Chapter 33
Mariah
“Ifeel like I’m going to throw up.” And for once it has nothing to do with the baby—babies—hijacking my insides. “Your mother probably hates me.”
I’m sure the first thing Tobias did when he left the hospital was start making phone calls, telling everyone about the little discovery he made at the hospital. I expected Deidre to come over and confront me. To demand I explain everything before firing me and putting Titus in an awful position.
But she never showed up. Not that day or the next or the next.
So now I’m walking into Titus’s parents’ house carrying dessert like normal, hoping all hell isn’t waiting for us so it can break loose.
“She doesn’t hate you.” Titus pauses at the door, his expression serious as he says, “And I wouldn’t give a shit if she did.”
“That’s part of why I’m going to throw up. I don’t want to cause problems with your fam—”
The door flies open and Deidre smiles out at us. “Hello, you two.” She steals the dessert from my hands and shoves it at Titus before wrapping one arm around me. “How’s it going?” She leads me toward the kitchen. “Is the renovation going well?”
I’m a little thrown off. I was expecting her to be upset. Disappointed. Maybe a little judgmental. Instead, Deidre is just like she always is. Warm. Kind.
Motherly.
She’s acted like a mother toward me from the first moment I stepped into her house, and now I’m going to lose that. Part of the reason I ran from my last job was because I didn’t want my boss Maryann to look at me the way my own mother always did. Like I let her down.
At least it wasn’t my own doing that let my mother down. She thought I would be enough to make my father want to stay with her. I wasn’t. Not enough from the moment I was born.
Now Deidre is going to look at me the same way, and I can’t run like I have before.
Can’t put her disappointment in the rearview mirror the way I’ve always done.
When things didn’t go the way I hoped, instead of sticking around and facing the embarrassment and the judgment, I tucked tail and took off.
That’s not possible this time for so many reasons. And I don’t know what to do.
“Why don’t you give Mariah a little breathing room?” Titus carefully extricates me from his mother’s hold, tucking me into his side. His hold on me is protective. Calming. Comforting.
It’s still not enough to soothe the fear growing within me at an exponential pace.
Titus has been through so much, and his family has done everything in their power to support him.
Care for him. Give him time to grieve and heal.
Now he’s about to reward them with news I don’t think they’re prepared to hear.
I know I’m not prepared for them to hear it.
Deidre doesn’t seem bothered that Titus stole me away. “I heard you two had some excitement a few days ago.”
My eyes shoot to where Tobias stands at the island, looking…
Normal. He’s not giving me a weird stare or acting strange now that he knows about my pregnancy.
He’s just chatting with his brothers, shoving food in his mouth.
After a few seconds, he notices Titus and I have arrived, and when he looks my way, a smile splits his face.
“You look like you feel a hell of a lot better.”
“Umm…” I don’t know how to reply. I was prepared for everyone to be pissed. I wasn’t excited about it, but at least I knew that would be coming.
I’m not prepared for whatever is happening right now.
“Don’t put her on the spot like that, Toby.” Deidre shoots her son a glare before turning back to me. “We’re just glad you were able to make it tonight.”
She says that now…
“Mariah’s pregnant.” Titus just blurts it out, and I slowly turn my head to stare at him in disbelief.
I thought we were going to work up to it. Maybe wait for some sort of lead-in to the conversation. Instead, he just starts putting everything out there.
“She’s partway through her second trimester with a set of twins.” His eyes move around the room, voice sharp when he adds on, “My twins.” It’s almost like he’s daring someone to argue with him. Waiting for one of them to point out that timeline doesn’t add up.
One of Deidre’s brows lifts, but that’s her only noticeable reaction. The rest of the room falls silent. Every set of eyes is glued to where I stand, most of them wide in shock.
Not Tobias. He’s grinning at me like an idiot. Like he’s thrilled at my shame.
Trevor blows out a loud, relieved sounding sigh. “Thank fucking God.” He tips back some of the drink in his hand. “Now maybe she’ll shut up about grandkids for a minute.”
Deidre is still staring at me, and the urge to back up—to put some distance between us before she unleashes on me—is strong. I flinch as she starts to move, expecting glares and shouted insults.
Instead, she grabs me, squeezing me tight as she sniffs against my shoulder. I look at Titus, not understanding what’s happening. Years of trying to act the way other people want has me automatically hugging her back, even though I’m not sure why.
Her grip loosens, but she doesn’t let go, just leans back, a watery smile illuminating her face. “Twins?”
I nod numbly, unable to fully digest the reaction in front of me.
Deidre laughs, the sound sharp and loud as she hauls me back into the embrace. “I can’t believe I’m finally going to be a gran.”
“Breathing room, Mother.” Titus's reminder is gentle but stern.
“Yes.” Deidre releases me, hands coming to wipe at her face as she continues to smile. “So sorry. I got a little overwhelmed.”
“It’s okay.” I say it for her, but the words hit me as they leave my lips.
It’s okay. Everything is okay. Deidre isn’t mad. Not even close. She actually looks thrilled. I know she’s smart enough to understand her son is not biologically linked to the babies I’m carrying, but she doesn’t seem to care.
Actually, no one does. Titus’s brothers are congratulating him with handshakes and back slaps, each one looking happy over the news.
And also a little relieved. From the sound of it, I might be taking a little pressure off them.
So it’s possible they all see this as a good thing. A positive development in their lives.
Not a disappointment. Not a betrayal. Not a lie or a secret.
They want Peanut—Peanuts—here.
It’s more than I could have imagined. More than I would have hoped for. Not only acceptance, but excitement.
And it has me a little misty.
Before a single tear can fall, Titus has my hand in his. Announcing that we’ll be back, he leads me out of the room, gently tugging me through the house before urging me into the closest bathroom.
“Deep breaths.” He lifts me up, depositing my butt onto the wide counter of the double sink basin before reaching into a cabinet to pull out a washcloth. “Just relax.” He runs the cloth under the tap, wringing it out before resting the cool dampness against my forehead. “You did so good.”
“I thought I was going to pass out or throw up.” I manage a little bit of a smile. “Probably both.”
“I very much appreciate that you didn’t do either of those. My entire family would have insisted on going with us to the hospital, and it would have been a fucking nightmare for everyone involved.”
I stare up at Titus as he flips the washcloth, turning the cool portion against my skin. “I don’t think Tobias told anyone.”
“It wasn’t his story to tell.” He strokes over my cheek.
“I know I talk a lot of shit about my brothers, but they’re good people.
” His lips twitch into a hint of a smile.
“And I know Trevor thinks you and the babies are going to take the heat off them, but I’m pretty sure it’s only going to make my mother more determined. ”
My brows pinch together, shifting the washcloth. “More determined to what?”
“More determined to get them all paired up.” Titus's smile slips a little. “She worries about us. Thinks we’re all going to end up alone and miserable.”
I try to flatten my lips, but fail. “I’m pretty sure Trevor will no matter how hard she tries.”
Titus chuckles as he peels the damp cloth from my brow. “Actually, I put my money on Tobias being the one who ends up alone.” He helps me off the counter.
That makes me kind of sad. “But he took such good care of me. He seems like he’s more than ready to have someone to love.”
“He did have someone to love.” Titus takes my hand in his. “And he fucked it up. She moved on, but I don’t think he ever will.”
That’s extra sad, and has me planning to make Tobias a caramel cake. Titus will just have to get over himself. “Maybe it will just take him a little more time.”
Tobias is probably the brother I know the best. Between his visit with Copper to build the furniture for the office, and our time spent together when he took me to the hospital, I’ve seen how funny and charming he can be.
But as someone who uses smiles and kindness to deflect and influence, I recognize when a person uses the same tactics.
And Tobias most definitely uses humor to keep anyone from paying too much attention to how he’s really feeling.
“Maybe.” Titus gives me a grin. “He probably shouldn’t take too much more time or my mom will start meddling in his life next.”
“Are you two fucking in there?” Tucker bangs on the door. “If you are, dinner’s ready, so you better finish up before Mom comes to check on you herself.”
Titus pulls the door open. “You know I own a whole house of my own, right? The last place I’d have sex is in my parents’ bathroom.”
Tucker flashes a grin. “Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”
I turn and peer back into the room on reflex.
“Don’t worry.” Tucker gives me a wink. “It wasn’t this one.”
Titus, Tucker, and I join the rest of the family at the table, and I don’t miss the way Deidre keeps smiling at me. The joy on her face is clear and unobstructed. And by the time Titus and I are leaving, I’ve accidentally caught a little of it myself.
For the first time since finding out about my pregnancy, I’m excited.
Allowing myself to imagine tiny toes and little noses.
My fear of other people’s judgment has evaporated over a single roast chicken dinner.
Instead of anger, I was offered acceptance.
Instead of being disappointed, everyone was thrilled.
For once, I wasn’t the one making the plans. The people around me were. Deidre talked about a baby shower. Titus told his dad about all the changes being made to the house. His brothers fought over which one of them would be the favorite uncle.
And I soaked it all up. Let it fill the empty parts of me. Soothe the hurts I’ve carried my whole life.
My little Peanuts won’t carry those same hurts. They will have a father who chose them. Asked for them to be his. A mother who will always consider them the best thing that’s ever happened in her life.
Because they are what brought me here. To the people I need.
To the person who needs me.
When we finally walk into his house, I launch myself at Titus, holding him tight as I bury my face in his neck.
Breathing in his scent. Remembering the first time it tickled my nose after he covered me up on the couch.
He’s always wanted to take care of me. Even when he wanted to protect himself, Titus put my well-being ahead of his own.
And I love him so much for it.
It’s probably time I told him that.
Leaning back, I meet his eyes, taking in the strong set of his jaw, the dark waves of his hair. The evidence of the lengths he will go to for the people he loves etched into his skin.
There is no one else in this world I would choose to be mine.
“I love you.” Three words I’ve never offered to anyone but Janie. Even then, the sentiment was very different.
I’ve always known love is even more dangerous than hope. A weapon that could be easily used against me. I’m already enough of a hazard to myself, and I’ve never wanted anyone armed better than I am.
But loving Titus isn’t scary. It’s not dangerous.
Loving Titus is safe. He’s always kept me safe.
My confession must catch him by surprise, because Titus goes completely still, his green eyes fused to my face. The seconds tick by between us. Finally he says, “Say it again.”
“I love you.” It’s even easier to admit the second time. Instead of bringing fear it brings a sense of rightness. Like I should’ve been saying it forever.
Loving him forever.
In some ways I wish I could have. But that would mean Kara would’ve never known what it was like to be loved completely. And I wouldn’t take that from her. Not when I know how much it matters.
Titus’s gaze moves over my face as he smooths my hair back the way he so often does. “Again.”
I don’t know if he’s trying to make sure I understand what I’m saying, or if he’s making sure he understands what he’s hearing, but I’ll say it as many times as he needs me to. “I love you.”
If this were anyone else’s reaction it would make me uncertain. Have me backpedaling. Explaining that it’s okay if they don’t love me back. I might even feel stupid for putting it out there.
Instead, I’m smiling. Free from so many of the bindings shackling me to misguided thoughts and fear-based beliefs.
Titus's hands grip my hips, his head tipping to rest against mine as his eyes close on a shuddering breath. “Thank fucking God.”
Before I can process his words or his relief, I’m lifted off the floor. Scooped up by the strong arms always ready to catch me when I fall. Ready to hold me when I’m afraid.
Titus goes for the steps, one hand splayed across my ass as the other braces against my back. We reach the top of the staircase and he doesn’t even pause, just keeps walking past the plastic partitioning off the rest of the floor to carry me into the bedroom we share.
My back hits the mattress and he climbs over me, pulling in a slow breath. “I was starting to worry I was the only one.”