it out of them.” Of course, I take pleasure in it every time. Rainey’s body is like a magnet, calling to me with just a swipe of my thumb on her soft skin, making my body react.
Xander laughs while Leo is standing in thought.
“Well, fuck, I guess I need to find myself a stubborn ass someday,” Xander says.
“Are you not seeing anyone?” I ask Xander.
He shifts his weight, ankles uncrossing as he exhales. “Women aren’t exactly on my schedule these days,” he murmurs, stooping to gather the scattered papers from the floor. His shirt rides up, revealing a constellation of purple-yellow marks blooming across his ribs. “Not long term, that is.”
Dammit, he’s back in the Underground. There’s nothing I can do to stop him. Just like when Carlos tried to stop me. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. I respect that, but I know what a mess it is to get involved in illegal actions. I’m not sure if I’m out of it with the way Daniel is.
“Sometimes the right woman will set you straight.” It sounds like I’m an old man giving advice, but if Rainey hadn’t been in my life, the purpose would not have been there.
“You know,” Leo interjects, pacing the room, “maybe you should give her space.”
“What?” I snap. “Who are you talking about?”
“Rainey. I think you need to give her space by letting her live in her own place. Maybe she can’t think with you at the house with her.”
I whirl around. My leather chair spins beneath me as I launch myself upward in one fluid motion. “Now, why would I do that? When she needs me? It’s not healthy for her to be alone.”
“Maybe it’s not healthy for her—”
“Did she tell you something, Leonardo?” My voice rises.
I’m not jealous of them getting along. I love them both, but my sunshine finding reassurance in someone else stings.
Yes, I want her to have someone other than me to talk to.
She sees Leo as a younger brother, but she’s not telling me much, like we had talked about the other night.
I give her what she wants, not to treat her like a glass doll; my hands are always on her.
We shower together, and still, she’s not relying on me to be her rock.
“What has Rainey talked to you about, Leo?” I ask.
“She hasn’t told me much, just that she’s taking it day by day.” He walks toward the door. “Well, I’d better get back to work.”
“Leo, you’d tell me if she plans on leaving me, right?” Those words ache in my chest. She’s tried it before. Why wouldn’t she now? Especially since she has her memory back.
He simply nods and walks out the door. Deep down, I know he wouldn’t tell me, after all. He just said I should give her space.