6. Dallas
DALLAS
“So, yeah, I found a cheap place to rent, and I moved out—for good this time. The divorce finally went through last week. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I was just … dealing with it.”
Rosie’s eyes soften. She reaches for my hand, squeezing it tightly. We’re outside in her backyard, and our two sets of twins are playing in a sandpit Holden built for his girls.
“I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this alone. And I’m proud of you for being brave and for leaving. I know it couldn’t have been easy to do, especially with the boys.”
I nod, sucking in an inhale. Rosie has been a very supportive friend, and I feel bad for not telling her sooner.
But the things that Matt put me through are hard to articulate.
It almost sounds like I’m making it up, even to my ears.
When I talked to my parents about it, they gave each other a look that said it all.
It wasn’t that they didn’t believe me. It was more like they didn’t know how to believe what I was saying.
He didn’t punch me in the face.
He left me with a few faint bruises once after fighting with me to take my phone, but they went away within a week. It’s not like it was a black eye.
He didn’t go out and cheat, as far as I know.
He likes to drink, but he doesn’t have some raging alcohol or drug addiction.
I don’t have any hospital records to point at and say, Look, it’s all right here! A professional has confirmed it. I’m a battered wife, who has every right to break her family apart and rip my kids’ home in two.
Because that’s what I’ve done. My boys are three years old, and I’ve already caused them trauma by forcing them to split time between me and their father.
And he reminds me of it every single day.
I made this choice. I left him. I filed for divorce.
And I know he’ll echo it to the boys too. They’ll probably grow up and resent me for it. My stomach ties in knots every time I think about it, so I try not to.
Rosie is still looking at me, and I realize I zoned out.
I offer a small smile. “Anyway, I wanted to thank you for your support. Even knowing you don’t think I’m just blowing smoke about the marriage being bad, it really means a lot.”
“Of course I support you. I never liked Matt. He gave me”—she shivers—“bad vibes, I guess is what I’m trying to say.
It’s hard to explain. But I’m confused. At Thanksgiving, you were back with him.
I saw a picture on social media of you at his grandmother’s for the holiday.
How did the divorce get finalized so quickly? ”
I shake my head. “He was just trying to manipulate me into getting back with him. I’d filed for divorce in the summer.
Our temporary custody agreement stated that he had them for Thanksgiving, and he invited me to join his family so I could see the boys.
It was a huge mistake. They were all on a mission to guilt me into moving back in with him and delaying the divorce. ”
“Ahh, I see. So, you’ve been separated for a while. I saw that photo and just assumed. I should’ve reached out and asked you directly.”
“It’s not your fault for assuming. I would have done the same.
I was emotionally so drained—still am. It’s been hard to touch base with people and fill them in.
I know there are assumptions going around.
I’m being called all kinds of things. I want the people in my life I care about, like you, to know the truth. Everyone else can eat shit.”
She bursts out laughing, tossing back her head of thick copper-red hair. “Well, I’m glad to be in the category of those who get an explanation. So, your parents aren’t supportive?”
“No, they are. I think they’re just confused.
My mom is coming down to stay with me and help with the boys for a little bit.
It’s hard for them to wrap their minds around it.
They cared about Matt. They viewed him as a son.
It’s difficult for them to imagine him mistreating me.
I just need to talk to them more. His mom is being really great, too, actually.
She’s been understanding and kind, which I’m so grateful for. ”
She nods, but her eyes are on the twins. “Birdie! Give that bucket back to your sister. We don’t take things.” She turns back to me. “I hope they come around and realize this is what’s best for y’all. Where are you living now?”
Heavy footsteps come up behind us, and I turn to see Holden approaching.
“At the Creekview Apartments in Elmott.”
I don’t mention that I only qualified for a one-bedroom, so I’m sleeping on the sofa when the boys are with me. The full-size bed is only big enough for them.
Holden’s brows pinch together. “Creekview?”
I nod, looking away. I know it’s a sketchy area, but with their very loose rental requirements, it was the only place I could qualify for with so little work history and poor credit.
They don’t say anything else about the apartments.
I get up to go split the boys up before they hurt each other.
I usually let them brawl, waiting to interfere until it looks like someone might get injured.
I peel Dawson away from Dutton, narrowly escaping a swift kick to the shin from his little boot.
“Hey, that’s enough. You’re scaring the girls.”
The girls have mostly gotten used to them, observing from a safe distance. I make my way back over to Holden and Rosie. I grab the glass of water sweating on the picnic table and take a long swig.
“Duke is going to stay with him for the next few days until hospice can fit us in. He’s taking the meds, finally.”
“Mixing them with whiskey, I’m sure,” Rosie says.
I can’t help but ask, “Who?”
Rosie sighs. “Pops was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He’s going to need full-time care soon, and the outcome isn’t looking good.”
“Oh wow. I’m so sorry.” I sink back down on the bench, feeling a pang of guilt for babbling on about my divorce when this is what they’re going through as a family.
Holden shakes his head, clasping his wife’s shoulder. “We’ve known for a while he would either die from the alcoholism or a disease as a result of it. He’s refused to slow down for years.”
I nod, unsure of what to say. I knew Holden’s father has had an alcohol addiction since his wife, Caroline, died in a car accident years ago. Rosie told me once before that Holden and his siblings feel like the father they knew died with her that day.
I shift on the bench, listening to the kids play and the birds singing.
“So, Duke said you canceled the roping lessons,” Holden remarks.
Rosie raises a brow. My cheeks flush. I start drawing circles with my thumb in the condensation of my glass.
“He—yeah, I guess I did. It’s just not great timing right now.”
“Dallas, if you want Holden to talk to him about making you uncomfortable with his advances, he will do it in a heartbeat,” Rosie says.
Holden nods. “I’ll take any excuse to punch my little brother in the face. Say the word, and he—”
“It’s not that. I mean, yes, he’s way too flirty,” I lie.
If they knew I’d practically mauled him in his truck the other night, then it would be extremely hypocritical of me to claim my cancellation on Duke’s shameless flirting.
“The real reason is, I just need to be saving money right now, for the future. I’m also so busy with work. Daycare isn’t cheap, but I need it for the boys while I work, and—”
Rosie holds up a hand. “I didn’t know you thought we were charging you! No way. You get the friends and family discount, duh. Holden never expected any money for it, and neither does Duke. Plus, his wrist has already healed substantially. I bet he can pick up the lessons in a month or so.”
I look at the remaining scar on Holden’s hand.
“Well, in that case, we should just wait till then.”
Rosie shakes her head. “Duke needs the distraction. Holden will have a talk with him. He’ll be a perfect gentleman, I promise.
Honestly, the boys would benefit too. They’d have something to look forward to on the ranch.
With everything going on, I think it’s a great idea for them.
And if you need to drop them off for lessons and go to work, they could just stay overnight in the guest room. ”
I can feel myself giving in. She’s making a lot of sense.
But the undeniable attraction between me and the youngest Redford brother is what’s holding me back. He lights a fire in me that I’m absolutely terrified to face.
“I don’t know, Rosie. I appreciate the offer, truly.”
“Mama! Did you see the cowboys throwing the rope around that cow over there?” Dawson runs up, interrupting our conversation and pointing toward the arena in the field behind the house.
I look over, noticing there are a few ranch hands working cattle in the arena.
Dutton and Dawson are mesmerized by the scene.
Ever since they were old enough to speak, one of the first words they learned was cowboy, and it wasn’t because of Matt.
He hates manual labor. He’s a computer software engineer who works inside all day.
“All right, I guess you’ve convinced me,” I finally relent with a sigh.
Rosie claps. “I insist on watching them while you work on the days they have lessons. I don’t mind them staying over. And you can come by as soon as you get off, so you’ll be here when they wake up. Let me go find you the spare key.”
“That’s only Thursdays. I’m off Tuesdays.”
The moisture behind my eyes threatens to spill over. She’s a good friend, the best.
Holden walks over to where the kids are digging a hole in the sand and starts helping them.
“Let me know if it becomes too much with everything going on here. Oh my gosh, how is Dolly doing with this?”
Rosie shakes her head and sighs. “She was pretty upset last night. It’s an odd thing because …
it’s like he’s been sick all along, but there just wasn’t a fatal diagnosis.
So, everyone is sad, of course, but there’s also an undercurrent of relief, I guess.
They’d tried everything to get him to slow down with the alcohol, to prioritize his health so he could watch his grandkids grow up. He just wouldn’t.
“Duke has really taken on the brunt of caring for him over the last few months. Since he’s single and still living there, he’s been the most dedicated to Pops. It’s not an easy thing. He cooks for him, cleans, does all the laundry. We all pitch in, of course, but Duke …” Her voice trails off.
I sit silently, waiting for her to continue. I have two healthy parents. They live in Florida, but I can’t imagine one of them suffering from such a severe case of addiction that it takes their life like that.
I had no idea Duke was such a dedicated caregiver to his father. It’s undeniably attractive that he’s clearly very selfless. He has to be to commit to something like that when he’s only twenty-six and he could be out dating and having fun every weekend.
“You know, you want people in your kids’ lives, people who love them.
As many people who can show them love and help raise them is ideal; it’s wonderful.
But when someone makes choices that makes it impossible for them to have a healthy relationship with your kids, it’s no longer ideal.
It has to be cut off, and it sucks. It hurts everyone involved.
Their choices hurt themselves and the people in close proximity.
I’ve known for a while that their only real grandparent was going to be my mom.
And I think I just accepted it—Holden too. ”
She sniffles.
Rosie hasn’t had contact with her father in years after he hired someone to kidnap her and her mom and she nearly lost her life. Holden was able to rescue her, but I’ve never gotten the full story of how it all went down.
“I’m sorry, girl. It is a horrible situation overall. Is Dolly going to move up the wedding so he can be there?”
She nods. “Yeah. Actually, if you wanna help me with some prep, I’d be forever grateful. I’m in charge of the grazing table. We’re sending out invites just to a few people in the next week. You can lick envelopes.”
I nod, glad to be asked. I hate feeling like a leech who needs all the help. I wanna feel useful.
“I’d love to! As long as Dolly is okay with it.”
“She will be. It’s awful, trying to beat the funeral with the wedding. But she wants him to walk her down the aisle, which I get. All right, let’s go see if these kids want lunch, hmm?”
“Let’s do it.”