Chapter 6
Aleks
It was the most logical question on the planet.
Where are we going?
But I was afraid to ask it. And not only because my instinct was reminding me that asking questions was forbidden – but also because I didn’t want to know the answer.
It was the coward’s way out, to just remain silent. But it was what it was.
I was a coward. Always had been.
Even when I’d been little and long before I’d been taken, I’d hidden away from the scarier parts of life.
For all the mean things my father had said to Dante, for all the names he’d called him, I’d never once spoken up for my brother.
I’d tried to make up for it by showing Dante that Papa was wrong in other ways, but I’d never stood in front of my father and told him not to talk to Dante that way.
On the rare occasions Papa had yelled or Mama had been disappointed in me, I’d let Dante comfort me and tell me everything was going to be okay.
If the shadows on my ceiling took on the form of monsters or I heard a noise in the darkened house in the middle of the night or one of the boys in my class called me a name because I was too small or my family didn’t have enough money, I’d always gone to Dante.
No matter what he’d been doing, he’d either made room for me in his bed or he’d taken me by the hand to check all the corners and closets in the apartment or warned my tormenters to leave me alone.
I’d never been brave because I’d never had to be brave.
After I’d been taken, Brian had made sure I hadn’t tried to be brave.
And now, with a full belly and tired eyes, I just wanted to pretend for a little while longer that Vaughn was taking me home.
I knew we were headed south… the signs on the interstate had indicated as much.
South.
So not to Chicago, apparently.
Of course, since I really didn’t know much about the layout of the United States, I couldn’t actually be sure that we weren’t headed to Chicago.
After I’d been taken, my education hadn’t exactly been a priority.
I’d only been able to speak English because my mother had dreamed of me one day going to the same college in the U.S.
my real father had attended. He’d been an engineer and had died shortly before she’d learned she was pregnant with me.
Although my stepfather had adopted me and given me his last name, something he hadn’t been willing to do for Dante, my mother had made sure from an early age that I knew about the father I had in heaven.
I couldn’t help but wonder once again if what my mother had believed was true…
that my father had been watching out for me and Dante from heaven.
Part of me didn’t think so because surely that would have been a cruel jest…
for him to have to watch his son get stolen away and not be able to do anything about it.
What kind of heaven was that? But admittedly, when I’d first been taken I’d begged my father in heaven to help me.
After a while, I’d started to accept that my mother had been wrong about heaven.
When Dante had found me, that in itself had seemed like a miracle, so I just wasn’t really sure what was true anymore.
“You okay?”
Vaughn’s voice jerked me from my thoughts and I quickly glanced at him. His eyes were on the road, of course, but he kept shooting me quick looks. His brow line was furrowed like he was worried about something.
I nodded.
I saw his mouth tighten a bit and I wondered why. He looked… disappointed?
That couldn’t be right, could it?
Why would he be disappointed?
Had I done something to upset him?
I’d tried to be quiet and I hadn’t asked questions.
Maybe I’d eaten too much at breakfast? But he’d seemed pleased about that when he’d asked me if it was good after I’d pushed my second helping of grits away.
When he’d asked me if I needed to go to the bathroom before we’d gotten on the road, I’d dutifully gone and I’d tried to hurry.
Once in the car, I’d remained silent so as not to distract him.
So why was he upset?
Was he upset?
God, I missed Dante and Magnus. I could always ask them questions like this. If I didn’t understand something someone said or did, Magnus or Dante would help me make sense of it.
I could ask Vaughn if he was angry with me, but did I really want to know the answer?
I shook my head and then looked down at my lap. I stilled when I saw how jagged my nails looked.
And how dirty my fingers were.
Not fresh dirt, but the kind that got beneath the skin and didn’t come off with just one or two washings.
I’d had to use a special scrubber when I’d lived with Father to get the dirt off every day so he wouldn’t be angry with me or tell me I couldn’t have the flowers anymore. And if he’d caught me chewing my nails…
A shiver ran through me.
He’s dead.
“What?”
I jumped at Vaughn’s question.
“Did you say something?” he asked gently.
Oh God, had I said the words out loud? About Father being dead?
Since I didn’t want Vaughn to know my train of thought, I blurted, “Do you know where MIT is?”
If I’d wanted to distract Vaughn, I’d definitely managed it because he looked completely caught off guard. “MIT? The school?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Um, yeah, it’s in Massachusetts. It’s not far from Boston,” he answered.
“What does it mean?” I asked.
“MIT?”
I nodded again.
“It stands for Massachusetts Institute of Technology.”
“Do you have to be really smart to go there?” I asked.
“Yeah, pretty smart,” Vaughn acknowledged. “It’s one of the best engineering schools in the country.” When I didn’t respond, Vaughn asked, “Why? Are you hoping to go there someday?”
I laughed at that.
The sound felt foreign and I automatically covered my mouth to stifle the noise.
I sent Vaughn a sidelong glance, but he didn’t seem irritated by my outburst. I’d gotten used to laughing around Dante and Magnus, but I was careful about doing it around other people.
Granted, I wasn’t really around other people enough to even have the opportunity to laugh.
The exception was Matty… and of course, his besties, Leo and Jamie.
And it was hard not to laugh when a very naked Leo would go streaking down the block with one or both of his beleaguered fathers chasing after him with a handful of clothing.
I felt my mouth tug into a smile.
“What?” Vaughn asked.
I looked at him and saw he was smiling in that way that people did when they saw something they liked.
“Nothing,” I said quickly.
His face fell and I felt my stomach drop out.
“I was thinking about something,” I added. “Someone, actually.”
“Who?”
I could see he was really interested so I said, “Magnus has a grandson named Matty. He’s seven.
His best friend is Leo. Leo doesn’t like to wear clothes so he usually takes them off as soon as he gets the chance.
His fathers live on the same block as Matty and his fathers.
Magnus and Dante just bought a house a few doors down earlier this year…
anyway, every once in a while I’ll see Leo running down the sidewalk, completely naked.
His fathers are usually chasing after him.
Their neighbor, Mrs. Finney, she’s in a wheelchair and she and Leo and Matty and Jamie race each other down the street, but Leo says he runs fastest with only sneakers on so he gets undressed first… ”
I felt my cheeks heat when I realized how caught up I’d gotten in telling the story to Vaughn… he’d asked a simple question and I’d basically given him a book’s worth of an answer.
“Leo’s poor fathers,” Vaughn said with a smile, which made me feel better. At least I hadn’t annoyed him.
“He’s finally taken to wearing underwear recently,” I explained. “But Connor thinks it’s only because it’s been so cold out.”
“Connor?”
“One of Leo’s fathers,” I said. “He’s also one of my tutors.”
“Is Connor helping you get ready to apply to MIT?”
“What? No,” I said, horrified. “I’m not… I could never…”
I snapped my mouth shut because I hadn’t been expecting the topic change.
“You could never what?”
I shook my head.
“Aleks,” Vaughn said softly and I couldn’t help but look at him. His eyes were so dark they looked almost black, but there was such gentleness in them.
Like there’d always been when it’d just been him and me…
“I can’t… I can’t go to college,” I stammered.
“Why not?”
I looked down at my fingers and began picking at the sharper edges of some of my nails.
I needed a nail file, but I didn’t have one.
I used the edge of my thumbnail to try and fix one of the worst of the broken nails but then suddenly a big warm hand closed over both of mine.
I sucked in a breath as a jolt of electricity fired up my arms.
“I have a nail file in my bag,” Vaughn said. “I’ll give it to you next time we stop.” He paused then added, “They don’t bother me, Aleks.”
I let out a whoosh of air as I realized what he was really saying.
You won’t be punished for messy nails, Aleks.
“Okay,” I managed to say.
He gave my hands a squeeze and I felt warmth shimmy throughout my entire body. Then something in my groin tightened and I barely stifled a groan at the strange sensation that wasn’t entirely bad.
Vaughn removed his hand and I actually missed the contact.
Why?
“Why can’t you go to college?” Vaughn asked.
“I can barely leave the house,” I muttered.
Vaughn was silent for a beat and I was half-tempted to look at him to try and figure out what he was thinking. But I also kind of didn’t want to know.
“It won’t always be like that, Aleks,” he said.
I wanted to laugh at that but managed not to. He said he’d watched me for the first week after he’d saved me two years ago. So he’d have no idea how little progress I’d made since he’d last seen me. And I definitely didn’t want to tell him.