Chapter 15
Rainey
“Listen, Leo, what I’m about to tell you is important, and I need you to keep it private.”
He nods eagerly, folding his fingers together. “I won’t tell a single soul.”
I pace up and down the living room. “I have a secret. More than one.”
His eyes widen, then with his thumb and index finger, he zips his lips.
“You can’t tell Max. It’s me who needs to tell him, so you can’t. Promise.”
He lifts three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”
Bethany snorts behind me. “You were a Boy Scout?”
“No,” Leo responds with a shy smile when he looks over at Bethany.
“Leo, can you handle this?”
He huffs at me. “Of course. I’m not a rat.”
“You and Max are like brothers.”
“Yes, we are,” he says proudly. I love that Leo found his way to Max. “I’ll keep quiet. Your friendship is important to me, and I know you need me by your side.”
He’s right. He’s like the sun, bright and full of life.
I just wish he would see that. He’s been there for me for the past months, and he hasn’t said once that I should be with Max.
However, he knows nothing about what Carlos said or my other reasons.
He feels I need the space to work on my thoughts.
“I’m pregnant.”
He gasps so loud the neighbors probably heard it.
His body rises off the sofa like something pulled him up by the collar, hands going to his hair, then to his face, then back to his hair, like he doesn’t know what to do with them.
He sits. He stands. He sits again. Bethany stands to unhinge his mouth and set it back in place.
“Holy shit.” He stands and runs his hands through his fluffy hair. “Oh god, oh god. Okay… Who’s the father?”
I throw my hands up in the air. “For fuck’s sake, Leo, do I look like a damn cheat? Like a hussy?”
Beth laughs, flipping through the channels.
A spark of laughter fills his eyes. “Congratulations.” He’s quiet for two short seconds. Then just as I suspected, he starts to panic. “This is big but… Why?” His eyes grow like golf balls.
“Why what?”
“Why hide it from him? Shouldn’t he know?”
I’d been expecting this question, though I doubt anyone could truly grasp my situation.
“I tried,” I say, which isn’t a lie. The call I made went straight to voicemail, and our chance encounter in the lot three days ago ended with his tires squealing against asphalt.
“He’s always busy. I will tell him when the time is right.
” I just need to find the time to talk to him without interruptions.
Leo sits back on the sofa, and his gaze lingers on my belly. “How far along are you?”
“Two months.” Warmth drapes around me. I can’t wait until I find out the gender and feel him move. For some reason, I’m leaning toward it being a boy.
“Your secret is safe with me. I know it’s not my place to tell Max. This is entirely between you two, and in the end, you will do what’s right for your child. Thank you for telling me. I’ve always wanted to be an uncle.”
Boy, does that warm my heart. Leo still has that little boyishness in him.
He’s never had a mentor in his life, and now he has Max.
He took him under his wing, no questions asked.
He gave him a job and a home. He has a lot of growing to do, and he will do it now that he has someone to look up to.
Unfortunately, we didn’t ask for this life.
“Thank you, Leo, and to settle your panic, I do plan on telling Max. I wouldn’t keep his child from him.
” Something tightens in my chest. I press my hand flat against my sternum.
“I want to be better for Max and our child, even if we can’t repair ‘us.’ I want to talk to him without a damn memory taunting me.
I want to be able to sleep at night without nightmares of him being beaten with a belt.
And on top of that, I can’t handle dreaming of him with another woman.
” Panic spills from my lips. The last thing I wanted to do was say more than I should.
But now it’s out there, hovering between us in the warm living room air, and I can’t take it back.
Leo has gone very still. Beth’s hand tightens on my shoulder.
Neither of them says anything for a moment, which is somehow worse.
My sister stands and pulls me gently onto the sofa.
Her arms wrap around my nape, and her head falls on my shoulder.
“You’ll always be my big sister, Ney. I’m going to be there for you every step of the way.
If you need me to move here, I’ll do it.
If you want me to call you Sol, I’ll do it.
I’ll help you with what I can so you can heal from this trauma.
” She kisses my shoulder with tenderness.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the memories and the nightmares? ”
I glance at Leo. He’s watching me with the saddest puppy eyes.
“Because I don’t need to burden you with my problems.”
Beth huffs. “Stop that. You’re not. You can’t just shut down and not talk to anyone. I know you just started with the therapist, and that’s a good sign. But if you can’t talk to me about it, then talk to Lana or Leo. Please don’t build those walls.”
“I’m trying. I’m working on it one day at a time.” That is the honest truth. Once I found out I was pregnant, it was as if a warm, bright light flickered inside me. Hope. My baby gave me hope and reason to become the better version of myself I want to be.
“The marks on Max’s back—”
“It’s because of me,” I interrupt Leo. My hands fold in my lap. I stare at them.
He shakes his head violently. “No, Rainey, they aren’t. I don’t know exactly what happened, he won’t talk about who or when and tells anyone who asks to mind their damn business, but they aren’t your fault. They are the fault of the person who did it. Nobody else.”
No point in arguing with him; he wasn’t there.
He doesn’t know our story and has never seen what I witnessed multiple times.
To stir the conversation in another direction, I mention, “Um…do you think you can come to Utah on Saturday with me? I have another secret you can’t tell Max. Not yet, at least.”
Leo exhales heavily, sinking back into the stiff cushions with his legs stretched out. “You can’t possibly be thinking of moving. Max would move heaven and earth to track you down. He was completely unhinged the day you disappeared.”
I take two deep breaths before leaning against the couch, pressing my forehead against the cool upholstery.
My sister scoots herself beside me. This is why this time I couldn’t bear to walk out on him as I had done before.
He deserved to know I needed space to think.
This time, I owed him a proper goodbye, not another vanishing act.
“No, I’m not moving. Before all this shit happened, I went to Max’s dad’s house and talked a lot of sense into him and shipped him to rehab. I’ve visited once, and I need to check on him this coming Saturday. I don’t want to mention it to Max until I know for sure Hector is going to stay sober.”
Leo’s brows bunch up like caterpillars. “You know…” He reaches for a strand of licorice on the coffee table.
“At first, when I met you, you scared the hell out of me. Once I had the chance to get to know you, I saw that you’re as sweet as honey.
” He rubs his chin. “Max has tried so many times to help his father, and he’s always refused help.
I’m impressed you had that man go to rehab.
Now I want to know what you said or did to get him to go. Did you threaten him?” He chuckles.
He probably thinks I went crazy. Okay, maybe I did just a little, but that is the only way I could get him to snap out of it. “I took a baseball bat with me.” I smack my lips together.
“Oh, heavens, Rainey, you didn’t beat the old man, did you?” Bethany gasps from behind, followed by what sounds like her hand flying to her chest. I swear she can be dramatic at times.
I roll my eyes. “I’m wounded. Do I look like a psychopath?”
“Well—”
I snap my gaze at Leo, and he gulps.
“Look, I just need someone to drive me. It’s about two hours away and...”
“You drive like a train wreck. We know,” Leo points out with a mouthful of licorice.
Something between a growl and a sigh escapes me. Why the hell does everyone say I drive horribly? I’m not that bad. “I was going to say I get nauseous. Sheesh.”
Leo offers to make dinner, and I will say he moves fluidly around the kitchen.
His knife taps against the cutting board in a steady rhythm as he transforms bell peppers into perfect half-inch squares.
When he switches to the flank steak, his movements quicken, the blade flashing under the kitchen lights as paper-thin slices fall away for the fajitas.
When I asked how he learned to cook, he said a foster home he lived in taught him.
The foster mom was the chef for one of the casinos.
It strikes me how it all comes full circle.
We all meet with similar life stories: foster home, poverty, loneliness, trauma.
We all share scars. Leo, Max, Drake, and I’m not sure what life Xander has had.
Sometimes I wonder if we’re connected by something real or just by the things we’re all running from.
“Hey, Sunny.” Drake walks into the café like he owns whatever room he’s in. He always did.
“Hi,” I respond, sweeping the floor. It’s near closing time, and all I want to do is go home and sleep.
Carrying a tiny human takes the energy out of you.
“How have you been?” It’s so odd, peering at him.
My memory of Drake as a teenage boy is all sharp elbows and quiet fury, standing between anything dangerous and the people he claimed.
Now he looks like that boy grew into something the world couldn’t quite contain.
“Living life a day at a time, Sunny. How about you?”