Chapter 24 #2
I get to work helping Gabe’s uncle clear the debris, listening to his instructions and doing the same work as ten men in half the time.
At some point, they realize that they're only hindering me with their attempts to help me directly, so the group of workers all step back, watching as I move entire sections of the walls and ceiling myself.
It’s good to feel useful in such a way. The storm in my mind keeps raging, but I lose myself in the manual labor until I forget about anything but clearing rubble.
It’s the least I can do.
* * *
In the days after Vivian's death, the change in the Sanctuary is stark. It’s probably not as noticeable to the inhabitants themselves, but to me and the rest of the Bonded Group, it's as though we have been transported somewhere completely different, an alternate reality.
Long gone are the suspicious looks and whispers from the members of the community. The looks of fear and the obvious way that they used to cross the road without a word if we were coming, as if they thought they were being subtle, has vanished.
Gone is the division that was once so keenly felt, even if it was quietly done.
I question North about it a few days in, and it takes him a moment to answer.
“Vivian Bentley was a highly respected member of our community, not just by the council or the TacTeams, but by the Lower Tier families as well.
He gave a lot of money to charities. He helped food drives, and he and his Bonded Group were responsible for getting a lot of the families that are here to safety.
During the riots in the seventies, he was a young Tac operative, and he made a name for himself then.
There isn't a single person here who isn't mourning his death, who isn't ready to see those responsible brought to justice. There’s a good reason that he was chosen to run Tac Training back at Draven, and it had nothing to do with nepotism. He was a good man, one who did not deserve the death that he got.”
North looks away from me as he says this, staring down at the paperwork that has already been put together for the rebuild of the Tac Training Center.
The moment that Gabe had woken up and come down, he worked with his uncle and North on the plans.
The rebuild is taking precedence over everything else due to the serious nature of keeping the people in the Sanctuary safe.
Without a training center, we can't have more operatives joining the ranks, and without more operatives, we’ll quickly lose our task forces.
The only thing more important than this place is the dining hall, and that's only because the chef needs a decent place to cook.
I take the plans from North that Gabe had sent me out here for before clapping him on the shoulder, a small show of respect for the grief that he so obviously feels for the man who taught him so much and was a very important figure in his life.
He nods back at me, thanking me in his own quiet way before turning back to the other sheets of paper and leaving me to find my way out without another word.
Only a few months ago, that would have pissed me off, but now I see it for exactly what it is.
Now isn't the time to talk needlessly, to offer me pretty words when he's feeling so wretched about the world.
Right now is the time to get on with things, to work through it or to make things better, no matter the cost.
I get on one of the ATVs downstairs and slowly make my way over to the remains of the Tac Training Center.
There's already a large monument of flowers slowly appearing.
I've never really noticed anyone leaving anything, and yet there are hundreds of bouquets and wreaths, all of them picked from back gardens or quiet hikes.
All of them have cards, offerings of condolences, and provide small bursts of color against the harsh gray concrete.
They are an offering of sympathy and grief for a man who meant so much.
I find my Bonded standing in the rubble, her fists on her hips as she stares around at the mess left behind.
Her eyes are red and her cheeks are scrubbed raw from how often she has wiped away tears.
It breaks my heart and makes me want to plant my fist in someone's face and break it for daring to hurt her like this. Except the man who did this is already dead, taking his own life so that he can return again someday. I’m not pissed about that, just about the lives he took with him.
He better hope it's not in this lifetime of ours.
I watch as the other members of the community work around us and all gravitate to my Bonded like she’s drawing them in. They never actually approach her however. They leave a small circle around her as though there is a barrier in their way.
I've never noticed it before.
I've always spent too much of my time glaring at people and trying to keep them as far away from her as I possibly can, for her safety, but also because I covet her.
I want all of her time and attention. I covet the very sight of her, to the point that it makes me angry that anyone else gets to be in her presence.
Now, in this moment of the entire community mourning Vivian and trying to piece itself back together, I see it for what it is.
They’re terrified of her, of course, but some of that terror is definitely laced with respect.
They all know what she can do, and it's only natural that they're scared of that, but they also understand that their safety hinges on her ability.
In a way, it always has.
The Dravens have been working tirelessly for years.
They’ve poured billions of dollars into this town, all of them working towards having a safe community and peace, towards finding a way to deal with the Resistance, but in the end, the shadows can only do so much.
They are not all-consuming. They aren't able to stop people dead in their tracks from hundreds and hundreds of miles away.
They can't do what Oleander can.
I meet the eye of one of the builders, and he startles for a moment before he inclines his head at me respectfully, stepping up towards me as he begins to point out more areas that need work.
He's respectful enough, but he also knows a hell of a lot more than me.
When I listen to him attentively and begin to move as directed, I can feel not only his relief but his approval.
I feel for a moment as if I've suddenly woken up inside Gabe’s body, because this is how they all treat him.
Suddenly, it all makes sense to me. He always works with everyone in the community, regardless of what they whisper about him behind his back.
He ignores it all, taking the high road, and just gets on with things.
It's never occurred to me to act in the same way or to build relationships the way that he has, but as other builders and TacTeam personnel begin to approach me and speak to me quietly about various different things, I find myself leaning into it.
North has spent so much of his time making the Sanctuary a place of safety for all, so much of his resources and money and time has gone into it. I know Oli has no intention of leaving, even once we've dealt with the god-bonds.
This place is home to her now.
If we're going to continue to live here with these people, then I can't just lock myself in the mansion with her forever, as tempting as that may be. I might not be able to achieve Gabe’s level of friendliness, but I can certainly try and cultivate some form of relationships and goodwill with these people.
This might be what growing up feels like.
As badly as I don't want to admit it, so many of my formative years were spent with my mind being twisted by Resistance propaganda and my parents’ expectations for me.
Then my later teenage years were spent planning an escape for my Bonded and I.
Now, I suppose, is the time to find and explore a new normal.
We just have to find the god-bond and kill it first.
It’s the last one left that we know of, and then I suppose we'll spend the rest of our days waiting for more to wake up, watching carefully for any signs while we build a life and live it to the fullest. We will learn how to be the best versions of ourselves, for our Bonded and for everyone else.
My eyes drift back to Oli. The pull of her magnetic beauty, both inside and out, is so alluring to me that I find myself once again growing angry that other people are in her presence.
Except then I see what she's doing.
As she fusses with the flowers on the ground, the small memorial for Vivian that has started, I calm myself down once more. We’re working on our next move and we’ve almost got it planned out. Just a few more days of waiting for the next move, of repairing what we can and helping everyone around us.
A few days of giving what we can in the hope that it is enough, that we can build something that will survive all of this death and destruction with us.