41. Dallas
DALLAS
It was a greenhouse. This whole time, I thought he was building a chicken coop or some kind of storage shed.
But it was a greenhouse.
I watch as the contractors finish up installing the glass windows with retractable shades for when the summer heat sets in.
“You can adjust them, opening them when you need fresh air and closing them when it’s cold. The manual has all the instructions.” The man hands me the little green booklet, smiling at me.
My gut instinct is to back away from him so that nobody thinks I’m flirting with him.
Then I remember, I don’t have to do that anymore.
Duke places a warm hand on my lower back and takes the booklet from the man. “Thank you. We’re excited to try it out.”
“There’s a number on the back to call if you have any issues.”
“All righty, sounds good, man.”
They shake hands, and the crew starts cleaning up. I keep staring at the greenhouse, admiring how beautiful it looks with the open field behind it.
“You wanna go check it out?”
I blink up at him. His blue eyes are bright in the afternoon sun. He grabs my hand, drawing me over.
He opens the glass door, and we step inside. The swamp cooler is running already, cooling the interior and pushing the air through the open windows.
A burst of excitement starts to unfurl inside my chest.
It’s been weeks since I’ve felt anything other than anxiety or fear.
I’ve been struggling to be completely present emotionally ever since the boys disappeared.
I’ve been in intensive therapy three times a week, but this greenhouse might be the key to me finally beginning to heal.
Growing new life is a from of starting fresh. Watching seeds take root and sprout through the dirt feels like real growth to me.
Matt’s mom gave up and disappeared not long after him. She sent me a few nasty messages about how I never deserved him before I blocked her. His sister did the same thing, so I just decided to get a new number and never talk to them again.
Matt was officially declared a missing person, but without him present, his family has no legal rights to visitation with the twins. His last known whereabouts was a sketchy strip club in Oklahoma, where his truck was found abandoned. He’s presumed to have gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd.
Duke and I didn’t talk about what happened after he brought the twins home to me. I might ask him about it someday, but all he said was that my ex would no longer be a problem.
It turns out, mothers-in-law really are the evil demons everyone says they are.
Sandy was pretending to be on my side all along when, in reality, it was only to keep her access to the boys open.
She never cared about what was actually best for them, even if that meant distance from her son.
She lied to me and handed them over to him, even though he’d proven again and again that he was an unfit, unsafe parent.
I’m determined not to be that way when my boys get married. The cycle stops with me.
My friend Jo told me she had heard through gossip at Old Harry’s that Sandy was the one behind all the rumors going around town that I had been cheating on my ex. In reality, he was visiting the strip club in Oklahoma when he was supposedly on work trips.
That same strip club was raided for sex trafficking minors only a week after Duke found Matt’s truck there.
It was never just for private dances. I guess underaged trafficking victims had been his thing for a while, even while we were married, and I had no idea.
Even though he was my sons’ father, I’m glad he’s dead. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but after he hurt my kids and put them in danger, I don’t feel any remorse.
I run my fingers over the window before turning to Duke. “I don’t even know how to begin thanking you for this.”
He smiles softly, leaning down to press his forehead to mine. “Well, you can start by planting these.”
I look down to see two packets of seeds, one for jasmine and one for lavender.
“I researched the most calming herbs and scents that represent healing and alleviate tension. These were the top choices, so I hope you like—”
I don’t let him finish his sentence before throwing my arms around his neck and crushing him into a tight hug. Tears fall freely onto his shoulder as I inhale the minty leather scent of his cologne.
He hugs me back, so strong and dependable and steady.
I thought when we first met that he was the opposite. Too young, too playful, and unserious. I thought he seemed like a good time and nothing more, certainly nothing permanent in my life.
Now, I can’t imagine it without him.
He saved me and the boys, in more ways than one.
He slowly pulls back from me, his blue eyes misty. I gape at him as he slowly drops down to one knee.
“I’m not proposing,” he blurts out.
I choke on a sob, nodding.
Holy shit. I almost just had a heart attack.
“I just want you to start getting used to the idea because it is coming, someday.”
I’m gaping at him like he’s grown two heads.
“And today is your thirtieth birthday, so it’s really the perfect time, but I’ve decided to wait.
Not because I’m not ready. Because, darlin’, I’ve been ready to make you my wife for a long time now.
But I know you’re not there yet. I know you need time, time for healing and adjusting and getting into a routine.
So, this is me telling you to get used to the sight of me down on this knee.
I’m gonna keep warming you up until I think you’re ready, just like I do my mare on a cold morning. All right?”
I nod, pulling him up. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “I love you. Do you know that?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Okay. Don’t forget it. And this isn’t your only present, by the way.”
“What? Duke …”
The rest of my gifts arrive over the next few days.
The first one is a bunch of big white rocks. I keep staring at them, trying to figure out what they are. I don’t make sense of it until Duke begins arranging them in a circle about twenty yards from the greenhouse.
“It’s a firepit!” I yell in the middle of the day with no one else around.
My lips curl into a smile when I’ve finally figured it out. I’m watching Duke work on it, yelling at the ranch hands and barking orders.
The next day, a massive package arrives. It’s as big as a car, and for a fleeting moment, I think maybe it is.
Then it’s dropped off in the yard, and I see what it actually is.
“A hot tub!” I screech.
The ranch hands helping unload it turn to stare at me.
Duke walks over, grinning widely. “Yeah, baby, that’s a hot tub. And come winter time, we are definitely gettin’ in it.”
I laugh into him as he pulls me close.
His eyes widen. “Whoa, was that a laugh? Who are you, and what have you done with my girlfriend?”
I swat his chest. “Stop it. I hate you. How dare you get me so many presents!”
He shakes his head. “I wish it had gotten here before your birthday.”
“It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” I sigh.
He drops down to his knee again.
I groan, jerking on his hand. “Stop it. No more fake proposals!”
“This is only my third time!”
“And I’m already over it.”
“You love it.”
He’s right; I do.
“I wish it were winter instead of summer so we could get in it!”
“Oh, we’re getting in it. Tonight, after the boys go to bed. We just won’t heat it up.”
After the twins are sleeping soundly, Duke and I make our way out to the hot tub with giant glasses of wine. I giggle as he pulls me in after him and we sink into the cool water.
“Oh my gosh, this feels like heaven. I can’t wait to see the stars.”
His hand slides under the side of my bikini bottoms. “I’ll make you see stars, Mamas.”
“Mmm.” I lean into him, accepting the kiss he presses to my lips.
Our physical relationship has only grown stronger and more intimate. He tried to stop sleeping with me after he ended Saruman’s life, but it only lasted for a week before I convinced him that it was a stupid plan.
I want to keep being intimate with him. Sex with him is actually enjoyable. After so many years of hating and dreading intimacy, I love how it feels with him.
Freeing and fun. It’s never been a chore. I’ve never felt forced into it.
“I want you,” I breathe into his ear.
It’s the green light he needed. Duke is always careful to make sure I’m comfortable before proceeding sexually, not that he knows what I’ve been through. But we’ve talked about it many times, and he knows that I love being intimate with him when I give him the green light.
Then all bets are off with him being a gentleman.
“Take these off,” he orders.
In a way, his demeanor switching from attentive and sensitive to demanding and rough during sex is exactly what I want from him.
Maybe it’s my trauma, but I love it when he orders me around when I’m naked.
I peel the bottoms off while he unties the bikini top. He pulls me onto his lap.
“Fucking perfect,” he murmurs into my ear. “I’m gonna fuck that pussy raw tonight.”
His hand wraps around my throat.
It’s fucked up that I like it when he chokes me. I know that. I can’t force myself to care.
I like it because I’m completely vulnerable. I know that if he wanted to hurt me, even kill me, he could. But I fully trust him to never harm me. If I asked him to stop, he would in an instant.
He fingers my entrance. “Spread your legs.”
“You know you can only tell me what to do when I’m naked, right?” I remind him.
He chuckles into my ear. “And you’re not wearing any clothes right now, are you?”
His finger brushes over my sensitive clit.
“Yes, right there,” I exhale.
He keeps the pressure up, grazing over me with his callous knuckles and whispering filthy things in my ear.
“You’re fucking perfect—you know that? Everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman.”
I squeeze my thighs together, trying and failing to hold back a whimper. He increases the pressure, pinching my clit between two fingers and rolling over it.
“I love fucking you in new places. I have this mental list running of all the locations I’ve given you an orgasm in. I want to start adding new countries to it.”
I gasp, the pressure rising higher and higher, threatening to break over me like a tidal wave.
“And I wanna spend the next fifty years reminding you that this pussy is mine, you hear me? Mine.” His breath tickles my ear. “Even when you were still married to him, all I could think about was how it belonged to me. You just didn’t know it yet. And I was patient, so fucking patient.”
My fingers dig into his shoulders as my orgasm gushes through me.
I gasp, watching him watch me come on his hand.
He keeps caressing my sensitive clit and my body vibrates with the ecstasy until my eyes drift to the bright stars above us.
The tension of the day eases out of my muscles, my body going limp.
He finally pulls his hand away and grabs my waist, pulling me onto his lap. I can feel his erection poking me, but he makes no move to use it. His fingers intertwine and wrap around my lower belly.
“I can’t fathom how unhappy I would’ve been if you’d never come into my life,” he says.
I shake my head. “You make my life happier than I ever thought possible.”
“I love you, but I also just love being around you. I love waking up next to you, with the boys’ little feet running down the hall. I love how you garden and grow so many plants. I really just love anything that has to do with you.”
“Well, in that case, I have a confession.”
“Hmm?”
He nuzzles my ear, and it dawns on me that I could say anything right now. I could confess heinous crimes, and he would still love me. My throat constricts at the thought.
“I quit my job.”
“What? Really?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to just stay home. I want to work from home so I can be with the boys more.”
He squeezes me into a tight hug. “Fuck yes, baby. Do whatever you want. You know you don’t have to work, but if you want to, I support whatever you choose to do.”
I relax against his chest. “I want to learn herbal medicine. I was looking into it, and there’s an online course you can take to learn about it.
Just things like natural headache cures, remedies for small ailments.
But I could dry out my herbs and package and sell them at the markets and online.
There’s even a retreat once a year up near Austin that looks amazing. ”
“You’d be great at that. And you’d be a hot doctor.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “It’s not at all the same as a doctor, more like a way to treat things at home without the need for traditional over-the-counter meds. Things like migraines, sleeping problems, eczema, anxiety, nothing life-threatening.”
“Is it—like you just eat the plant?”
“Ha-ha, no, you dry it out and make a mixture of herbal tea, or you can encapsulate it and take it as a pill.”
“I think it sounds badass. Is the greenhouse big enough? We could build another one.”
Emotion clogs my throat. He’s so supportive. He just instantly wants to make it happen for me. I’ve never had that kind of support in my life from anyone.
“It’s big enough. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
“By the way, you need to pack up your bags for tomorrow.”
“For what?”
“For a little surprise.”
“Duke! What kind of surprise?”
“A little birthday trip. We’re going to Fredericksburg for the weekend. You didn’t think you weren’t getting a big party for your thirtieth, did you?”
I spin around to face him, straddling his lap. “You’re kidding me. How long have you been planning this?”
He smiles. “Since you finally agreed to go out with me.”
“Who all is gonna be there?”
“Everyone—all my siblings, except Sterling; Jo and Grady; your parents.”
“Duke!” I slap his shoulder. “I can’t believe you made this happen without me even realizing it!”
He grins in the moonlight. “It wasn’t easy. Rosie and Dolly helped me.”
I dip my head and kiss him, my lips pressing to his. His mouth moves against me, soft and slow.
“And I need you to be ready and understand that I’m a surprises guy. And you’re about to get, like, a shit ton of them. For the rest of our lives.”
My heart swells so big inside my chest that it almost hurts.
“Okay.” My voice is hoarse.
And suddenly, I’m overwhelmed with emotion. It’s warm, and I realize, This must be what love feels like.